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15 Signs That You Are Emotionally Intelligent

15 Signs That You Are Emotionally Intelligent

Emotionally intelligent people aren’t ruled by their thoughts; they are the master of them. Discover your emotional strength today with these 15 signs that you are emotionally intelligent.

1. You’re Fascinated by What Makes People Tick.

Emotionally intelligent people are fascinated by human behavior. They notice things like body language, dialect, and personal tics. Being a people-watcher helps them find clues about what makes each individual special.

2. You’re an Enthusiastic Leader Who Walks the Walk.

Emotionally intelligent people know it’s silly to talk the talk if they’re not willing to walk the walk. Instead of leading behind by delivering commands, they lead from the front by setting an example.

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3. You’re Aware of Your Strengths and Weaknesses.

Emotionally intelligent people know you’re not as weak as your weakest link; you are as strong as your strongest link. They use their greatest strengths as much as possible to make their weaknesses a moot point.

4. You’re at Peace with the Past.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t have time for regret. They drop their baggage and move forward into the present, because that’s where progress happens.

5. You’re Not Freaked Out About the Future.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t obsess with future events outside of their control. They are comfortable living in a world that doesn’t come with a crystal ball, because life is meant to be an exciting adventure (not a scripted routine).

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6. You’re Tuned in to the Present Moment.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t merely “get through” their hectic day. Instead, they actively experience the nuances of every single moment of every single day.

7. You’re a Skilled Active Listener.

Emotionally intelligent people know that “hearing” and “listening” are two different things. They re-phrase a person’s statements in the form of a question to make sure nothing got lost in translation.

8. You’re Capable of Figuring Out Why You’re Upset.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t let a chorus of negative self-talk take over their brain. They are detectives who explore their environment, searching for clues that reveal why they feel the way they do and (most importantly) what they can do to make it better.

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9. You’re Comfortable Talking with Friends and Strangers.

Emotionally intelligent people never met a stranger they didn’t like. They don’t care about a person’s age, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation; they love everybody equally, because we’re all human here.

10. You’re Ethical in Business and Relationships.

Emotionally intelligent people follow their moral compass in business and life. Their values might differ from person to person, but high standards govern their behavior.

11. You’re Eager to Help People.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t need a reason to help others. They help elderly women with their grocery bags; offer to wash the dishes if a friend or partner prepared dinner; and hold doors open, not just for ladies, but gentlemen as well.

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12. You’re Able to Read People Like a Book.

Emotionally intelligent people can translate the meaning of gestures, expressions, and body-language. They know you can’t depend on language alone, because a person’s physical presence is often at odds with the words they express.

13. You’re Firm in Your Desire to Achieve.

Emotionally intelligent people strive for success, no matter how long it takes. They are willing to deal with setbacks and address shortcomings, because you don’t lose until you quit.

14. You’re Motivated for Reasons Inside of Yourself.

Emotionally intelligent people build motivation that lasts. They detach themselves from the end result and focus on enjoying the process. Personal development doesn’t happen at the moment of achievement, but during the growth process that leads to success.

15. You’re Willing to Say “No” When You Have To.

Emotionally intelligent people know there can be too much of a good thing. They know they can’t do everything, so they set priorities determined by what is most important to them.

Please post a comment with a number “score” to show us how emotionally intelligent you are!

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Daniel Wallen

Daniel is a writer who focuses on blogging about happiness and motivation at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

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Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

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Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

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Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

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Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

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