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14 Questions The Person You Marry Should Know The Answer To

14 Questions The Person You Marry Should Know The Answer To
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Sometimes they’re sitting right next to us and we’ll never even expect them to be the one. Some people grew up with this person and everyone knew they were meant to be except them. Sometimes the person you marry is actually on the other side of the world and some how fate or a plane brings you together. And many times, they’re just hiding in plain site. We expect so much out of the person marry and sometimes we don’t get the answers we need because we’re simply afraid to ask or we feel like it should be obvious but it’s not. So if you are planning to marry someone, no matter if it’s next year or one day, make sure to ask them these 14 question.

1. Why do you love me?

This sounds like a broad question but honestly, love is so selfish. It takes a lot to love someone and there’s always a reason why their love for you outweighs how they feel about anyone else. You can’t just love someone for no reason and if the person you marry says, “because I do” or  “I don’t need a reason,” then that’s honestly just bullshit. I promise you there is a reason because we are human and we don’t just like things to like them. Something glimmers in the things we enjoy and whether that be a materialistic item or an actual person, there is a reason for it.

2. Can we sit here in silence and just be?

Silence is healthy and if you can’t sit with the person you’re married to and just be in complete silence without it being awkward then you shouldn’t be married to them. As a couple, you don’t always have to have something to say and you don’t always need to say anything. You should be able to go out in public or even just by yourselves and be able to be fine without speaking. I don’t mean this in an angry way of not speaking, I mean a completely peaceful way where you’re both entirely happy to just be with each other.

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3. Can you make me a cup of coffee?

Your significant other should automatically say yes and know to put two teaspoons of sugar and a teeny tiny bit of milk in that French vanilla cappuccino in your favorite mug with the little deer on it. This also goes with the “can you be a doll and grab my sweater upstairs really fast?” They should know you mean the black one that you wear with everything and not the red one.

4. How do you feel about having children one day?

Some people love kids and some people aren’t meant to have kids. Accidents happen. The children topic still needs to be covered even if you’ve agreed on not having them. Either you really want them or you really don’t. My mother always says that as you grow older, views and opinions change and sometimes you cave in. This isn’t just a question for the beginning of a marriage, this is a question that continues to ponder your mind until it’s too late to have children at all.

5. What are your expectations of this relationship?

Everyone has their expectations of a perfect relationship and if you’re not both on the same page then things could go wrong. And once you have found out each other’s expectations, it’s time to make compromises. If you really want something to work, then you’ll be willing to give away some of your wishes and take in some of their expectations, and vice versa.

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6. If we had never met, where do you think you would be?

Would they be more successful? Do they regret it or do they think they’re a much better person than the one they would have been without you? This could lead to a conversation of how you could grow together as a couple or if there are any walls that need to be conquered in the relationship as a whole.

7.  If we eliminated physical attraction from our relationship, what would be left?

Relationships are more than just sex. And if there is no emotional and mental connection then it’ll never last. If you and your significant other can’t keep a conversation which is slightly intelligent then that is a problem. You should be able to talk to them about anything in a serious manner and have it stay that way, rather than everything just turning into sex.

8. Is there anything in your past that I should be aware of?

Some things are best kept secret and some things are a need-to-know. Don’t force this question, it could end badly if said at the wrong time but it’s always good to at least know they trust you with their past. Certain things bother people when it comes to another’s past. Maybe they were hurt by an incident which is similar to something you do and this could lead to problems. Being honest is always a good policy.

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9. Do you trust me with money?

Not only is trusting you with their past important but trusting you with money is too. You don’t want to be seen as a financial burden by them, just like you don’t want to see them that way. And if they don’t trust you or you don’t trust them with money then maybe it’s time to go into some financial counseling to make sure you understand the limits on spending money.

10. What is nagging? Do I nag?

Everyone has their cranky moments when they’re ticked about something but nagging is like a whole other level. And the thing is that nagging is different to every one. Find out what nagging is to them and make sure you don’t do that or ask if they wish you would talk to them about things you don’t like in a different way.

11. If you had a problem with something I do, you would tell me, right?

Sometimes you need to ask this question. You never know unless the person you marry tells you straight up. If they’re acting different or bitter about some recent event, then maybe it’s best to sit down with them and talk it out instead of continuing to let them be that way. And if you have a problem with something your significant other does, then maybe it’s time to tell them, they’ll never know what’s wrong unless you let them know.

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12.  What health problems do you have?

Knowing what kind of allergies the person you marry has or if there is any sort of health issue they may have could come in handy. If they’re allergic to something that you like to cook with them you’ll be able to avoid buying that ingredient. Maybe they’re allergic to dogs and you really wanted a pet. Or maybe it’s something serious that gets passed down into the next generation. Only if you ask, will you find out how big of a deal it really is.

13. If I was unable to care for myself, would you be able to care for me?

All a person could really want is to know if your spouse is still going to be there in your life if you fall ill. This is in your vows, “for better or worse, in sickness and in health” you’re promising to be there for them and they’re promising to be there for you. If they can’t promise that then they’re not really yours to keep.

14. Do you like dogs or cats?

This is so important. I mean what if you’re a major cat lover because they take care of themselves but then the person you marry loves taking their dog to the park to catch some Frisbees? Or maybe you don’t care either way but they’re allergic to cats so then you have to make the decision between an ugly hairless cat or a cute new puppy. There’s going to be an argument and then someone will have to cave.

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Featured photo credit: Bride and groom getting married in church view from aisle via shutterstock.com

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Last Updated on July 20, 2021

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)

How to Overcome the Fear of Public Speaking (A Step-by-Step Guide)
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You’re standing behind the curtain, just about to make your way on stage to face the many faces half-shrouded in darkness in front of you. As you move towards the spotlight, your body starts to feel heavier with each step. A familiar thump echoes throughout your body – your heartbeat has gone off the charts.

Don’t worry, you’re not the only one with glossophobia(also known as speech anxiety or the fear of speaking to large crowds). Sometimes, the anxiety happens long before you even stand on stage.

Your body’s defence mechanism responds by causing a part of your brain to release adrenaline into your blood – the same chemical that gets released as if you were being chased by a lion.

Here’s a step-by-step guide to help you overcome your fear of public speaking:

1. Prepare yourself mentally and physically

According to experts, we’re built to display anxiety and to recognize it in others. If your body and mind are anxious, your audience will notice. Hence, it’s important to prepare yourself before the big show so that you arrive on stage confident, collected and ready.

“Your outside world is a reflection of your inside world. What goes on in the inside, shows on the outside.” – Bob Proctor

Exercising lightly before a presentation helps get your blood circulating and sends oxygen to the brain. Mental exercises, on the other hand, can help calm the mind and nerves. Here are some useful ways to calm your racing heart when you start to feel the butterflies in your stomach:

Warming up

If you’re nervous, chances are your body will feel the same way. Your body gets tense, your muscles feel tight or you’re breaking in cold sweat. The audience will notice you are nervous.

If you observe that this is exactly what is happening to you minutes before a speech, do a couple of stretches to loosen and relax your body. It’s better to warm up before every speech as it helps to increase the functional potential of the body as a whole. Not only that, it increases muscle efficiency, improves reaction time and your movements.

Here are some exercises to loosen up your body before show time:

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  1. Neck and shoulder rolls – This helps relieve upper body muscle tension and pressure as the rolls focus on rotating the head and shoulders, loosening the muscle. Stress and anxiety can make us rigid within this area which can make you feel agitated, especially when standing.
  2. Arm stretches – We often use this part of our muscles during a speech or presentation through our hand gestures and movements. Stretching these muscles can reduce arm fatigue, loosen you up and improve your body language range.
  3. Waist twists – Place your hands on your hips and rotate your waist in a circular motion. This exercise focuses on loosening the abdominal and lower back regions which is essential as it can cause discomfort and pain, further amplifying any anxieties you may experience.

Stay hydrated

Ever felt parched seconds before speaking? And then coming up on stage sounding raspy and scratchy in front of the audience? This happens because the adrenaline from stage fright causes your mouth to feel dried out.

To prevent all that, it’s essential we stay adequately hydrated before a speech. A sip of water will do the trick. However, do drink in moderation so that you won’t need to go to the bathroom constantly.

Try to avoid sugary beverages and caffeine, since it’s a diuretic – meaning you’ll feel thirstier. It will also amplify your anxiety which prevents you from speaking smoothly.

Meditate

Meditation is well-known as a powerful tool to calm the mind. ABC’s Dan Harris, co-anchor of Nightline and Good Morning America weekend and author of the book titled10% Happier , recommends that meditation can help individuals to feel significantly calmer, faster.

Meditation is like a workout for your mind. It gives you the strength and focus to filter out the negativity and distractions with words of encouragement, confidence and strength.

Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is a popular method to calm yourself before going up on the big stage. The practice involves sitting comfortably, focusing on your breathing and then bringing your mind’s attention to the present without drifting into concerns about the past or future – which likely includes floundering on stage.

Here’s a nice example of guided meditation before public speaking:

2. Focus on your goal

One thing people with a fear of public speaking have in common is focusing too much on themselves and the possibility of failure.

Do I look funny? What if I can’t remember what to say? Do I look stupid? Will people listen to me? Does anyone care about what I’m talking about?’

Instead of thinking this way, shift your attention to your one true purpose – contributing something of value to your audience.

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Decide on the progress you’d like your audience to make after your presentation. Notice their movements and expressions to adapt your speech to ensure that they are having a good time to leave the room as better people.

If your own focus isn’t beneficial and what it should be when you’re speaking, then shift it to what does. This is also key to establishing trust during your presentation as the audience can clearly see that you have their interests at heart.[1]

3. Convert negativity to positivity

There are two sides constantly battling inside of us – one is filled with strength and courage while the other is doubt and insecurities. Which one will you feed?

‘What if I mess up this speech? What if I’m not funny enough? What if I forget what to say?’

It’s no wonder why many of us are uncomfortable giving a presentation. All we do is bring ourselves down before we got a chance to prove ourselves. This is also known as a self-fulfilling prophecy – a belief that comes true because we are acting as if it already is. If you think you’re incompetent, then it will eventually become true.

Motivational coaches tout that positive mantras and affirmations tend to boost your confidents for the moments that matter most. Say to yourself: “I’ll ace this speech and I can do it!”

Take advantage of your adrenaline rush to encourage positive outcome rather than thinking of the negative ‘what ifs’.

Here’s a video of Psychologist Kelly McGonigal who encourages her audience to turn stress into something positive as well as provide methods on how to cope with it:

4. Understand your content

Knowing your content at your fingertips helps reduce your anxiety because there is one less thing to worry about. One way to get there is to practice numerous times before your actual speech.

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However, memorizing your script word-for-word is not encouraged. You can end up freezing should you forget something. You’ll also risk sounding unnatural and less approachable.

“No amount of reading or memorizing will make you successful in life. It is the understanding and the application of wise thought that counts.” – Bob Proctor

Many people unconsciously make the mistake of reading from their slides or memorizing their script word-for-word without understanding their content – a definite way to stress themselves out.

Understanding your speech flow and content makes it easier for you to convert ideas and concepts into your own words which you can then clearly explain to others in a conversational manner. Designing your slides to include text prompts is also an easy hack to ensure you get to quickly recall your flow when your mind goes blank.[2]

One way to understand is to memorize the over-arching concepts or ideas in your pitch. It helps you speak more naturally and let your personality shine through. It’s almost like taking your audience on a journey with a few key milestones.

5. Practice makes perfect

Like most people, many of us are not naturally attuned to public speaking. Rarely do individuals walk up to a large audience and present flawlessly without any research and preparation.

In fact, some of the top presenters make it look easy during showtime because they have spent countless hours behind-the-scenes in deep practice. Even great speakers like the late John F. Kennedy would spend months preparing his speech beforehand.

Public speaking, like any other skill, requires practice – whether it be practicing your speech countless of times in front of a mirror or making notes. As the saying goes, practice makes perfect!

6. Be authentic

There’s nothing wrong with feeling stressed before going up to speak in front of an audience.

Many people fear public speaking because they fear others will judge them for showing their true, vulnerable self. However, vulnerability can sometimes help you come across as more authentic and relatable as a speaker.

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Drop the pretence of trying to act or speak like someone else and you’ll find that it’s worth the risk. You become more genuine, flexible and spontaneous, which makes it easier to handle unpredictable situations – whether it’s getting tough questions from the crowd or experiencing an unexpected technical difficulty.

To find out your authentic style of speaking is easy. Just pick a topic or issue you are passionate about and discuss this like you normally would with a close family or friend. It is like having a conversation with someone in a personal one-to-one setting. A great way to do this on stage is to select a random audience member(with a hopefully calming face) and speak to a single person at a time during your speech. You’ll find that it’s easier trying to connect to one person at a time than a whole room.

With that said, being comfortable enough to be yourself in front of others may take a little time and some experience, depending how comfortable you are with being yourself in front of others. But once you embrace it, stage fright will not be as intimidating as you initially thought.

Presenters like Barack Obama are a prime example of a genuine and passionate speaker:

7. Post speech evaluation

Last but not the least, if you’ve done public speaking and have been scarred from a bad experience, try seeing it as a lesson learned to improve yourself as a speaker.

Don’t beat yourself up after a presentation

We are the hardest on ourselves and it’s good to be. But when you finish delivering your speech or presentation, give yourself some recognition and a pat on the back.

You managed to finish whatever you had to do and did not give up. You did not let your fears and insecurities get to you. Take a little more pride in your work and believe in yourself.

Improve your next speech

As mentioned before, practice does make perfect. If you want to improve your public speaking skills, try asking someone to film you during a speech or presentation. Afterwards, watch and observe what you can do to improve yourself next time.

Here are some questions you can ask yourself after every speech:

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  • How did I do?
  • Are there any areas for improvement?
  • Did I sound or look stressed?
  • Did I stumble on my words? Why?
  • Was I saying “um” too often?
  • How was the flow of the speech?

Write everything you observed down and keep practicing and improving. In time, you’ll be able to better manage your fears of public speaking and appear more confident when it counts.

If you want even more tips about public speaking or delivering a great presentation, check out these articles too:

Reference

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