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16 Things You Need to Do on Your Own Before Doing with Someone Else

16 Things You Need to Do on Your Own Before Doing with Someone Else

Since times unknown, being alone has been equated to loneliness. This is one of the biggest myths and deep-rooted beliefs that make very little sense. Some people feel terribly lonely surrounded by hundreds of people, but experience the highest level of freedom in isolation.

I am a big believer in finding happiness by doing things on my own. Contrary to popular belief, this has nothing to do with being an introvert, having no friends, or being lost in abandonment. In fact, I am very social and have the most amazing family, friends, co-workers and mentors. While I enjoy spending time with them, I also enjoy my own company. It is not only fun and rewarding, but a great way to reassure yourself that you are capable and independent.

Not convinced? Scared? Out of your comfort zone? I urge you to try these things on your own, unaided and unaccompanied. Disclaimer: You are most likely to experience pure ecstasy.

1. Immerse in a murder mystery.

Pick up any Hercule Poirot novel by Agatha Christie from your nearest bookstore. They are easy to read but gripping enough to let you lose track of time. For more nail-biting thrillers, try Jo Nesbo or choose from the list of best murder mysteries of all times.

2. It’s time for fine dining, at home.

What is your favorite dish? Replicate it at home, buying fresh ingredients and following a trustworthy recipe from a cookbook or the Internet. Create an ambiance in your dining space with your best dinnerware, a glass of wine, candlelight and music. Dress up and treat yourself like a king. You deserve it!

DinnerAlone2

    3. Play Scrabble® with yourself.

    No one will rush you, and there will be no annoying Mr. Smarty Pants to compete with. You don’t have to resist looking at the dictionary either. At the end of the day you will have some new words under your belt. It’s a win-win situation.

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    Scrabble

      4. Create an inspirational word art.

      Even if the paintbrush is not your friend, tap into your hidden creativity by making a simple piece of art using words. Use leftover newspaper, magazines, pens and other random objects lying around your home. Go crazy with your imagination as you make your own rules. Once done, hang it on the wall and pat yourself on the back.

      InspirationalArt

        5. Travel to a new city.

        If you haven’t been on a getaway by yourself, it’s high time you do it. Don’t rob yourself from the joy of getting lost in an unknown city. Wake up whenever, go wherever and eat whatever you want. Discover and explore the beauty of the world, without a timetable.

        TravelAlone

          6. Exercise your vocal muscles.

          Want to feel heard and liberated? Sing at the top of your lungs, while no one is around. The neighbors might hear you. If you enjoy it too much, you may actually break into a dance, which brings me to the next point.

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          Singer

            7. Dance until you drop.

            Warm up at home and master your moves. Then hit the dance club. Don’t be shy; you may actually end up having a fan following. Freestyle dancing helps increase your self esteem, improve flexibility, balance better and burn calories. What are you waiting for? 5-6-7-8!

            Dance

              8. Head to the theaters for an animated film.

              Who needs company to watch an animated movie? You spend approximately two hours gazing at the screen engaged in some serious laughter. Most of the time, you don’t even remember who you came to the movies with. Besides, you own that whole bag of popcorn.

              AnimatedFilm

                9. Meditate in style.

                One of the best solitary activities that can energize you, refresh you, and take all your stress away is meditation. Take time off your routine activities to reflect and introspect. Delve into your inner self and find harmony. For some unconventional meditation techniques, look here.

                Meditate

                  10. Take an epic ‘selfie’ video.

                  Select a solo scene of your favorite actor or actress. Get into the character and record yourself enacting that scene. Perfection takes practice, so you may need a few takes. Brave enough to put it on Youtube?

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                  Selfie

                    11. Be the first person in the gym.

                    Wake up early and wait for the gym doors to open. There is nothing like working out in a clean sweat-free environment, while no one is judging your flab. No gym membership? Mother nature is your treadmill.

                    Gym

                      12. Sip a martini like 007.

                      Happy hour can be happier when you go the bar alone and stylishly ask for a martini. Savor each sip and open yourself to the opportunity of making new friends.

                      Martini

                        13. Go for a picnic in the park

                        Give up time spent in opinionated discussions, all for the perfect spot in the park. Soak in the sun, let the breeze flirt with you and observe your surroundings. People-watching is an underrated educational activity.

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                        Park

                          14. Be your personal shopper.

                          Take yourself shopping for a makeover. If you’re on a budget, accept the challenge and find atypical stores. Getting a new look can be a huge confidence booster.

                          MakeOver

                            15. Strike off the longest living item on your to-do list..

                            What is that one thing featured on your ‘things to do today’ that’s been there since last month? Take time on a weekend to finally do it. Find a sense of accomplishment from life’s little things.

                            ToDoList

                              16. Make your own Happiness Jar.

                              Every time you enjoy doing something alone, write the activity on a piece of paper. Drop it in a container and label it “My Happiness Jar.’ If you are bored, feeling blue, or stressed, simply draw a random slip of paper from this jar and do what is written.

                              HappinessJar

                                Photo Credit: Featured Image and many other post images are sourced from Creative Commons, license 2.0.

                                Featured photo credit: Jump over Mt. Rainier/The U.S. Army via flickr.com

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                                Published on April 7, 2021

                                6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

                                6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of

                                Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.

                                While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.

                                1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda

                                Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?

                                If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.

                                In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.

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                                2. They Make Everything Transactional

                                Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.

                                For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.

                                Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.

                                A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.

                                Some statements to be wary of include:

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                                • “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
                                • “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
                                • “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
                                • “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)

                                3. They Criticize Everything

                                One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.

                                However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.

                                Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:

                                • Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
                                • Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
                                • Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
                                • Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs

                                4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them

                                We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.

                                For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.

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                                This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.

                                5. They Socially Isolate You

                                Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.

                                Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.

                                This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.

                                In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.

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                                6. They’re Emotionally Abusive

                                It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.

                                Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.

                                Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:

                                • Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
                                • Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
                                • Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
                                • Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)

                                Final Thoughts

                                It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.

                                More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person

                                Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com

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