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15 Signs The Man You’re With Is A Great Guy

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15 Signs The Man You’re With Is A Great Guy

You don’t need anyone to tell you how important it is to read between the lines and pick up on all those subtle signs that say the person you’re with is a good guy. But, how do you really know he’s a keeper? Should you take things with him to the next level? Maybe even to marriage? Here are15 tell-tale signs that indicate your man is a great guy and you should probably hold on to him with everything you’ve got.

1. He is your biggest fan (arguably at par with your mom). 

You are a priority in his life and he’s always looking out for you. He supports you and your dreams, encourages you when you are feeling down, and uplifts and keeps you focused on the positive side of life. He is just there for you.

2. He initiates and holds intellectually stimulating conversations with you.

That’s because he doesn’t like gossip or mediocre, empty rhetoric like who’s wearing what and where. Instead, he initiates meaningful conversations that stimulate your mind, such as new ways to look at a situation or make an impact in your own and other people’s lives.

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3. He listens to you. 

He’s actually your go-to person whenever you want to talk to someone or just share an experience you’ve had, such as an experience about work, about a feeling, about anything. You used to call your friend(s), now you don’t feel the need quite as much because you are satisfied after you talk to him.

4. He lets you vent. 

Sometimes you just want to voice your anger and or frustrations and have someone there with you who understands where we are coming from. A great guy is patient and stays put with you as you vent without getting annoyed or upset. The only thing that upsets him is that you are frustrated and he wishes you were not.

5. He speaks his mind – and does so coolly, calmly and respectively. 

You see, a great guy has got high self confidence. He knows his own self-worth and doesn’t agree to everything you say. He has a mind of his own and is more than happy to let you have it. However, he speaks his mind in a cool, calm, collected and respectful manner.

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6. He admits he’s wrong when he’s wrong. 

It’s not in him to shift blame or try to maneuver out of a situation when he knows he’s clearly on the wrong. He simply admits when he’s wrong, apologies when the situation calls for it and tries to make amends. He knows to err is human and mistakes are learning opportunities that help you do things in a better way next time. There’s no shame in that.

7. He is passionate about his job and more than capable of motivating himself. 

This is not to say that a man who is not passionate about his job is a bad guy. But, a great guy has figured out what he wants in his life and does it passionately. If he’s stuck in a job he doesn’t like, he’s working towards getting where his heart really lies and motivates himself throughout each step of the way. In other words, he has something else besides you he is passionate about.

8. He takes care of himself – mind, body and soul.

It’s difficult to care for others, if you can’t even care for yourself. A great guy knows this and does what he must to keep himself in good shape, physically, emotionally and spiritually. He might workout to take care of his body, read books to take care of his mind and go to church or meditate to nourish his soul (or spirit). Whatever it is, he takes care of his whole self (mind, body and soul) and ensures he is a well-oiled machine inside and out.

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9. He surprises you with sweet words and/or acts of love every now and then. 

Although he’s always loving and kind to you, sometimes he does things that take you by surprise and leave you muttering, “Awww! That is so sweet, honey.” He might tell you, out of the blue, you are the most beautiful woman on the planet on a day that you didn’t even put on your makeup or make you breakfast-in-bed. Those seemingly little, unexpected acts of love tell you he truly cares and wants to make you happy.

10. He genuinely cares about your friends. 

Your friends know a thing or two about you that he doesn’t and they have helped you get through some difficult situations when he wasn’t around. So, yeah, he cares about your friends too. So much so, that he might asks how one of your friends he’s not heard about in a while is doing or even suggest you go spend time with that friend who’s having a bad day or sleep over at her place if she is going through a really tough time in her life.

11. He treats other people with kindness and respect.

How he treats other people (especially when no one is looking) is a sure sign of what kind of person he really is. If he treats people with respect and is kind and compassionate, he’s a catch. If he is dismissive, rude or even uninterested in the people around him, run! Any negative attitude and energy you notice will likely be directed at you when all the lovey-dovey feelings he has for you wane – and the feelings do wane naturally with time.

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12. He’s got his act together and doesn’t need you to babysit him. 

Everybody plays the cards they are dealt. Nobody is perfect. Great guys have their own issues too. He might go out clubbing with the boys and get drunk, but he will still get himself home safely. He doesn’t need you to watch him so he doesn’t do something stupid, carry him home after a drinking spree, or worse help him foot the bills because he is paying child support somewhere. He’s got all his stuff under control.

13. He is in good terms with your family, and has made sure you’ve met his.

It just makes sense to him that he should know and at least be civil with your parents and other family members, and for you to know and do likewise with his, including any siblings, grandparents, nieces and nephews. After all, you can’t quite know where you are going together unless you both know where you are coming from.  

14. He keeps his apartment neat and tidy. 

It doesn’t have to be sparkling clean, but his apartment is not a garbage dump. In fact, he doesn’t even have to have his own place, but any where he lives is clean, tidy and orderly. A neat and tidy house reflects positively on his character and mental state.

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15. He doesn’t want to, but he is not afraid to lose you.

Yep, that’s a good thing because it means he is not needy or clingy. He’ll give you your space when you need it and allow you to pursue your own passions because he wants you to give him his space, as well. He’s a great guy!

Featured photo credit: StephenandMelanie via flickr.com

More by this author

David K. William

David is a publisher and entrepreneur who tries to help professionals grow their business and careers, and gives advice for entrepreneurs.

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

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How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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