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15 Signs That You Are Emotionally Intelligent

15 Signs That You Are Emotionally Intelligent

Emotionally intelligent people aren’t ruled by their thoughts; they are the master of them. Discover your emotional strength today with these 15 signs that you are emotionally intelligent.

1. You’re Fascinated by What Makes People Tick.

Emotionally intelligent people are fascinated by human behavior. They notice things like body language, dialect, and personal tics. Being a people-watcher helps them find clues about what makes each individual special.

2. You’re an Enthusiastic Leader Who Walks the Walk.

Emotionally intelligent people know it’s silly to talk the talk if they’re not willing to walk the walk. Instead of leading behind by delivering commands, they lead from the front by setting an example.

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3. You’re Aware of Your Strengths and Weaknesses.

Emotionally intelligent people know you’re not as weak as your weakest link; you are as strong as your strongest link. They use their greatest strengths as much as possible to make their weaknesses a moot point.

4. You’re at Peace with the Past.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t have time for regret. They drop their baggage and move forward into the present, because that’s where progress happens.

5. You’re Not Freaked Out About the Future.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t obsess with future events outside of their control. They are comfortable living in a world that doesn’t come with a crystal ball, because life is meant to be an exciting adventure (not a scripted routine).

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6. You’re Tuned in to the Present Moment.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t merely “get through” their hectic day. Instead, they actively experience the nuances of every single moment of every single day.

7. You’re a Skilled Active Listener.

Emotionally intelligent people know that “hearing” and “listening” are two different things. They re-phrase a person’s statements in the form of a question to make sure nothing got lost in translation.

8. You’re Capable of Figuring Out Why You’re Upset.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t let a chorus of negative self-talk take over their brain. They are detectives who explore their environment, searching for clues that reveal why they feel the way they do and (most importantly) what they can do to make it better.

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9. You’re Comfortable Talking with Friends and Strangers.

Emotionally intelligent people never met a stranger they didn’t like. They don’t care about a person’s age, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or political affiliation; they love everybody equally, because we’re all human here.

10. You’re Ethical in Business and Relationships.

Emotionally intelligent people follow their moral compass in business and life. Their values might differ from person to person, but high standards govern their behavior.

11. You’re Eager to Help People.

Emotionally intelligent people don’t need a reason to help others. They help elderly women with their grocery bags; offer to wash the dishes if a friend or partner prepared dinner; and hold doors open, not just for ladies, but gentlemen as well.

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12. You’re Able to Read People Like a Book.

Emotionally intelligent people can translate the meaning of gestures, expressions, and body-language. They know you can’t depend on language alone, because a person’s physical presence is often at odds with the words they express.

13. You’re Firm in Your Desire to Achieve.

Emotionally intelligent people strive for success, no matter how long it takes. They are willing to deal with setbacks and address shortcomings, because you don’t lose until you quit.

14. You’re Motivated for Reasons Inside of Yourself.

Emotionally intelligent people build motivation that lasts. They detach themselves from the end result and focus on enjoying the process. Personal development doesn’t happen at the moment of achievement, but during the growth process that leads to success.

15. You’re Willing to Say “No” When You Have To.

Emotionally intelligent people know there can be too much of a good thing. They know they can’t do everything, so they set priorities determined by what is most important to them.

Please post a comment with a number “score” to show us how emotionally intelligent you are!

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Daniel Wallen

Daniel is a writer who focuses on blogging about happiness and motivation at Lifehack.

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Last Updated on July 8, 2020

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you realize you aren’t really happy about this, wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while but I learned the art of saying no. Saying ‘no’ meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. I started to manage my time more around my own needs and interests. When that happened, I became a lot happier. And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying ‘no,’ you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey considered one of the most successful women in the world confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything. It was only when she realized that after years of struggling with saying no, I finally got to this question: “What do I want?”

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

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Warren Buffett views no as essential to his success. He said,

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made ‘no’ a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say ‘no.’

From an early age, we are conditioned to say ‘yes.’ We said yes probably hundreds of time in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work. We said yes get a promotion. We said yes to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because it feels better to help someone. We say yes because it can seem like the right thing to do. We say yes because we think that is key to success. And we say yes because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist like the boss.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves. At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we feel guilty we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message no matter where we turn is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

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How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Deciding to add the word ‘no’ to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say ‘no’ but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of ‘no’ that you could finally create more time for things you care about. But let’s be honest, using the word ‘no’ doesn’t come easily for many people.

The 3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time especially you haven’t done it much in the past will feel awkward.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

Remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it, who else knows about all of the demands on your time? No one. Only you are at the center of all of these requests. are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying ‘No’ Means Saying ‘Yes’ to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word ‘no’ into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying ‘no’ is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because FOMO even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

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Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better.

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say ‘No’

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say ‘yes’ because we worry about how others will respond or the consequences of saying no or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose respect from others. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying ‘no’ can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way. You might disappoint someone initially but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to.

4. When the Request Comes In, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time, or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say ‘no.’ There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your ‘No’ with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

A clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

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6. Consider How to Use a Modified ‘No’

If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” giving you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

Final Thoughts

Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

Use the request as a fresh request to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself. If you are the one placing the demand on yourself, try to evaluate the demand as if it were coming from somewhere else.

Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project but not by working all weekend. Or, tell someone in your family you can’t loan them money again because they never paid you back the last time. You’ll find yourself much happier.

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Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

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