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Communication, Relationships

What is a Soulmate and Signs That You Have Found Yours

Written by June Silny
ADHD Coach, Writer, ADDitude Magazine featured contributor
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Most people think of a soulmate as a perfect harmonious union of bliss, your true spiritual soulmate is the person who is intended to help you “complete yourself.”

But what is a soulmate, and where does this idea of a “soulmate” come from? And why do 73% of Americans believe in a “soulmate”? [1]

What is a Soulmate?

It’s hard to pinpoint how the concept of soulmate came to be, but one myth from Plato’s Symposium is a frequently referenced. [2] In a nutshell, the myth states that humans were powerful beings with two faces, four arms, and four legs. Their power made them feared by Zeus, king of the gods, and he cut each being into two.

It’s said that the wound created from this severance is where the yearning for romantic love originates, and that when people are searching for their soulmate they are looking for their “other half.” [3]

For some, a soulmate may be considered our “better half”: someone with whom we are connected on a spiritual level, where the relationship exists eternally. It’s like our best friend, our true love and our life partner are not three different people, but one single person with whom each day is bliss. Each morning is a blessing, each night passes in gratitude.

Despite how you might define soulmate or even whether you believe in a soulmate or not, there is no doubt that most of us are looking for romantic love. During the pandemic, 50% of people on OkCupid were willing to look for love across borders, indicating on their location preferences “anywhere.” [4] 92% of OkCupid respondents said they were not giving up on finding love under lockdown. [5]


Are Soulmates Real?

According to researcher Raymond Knee, people tend to believe in soulmates because of their destiny beliefs and growth beliefs. A destiny belief is believing you are destined with one person and having that one person meant for you. A growth belief is having a relationship progress and grow slowly, therefore fitting together through effort.[6]

Here’s a video on the science of soulmates:

Finding Your Soulmate

For most of us, meeting our soulmate might go something like this: Cinderella fairy tales; a picture-perfect love story; shy smiles; falling in love; starting loving everything in life; getting married; living happily ever after.

But the reality is much different. Practically, nothing becomes picture perfect automatically. We need to invest our time and energy to make a relationship perfect.

First thing to do: focus on yourself. Love yourself. Love everything about yourself, because if you can’t fall in love with yourself, how can you expect someone else to love you?

1. Take Time Out for You

Walk in the woods or just people watch in a park one early morning. Develop a passion, polish your skills, and enjoy solitude. Write a diary, compose a song or just paint the colors you see – the idea is to enjoy in your own company.

Make yourself so interesting that you are never bored of yourself. Others love to be in the company of such people, so your jovial attitude increases the chances of you meeting your soul mate sooner.


2. Work on Your Confidence

It is fine to let your partner boost you up every now and then, but the majority of the time you need to be confident. Additionally, studies show that stable self-esteem may be related to lower conflict frequency in relationships. [7]

3. Take Responsibility

Admit the fact that, knowingly or unknowingly, you shape your future. Accept your mistakes and embrace your failures. Uphold the responsibility for your life, your career, your choices, your decisions.

Sharing your life with someone is a mature act. You must be adept enough to see through a person and analyze their actions.

4. Be Financially Stable

Certainly money can’t buy happiness, but many things are bought with money. Financial problems are a major cause of bitterness in many marriages. [8] Hence, financial stability is a must.

5. Be Emotionally Stable

Being emotionally stable gives you the sensitivity that we seek in others. Part of becoming more stable is overcoming the grudges and baggage of your past relationships and not bringing them into your new one.

Building emotional intelligence involves being aware of the difference between infatuation and love, of the harmful emotions that could harm others if not talked about, and of what is working in a relationship or not.[9]


Signs You Found Your Soulmate

Often soulmates appear in disguise. You might not even be physically attracted to your soulmate when you first meet, but before you know it you find that this person is “the right one” for you.

You may have a personal checklist of everything you want in a partner – like Jerry Seinfeld, who knows his date is not “the one” because she eats her peas one at a time.

If you are brave enough to look beyond your checklist, you might just be one of the lucky ones who finds their true soul match. Open your eyes and your heart to unexpected possibilities.

Signs may vary person-to-person, but here are a few sounds to let you know you have found your soulmate:

1. You Feel Each Other’s Pain

You stand in each other’s shoes. You know each other so well and feel each other’s feelings: sadness, worry, and stress. And you share each other’s happiness and joy.

2. You Know Each Other’s Flaws and the Benefits of Them

Every trait has a positive as well as a negative side. It’s the task of each person to always look for the good, even when things don’t look so good. There is usually a benefit to each flaw: stubborn people are good decision-makers, overly organized people are great at paying bills on time, and the list goes on.

3. You’re Not Afraid of Having a Conversation

Conversations can be challenging. Expressing concerns or attempting to make decisions is uncomfortable, but soulmates know that if they join together, they will be able to work it out. Having these conversations is important for a healthy relationship. [10]

4. You Share the Same Life Goals

You’re both on the same page with values, ethics, and goals. You may have a different way of reaching those goals, but you both want the same end result.

5. You Have a Feeling in Your Gut

When you first meet someone, you can chat and reason with them all you want, but you don’t truly know them. All you can do is trust your intuition, feel the vibe that you may have with that person, and proceed from there.

If your inner voice is telling you that there is something off with him, listen to it. Take a step back and think about everything that has happened. Often, your intuition will pick up something about him that you have missed, and if you spend enough time going over what happened, you should be able to figure out what is odd.

6. You Respect Each Other’s Differences and Opinions

You know you have different opinions. Often soulmates are polar opposites, and at times, this is challenging. These are the times when you are forced to let the other person complete you. You still have your own opinion, but instead of agreeing to disagree, there is a deep level of respect for each other. You listen and honor the differences.

7. You Know How to Apologize

It’s not easy to say “I’m sorry” or admit that you did something that hurt the person you love. Soulmates realize that their actions or words cause harm. Even if they feel justified in their point of view, if their partner was hurt by it, they can easily apologize for the harm they have caused.

Video Summary


Being in an honest, sincere, and committed soulmate relationship can help you become a better version of yourself. Having your soulmate by your side can push you beyond your comfort zone – beyond self-imposed limits to find your better self.


Don't have time for the full article? Read this.

What is a Soulmate and Signs That You Have Found Yours

About 73% of Americans believe in soulmates.

Those who believe in soulmates have either destiny beliefs or growth beliefs; destiny belief is believing you are destined with one person, and growth belief is having a relationship progress and grow slowly, therefore fitting together through effort.

Building emotional intelligence involves being aware of the difference between infatuation and love, of the harmful emotions that could harm others if not talked about, and of what is working in a relationship or not.

Before finding a soulmate, it’s important to work on yourself and love yourself.

Featured photo credit: Alex Green via pexels.com


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