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20 Keys To Have An Incredibly Happy Relationship In Today’s World

20 Keys To Have An Incredibly Happy Relationship In Today’s World

How many times have you heard your grandparents throw out the phrase, “When I was your age…” When they inevitably complain about the price of movie tickets, you realize that there is much more that has changed in the world. Ticket prices does not even scratch the surface.

The current generation is experiencing a turbo-charged, technologically advanced world like none other. The world is literally at our fingertips. Social media has made geographical spaces nonexistent. Yet with all the development and the ability to be more connected than ever, the National Health Statistics Reports show that the number of failed relationships has barely changed over the past couple of decades. So if our world is providing us with the best resources to have the happiest lifestyle, why are our relationships not reflective of these improvements? The way we interact in our relationships has fallen behind the times and needs to catch up!

Here are 20 ways to have an incredibly happy relationship in today’s world.

1. Boast About Love.

Not only can you let that special person know how much you love them, but you can also tell the whole world. Nothing is sweeter than seeing a public declaration of love — everyone loves seeing a romantic proposal video go viral online. Don’t be shy, the world needs to see more love.

2. Daily “Us” Time.

In the hustle and bustle of the daily rat-race, your relationship can easily become lost in the crowd. Make your relationship a priority by carving out daily time for one another. It may just be a phone call, but do not let the relationship get strangled by all the busy-ness.

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3. Keep The Change.

The ancient Greek saying, you never step into the same river twice, still rings true today. Change is inevitable. In fact, you can bank on change being the one thing that never changes. The person you fell head over heels with that first day will grow and evolve. And so will you. Understanding that, and growing together, is the key.

4. Stop The Social Stalking.

Let’s be honest: this is unfortunately as prevalent as the midnight chocolate binge but far more damaging to your happy relationship — stalking your ex on social media. It is an awful habit that does nothing but undermine the strength of your relationship. To avoid constantly sticking your hand in the cookie jar, get rid of the cookie jar altogether. If you truly value the current relationship you are in, delete the temptations to be a creepy stalker and play any comparison game.

5. Be Vulnerable.

The alpha personality that dominates today’s culture and leaves no room for vulnerability may be effective for the corporate world, but it is detrimental for relationships. Do not let your work attitude seep into your personal relationship. Be vulnerable and share your feelings and emotions with one another. Build that trust.

6. Space Out.

Step out of each other’s pockets and give yourself some alone time. If you have to go a day without seeing one another, then let that happen. It is ok to disconnect from being so connected. Give each other the space you need. But also be sure to tell one another that you need that time- ignoring will just make things worse.

7. Exclusivity.

The monogamy vs. polygamy debate can get heated. However, an extensive online search of relationship studies and journal articles will reveal the statistics favor monogamous relationships. A Clark University poll of over 1000 18-29 year olds found that 86% desired to have a marriage that “will last a lifetime.” The search for that one soul-mate still rules and is shown to equal a happy relationship. The is no greater scar than that caused by infidelity and cheating. Do not even entertain the thought. Make the clear verbal commitment to one another: regardless of how the relationship unfolds, you will commit to being exclusive to one another.

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8. Forgive.

Nobody is perfect. We live in a constantly improving world, but not a perfect world. Prince Charming and Cinderella are merely figments of idealistic imagination. But even if they were real, they would still need to forgive one another. By all means, express that you have been hurt, but be quick to tell one another that you accept their apology. Kiss and make up.

9. Back To Reality.

As entertaining as many of today’s romantic movies can be, they can also be very damaging in the message or picture they convey about the ‘ideal’ relationship. On one end you have tear-jerking providential perfection of A Walk To Remember, on the other end the catastrophic one-nighter portrayals from Wedding Crashers. Perfection on one end, pollution on the other. Be careful not to find yourself with lofty fairytale expectations, nor become miserable with idea that no relationships work.

10. Just Listen.

With so much information available today to solve any problem, it is easy to jump in and feel as though you need to always be a problem solver. Your partner may just need to vent and you just need to simply listen. As helpful as all the “How-To” guides are, God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason.

11. Get Old-school.

Remember the last time you received a hand-written letter in the mail? Probably never. But those that have will recall it being pretty special. With almost all communication being digital, be a little different and write your loved one a hand-written letter. You could even go out and get something called a stamp and mail it to it!

12. Fight.

As paradoxical as it sounds, there are healthy elements in disagreeing and working toward a resolution. Even fairytales involve conflict. You may have heard the saying, “couples that fight together, stay together.” Arguing is actually an effective form of communication, conflict identification and resolution. Of course there is a huge difference between constructive forms of arguing and destructive forms. If your fighting simply leads to nowhere, or it is sparked simply out of spite, then that is a different story.

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13. Cook Together.

There are so many options for restaurants to eat out today. You can get almost anything even delivered to your home. Great bonds and conversations happen over any meal. Greater bonds and conversations will happen as you get to cook together.

14. Use Technology.

Take advantage of technology. If you are traveling it doesn’t mean you have to neglect the time that you would spend physically with one another. Have yourself a virtual date. Have fun and even get dressed up!

15. Enough’s Enough.

One of the dark sides of technology’s constant connection, is the difficulty in cutting off relationships that really need to be cut off. However, technology does help in allowing you to block the person from social media. Just be aware of how easy it is to be connected, and STAY connected. The earlier you can cut off a bad relationship, the better.

16. Spontaneity.

We live in a world filled with options. With so many choices for activities and attractions, why not be spontaneous and do something random and new? Have a date night at the theatre, look for a cheap flight and motel and go away for the weekend.

17. Public vs. Private.

People forget that when they post something online, it become very public and is almost impossible to take back. If you have something you are not sure about saying that relates to your partner, do not go and post anything on a social media site for the world to see.

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18. Get Physical.

As opposed to always being virtual. With the ability to have video chat, video messages, text messages and phone calls, do not neglect the most import form of communicating: face to face and in person. Be careful not to let technology actually distract you from seeing each other physically.

19. Send A Gift.

With a click of a button you could have a dozen red roses sent to the other side of the world. Why not go ahead and put the biggest smile on your partner’s face and send them a box of chocolate, some roses and a romantic note?

20. Learn Something Together.

You can learn pretty much anything on Youtube. Pick something that the two of you are interested in and learn it together. It could be a musical instrument, a language or a sport. Encouraging one another is a sure way to build a strong and happy relationship.

If you have found that your relationship has become a little dusty, outdated and bland, go ahead and give it an incredible happiness boost with these 20 different ways!

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Thai Nguyen

Thai's a Mindfulness-Meditation Coach, a 5-Star Chef and an International Kickboxer.

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Last Updated on April 6, 2020

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

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2. Listen

Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

3. Become an Expert

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

4. Lead with Story

From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

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If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

5. Lead by Example

It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

6. Catch People Doing Good

A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

7. Be Effusive with Praise

It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

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Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

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10. Understand Your Lane

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

More Tips About Making Influence

Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

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