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14 Questions The Person You Marry Should Know The Answer To

14 Questions The Person You Marry Should Know The Answer To

Sometimes they’re sitting right next to us and we’ll never even expect them to be the one. Some people grew up with this person and everyone knew they were meant to be except them. Sometimes the person you marry is actually on the other side of the world and some how fate or a plane brings you together. And many times, they’re just hiding in plain site. We expect so much out of the person marry and sometimes we don’t get the answers we need because we’re simply afraid to ask or we feel like it should be obvious but it’s not. So if you are planning to marry someone, no matter if it’s next year or one day, make sure to ask them these 14 question.

1. Why do you love me?

This sounds like a broad question but honestly, love is so selfish. It takes a lot to love someone and there’s always a reason why their love for you outweighs how they feel about anyone else. You can’t just love someone for no reason and if the person you marry says, “because I do” or  “I don’t need a reason,” then that’s honestly just bullshit. I promise you there is a reason because we are human and we don’t just like things to like them. Something glimmers in the things we enjoy and whether that be a materialistic item or an actual person, there is a reason for it.

2. Can we sit here in silence and just be?

Silence is healthy and if you can’t sit with the person you’re married to and just be in complete silence without it being awkward then you shouldn’t be married to them. As a couple, you don’t always have to have something to say and you don’t always need to say anything. You should be able to go out in public or even just by yourselves and be able to be fine without speaking. I don’t mean this in an angry way of not speaking, I mean a completely peaceful way where you’re both entirely happy to just be with each other.

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3. Can you make me a cup of coffee?

Your significant other should automatically say yes and know to put two teaspoons of sugar and a teeny tiny bit of milk in that French vanilla cappuccino in your favorite mug with the little deer on it. This also goes with the “can you be a doll and grab my sweater upstairs really fast?” They should know you mean the black one that you wear with everything and not the red one.

4. How do you feel about having children one day?

Some people love kids and some people aren’t meant to have kids. Accidents happen. The children topic still needs to be covered even if you’ve agreed on not having them. Either you really want them or you really don’t. My mother always says that as you grow older, views and opinions change and sometimes you cave in. This isn’t just a question for the beginning of a marriage, this is a question that continues to ponder your mind until it’s too late to have children at all.

5. What are your expectations of this relationship?

Everyone has their expectations of a perfect relationship and if you’re not both on the same page then things could go wrong. And once you have found out each other’s expectations, it’s time to make compromises. If you really want something to work, then you’ll be willing to give away some of your wishes and take in some of their expectations, and vice versa.

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6. If we had never met, where do you think you would be?

Would they be more successful? Do they regret it or do they think they’re a much better person than the one they would have been without you? This could lead to a conversation of how you could grow together as a couple or if there are any walls that need to be conquered in the relationship as a whole.

7.  If we eliminated physical attraction from our relationship, what would be left?

Relationships are more than just sex. And if there is no emotional and mental connection then it’ll never last. If you and your significant other can’t keep a conversation which is slightly intelligent then that is a problem. You should be able to talk to them about anything in a serious manner and have it stay that way, rather than everything just turning into sex.

8. Is there anything in your past that I should be aware of?

Some things are best kept secret and some things are a need-to-know. Don’t force this question, it could end badly if said at the wrong time but it’s always good to at least know they trust you with their past. Certain things bother people when it comes to another’s past. Maybe they were hurt by an incident which is similar to something you do and this could lead to problems. Being honest is always a good policy.

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9. Do you trust me with money?

Not only is trusting you with their past important but trusting you with money is too. You don’t want to be seen as a financial burden by them, just like you don’t want to see them that way. And if they don’t trust you or you don’t trust them with money then maybe it’s time to go into some financial counseling to make sure you understand the limits on spending money.

10. What is nagging? Do I nag?

Everyone has their cranky moments when they’re ticked about something but nagging is like a whole other level. And the thing is that nagging is different to every one. Find out what nagging is to them and make sure you don’t do that or ask if they wish you would talk to them about things you don’t like in a different way.

11. If you had a problem with something I do, you would tell me, right?

Sometimes you need to ask this question. You never know unless the person you marry tells you straight up. If they’re acting different or bitter about some recent event, then maybe it’s best to sit down with them and talk it out instead of continuing to let them be that way. And if you have a problem with something your significant other does, then maybe it’s time to tell them, they’ll never know what’s wrong unless you let them know.

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12.  What health problems do you have?

Knowing what kind of allergies the person you marry has or if there is any sort of health issue they may have could come in handy. If they’re allergic to something that you like to cook with them you’ll be able to avoid buying that ingredient. Maybe they’re allergic to dogs and you really wanted a pet. Or maybe it’s something serious that gets passed down into the next generation. Only if you ask, will you find out how big of a deal it really is.

13. If I was unable to care for myself, would you be able to care for me?

All a person could really want is to know if your spouse is still going to be there in your life if you fall ill. This is in your vows, “for better or worse, in sickness and in health” you’re promising to be there for them and they’re promising to be there for you. If they can’t promise that then they’re not really yours to keep.

14. Do you like dogs or cats?

This is so important. I mean what if you’re a major cat lover because they take care of themselves but then the person you marry loves taking their dog to the park to catch some Frisbees? Or maybe you don’t care either way but they’re allergic to cats so then you have to make the decision between an ugly hairless cat or a cute new puppy. There’s going to be an argument and then someone will have to cave.

Featured photo credit: Bride and groom getting married in church view from aisle via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on April 11, 2019

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in every phase of your life. This is especially true in the workplace.

I have personally worked with several leaders who were masters of communication. A few were wonderful speakers who could tell a great story and get everyone in the room engaged. Those of us in attendance would walk away feeling inspired and eager to help with what came next. Others were very skilled at sharing a clear direction and job expectations.

I knew exactly what was expected of me and how to achieve my goals. This was the foundation of an energized and vibrant role I was in. What I have found is strong communication skills are incredibly helpful and sometimes critical in how well we perform at work.

Here we will take a look at how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

How Communication Skills Help Your Success

Strong communication skills pave the way for success in many ways. Let’s look at a few of the big ones.

Create a Positive Experience

Here are two examples of how well developed communication skills helps create a positive experience:

When I first moved to the city I now live in, I began a job search. Prior to my first live interview, I was told an address to go to. Upon arriving at the address provided, I drove around and around attempting to find the location. After 15 minutes of circling and looking for the address, I finally grabbed a parking spot and set out on foot.

What I discovered was the address was actually down an alley and only had the number over the door. No sign for the actual company. The person that gave me those very unclear directions provided a bad experience for me.

Had they communicated the directions to get there in a clear manner, my experience would have been much better. Instead the entire experience started off poorly and colored the entire meeting.

As a recruiter, I frequently provide potential candidates with information about a job I’m speaking to them about. In order to do this, I also provide a picture of the overall company, the group they might be joining, and how their role fits in and impacts the entire company.

Time and time again I have been told by candidates that I have provided the clearest picture of a company and role they have ever heard. They have a positive experience when I clearly communicate to them. Even when the position does not work out for them, often times they will want to stay in touch with me due to the open communication and beneficial experience they had during the interviewing process.

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Strong communication skills will provide a positive experience in virtually any interaction you have with someone.

Help Leadership Skills

It’s certainly a skill all its own to be able to lead others.

Being a mentor and guiding others towards success is a major hallmark of great leaders. Another characteristic of effective leaders is the ability to communicate clearly.

As I referenced above, having a leader who can plainly articulate the company’s mission and direction goes a really long way towards being the Captain of the boat that others want to follow. It’s like saying “here’s our destination and this is how we are going to get there” in a way that everyone can get on board with.

Another critical component of everyone helping to sail the boat in the right direction is knowing what your portion is all about. How are you helping the boat move towards its destination in the manner than is consistent with the leaders’ vision?

If you have a boss or a manager that can show you what it takes for not only you to be successful, but also how your performance helps the company’s success then you’ve got a winner. A boss with superior communication skills.

Build Better Teams

Most of us work in teams of some sort or another. During the course of my career, I have led teams up to 80 and also been an individual contributor.

In my individual contributor roles, I have been part of a larger team. Even if you are in business for yourself, you have to interact with others in one manner or another.

If you have strong communication skills, it helps to build better teams. This is true whether you are in an IT department with 100 other fellow programmers or if you own your own business and have customers or vendors you communicate with.

When you showcase your robust ability to communicate well with others while interacting with them, you are building a better team.

Now let’s jump in to how to improve communication skills to help you pave the way for your workplace success.

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How to Improve Communication Skills for Workplace Success

There are many tips, tricks, and techniques to improve communication skills. I don’t want to overwhelm you with too much information, so let’s focus on the things that will provide the biggest return on your time investment.

Most of these tips will be fairly easy to become aware of but will take time and effort to implement. So let’s go!

1. Listen

Ever heard the saying you have two ears and one mouth for a reason? If you haven’t, then here’s the reason:

Being a good listener is half the equation to being a good communicator.

People who have the ability to really listen to someone can then actually answer questions in a meaningful way. If you don’t make the effort to actively listen, then you are really doing yourself and the other person a disservice in the communication department.

Know that person who is chomping at the bit to open his or her mouth the second you stop talking? Don’t be that person. They haven’t listened to at least 1/2 of what you’ve said. Therefore the words that spill out of their mouth are going to be about 1/2 relevant to what you just said.

Listen to someone completely and be comfortable with short periods of silence. Work on your listening skills first and foremost.

2. Know Your Audience

Knowing your audience is another critical component to having strong communication skills. The way you interact with your manager should be different than how you interact with your kids. This isn’t to say you need to be a different person with everyone you interact with. Far from it.

Here is a good way to think about it:

Imagine using your the same choice of words and body language you use with your spouse while interacting with your boss. That puts things in a graphic light!

You want to ensure you are using the type of communication most relevant to your audience.

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3. Minimize

I have lunch with a business associate about 3 times a year. We’ve been talking for several years now about putting a business deal together.

He is one of those people that simply overwhelms others with a lot of words. Sometimes when I ask him a question, I get buried beneath such an avalanche of words that I’m more confused than when I asked the question. Needless to say this is most likely a large portion of why we never put the deal together.

Don’t be like my lunch business associate. The goal of talking to or communicating with someone is to share actual information. The goal is not to confuse someone, it’s to provide clarity in many cases.

State what needs to be stated as succinctly as possible. That doesn’t mean you can’t have some pleasant conversation about the weather too.

The point is to not create such an onslaught of words and information that the other person walks away more confused than when they started.

4. Over Communicate

So this probably sounds completely counter intuitive to what I just wrote about minimizing your communication. It seems like it might be but it’s not.

What I mean by over communicating is ensuring that the other person understands the important parts of what you are sharing with them. This can be done simply yet effectively. Here’s a good example:

Most companies have open enrollment for benefits for the employees in the fall. The company I work for has open enrollment from November 1 to 15. The benefits department will send out a communication to all employees around October 1st, letting them know open enrollment is right around the corner and any major changes that year. There’s also a phone number and email for people to contact them with any questions.

Two weeks later, we all get a follow up email with basically the same information. We get a 3rd communication the week before open enrollment and another one 1 day before it starts.

Finally we get 2 emails during enrollment reminding us when open enrollment ends.

There’s minimal information, it’s more of a reminder. This is effective over communication.

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5. Body Language

The final critical component to how to improve communication skills for workplace success is body language. This is something most of us have heard about before but, a reminder is probably a good idea.

When I am in a meeting with someone I am comfortable with, I tend to kind of slouch down in my chair and cross my arms. When I catch myself doing this, I sit up straight and uncross my arms. I remember that crossing arms can many times be interpreted as a sign of disagreement or conflict.

In general, the best rule of thumb is to work towards having open body language whenever possible at work. This means relaxing your posture, not crossing your arms, and looking people in the eye when speaking with them.

When you are speaking in front of others, stand up straight and speak in a clear voice. This will convey confidence in your words.

Conclusion

Possessing strong communication skills will help you in many facets of your life and most certainly in the workplace.

Good communication helps create better teams, positive experiences with those we interact with, and are critical for leadership.

There are numerous tactics and techniques to be used to improve communication skills. Here we’ve reviewed how to improve communication skills for workplace success.

Now go communicate your way to success.

More Resources About Effective Communication

Featured photo credit: HIVAN ARVIZU via unsplash.com

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