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15 Things People Who’ve Just Broken Up Hate Hearing The Most

15 Things People Who’ve Just Broken Up Hate Hearing The Most

It is hurting to experience a break up. For some it can be devastating. However there is a healing process to every loss. Most times the best way is to deal with the pain and move on. Through this sensitive period a broken up person needs the concern and consideration of friends and family, and trust me there are certain things they wouldn’t love to hear.

1. Life is hard

This makes the subject seem to be another unfair victim in the cycle of life. Shooting them such words doesn’t serve as a succor but a shot at bringing them to how painful the present situation should be for them. Rather saying something like, “there is a way out of this,” will help them heal better.

2. You made a mistake all along

Singling out the subject and wanting to make them appear stupid doesn’t structure the situation in a green, but a red light. We all do make mistakes, some even get away with their heads high, so why should he or she seem like the most ideal candidate for a break up.

3. You have always being poor at relationships

At a time when he or she is mourning something that would have appeared perfect, listening to a crucifying statement will only make them feel less worthy. Try to build their morale by telling them, “you haven’t met the perfect person yet.”

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4. You can still be friends

No one wants to be friends with someone who has just bruised their emotions. I don’t, and I know every other person neither. Please don’t let a broken heart hear this.

5. You need some time to heal

As if he or she was going through a terminal illness or some devastating disease. The injury of being hurt shouldn’t be aggravated. Of course time will heal the pain but you don’t need her or him to hear this.

6. I am sure they will regret this

That is hitting on a soft spot. You don’t know how much or how deep your friend still feels for their ex. Besides who knows if there will be a reunion. Never cancel out possibilities.

7. You are too emotional

This has a lot of red connotations with it. Of course, it takes some emotions to lose someone you have always cared about. Why make them seem less human.

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8. You should have known

Apparently this should mean that he or she should have been a fortune teller or something. No one in a relationship knows how pleasant or unpleasant a relationship will become. Of course they would never have known. Only things that will help them see the bright side of moving on should be heard.

8. Life goes on

Now this is too painful a thing to hear because you are making it clear that they would move on and could have another break up and will move on. No one wants to always meet break ups. Something soothing like, “at least hanging out on Friday night will be more fun” is better.

9. How long will you keep crying?

Please treat a broken heart with respect. Don’t limit or set anymore boundary. They would love to be more expressive at this point.

10. Cheer up

This sounds like a cliché. As if cheering up is a tablet to healing the pain. Of course the effect of such wouldn’t be as sweet. Understanding the situation would be more ideal than saying anything awful.

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11. Such is life

This sounds poetic. As if life wants to deal a big blow on lovers and broken hearts. It is better to have them hear something considerate.

12. You will receive a call soon

This doesn’t sound nice because it will make them expectant for something that may never happen. False hope raising expectations is not something any broken heart will love to hear.

13. You are a strong person, you will be fine

How can this be ascertained? It is mockery to a broken heart. No one is not emotional or doesn’t show signs of being human at some broken point.

14. You have to deal with it

As if there was some hammer or weapon for that. Hearing this hits a wrong nail into the wall. Make a broken-heart realize they have been through a lot rather than reminding them that being a super-human would be more ideal.

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15. Other people are far worse off than you are

Is this considerate at all, as if there is a race to become a better broken heart? These words show some comparative test. It is best to find a sentence to show that they can be weak at times.

When dealing with a broken heart it is best to show your actions rather than say too much. As a broken person, we would love to hear your deepest concern rather than taunt us for our terrible situation.

Featured photo credit: sad girl in a cafe via shutterstock.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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