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15 Signs You’re Going to Have a Great Partner Even If You Don’t Feel You Are

15 Signs You’re Going to Have a Great Partner Even If You Don’t Feel You Are
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It’s the holiday season, a time when singletons either:

a) Drop not-so-subtle commitment hints to people they are only lukewarm about, b) Scowl at the overtly-cheesy nature of jewelry ads, or c) Something in between.

If the shorter days and colder nights are making you feel you’ll be alone forever, don’t despair! Whether or not you have prospects on the horizon, there are 15 signs that you are going to meet a kickass partner based on who you are, what you do, and what you don’t do. It takes a great partner to meet a great partner.

Do you have what it takes? Read on to find out:

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1. You are adult-ish.

Being an adult doesn’t mean you have all your shit together. Far from it! It means you’re responsible for your life. Whether that be paying your bills or saying you’re sorry, you can take personal responsibility. You are able to reflect on the past and take action toward your future. It also helps if you haven’t killed all of your houseplants (yet).

2. You know what you want in a partner.

Sounds obvious, but people who have a fuzzy sense of what they want only get a fuzzy version of that they want. You don’t just think, “I want a partner who is intelligent.” You know what you want that intelligence to look like. “I want a partner who reads about topics he cares about, is on top of current events, and has enough spatial awareness to help me build Ikea furniture.” You know that when you define it, you’ll find it.

3. You’re the right kind of selfish.

You love yourself and prioritize your self-care. It’s a myth that we need to place our partners over ourselves. If you run yourself into the ground taking care of everyone but yourself, you’re likely to get resentful, drained, and pissy. Self-love isn’t selfish, it’s the reason you’ll attract the right person in the first place. So go ahead, get a little selfish!

4. You know yourself.

You know what lights you up. You know what pisses you off. You know that soy milk makes you queasy. Why does this matter? People with self-awareness are more likely to identify the right partner, get their needs met, and find happiness in a relationship.

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5. You aren’t looking for anyone to fix you.

You have priorities, goals, and hobbies. Whether you enjoy cooking or collecting comic books, taking dance classes or taking over the world, you have a life that’s your own. You aren’t waiting around to get “saved.” You aren’t expecting someone to fix you because you know you’re not broken.

6. You aren’t trying to fix anyone.

It’s a fact: You have baggage and so will your partner. And while it would be great to change people’s annoying habits, you know how to accept people for who they are rather than who you want them to be. Your ability to compromise or cut ties will not only bring the right person in, it’ll help you to weed out the wrong one.

7. You are emotionally and physically available.

This one is huge. You’ve created space in your life for a partner. No, that doesn’t mean a drawer in your dresser. It means you are able and willing to give and receive love. You’re prepared to close one door before you open another. Bluntly put, you’re willing to stop sleeping around and commit. People who are good partners are the ones who actually want to be in a relationship.

8. You’re a good listener.

You can take in what your friend says without simultaneously contemplating your rebuttal. You can muster the self-control to not interrupt your mother mid-sentence. This goes well beyond being able to listen to others to include actually being present. Ultimately, if you can go to lunch with a friend without incessantly checking Facebook, you’re already better than most!

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9. You communicate productively.

There’s a big difference between communication and productive communication. You state how you feel without playing games or being passive-aggressive. You say what you want instead of what you don’t want. You know that saying “I’d like for us to visit my parents for the holidays,” yields better results than “I really don’t want to spend another Christmas with your crazy mother.”

10. You’re okay with being flawed (even if you don’t like it).

You get that as much as we might try, we can’t always act and look perfect all the time. You’re willing to open yourself up, be vulnerable, and occasionally look like an idiot. You accept that being yourself and receiving love yields a better outcome than being someone else and walking on eggshells.

11. You know the meaning of equality.

You know that fair isn’t always tit for tat. 50/50 in a relationship doesn’t mean you split the bill. It means that you’re willing to let things average out over the course of the relationship. You’re likely to find a great partner if you’re cool with saying “I’ll pay this time, you get the next.”

12. You like to win, but it won’t be WWIII if you don’t.

Whether it’s leaving the last slice or sucking it up and asking for directions, you don’t think you need to prove yourself at everything. Wow! You’re ahead of the game.

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13. Your conflict style doesn’t involve bloodshed.

When you fight with people, you fight to fix instead of fighting to win. You get that finding a resolution is better than a power play or opportunity for payback (despite how good you think it might feel).

14. You know how to apologize.

You might not like apologizing, but you can do it. You don’t make excuses or try to cajole others into taking responsibility for your issues. You own it sincerely without making excuses. You then learn from it. And the flipside is also true: you can forgive others when you receive an apology.

15. You cultivate gratitude.

You say thank you. You are appreciative of all that you have, all that you are, and all others do for you. Nobody wants a partner who takes them for granted.

So kick back and relax. You’re awesome and on your way to finding someone as equally awesome as you are. And being single for the holidays has plenty of perks. You won’t have to fake a smile when his mother gives you the ugliest sweater known to humanity. Again.

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Featured photo credit: Young beautiful couple outdoor sensual portrait. via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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