Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on May 8, 2019

How Much Do You Need to Give Up to Start Over?

How Much Do You Need to Give Up to Start Over?

There is a common belief that when you want to embark or start on something new, whether it be a project, a hobby, a job or some big life change, a certain sacrifice must be made. “Out with the old, and in with the new” as they say. It’s almost as if we’re not capable of handling more than what we already have unless we let go of something. But is that really always the case?

When I was young, I took up violin lessons. I enjoyed playing the violin, but when I saw a friend playing the guitar, I got interested in that and wanted to start playing the guitar. My parents however, insisted that I continue with violin lessons and felt I should give my full attention to one instrument, rather than a few; they didn’t believe in being a Jack of all trades. And so sadly, I never got to take up guitar lessons.

Afraid of Giving it Up?

Have you found yourself in a similar circumstance? Perhaps you’re at a crossroad right now, and you’re trying to decide on whether to stay on in your current job, or move on to something completely different.

You’re not truly doing something you love or are passionate about, and so you want to make that change… but it’s a risky plunge.

You’re going to have to sacrifice everything that you’ve worked for over the years. You’re going to have to say goodbye to that big salary, the benefits that comes with the job, and you’re going to have to adjust to the changes.

Thinking of all that is already detering you from stepping out to take that plunge, isn’t it?

Advertising

Or maybe you have many responsibilities in life and little time for yourself. You have a spouse and children to take care of, maybe you’ve even got aging parents to think of.

At work, you’ve got subordinates waiting on you for advice. As a leader, you have to manage the team. You’ve got conference calls in different time zones to take, business trips to make, decisions to execute.

You have a lot on your plate, and you wish you could just set aside some time to enjoy the pleasures in life. Golf more, take the kids out more, go on vacations more.

Sure, if you wanted all that time, you could take on a lower paying job that would require less of your time. But that would mean a big pay cut and less comfort in your life. If not, you’ll just have to wait till retirement.

Play It Safe and Regret It Later

In these situations, it usually feels like an all or nothing approach. And, it then becomes the ‘smart’ thing to just ignore the challenge and stay put. Unless you’re overly confident that things are going to work out, or that you have a back up plan in place, most people never truly dare to take on new opportunities after a certain age or stage in life for fear of losing out, falling behind or having to give up whatever it is that they’ve already accomplished thus far.

But this is also where many individuals end up feeling regret much later on in life, perhaps as they approach retirement and have a sense of unfulfillment. There is an emptiness or a lack that they start feeling because they never answered their ‘calling’ or satisfied their heart’s desires. You may end up feeling short changed and unhappy with how things have turned out.

Advertising

Most people end up feeling more bitter over the regrets of not having done or tried something, rather than in the mistakes they made when they tried something. It’s always the ‘what ifs’ that will go on to haunt you.

No Sacrifice Needed!

The good news is, you don’t actually have to make such a big sacrifice when it comes to change! Everything that you’ve ever achieved and want to accomplish comes from you – your mind.

You set the limits and expectations for what you want in life, which is why the first step to breaking free from your limitations is to learn how to control and change your perception of your current situation. With this in mind, you can now actively take charge of your circumstances to build and create new opportunities.

So how do you begin?

Think of being at the beach, where you can see the tides coming in. When the tide is against you, it feels like an uphill battle. But, when the tide is with you, like when you’re surfing, suddenly there’s this invisible force – a momentum that pushes you along; you’re able to ride the waves smoothly, just how that momentum pushes you towards your goal.

So part of taking charge of your circumstances is to systematically turn the tides in your favor. That means actively and strategically building up momentum for yourself to propel you where you want to go. But, first, you have to know what you want. You need to know where you’re going in order to set the right goals and the right actions to start getting there, right?

Advertising

Life in Trends

Next, you also need to see things in terms of Trends. Do you believe that a big change requires some sort of big, dramatic decision? Well that’s not always the case!

The truth is, that change, especially big change, almost never happens as a sudden, one-off result. Change doesn’t happen in a sudden impulsive decision, because those types of changes almost never turn out well. The outcomes that do succeed are a result of a build up of underlying factors that probably started a long time ago.

Think of the last major decision you made. The seeds that culminated in it were probably planted months or maybe even a year before–am I right? You can say that those seeds began a new life trend that started gaining momentum as you put more actions into it. And, this really is how your life works.

Life is a series of trends. And a trend is a direction of change – it’s always moving forward.

But, the thing about trends is that they’re either going up or down; some are moving faster than others, but they’re always moving. Another thing about trends is that you don’t notice the change happening at the time. The vast majority of change happens behind the scenes and builds up over time. It’s not until it passes a critical point when it suddenly becomes apparent.

Real change comes from where your trends are taking you. Because a trend is like a river, once it builds up momentum, it becomes a force of its own, and nothing can stop it from reaching its destination. So the secret to turning the tides to your favor, is to control your trends. 

Advertising

But a trend doesn’t start with your actions. Like your limitations, it starts from your perspective – how you see the thing you’re trying to change. So once you change your perspective, believe it or not, you’ve already started creating a new trend. You’ll start doing things differently, and soon enough it’ll become automatic. Slowly at first, but over time, these will build up into a completely new you in that part of your life.

So since trends are realized over time, this means that it’s important to start now, because big change is like a snowball. It accumulates from a lot of consistent actions. The upside to viewing change in terms of trends is that you can start enjoying the change immediately. And, the change doesn’t stop, as long as the trend keeps building up. It’ll continue to grow and get bigger and bigger..

The biggest difference between those who experience breakthroughs and those who don’t, is that the ones who see breakthroughs go through a total shift in mindset. They realize a need to see things differently, and as a result, they’re able to act differently which leads to successful outcomes.

The Breakthrough Framework

So this is where I want to introduce the Breakthrough Framework. This is the framework that will help you to turn your mindset around, and provide an overall paradigm shift for you to turn any limitation you may be having, into an opportunity that is achievable.

By going through this framework, you’ll be able to achieve the change that is needed to reach your goals and break free from whatever is currently holding you back.

During each step of your journey, you will utilize the 7 Cornerstone Skills to help you through your transformation. These skills will magnify your efforts and instill changes permanently so that you won’t fall back into those limitations.

Don’t be afraid to step out and take that new plunge. The secret to living the life you want lies in Lifehack’s solution — Check out Our Solution Here!

Featured photo credit: Martha Dominguez de Gouveia via unsplash.com

More by this author

Leon Ho

Founder & CEO of Lifehack

Why You Have the Fear of Failure (And How to Conquer It Step-By-Step) What Is Procrastination (And the Complete Guide to Stop Procrastinating) The Secret to Success Is Failure The Lifehack Show Episode 3: Why Validation is Key to Lasting Relationships What to Do When Bored at Work (And Why You Feel Bored Actually)

Trending in Smartcut

1 How to Make a Career Change at 40 and Stop Feeling Stagnant at Work 2 What Is Procrastination (And the Complete Guide to Stop Procrastinating) 3 10 Killer Cover Letter Tips to Nail Every Interview Opportunity 4 How to Sharpen Your Transferable Skills For a Swift Career Switch 5 How to Make Going Back to School at 30 Possible (And Meaningful)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on July 23, 2019

5 Steps To Move Out Of Stagnancy In Life

5 Steps To Move Out Of Stagnancy In Life

In the journey of growth, there are times when we grow and excel. We are endlessly driven and hyped up, motivated to get our goals.

Then there are times when we stagnate. We feel uninspired and unmotivated. We keep procrastinating on our plans. More often than not, we get out of a rut, only to get back into another one.

How do you know if you are stagnating? Here are some tell-tale signs:

Advertising

  • If you have been experiencing chronic procrastination on your goals
  • If you don’t ever feel like doing anything
  • If you keep turning to sleep, eating, games, mindless activities and entertainment for comfort
  • If you know you should be doing something, but yet you keep avoiding it
  • If you have not achieved anything new or significant now relative to 1 month, 2 months or 3 months ago
  • If you have a deep sense of feeling that you are living under your potential

When we face stagnation in life, it’s a sign of deeper issues. Stagnation, just like procrastination, is a symptom of a problem. It’s easy to beat ourselves over it, but this approach is not going to help. Here, I will share 5 steps to help you move out of this stagnation. They won’t magically transform your life in 1 night (such changes are never permanent because the foundations are not built), but they will help you get the momentum going and help you get back on track.

1. Realize You’re Not Alone

Everyone stagnates at some point or another. You are not alone in this and more importantly, it’s normal. In fact, it’s amazing how many of my clients actually face the same predicament, even though all of them come from different walks of life, are of different ages, and have never crossed paths. Realizing you are not alone in this will make it much easier to deal with this period. By trying to “fight it”, you’re only fighting yourself. Accept this situation, acknowledge it, and tell yourself it’s okay. That way, you can then focus on the constructive steps that will really help you.

2. Find What Inspires You

Advertising

Stagnation comes because there isn’t anything that excites you enough to take action. If you don’t have a habit of setting goals, and instead just leave yourself to daily mundanes, it’s not surprising you are experiencing stagnation. What do you want to do if there are no limitations? If you can have whatever you want, what will it be? The answers to these questions will provide the fuel that will drive you forward.

On the other hand, even if you are an experienced goal setter, there are times when the goals you set in the past lose their appeal now. It’s normal and it happens to me too. Sometimes we lose touch with our goals, since we are in a different emotional state compared to when we first set them. Sometimes our priorities change and we no longer want to work on those goals anymore. However, we don’t consciously realize this, and what happens is we procrastinate on our goals until it compounds into a serious problem. If that’s the case for you, it’s time to relook into your goals. There’s no point in pursuing goals that no longer inspire you. Trash away your old goals (or just put them aside) and ask yourself what you really want now. Then go for them.

3. Give Yourself a Break

When’s the last time you took a real break for yourself? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year? Never? Perhaps it’s time to take a time-out. Prolonged working can cause someone to become disillusioned as they lose sight of who they are and what they want.

Advertising

Go take some extended leave from work. A few days at bare minimum; a few weeks or months will be great. Some of my ex-colleagues have quit their jobs and took months out to do some self-reflection. Of course, some of us might not have that luxury, so we can stick to a few weeks of leave. Go on a trip elsewhere and get away from your work and your life. Use this chance to get a renewed perspective of life. Think about your life purpose, what you want and what you want to create for your life in the future. These are big questions that require deep thinking over them. It’s not about finding the answers at one go, but about taking the first step to finding the answers.

4. Shake up Your Routines

Being in the same environment, doing the same things over and over again and meeting the same people can make us stagnant. This is especially if the people you spend the most time with are stagnant themselves.

Change things around. Start with simple things, like taking a different route to work and eating something different for breakfast. Have your lunch with different colleagues, colleagues you never talked much with. Work in a different cubicle if your work has free and easy seating. Do something different than your usual for weekday evenings and weekends. Cultivate different habits, like exercising every day, listening to a new series of podcasts every morning to work, reading a book, etc (here’s 6 Proven Ways To Make New Habits Stick). The different contexts will give you different stimulus, which will trigger off different thoughts and actions in you.

Advertising

When I’m in a state of stagnancy, I’ll get a sense of what’s making me stagnate. Sometimes it’s the environment I’m in, sometimes it’s the people I’ve been hanging out with, sometimes it’s my lifestyle. Most of the times it’s a combination of all these. Changing them up helps to stir myself out of the stagnant mode.

5. Start with a Small Step

Stagnation also comes from being frozen in fear. Maybe you do want this certain goal, but you aren’t taking action. Are you overwhelmed by the amount of work needed? Are you afraid you will make mistakes? Is the perfectionist in you taking over and paralyzing you?

Let go of the belief that it has to be perfect. Such a belief is a bane, not a boon. It’s precisely from being open to mistakes and errors that you move forward. Break down what’s before you into very very small steps, then take those small steps, a little step at a time. I had a client who had been stagnating for a long period because he was afraid of failing. He didn’t want to make another move where he would make a mistake. However, not wanting to make a mistake has led him to do absolutely nothing for 2-3 years. On the other hand, by doing just something, you would already be making progress, whether it’s a mistake or not. Even if you make a supposed “mistake”,  you get feedback to do things differently in the next step. That’s something you would never have known if you never made a move.

More to Help You Stay Motivated

Here are some resources that will help you break out of your current phase:

Featured photo credit: Anubhav Saxena via unsplash.com

Read Next