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15 Signs You’re Going to Have a Great Partner Even If You Don’t Feel You Are

15 Signs You’re Going to Have a Great Partner Even If You Don’t Feel You Are

It’s the holiday season, a time when singletons either:

a) Drop not-so-subtle commitment hints to people they are only lukewarm about, b) Scowl at the overtly-cheesy nature of jewelry ads, or c) Something in between.

If the shorter days and colder nights are making you feel you’ll be alone forever, don’t despair! Whether or not you have prospects on the horizon, there are 15 signs that you are going to meet a kickass partner based on who you are, what you do, and what you don’t do. It takes a great partner to meet a great partner.

Do you have what it takes? Read on to find out:

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1. You are adult-ish.

Being an adult doesn’t mean you have all your shit together. Far from it! It means you’re responsible for your life. Whether that be paying your bills or saying you’re sorry, you can take personal responsibility. You are able to reflect on the past and take action toward your future. It also helps if you haven’t killed all of your houseplants (yet).

2. You know what you want in a partner.

Sounds obvious, but people who have a fuzzy sense of what they want only get a fuzzy version of that they want. You don’t just think, “I want a partner who is intelligent.” You know what you want that intelligence to look like. “I want a partner who reads about topics he cares about, is on top of current events, and has enough spatial awareness to help me build Ikea furniture.” You know that when you define it, you’ll find it.

3. You’re the right kind of selfish.

You love yourself and prioritize your self-care. It’s a myth that we need to place our partners over ourselves. If you run yourself into the ground taking care of everyone but yourself, you’re likely to get resentful, drained, and pissy. Self-love isn’t selfish, it’s the reason you’ll attract the right person in the first place. So go ahead, get a little selfish!

4. You know yourself.

You know what lights you up. You know what pisses you off. You know that soy milk makes you queasy. Why does this matter? People with self-awareness are more likely to identify the right partner, get their needs met, and find happiness in a relationship.

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5. You aren’t looking for anyone to fix you.

You have priorities, goals, and hobbies. Whether you enjoy cooking or collecting comic books, taking dance classes or taking over the world, you have a life that’s your own. You aren’t waiting around to get “saved.” You aren’t expecting someone to fix you because you know you’re not broken.

6. You aren’t trying to fix anyone.

It’s a fact: You have baggage and so will your partner. And while it would be great to change people’s annoying habits, you know how to accept people for who they are rather than who you want them to be. Your ability to compromise or cut ties will not only bring the right person in, it’ll help you to weed out the wrong one.

7. You are emotionally and physically available.

This one is huge. You’ve created space in your life for a partner. No, that doesn’t mean a drawer in your dresser. It means you are able and willing to give and receive love. You’re prepared to close one door before you open another. Bluntly put, you’re willing to stop sleeping around and commit. People who are good partners are the ones who actually want to be in a relationship.

8. You’re a good listener.

You can take in what your friend says without simultaneously contemplating your rebuttal. You can muster the self-control to not interrupt your mother mid-sentence. This goes well beyond being able to listen to others to include actually being present. Ultimately, if you can go to lunch with a friend without incessantly checking Facebook, you’re already better than most!

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9. You communicate productively.

There’s a big difference between communication and productive communication. You state how you feel without playing games or being passive-aggressive. You say what you want instead of what you don’t want. You know that saying “I’d like for us to visit my parents for the holidays,” yields better results than “I really don’t want to spend another Christmas with your crazy mother.”

10. You’re okay with being flawed (even if you don’t like it).

You get that as much as we might try, we can’t always act and look perfect all the time. You’re willing to open yourself up, be vulnerable, and occasionally look like an idiot. You accept that being yourself and receiving love yields a better outcome than being someone else and walking on eggshells.

11. You know the meaning of equality.

You know that fair isn’t always tit for tat. 50/50 in a relationship doesn’t mean you split the bill. It means that you’re willing to let things average out over the course of the relationship. You’re likely to find a great partner if you’re cool with saying “I’ll pay this time, you get the next.”

12. You like to win, but it won’t be WWIII if you don’t.

Whether it’s leaving the last slice or sucking it up and asking for directions, you don’t think you need to prove yourself at everything. Wow! You’re ahead of the game.

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13. Your conflict style doesn’t involve bloodshed.

When you fight with people, you fight to fix instead of fighting to win. You get that finding a resolution is better than a power play or opportunity for payback (despite how good you think it might feel).

14. You know how to apologize.

You might not like apologizing, but you can do it. You don’t make excuses or try to cajole others into taking responsibility for your issues. You own it sincerely without making excuses. You then learn from it. And the flipside is also true: you can forgive others when you receive an apology.

15. You cultivate gratitude.

You say thank you. You are appreciative of all that you have, all that you are, and all others do for you. Nobody wants a partner who takes them for granted.

So kick back and relax. You’re awesome and on your way to finding someone as equally awesome as you are. And being single for the holidays has plenty of perks. You won’t have to fake a smile when his mother gives you the ugliest sweater known to humanity. Again.

Featured photo credit: Young beautiful couple outdoor sensual portrait. via shutterstock.com

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Published on October 7, 2019

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

4 Types of Toxic People and How to Deal with Them

Can a person really be toxic? Well, a toxic person does not refer to those who are affected by the virus or toxic. To be precise, toxic people are those who are very unsupportive, abusive and unhealthy in nature. Their behavior is filled with venom and you will not feel any sort of gentle breeze in their words.

In this article, you will learn how to spot out a toxic person, and what you can do to deal with them.

Signs of Toxic People

To make it more obvious, I have added some signs of toxic people below.

Manipulative Behavior And Fabricated Mind

Toxic people are unable to deal with the bitter truth firmly. If you are going to blurt out their fabrications with proof, they will try to change the whole matter with their manipulative behavior. They will titillate you with sensitive words or they will try to frighten you to get rid of the problems.

Inhuman And Merciless in Nature

We know that sharing our thoughts with friends will keep us in good mental state. But, if you are not getting fruitful outcomes, you have to understand that you are spending time with toxic friends.

Toxic people do not know how to put themselves in other’s shoes. They just put on a mask of simplicity. But, in reality, they don’t have feelings for you. Therefore, you should stop sharing your valuable time with them as you will get nothing except annoyance and silence.

Hypocrisy at Its Best in Their Nature

Toxic people have a great hunger for respect, adoration, and fidelity. After dignifying them with these valuable elements, you will get nothing; you will be cheated, manipulated and criticized by them. And, if you are not willing to listen to them, you will be controlled by guilt-tripping.

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Emotional Outburst And Pathological Excuses

Toxic people always want to see themselves in the positive end. Therefore, to get their job done, they always have an emotional outburst and emotional excuse to make an impulsive impression upon you.

We do mistakes and it is our duty to accept those mistakes. But, toxic people have their own rules, they have a tendency to present themselves rationally even after committing a mistake. If someone tries to expose themselves with facts, they show no embarrassment and use emotional excuses as a shield.

Play with Your Emotion And Gradually Erode It

Toxic people always try to condescend you with critical jokes and when you try to elicit your thoughts, they just burst out laughing. Teasing becomes an important element in your relationship with toxic person. They even give you backhanded compliments to belittle you.

Thus, using their toxic mindset, they just gradually diminish your abilities as well as intelligence. And you will have nothing left in your hand other than putting up with these things to maintain the silence.

Well, you probably might have not seen all these signs in one person as there are different types of toxic people roaming around you.

4 Types of Toxic People

To understand it better, I’m mentioning the different types of toxic people here.

1. Conversational Narcissist

There are some toxic people who do not know how to give importance to others. They will talk about themselves but never ask you about your condition; they will only recall you when they need you or they are facing some sort of problems.

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2. Emotional Vampires

These vampires do not suck your blood but dissipate your emotion. They always talk negatively about everyone and compel you to think in the same pattern that they follow. They mask themselves in such a way in front of you that you gradually start giving importance to them. But, ultimately, you will not get any positive outcome from them.

3. Monsters with Green eyes

As discussed earlier, toxic people will give you backhanded compliments. Basically, these are called monsters with green eyes. These monsters feel happy when you feel sad. Therefore, they will always try to belittle your achievements, intelligence, and strengths. Along with it, they give compliments with some negativity in it.

4. Black-Eyed Cats

These cats always do mew-mew and try to control everything around them. They love to be pampered but, they do not like if someone goes against them.

If you are in a relationship with such persons, you will be nagged until you are giving them complete satisfaction. In a nutshell, it must be said that you have to align yourself with them if you want to live with them. But, ultimately, you will lose your mental, conversational and emotional freedom.

How to Deal with Toxic People

Living with problems is more convenient than living with toxic people. But, toxic people are parasites and therefore, you will see these monsters rambling around you wherever you go.

However, if you know how to deal with them, it would be very helpful for you and your life would be much easier to live. We have added some tips to assist you, just check these out.

Get Rid of Intermittent Reinforcement

We are very optimistic in nature and over the time, this optimism has reached to such a level that we can happily put up with the ‘close losses’ instead of trying to catch the ‘near wins’.

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B.F Skinner once did an experiment with three rats. He put them in different cages attached with levers. The lever delivered food when it was pressed. In the 1st cage, the lever always delivered food when the rat pressed it. In case of the 2nd cage, food was never delivered by the lever even after pressing it, therefore, the rat understood the lesson and never tried to get food. But, in the third cage, the lever delivered food randomly and as a result, the rat was completely hooked and fixated. He constantly pushed it but didn’t get the food always.

Well, this is called intermittent relationship and the same thing happens in human relationships where toxic people give you intermittent reinforcement and your heart gets pumped up with optimism. As a result, you will be hooked and your life will be fixated at some point with toxic people.

You should learn to move on without them and live your life happily because random happiness cannot bring permanent relief.

Never Make Too Many Allowances And Pardons

Well, sympathetic attitude is very good and it is also a fact that sometimes toxic people suffer from genuine depression, physical as well as mental illness. But, you have to set a boundary and you cannot allow people to get away with anything so easily.

If you make too many allowances as well as pardons, it would not be good for you in the long-term. Yes, there are some people who are facing extreme hardships and they are not even toxic in nature. But, all you can do is show some genuine compassion keeping yourself within the boundaries.

Always Try to Ignore Their Toxic Traps

Demotivational words are the primary weapon that they frequently use in their implications to detract you. Along with this, they throw words in such a way that you start feeling guilty. Well, you must understand that these are just toxic traps and you should not step on it.

Always remember that you will have full access to freedom if you stop taking things personally. They not only do this with you but also with everyone. You just have to keep in mind that these toxic words are not based on truth but on their own mental reproduction. So, you just have to ignore this and focus on your work.

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Show Them Your Beautiful Smile Not the Curves on Your Forehead

Toxic people have an aptitude to attack mentally, mock disgracefully and diminish shamefully. But, you will not be affected if you don’t surrender yourself. Show them that you are not getting belittled or insulted.

We all have our problems and we also know that we are capable of solving these problems. Therefore, the matter entirely depends upon us and if we don’t allow these vampires to enter into our life or play with our emotions, they cannot suck our happiness. So, I’d suggest you show your beautiful smile when they buzz around you.

Don’t Suppress Yourself

Toxic people will intimidate, bully, pass guilt, and forcefully take money from you to get their job done. They know very well that they are doing wrong and at the same time, they are acquainted with the concept that we are incapable of doing anything against them.

Most of the time, we keep ourselves quiet until someone speaks up. And because of this suppressive mindset, we are gradually being dragged into their mind games.

Well, we have to change this concept as it infuses courage into them. We need to obstruct them with firm minds and make them realize the negative consequences of their behavior.[1] If they are upsetting you, just tell them directly. Your direct statement might open a new gate of opportunity that will allow you to help them if they are suffering from genuine problems.

So, why are you still tolerating these toxic people? Follow the tips mentioned above and deal with them in the right way.

Featured photo credit: Devin Avery via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Tips for Grooming: Change Your Fixed Negative Belief

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