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15 Things Only Lovebirds Who Are Truly In Love Understand

15 Things Only Lovebirds Who Are Truly In Love Understand

Falling in love can be like going to the gym for the first time. It can hurt like hell, but it still feels great – like you’ve accomplished something. Of course, there are some other aspects of being in love that will give you a lot of “exercise” too, but this isn’t that kind of article. We all know about the supposed cliches of being in love – the things we hear about in songs and books and see acted out in romantic comedies.

If you’re, perhaps, a cynical single guy, you might be forced to listen to a buddy as he goes on and on about his new lady love, while you sit there with a polite and yet pained smile on your face. You just need to wait until the honeymoon period is over, and then your friend will remember that there are more than seven billion people on the earth other than his girlfriend, and she’ll stop finding his fart jokes funny. Until then, you just have to accept that there are things only lovebirds who are truly in love will understand… and when they try to explain it to you, it’s best to just smile and nod.

1. They Want to Demonstrate Their Togetherness

Damn you, Social Media! Before everyone had a camera on their phone, it was easy to avoid having to look at countless photos of couples doing couple things. Nowadays it’s unavoidable and your Facebook feed might be dominated by photos of your friends and their girlfriends eating at a cafe. Or sitting on a beach. Or whatever other 1000 things they did on the weekend.

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2. They Know Love Songs to Be True

Sappy love songs that were kind of lame when single suddenly take on special meaning when in love – they become true. Yes, Aerosmith – I don’t wanna miss a thing! Yes, Belinda Carlisle – Heaven IS a place on Earth. Yes, Britney Spears – I WILL hit you one more time.

3. They Smile Strangely When Talking About Each Other

When your friend talks about his girlfriend, a weird, contented, distracted look comes over his face – in fact, he kind of smiles like an idiot. Is he drunk? No, no… he’s just in love.

4. Their Idea of Fun Changes

“Hey, want to come out tonight? We’re doing tequila shooters at my place, then heading to a strip bar, followed by an illegal warehouse party.” “No thanks, we’re staying in tonight, cooking pasta and listening to Celine Dion. Because we’re in love.”

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5. They Like Romantic Comedies – and Kind Of Take Them Seriously

Never watch a romantic comedy with a couple in love. They’ll annoy the hell out of you with their statements such as, “We do that!” or “That’s totally us!” while you sit there, trying not to roll your eyes. Hugh Grant is a God to those in love, but to the rest of us, he’s an actor who was arrested with a prostitute in the back of his BMW.

6. They Can’t Stop Mentioning Each Other

Your friend will reference his girlfriend no matter how weak the connection is. You might be talking about UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon, and he’ll say, “Oh… that reminds me of Susan. She has two arms, two legs and needs oxygen too.”

7. They Become Anxious When Separated

People in love tend to weird out if they have to go more than a few hours without each other. It’s like a dog that freaks out when being left home alone and has to destroy the furniture as a stress release. So never leave your in love friend alone in your apartment!

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8. They Forget to Eat

When eating dinner with a buddy it’s not uncommon for them to say they forgot to eat breakfast or lunch because they were too busy with their girlfriend. It’s almost enough to make you lose your breakfast and lunch.

9. They Want You to Date Too

Both your buddy and his girlfriend will start sharing their ultimate dating tips for men with you because they just want you to experience the happiness they’re feeling with your own special someone. It doesn’t matter who it is – that woman from work, that woman with a limp who works at the supermarket, that pole dancer you met last weekend – they want you to date  and fall in love with someone, anyone!

10. They Can’t Do Anything Without Thinking of The Other Person

If you invite him for a beer, he can’t commit until he knows if his girlfriend wants to come too. If you invited him to a proctology exam, he would only do it if she came, and watched. He’s no longer an “I,” he’s a “We.”

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11. They Get Jealous Really Easily

He will pretend he’s not, but your buddy will get jealous if his girlfriend spends too much time with her friends, colleagues after work, her sofa. This is all time that could have been spent with him!

12. They Talk About What Their Children Would Look Like

They talk about children and say they’re not serious although the topic keeps popping up. You can’t help but think that your buddy has lost three phones in the last year, so he might have problems keeping track of a kid

13. The Don’t Understand Why You’re Not as Upbeat as Them

To people in love, the whole world is awesome and a place of beauty (it won’t last), and they can’t understand why you’re not as high on life as they are. Maybe because you watch the news instead of falling straight into bed as soon as you get home?

14. They Express Regret About Their Former Sex Partners

“Oh my God – I never knew how good sex could be when you’re truly in love with someone. Sex with all those other girls meant nothing! You HAVE to be in love to truly enjoy sex.” Thanks for the advice buddy, but I’m sure I can still enjoy sex while waiting for The One.

15. They Fall Apart When It’s Over

When they fall out of love, life no longer has any meaning, and all the songs, Hugh Grant movies and act of eating a meal just remind them of their lost love. They don’t know how they’ll carry on with life, but you know what? They will. It will take time, and your friendship, but they will. Vodka is also helpful.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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