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14 Ways That Reveal Who You Really Are

14 Ways That Reveal Who You Really Are

Many times those who are living a lie do so because they don’t feel it’s safe to reveal who they really are. They might be frightened by disapproval from friends and family. Or they may have been bullied as a child. Other times, avoiding an authentic life can be used to hide mental illness or self-hate.

Here are 14 ways in which you reveal who you really are. If you’re brave enough, or if you dare, aim to share who you really are, little by little, everyday, with those you trust. You may be surprised at the reaction. If the reaction is not positive, you may need to re-think who you are inviting into your world. If you don’t feel you have a safe group of friends or family, yet, to share yourself with, go out and live with all your truth and conviction. Don’t forget a half-truth is still a lie. In time, you’ll attract those that need to be in your life. I promise. There is no greater comfort than settling into who you really are. Like Kurt Cobain once said, “Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are.”

1. Hardships reveal who you really are.

Allowing yourself to be exposed and raw is a very intimate experience. To really know yourself and others, what you are like at your most vulnerable, will include revealing yourself at your worst moments. Sometimes with tears  streaming down your face or when you are emotionally downtrodden and weakened. It could be due to heartbreak, a job loss, disappointment, a death in the family or a divorce. All can be truly tragic and upsetting to the rhythm of your life and dreams. This is one way you will reveal who you really are. During hardship, you can choose to remain stagnant and fearful or you can learn from the misery or your poor choices and make a new path for yourself.

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2. How you act when you’re upset.

If getting upset or disappointed involves you taking your anger out on others (verbally or physically), you are revealing yourself negatively. It makes people want to step away from you and not be your friend. It repels good people from your life. Even your family members may want to separate from you, especially when you are furious and raging. If you take a time out to process the situation, and why you are so upset, and be cognizant of how you relate to others when you are pissed off, you’ll be better off. It won’t be easy for everyone. But controlling yourself even when life is not being kind will only benefit you. Never forget, as Mark Twain once wrote, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”

3. How you treat those who can do nothing for you.

If you only care about impressing those in positions of power, or those who are rich or good-looking by society’s standards, so that you can benefit from this connection, you reveal yourself to be shallow, self-centered, narcissistic and lacking in empathy. Johann Wolfgang von Goethe is said to have written, “You can easily judge the character of a man by how he treats those who can do nothing for him.” How you treat those in less prominent positions and those who may not be famous or well-known or powerful in society is very telling as to who you really are and what you really are. But if you’re tired of the way things have always been and are committed to another approach, you can change your habits.

4. Who you are when no one is looking.

You are who you really are when no one is looking. Truer words have never been spoken, or written. It’s easy to do the ‘right thing’ when others are watching and taking note. But what you do and how you cope when there’s no one there is very powerful. If you are lying, cheating, hacking private e-mail accounts, plotting revenge, gossiping about others, taking advantage of someone, choosing what’s easy, are keeping and creating endless secrets, you are revealing an unhealthy way of living. Often, if who you are in private and the self you present to others and who you are inside, is drastically different it can cause significant stress and internal chaos. It’s like holding yourself emotionally hostage. If you are really scared to be who you really are in the company of others you care about, you may be overly preoccupied with how others view you, and how they might respond to your style or interests. Don’t pre-judge their reactions. Make it your aim in life to embrace yourself completely. Being who you really are relies on it. If you are being kind and welcoming, speaking honest and thoughtful words, and wishing only the best for yourself and others, you are revealing a healthy outlook worth continuing.

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5. The types of relationships you pursue.

Sometimes those who have not healed from past relationships, abusive situations or other traumas, will continue to pursue those that remind them of their troubled past. It’s important to remember that you are not your past. Your past is a part of your story, but it is not everything and you don’t have to keep reliving it everyday. Who you are attempting to date, marry or befriend can reveal who you really are, but if you are not fully healed, your pursuits may be skewed and are only temporary. If you find yourself interested in a particular type of personality, there may be a pattern to your choices. You may also be pursuing people because they reflect how you view yourself and the world. Your relationships can reveal a lot about who you really are.

6. How often you admit your own mistakes and failures.

Mistakes and failures are a natural part of living. Without mistakes and failures, we wouldn’t learn all that we do. You may take responsibility for your actions and are honest about the part you play in the choices you make, you may not want to acknowledge your troubles at all, because you just can’t deal or you may be hesitant to mention where you went wrong because you are most concerned with how others will view you and what others will say or think of you. These are some ways you will reveal who you really are. Mary Pickford, one of the first actresses of the United States and Canada, once said, quite beautifully, “You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call ‘failure’ is not the falling down, but the staying down.” Not only how often you accept responsibility for your actions but also how you you cope with the failures will reveal who you really are.

7. How you treat people in need.

Do you look down on those that have less than you? Do you pity them or come to their aid? Do you ridicule their style or make fun of them? Are you willing to help others or do you feel put out? However you may approach those in need will reveal who you really are.

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8. What you read, listen to and get entertained by reveals who you really are.

Do you like anime? Sadomasochistic films? Action or political satire? Do you enjoy listening to the radio or violent movies? Does a comedy make your evening complete or maybe a famous trilogy? Do you like classic literature or journaling your thoughts? Do you paint or work on engineering and coding? Or are you more business-minded? Do you collect dolls or something else? Do you prefer traveling, listening to records, or jogging? Do you frequent strip clubs, expensive resorts or casinos? Do you like photography, attending live music shows or gardening? Do you spend time wreaking havoc in your community, vandalizing and bullying passersby? Do you find pleasure from quiet time at the library or a soothing chat and tea with an elderly person? Do you use drugs to numb yourself or drink until you are passed out? Do you enjoy a weekly television program or cooking up edible delights from scratch? There are a million ways people like to be entertained. One’s entertainment preferences often reflect what’s going on inside their mind and heart. What you choose to do in your free time and what you find joy from tells all about your story and who you really are.

9. The way you approach your greatest failures.

Your failures don’t define you, and you shouldn’t wallow in self-pity or punish yourself for the stones that may obstruct your path from time to time. But how you approach those struggles will reveal what you are made of and who you really are. If you use your failures as a time to attack those around you, play the blame game or belittle and humiliate, throw tantrums or yell obscenities, it’s time to take a look into your habits and character. Your greatest failures are often simply the beginnings of your greatest achievements.

10. What you find comforting reveals who you really are.

If you find pleasure in the struggles of others (Schadenfreude), or laugh at their expense, because it makes you feel better about yourself, you are revealing yourself negatively. If you find comfort in loving, sharing and being kind, you are revealing an empathetic approach to others. Celebrating someone’s bad days just because you feel low about yourself isn’t cool or interesting. It doesn’t make you seem fun or enticing to hang around. What you find comforting and relaxing will reveal quite a bit about who you really are and what you really want out of life for yourself and those around you.

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11. How you spend your money.

Going on spending binges, spending money you don’t have or at the other end of the spectrum, never spending any money and living very frugally are all ways of revealing who you really are and what you feel inside. Do you spend your money to help others, your community or to furnish a comfortable, inviting home? Do you enjoy spending your money on loved ones and family members? Are you cautious with where your money goes? Do you keep a financial log and save all your receipts? The way you spend money and view finances shows a lot about who you really are.

12. How you speak of others behind their backs.

Gossiping, accusing, criticizing, unsolicited advice and blatant lying are some peoples choices when offered a chance to speak of others. Others might opt to not talk about others private comments and personal life, but instead focus on kind and respectful words or not talk too much at all about others when they are not around, to avoid denigrating another’s character or life, out of turn, and without all the facts. Remember that what you say about others will reveal a lot about how you feel about yourself. What you say about others will show who you really are. If you need to speak the truth about someones hurtful or negative actions and their impact in your life, it’s a quite different story, however.

13. The choices you make are revealing of who you really are.

When you are faced with options, how you choose reveals who you really are and what you really want. Do you go for the easy route? Or is being brave and daring important to you? Do you like new ways of approaching an old topic? Do you reach out to a counselor or is your father’s opinion more important to you? Do you go for the popular choice or the most healthy option? The pattern of your choices are a big part of your true self.

14. How you argue.

Fighting fair is an integral part of any relationships. Do you go straight to the most insulting retort? Do you hear out your friend or partner? Or do you opt for swift revenge? Revenge will only lead to more emotional injury and show that who you really are isn’t so healthy. As Mahatma Gandhi once stated, “An eye for an eye will only make the whole world blind.” If that’s the way you have been operating and want to change, you can change how you fight or argue. When you fight, do so neutrally, recognizing that perfection is illusive. Be present, open and honest. Don’t keep score and don’t demand someone read your mind or try to do that of others. If you want to reveal a healthy and revitalized self, you’ll listen and encourage the same of them, when it’s your turn to talk. The way you choose to argue or discuss a disagreement shows a lot about who you really are and what you are about. Remember that almost everything we live is a choice.

Featured photo credit: DuneChaser via flickr.com

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Last Updated on September 12, 2019

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

12 Things You Should Remember When Feeling Lost in Life

Even the most charismatic people you know, whether in person or celebrities of some sort, experience days where they feel lost in life and isolated from everyone else.

While it’s good to know we aren’t alone in this feeling, the question still remains:

What should we do when we feel lost and lonely?

Here are 12 things to remember:

1. Recognize That It’s Okay!

The truth is, there are times you need to be alone. If you’ve always been accustomed to being in contact with people, this may prove difficult.

However, learning how to be alone and comfortable in your own skin will give you confidence and a sense of self reliance.

We cheat ourselves out of the opportunity to become self reliant when we look for constant companionship.

Learn how to embrace your me time: What Your Fear of Being Alone Is Really About and How to Get over It

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2. Use Your Lost and Loneliness as a Self-Directing Guide

You’ve most likely heard the expression: “You have to know where you’ve been to know where you’re going.”

Loneliness also serves as a life signal to indicate you’re in search of something. It’s when we’re in the midst of solitude that answers come from true soul searching.

Remember, there is more to life than what you’re feeling.

3. Realize Loneliness Helps You Face the Truth

Being in the constant company of others, although comforting sometimes, can often serve as a distraction when we need to face the reality of a situation.

Solitude cuts straight to the chase and forces you to deal with the problem at hand. See it as a blessing that can serve as a catalyst to set things right!

4. Be Aware That You Have More Control Than You Think

Typically, when we see ourselves as being lost or lonely, it gives us an excuse to view everything we come in contact with in a negative light. It lends itself to putting ourselves in the victim mode, when the truth of the matter is that you choose your attitude in every situation.

No one can force a feeling upon you! It is YOU who has the ultimate say as to how you choose to react.

5. Embrace the Freedom That the Feeling of Being Alone Can Offer

Instead of wallowing in self pity, which many are prone to do because of loneliness, try looking at your circumstance as a new-found freedom.

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Most people are in constant need of approval of their viewpoints. Try enjoying the fact that  you don’t need everyone you care about to support your decisions.

6. Acknowledge the Person You Are Now

Perhaps you feel a sense of loneliness and confusion because your life circumstances have taken you away from the persona that others know to be you.

Perhaps the new you differs radically from the old. Realize that life is about change and how we react to that change. It’s okay that you’re not who you used to be.

Take a look at this article and learn to accept your imperfect self: Accept Yourself (Flaws and All): 7 Benefits of Being Vulnerable

7. Keep Striving to Do Your Best

Often those who are feeling isolated and unto themselves will develop a defeatist attitude. They’ll do substandard work because their self esteem is low and they don’t care.

Never let this feeling take away your sense of worth! Do your best always and when you come through this dark time, others will admire how you stayed determined in spite of the obstacles you had to overcome.

And to live your best life, you must do this ONE thing: step out of your comfort zone.

8. Don’t Forget That Time Is Precious

When we’re lost in a sea of loneliness and depression, it’s all too easy to reflect on regrets of past life events. This does nothing but feed negativity and perpetuate the situation.

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Instead of falling prey to this common pitfall, put one foot in front of the other and acknowledge every positive step you take. By doing this, you can celebrate the struggles you overcome at the end of the day.

9. Remember, Things Happen for a Reason

Every circumstance we encounter in our life is designed to teach us and that lesson is in turn passed on to others.

Sometimes we’re fortunate enough to figure out the lesson to be learned, while other times, we simply need to have faith that if the lesson wasn’t meant directly for us to learn from, how we handled it was observed by someone who needed to learn.

Your solitude and feeling of lost, in this instance, although painful possibly, may be teaching someone else.

10. Journal During This Time

Record your thoughts when you’re at the height of loneliness and feeling lost. You’ll be amazed when you reflect back at how you viewed things at the time and how far you’ve come later.

This time (if recorded) can give you a keen insight into who you are and what makes you feel the way you feel.

11. Remember You Aren’t the First to Feel This Way

It’s quite common to feel as if we’re alone and no one else has ever felt this way before. We think this because at the time of our distress, we’re silently observing others around us who are seemingly fine in every way.

The truth is, we can’t possibly know the struggles of those around us unless they elect to share them. We ALL have known this pain!

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Try confiding in someone you trust and ask them how they deal with these feelings when they experienced it. You may be surprised at what you learn.

12. Ask for Help If the Problem Persists

The feeling of being lost and lonely is common to everyone, but typically it will last for a relatively short period of time.

Most people will confess to, at one time or another, being in a “funk.” But if the problem persists longer than you feel it should, don’t ignore it.

When your ability to reason and consider things rationally becomes impaired, do not poo poo the problem away and think it isn’t worthy of attention. Seek medical help.

Afraid to ask for help? Here’s how to change your outlook to aim high!

Final Thoughts

Loneliness and a sense of feeling lost can in many ways be extremely painful and difficult to deal with at best. However, these feelings can also serve as a catalyst for change in our lives if we acknowledge them and act.

Above anything, cherish your mental well being and don’t underestimate its worth. Seek professional guidance if you’re unable to distinguish between a sense of freedom for yourself and a sense of despair.

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Featured photo credit: Andrew Neel via unsplash.com

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