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15 Things People Who’ve Just Broken Up Hate Hearing The Most

15 Things People Who’ve Just Broken Up Hate Hearing The Most

It is hurting to experience a break up. For some it can be devastating. However there is a healing process to every loss. Most times the best way is to deal with the pain and move on. Through this sensitive period a broken up person needs the concern and consideration of friends and family, and trust me there are certain things they wouldn’t love to hear.

1. Life is hard

This makes the subject seem to be another unfair victim in the cycle of life. Shooting them such words doesn’t serve as a succor but a shot at bringing them to how painful the present situation should be for them. Rather saying something like, “there is a way out of this,” will help them heal better.

2. You made a mistake all along

Singling out the subject and wanting to make them appear stupid doesn’t structure the situation in a green, but a red light. We all do make mistakes, some even get away with their heads high, so why should he or she seem like the most ideal candidate for a break up.

3. You have always being poor at relationships

At a time when he or she is mourning something that would have appeared perfect, listening to a crucifying statement will only make them feel less worthy. Try to build their morale by telling them, “you haven’t met the perfect person yet.”

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4. You can still be friends

No one wants to be friends with someone who has just bruised their emotions. I don’t, and I know every other person neither. Please don’t let a broken heart hear this.

5. You need some time to heal

As if he or she was going through a terminal illness or some devastating disease. The injury of being hurt shouldn’t be aggravated. Of course time will heal the pain but you don’t need her or him to hear this.

6. I am sure they will regret this

That is hitting on a soft spot. You don’t know how much or how deep your friend still feels for their ex. Besides who knows if there will be a reunion. Never cancel out possibilities.

7. You are too emotional

This has a lot of red connotations with it. Of course, it takes some emotions to lose someone you have always cared about. Why make them seem less human.

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8. You should have known

Apparently this should mean that he or she should have been a fortune teller or something. No one in a relationship knows how pleasant or unpleasant a relationship will become. Of course they would never have known. Only things that will help them see the bright side of moving on should be heard.

8. Life goes on

Now this is too painful a thing to hear because you are making it clear that they would move on and could have another break up and will move on. No one wants to always meet break ups. Something soothing like, “at least hanging out on Friday night will be more fun” is better.

9. How long will you keep crying?

Please treat a broken heart with respect. Don’t limit or set anymore boundary. They would love to be more expressive at this point.

10. Cheer up

This sounds like a cliché. As if cheering up is a tablet to healing the pain. Of course the effect of such wouldn’t be as sweet. Understanding the situation would be more ideal than saying anything awful.

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11. Such is life

This sounds poetic. As if life wants to deal a big blow on lovers and broken hearts. It is better to have them hear something considerate.

12. You will receive a call soon

This doesn’t sound nice because it will make them expectant for something that may never happen. False hope raising expectations is not something any broken heart will love to hear.

13. You are a strong person, you will be fine

How can this be ascertained? It is mockery to a broken heart. No one is not emotional or doesn’t show signs of being human at some broken point.

14. You have to deal with it

As if there was some hammer or weapon for that. Hearing this hits a wrong nail into the wall. Make a broken-heart realize they have been through a lot rather than reminding them that being a super-human would be more ideal.

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15. Other people are far worse off than you are

Is this considerate at all, as if there is a race to become a better broken heart? These words show some comparative test. It is best to find a sentence to show that they can be weak at times.

When dealing with a broken heart it is best to show your actions rather than say too much. As a broken person, we would love to hear your deepest concern rather than taunt us for our terrible situation.

Featured photo credit: sad girl in a cafe via shutterstock.com

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Casey Imafidon

Specialized in motivation and personal growth, providing advice to make readers fulfilled and spurred on to achieve all that they desire in life.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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