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18 Reasons Why Simple Boyfriends Are The Best

18 Reasons Why Simple Boyfriends Are The Best

I am always amused when I see a “relationship status” on Facebook that says, “It’s complicated.” What exactly does that mean? He cheated and I may not take him back? We broke up but maybe we’ll get back together? He’s married but maybe he’ll get a divorce? With all of the complications in life, why would any female choose a complicated relationship?

I’ve had many, and they were not enjoyable. What I came to learn is that the long-lasting relationship involves a very “simple” boyfriend – one who takes all of the drama and uncertainty out of that aspect of my life. So, here’s to the simple boyfriend and 18 things that he brings to a relationship!

1. He is honest

When you have fixed your grandma’s famous pork chops for a special dinner, he tells you that pork is his least favorite meat. He’ll then give you a big hug and say that he will eat them anyway, because he loves you.

2. He is trustworthy

When he says he can’t meet you because he has to work late, he calls later from work, just to say “hi.” A knock on your door at 10:00 pm – there he stands with flowers and a bottle of wine to share.

3. He is even-tempered

While you are freaking out over a situation at work or some personal family crisis, he holds you tightly, soothes you with a great shoulder rub, and tells you that everything will be okay. If plans for a weekend getaway go awry because you have a paper or a work project due, he will bring over your favorite take-out and offer to help.

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4. He is not possessive

When you haven’t seen your girl friends for a while, he encourages you to take that trip with them and offers to “dog-sit” while you are gone. You then come home to an immaculately clean apartment with a “Welcome Back” gift on your kitchen table.

5. He is flexible

You have to cancel a date to a concert because of a nasty cold. He goes to the concert venue, sells the tickets, and arrives at the door with your favorite take-out and a movie.

6. He is unselfish

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    He thinks of you at least as much as he thinks of himself. If you don’t want to see a particular movie, that’s fine with him – he will let you pick an alternative. If you’re too tired to get all primped up to go to that party, he’ll stay home with you and watch TV instead.

    7. He is not jealous

    One of your best male friends from high school is in town, and you want to meet him for dinner. The simple boyfriend gives you a big hug and tells you to have a good time.  Simple boyfriends are self-confident enough to understand that everyone has friends of both sexes without any romantic or “flirty” motives.

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    8. He likes himself

    This is so important. When a boyfriend is “comfortable in his own skin,” he does not have to pretend to have or to be something else. He doesn’t have to be a “player” or try to impress you or anyone else. It’s so refreshing! When the two of you are out with your work friends, he readily admits that he knows very little about the work you all do. Later, he tells you how much he respects what you and your fellow workers do, even though he may never fully understand the challenges and the responsibilities.

    9. He won’t ask you to change

    Not your hair, not your make-up, not your dress, not your habits, not your laugh, nor your weight and not your beliefs and principles. He will never worry if you ate some extra cookies and that you love going to the gym mainly because your personal trainer is super hot (see point 7). He understands that everyone has their own quirks, style, and values, and he accepts them with love.

    My current boyfriend never asks me to buy new clothing that is more in keeping with his “crowd” (despite the fact that I am a modest, plain dresser), nor does he request that I “tone down” my heated discussions with his friends and family members. Instead, he celebrates my individuality by telling me often that he loves who I am, just as I am. I once had a boyfriend who was on the school board of a district in which I was a teacher. When we decided to go on strike, and I was painting signs in my garage, he arrived for dinner and helped me finish up the painting! No, he didn’t support the strike, but he supported my right to disagree!

     10. He is not concerned with “appearances”

    When you choose a particularly “outspoken” mode of dress, and you are on your way to a party of his friends, he will honor your individuality, stay by your side and proudly introduce you to other guests. When you have not had time to “do” your hair, and choose a pony tail instead, he will tell you that he loves your hair like that!

    11. He accepts your friends and family

    No one has a perfect set of friends or family members. I have had a friend for over 10 years, whom I love dearly, but she has some very annoying personality aspects. For one thing, she talks incessantly and hops from one topic to the next, barely taking a breath. But she is my friend and has always “been there” for me. A few boyfriends I have had refused to be around her and wanted me to severely curtail my times with her. My current boyfriend may joke about her privately, but he is kind, gracious and “puts up” with her whenever we are all together (with a smile, I might add).

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    12. He has your back

    Simple boyfriends will not deliberately put you in uncomfortable situations or will extricate you if they have. And if your plane has been delayed two hours, he will not tell you to take cab because your arrival is just too late. He will be there with a silly “welcome home” sign. And he will not allow friends or family members to be rude or discourteous to you. In short, he is loyal.

    13. He doesn’t like drama

    Simple boyfriends do not create drama, nor do they participate in it. While drama may be exciting and stimulating to some, it is a sign of immaturity, and immature boyfriends do not make for lasting relationships. When your friends are in an uproar about a cheating husband or wife and an impending divorce, he will calmly listen to your “rants” and honor your feelings, but he will not take sides and insert himself into the drama. He is your “steady Eddie,” helping you to gain the perspective you need.

    14. He is patient

    If you are not ready for physical intimacy or for the two of you to move in together, he will not push you or try to “guilt” you into something with which you are not comfortable. Patience extends to smaller matters too, like not freaking out because you are going to be 30 minutes late. If you are late for a dinner date, he will welcome you with open arms, just glad that you could make it at all!

    15. He doesn’t play games

    The “bad boy” types tend to be game players. They may give you a “rush” at first, go AWOL for a time, come back into your life, etc. They are unreliable and will never participate in a solid relationship. The simple boyfriend is steady and thinks playing games is immature – and it is. If an old girlfriend needs his help to get out of an abusive relationship, he will explain the situation to you, describe what he will be doing to help, and will keep you “in the loop” the entire time. When he returns, he will shower you with love and appreciation for your understanding and willingness to support him.

    16. He likes simple activities as long as they are with you

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      The simple boyfriend will be happy to take walks with your dog, to have a lazy day of reading, to grocery shop with you, or to go to the laundromat. His happiness comes from being with you, and he states this regularly. He will offer to run errands for you or to help you clean your apartment, with a smile on his face and a lot of cuddling when the tasks are completed.

      17. He sees his girlfriend as his best friend too

      The simple boyfriend wants to be a friend just as much as he wants to be a lover. Beware of the boyfriend who does not honestly confide in you and ask you to confide in him. This is not a permanent partner. When your simple boyfriend, on the other hand, hears that you are having a difficult time with your ex-husband over child support or visitation, he will want to hear about it, to help you consider options, and to support the decision you ultimately make.

      18. He won’t degrade you

      The need to call you names and to criticize you is a form of emotional abuse and comes from two sources – low self-esteem and the need to exert power. Simple boyfriends lift you up! If you are having a bad hair day, or a sudden outbreak of acne, he will tell you how beautiful you are in his eyes. If you have inadvertently insulted one of his friends, he will re-confirm his love for you by intervening to repair any “damage.”

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      Elena Prokopets

      Elena is a passionate blogger who shares about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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      Last Updated on September 30, 2020

      How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Future

      How to Live in the Moment and Stop Worrying About the Future

      We often hear people talk about the importance of living in the present and the different ways it will benefit us. It all sounds wonderful, especially the lower levels of stress and anxiety, but how exactly can we live in the moment when our mind is constantly worrying about the past or plans for the future?

      In this article, we’ll discuss some of the benefits of living in the moment you may not be aware of. Then, we’ll look at some of the obstacles and why we worry. Finally, and most importantly, I’ll show you how to live in the moment and stop worrying using some simple practices that you can easily incorporate into your busy schedule.

      The result: a happier and more fulfilling life.

      The Importance of Living in the Moment

      “The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future, or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly.” -Buddha

      While it can be difficult to live in the moment, it has innumerable benefits.

      Here are just a few that will enhance your life tremendously:

      Better Health

      By reducing stress and anxiety, you avoid many of the associated health consequences, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, and obesity. Studies have shown that being present can also improve psychological well-being[1].

      Improve Your Relationships

      Have you ever been with someone who is physically present, but mentally s/he’s a million miles away?

      Being with unavailable people is a struggle, and building relationships with them extremely difficult.

      How about being with someone who is fully present? We enjoy being with her/him because we can make a much deeper connection.

      By living in the moment, you can be that person other people enjoy being with, and you make relationships much easier.

      Greater Self-Control

      You have greater control over your mind, body, and emotions. Imagine how much better your life would be if it weren’t at the mercy of a racing mind and unpredictable emotions. You would certainly be more at peace, and much happier[2].

      Why Do We Worry?

      Before we answer this question, it’s important to distinguish between worry and concern.

      When we are concerned about something, we are more likely dealing with a real problem with realistic solutions. Then, once we do whatever we can to address the problem, we’re willing to live with the outcome.

      Worrying, on the other hand, involves unrealistic thinking. We may worry about a problem that doesn’t really exist, or dwell on all the bad things that can happen as a result. Then, we feel unable to deal with the outcome. Either way, we have difficulty dealing with uncertainty, which is a normal part of life.

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      Certainly, some of our problems may not have desirable outcomes, such as a serious health issue. Some problems may be beyond our control, such as civil unrest or economic downturn. In such cases, it can be hard to avoid worrying, but not impossible.

      3 Steps to Start to Live in the Moment

      Step 1: Overcome Worrying

      In order to overcome worrying, we need to do two things:

      Calm Your Mind

      When you calm your mind, you are able to see more clearly.

      The reason some problems seem so daunting is that our mind is racing so fast that we cannot see things as they truly are. Then, we make up a bunch of possible scenarios in our mind, most of which are unlikely to come true.

      In addition to seeing more clearly, a calm mind will help us think more realistically. Unrealistic thinking is fueled by confusion and uncontrolled emotions. Calming your mind will reduce confusion and calm your emotions, allowing you to live in the present.

      Focus on Solutions Instead of Problems

      Some people tend to be more solution-oriented, and others more problem-oriented. Some of the factors that may determine this are gender, upbringing, and education.

      People with more education tend to be problem-solvers. That is what their years of education train them to do. In addition, their jobs probably reinforce this way of thinking.

      If you’re not problem-solving oriented, don’t worry. You can train yourself to worry less. We’ll discuss that soon.

      Step 2: Identify Obstacles to Living in the Moment

      In today’s busy world, it can be a challenge to live in the moment. The reasons revolve around how our mind works, as well as outside influences.

      Racing Mind

      Many busy people have a racing mind that never seems to slow down. Their mind gets so agitated from too much sensory stimulation.

      You see, anything that stimulates any of our five senses will trigger a thought, and that thought leads to another, and then another, and so on.

      If you have a busy life, all your activities will overstimulate your mind and make it seemingly impossible to slow it down.

      Unpleasant Situations and a Troublesome Past

      None of us want to be in unpleasant situations, or remember those of the past. They can bring up painful emotions, which we don’t want to feel.

      So how do most people cope with painful emotions?

      By doing whatever we can to avoid them, we can take our mind to another place and time where things are more pleasant.

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      In other words, we avoid living in the present moment.

      Some people resort to things that stimulate sensory pleasure, such as food, alcohol, or sex. Others will consume substances that dull their mind and keep them from thinking about unpleasant or stressful situations.

      A Wandering Mind

      From the moment we are born (likely sooner) until the time we die, our body and mind are active performing some function. Therefore, it’s natural for our mind to have some level of activity, whether conscious or unconscious.

      Generally, a wandering mind is unproductive. One thought starts an endless chain of thoughts, and this process can go on until we need our mind to perform a specific function or get distracted with something else.

      Now, there are times when a wandering mind can be productive, such as when creating works of art, or trying to find creative solutions to problems. In such cases, we need our mind to explore different possibilities[3].

      Outside Influences

      Most of us are not fully aware of how our environment and social norms influence our thinking and behavior. People and institutions are constantly competing for our attention. The media draws our attention to the past, and advertising usually to the future[4].

      Many people around us who dwell on the past or future try to draw us to their way of thinking. Even the whole concept of the American dream is geared toward the future. It tells us that if we acquire things like a good career, family, and house, then we’ll be happy.

      Step 3: Practice Mindfulness

      So how can we live in the moment in a world that is constantly trying to draw our attention to the past and future?

      Before we get into concrete actions you can take, it’s important to understand what mindfulness is. You’ve probably heard the term before, but may not fully understand what it means.

      Understand Mindfulness

      The concept of mindfulness is actually quite simple. To be mindful is to live in the moment.

      When you are mindful, your attention is focused on what is happening in the present moment, and you are fully in touch with reality[5].

      You are aware of what is happening in your body, mind, emotions, and the world around you. This is different than thinking about these things. To develop greater understanding, you don’t have to think about them so much, but rather just observe them.

      This may be counterintuitive to many people, especially intellectuals, because they’re so used to using logic to develop greater understanding. With mindfulness, we calm our mind and emotions so we can see clearer. Then, much of our understanding will come from simple observation. When we develop mindfulness, we literally expand our awareness.

      To develop mindfulness, we need to train ourselves to observe things more objectively, that is, without our emotions or preconceived ideas influencing our views.

      If you’re ready to live a better life, read on for some simple mindfulness practices that you can incorporate into your daily routine to help you live in the moment.

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      You don’t have to do all of them, but rather choose the ones that appeal to you and suit your lifestyle.

      Mindfulness Meditation

      Mindfulness meditation is the mainstay of developing mindfulness and living in the moment. To practice mindfulness meditation, all you really have to do is sit quietly and follow your breathing. When your mind wanders off, just bring it back to your breath.

      Notice how your lungs expand with each in-breath and contract with each out-breath. Let your breathing become relaxed and natural.

      You don’t have to do it perfectly. The idea is to start spending time away from the constant sensory stimulation of all your activities, and just allow it to settle down naturally. Start with about 5 to 10 minutes per day and work your way up to about 20 minutes or longer.

      This practice is highly effective, and can have both short-term and long-term benefits.

      If you want to learn more about mindfulness meditation, take a look at this article: What Is Mindfulness Meditation? 7 Ways to Start Meditating

      Mindful Breathing

      While this may sound the same as mindfulness meditation, all you’re really doing is taking short breaks occasionally (10 to 15 seconds) to observe your breathing. Stop whatever you’re doing, and take a few mindful breaths, then resume your activity. That’s it.

      You can do mindful breathing at any time of the day during your busy schedule. What it does is interrupt the acceleration of your mind. It is like taking your foot off the accelerator while driving. It’s a nice refreshing break you can take without anyone noticing.

      Here’re some breathing exercises you can try to learn: 5 Breathing Exercises for Anxiety (Simple and Calm Anxiety Quickly)

      Mindful Walking

      Walking is an activity that you perform several times throughout the day. We often think we’re being productive by texting or calling someone while walking. But are we really?

      Instead of getting on your cell phone or letting your mind wander off, why not use your walking to train yourself to live in the moment and focus on the task at hand?

      Mindful walking is similar to mindful breathing, but instead of focusing on your breath, focus on your walking. Pay attention to each footstep. Also, notice the different motions of your arms, legs, and torso. When your mind wanders off, just bring your attention back to your walking.

      You can even make a meditation out of walking. That is, go walking for a few minutes outside. Start by slowing down your pace. If you slow down your body, your mind will follow.

      In addition to paying attention to your walking, notice the trees, sunshine, and critters. A mindful walk is enjoyable and can really help your mind settle down.

      You can discover more benefits of walking in nature here.

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      Mindful Eating

      Eating is an activity that most of us perform mindlessly. The reason is that it doesn’t require your attention to perform. Therefore, many of us try to multitask while we eat. We may talk on the phone, text, watch TV, or even hold a meeting.

      The problem with not eating mindfully is that we don’t eat what our body and mind need to perform at an optimal level[6]. We may eat unhealthy foods, or too much. This can lead to various health problems, especially as we get older.

      Live in the present with mindful eating.

        Mindful eating has many health benefits, such as reduced food cravings, better digestion, and even weight loss[7].

        So how do you eat mindfully? Start by slowing down, and avoid the temptation to distract yourself with another activity. Here are 3 different aspects of eating where you can practice mindfulness:

        • Eating itself: Focus your attention on choosing a portion of food to insert into your mouth. Notice the smell, flavor, and texture as you chew it; then finally swallow it. As with following your breath during meditation, pay close attention to every aspect of eating.
        • Choice of foods: Although you’ve already chosen your food before you have begun eating, you can still take the opportunity to contemplate your choices. Think about the nutrients your body needs to sustain itself.
        • Contemplating the sources: Most of us don’t think about all the work it takes to provide us with the food we eat. While you’re eating, consider all the work by the farmer, shipping company, and the grocery store. These are real people who worked hard to provide you with the food necessary for your survival.

        You can find more tips about mindful eating here: 7 Simple Steps to Mindful Eating

        Mindful Activities

        Choose an activity that you perform regularly, such as washing dishes. Focus all your attention on this activity, and resist the temptation to let your mind wander,. When it does, just bring your attention back to washing dishes.

        Notice some of the specific movements or sensations of washing dishes, such as how the soapy water feels on your hands, the circular motion of scrubbing the dish, or the rinsing. You’d be surprised at how such a mundane activity can truly expand your awareness.

        You can choose any activity you like, such as ironing, folding clothes, mowing the lawn, or showering. Over time, you will begin doing all these activities with greater mindfulness.

        Final Thoughts

        Practicing mindfulness is like regularly putting small amounts of change in a jar. They will all add up over time, and this will add up to greater peace and happiness, as well as get you closer to achieving your goals.

        Remember, you don’t have to do the mindfulness practices perfectly to get the benefits. All you have to do is keep bringing your mind back to the present moment when it wanders off.

        Practicing mindfulness may be a bit challenging in the beginning, but I can assure you it will get easier.

        The benefits of living in the moment are well within your reach, no matter how much your mind is racing. If you stick with these mindfulness practices, you too will learn how to live in the moment and stop worrying. When you do, a whole new world will open up for you. This is what Zen master Thich Nhat Hanh calls the ultimate reality.

        More About Living in the Present

        Featured photo credit: Smile Su via unsplash.com

        Reference

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