Advertising
Advertising

20 Keys To Have An Incredibly Happy Relationship In Today’s World

20 Keys To Have An Incredibly Happy Relationship In Today’s World

How many times have you heard your grandparents throw out the phrase, “When I was your age…” When they inevitably complain about the price of movie tickets, you realize that there is much more that has changed in the world. Ticket prices does not even scratch the surface.

The current generation is experiencing a turbo-charged, technologically advanced world like none other. The world is literally at our fingertips. Social media has made geographical spaces nonexistent. Yet with all the development and the ability to be more connected than ever, the National Health Statistics Reports show that the number of failed relationships has barely changed over the past couple of decades. So if our world is providing us with the best resources to have the happiest lifestyle, why are our relationships not reflective of these improvements? The way we interact in our relationships has fallen behind the times and needs to catch up!

Here are 20 ways to have an incredibly happy relationship in today’s world.

1. Boast About Love.

Not only can you let that special person know how much you love them, but you can also tell the whole world. Nothing is sweeter than seeing a public declaration of love — everyone loves seeing a romantic proposal video go viral online. Don’t be shy, the world needs to see more love.

2. Daily “Us” Time.

In the hustle and bustle of the daily rat-race, your relationship can easily become lost in the crowd. Make your relationship a priority by carving out daily time for one another. It may just be a phone call, but do not let the relationship get strangled by all the busy-ness.

Advertising

3. Keep The Change.

The ancient Greek saying, you never step into the same river twice, still rings true today. Change is inevitable. In fact, you can bank on change being the one thing that never changes. The person you fell head over heels with that first day will grow and evolve. And so will you. Understanding that, and growing together, is the key.

4. Stop The Social Stalking.

Let’s be honest: this is unfortunately as prevalent as the midnight chocolate binge but far more damaging to your happy relationship — stalking your ex on social media. It is an awful habit that does nothing but undermine the strength of your relationship. To avoid constantly sticking your hand in the cookie jar, get rid of the cookie jar altogether. If you truly value the current relationship you are in, delete the temptations to be a creepy stalker and play any comparison game.

5. Be Vulnerable.

The alpha personality that dominates today’s culture and leaves no room for vulnerability may be effective for the corporate world, but it is detrimental for relationships. Do not let your work attitude seep into your personal relationship. Be vulnerable and share your feelings and emotions with one another. Build that trust.

6. Space Out.

Step out of each other’s pockets and give yourself some alone time. If you have to go a day without seeing one another, then let that happen. It is ok to disconnect from being so connected. Give each other the space you need. But also be sure to tell one another that you need that time- ignoring will just make things worse.

7. Exclusivity.

The monogamy vs. polygamy debate can get heated. However, an extensive online search of relationship studies and journal articles will reveal the statistics favor monogamous relationships. A Clark University poll of over 1000 18-29 year olds found that 86% desired to have a marriage that “will last a lifetime.” The search for that one soul-mate still rules and is shown to equal a happy relationship. The is no greater scar than that caused by infidelity and cheating. Do not even entertain the thought. Make the clear verbal commitment to one another: regardless of how the relationship unfolds, you will commit to being exclusive to one another.

Advertising

8. Forgive.

Nobody is perfect. We live in a constantly improving world, but not a perfect world. Prince Charming and Cinderella are merely figments of idealistic imagination. But even if they were real, they would still need to forgive one another. By all means, express that you have been hurt, but be quick to tell one another that you accept their apology. Kiss and make up.

9. Back To Reality.

As entertaining as many of today’s romantic movies can be, they can also be very damaging in the message or picture they convey about the ‘ideal’ relationship. On one end you have tear-jerking providential perfection of A Walk To Remember, on the other end the catastrophic one-nighter portrayals from Wedding Crashers. Perfection on one end, pollution on the other. Be careful not to find yourself with lofty fairytale expectations, nor become miserable with idea that no relationships work.

10. Just Listen.

With so much information available today to solve any problem, it is easy to jump in and feel as though you need to always be a problem solver. Your partner may just need to vent and you just need to simply listen. As helpful as all the “How-To” guides are, God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason.

11. Get Old-school.

Remember the last time you received a hand-written letter in the mail? Probably never. But those that have will recall it being pretty special. With almost all communication being digital, be a little different and write your loved one a hand-written letter. You could even go out and get something called a stamp and mail it to it!

12. Fight.

As paradoxical as it sounds, there are healthy elements in disagreeing and working toward a resolution. Even fairytales involve conflict. You may have heard the saying, “couples that fight together, stay together.” Arguing is actually an effective form of communication, conflict identification and resolution. Of course there is a huge difference between constructive forms of arguing and destructive forms. If your fighting simply leads to nowhere, or it is sparked simply out of spite, then that is a different story.

Advertising

13. Cook Together.

There are so many options for restaurants to eat out today. You can get almost anything even delivered to your home. Great bonds and conversations happen over any meal. Greater bonds and conversations will happen as you get to cook together.

14. Use Technology.

Take advantage of technology. If you are traveling it doesn’t mean you have to neglect the time that you would spend physically with one another. Have yourself a virtual date. Have fun and even get dressed up!

15. Enough’s Enough.

One of the dark sides of technology’s constant connection, is the difficulty in cutting off relationships that really need to be cut off. However, technology does help in allowing you to block the person from social media. Just be aware of how easy it is to be connected, and STAY connected. The earlier you can cut off a bad relationship, the better.

16. Spontaneity.

We live in a world filled with options. With so many choices for activities and attractions, why not be spontaneous and do something random and new? Have a date night at the theatre, look for a cheap flight and motel and go away for the weekend.

17. Public vs. Private.

People forget that when they post something online, it become very public and is almost impossible to take back. If you have something you are not sure about saying that relates to your partner, do not go and post anything on a social media site for the world to see.

Advertising

18. Get Physical.

As opposed to always being virtual. With the ability to have video chat, video messages, text messages and phone calls, do not neglect the most import form of communicating: face to face and in person. Be careful not to let technology actually distract you from seeing each other physically.

19. Send A Gift.

With a click of a button you could have a dozen red roses sent to the other side of the world. Why not go ahead and put the biggest smile on your partner’s face and send them a box of chocolate, some roses and a romantic note?

20. Learn Something Together.

You can learn pretty much anything on Youtube. Pick something that the two of you are interested in and learn it together. It could be a musical instrument, a language or a sport. Encouraging one another is a sure way to build a strong and happy relationship.

If you have found that your relationship has become a little dusty, outdated and bland, go ahead and give it an incredible happiness boost with these 20 different ways!

More by this author

Thai Nguyen

Thai's a Mindfulness-Meditation Coach, a 5-Star Chef and an International Kickboxer.

17 Ways To Learn New Skills Faster and Enjoy the Process 20 Essential Books To Supercharge Your Productivity 12 Things The World Cup Losing Teams Teach You About Success If Looks Could Kill | 8 Killer Ways to Dominate Every First Impression Homesick? 9 Simple Ways to Feel At Home Wherever You Are

Trending in Communication

1 50 Unique and Really Fun Date Ideas for Couples 2 Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 1) 3 Take Back Your Personal Power (Part 2) 4 When You Start to Let Go of Your Past, These 10 Things Will Happen 5 How to Learn to Let Go of What You Can’t Control

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

Advertising

At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

Advertising

1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Advertising

How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Read Next