It’s the holiday season, a time when singletons either:
a) Drop not-so-subtle commitment hints to people they are only lukewarm about, b) Scowl at the overtly-cheesy nature of jewelry ads, or c) Something in between.
If the shorter days and colder nights are making you feel you’ll be alone forever, don’t despair! Whether or not you have prospects on the horizon, there are 15 signs that you are going to meet a kickass partner based on who you are, what you do, and what you don’t do. It takes a great partner to meet a great partner.
Do you have what it takes? Read on to find out:
1. You are adult-ish.
Being an adult doesn’t mean you have all your shit together. Far from it! It means you’re responsible for your life. Whether that be paying your bills or saying you’re sorry, you can take personal responsibility. You are able to reflect on the past and take action toward your future. It also helps if you haven’t killed all of your houseplants (yet).
2. You know what you want in a partner.
Sounds obvious, but people who have a fuzzy sense of what they want only get a fuzzy version of that they want. You don’t just think, “I want a partner who is intelligent.” You know what you want that intelligence to look like. “I want a partner who reads about topics he cares about, is on top of current events, and has enough spatial awareness to help me build Ikea furniture.” You know that when you define it, you’ll find it.
3. You’re the right kind of selfish.
You love yourself and prioritize your self-care. It’s a myth that we need to place our partners over ourselves. If you run yourself into the ground taking care of everyone but yourself, you’re likely to get resentful, drained, and pissy. Self-love isn’t selfish, it’s the reason you’ll attract the right person in the first place. So go ahead, get a little selfish!
4. You know yourself.
You know what lights you up. You know what pisses you off. You know that soy milk makes you queasy. Why does this matter? People with self-awareness are more likely to identify the right partner, get their needs met, and find happiness in a relationship.
5. You aren’t looking for anyone to fix you.
You have priorities, goals, and hobbies. Whether you enjoy cooking or collecting comic books, taking dance classes or taking over the world, you have a life that’s your own. You aren’t waiting around to get “saved.” You aren’t expecting someone to fix you because you know you’re not broken.
6. You aren’t trying to fix anyone.
It’s a fact: You have baggage and so will your partner. And while it would be great to change people’s annoying habits, you know how to accept people for who they are rather than who you want them to be. Your ability to compromise or cut ties will not only bring the right person in, it’ll help you to weed out the wrong one.
7. You are emotionally and physically available.
This one is huge. You’ve created space in your life for a partner. No, that doesn’t mean a drawer in your dresser. It means you are able and willing to give and receive love. You’re prepared to close one door before you open another. Bluntly put, you’re willing to stop sleeping around and commit. People who are good partners are the ones who actually want to be in a relationship.
8. You’re a good listener.
You can take in what your friend says without simultaneously contemplating your rebuttal. You can muster the self-control to not interrupt your mother mid-sentence. This goes well beyond being able to listen to others to include actually being present. Ultimately, if you can go to lunch with a friend without incessantly checking Facebook, you’re already better than most!
9. You communicate productively.
There’s a big difference between communication and productive communication. You state how you feel without playing games or being passive-aggressive. You say what you want instead of what you don’t want. You know that saying “I’d like for us to visit my parents for the holidays,” yields better results than “I really don’t want to spend another Christmas with your crazy mother.”
10. You’re okay with being flawed (even if you don’t like it).
You get that as much as we might try, we can’t always act and look perfect all the time. You’re willing to open yourself up, be vulnerable, and occasionally look like an idiot. You accept that being yourself and receiving love yields a better outcome than being someone else and walking on eggshells.
11. You know the meaning of equality.
You know that fair isn’t always tit for tat. 50/50 in a relationship doesn’t mean you split the bill. It means that you’re willing to let things average out over the course of the relationship. You’re likely to find a great partner if you’re cool with saying “I’ll pay this time, you get the next.”
12. You like to win, but it won’t be WWIII if you don’t.
Whether it’s leaving the last slice or sucking it up and asking for directions, you don’t think you need to prove yourself at everything. Wow! You’re ahead of the game.
13. Your conflict style doesn’t involve bloodshed.
When you fight with people, you fight to fix instead of fighting to win. You get that finding a resolution is better than a power play or opportunity for payback (despite how good you think it might feel).
14. You know how to apologize.
You might not like apologizing, but you can do it. You don’t make excuses or try to cajole others into taking responsibility for your issues. You own it sincerely without making excuses. You then learn from it. And the flipside is also true: you can forgive others when you receive an apology.
15. You cultivate gratitude.
You say thank you. You are appreciative of all that you have, all that you are, and all others do for you. Nobody wants a partner who takes them for granted.
So kick back and relax. You’re awesome and on your way to finding someone as equally awesome as you are. And being single for the holidays has plenty of perks. You won’t have to fake a smile when his mother gives you the ugliest sweater known to humanity. Again.
Featured photo credit: Young beautiful couple outdoor sensual portrait. via shutterstock.com