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12 Signs You’ve Let The Wrong Person Go

12 Signs You’ve Let The Wrong Person Go

It happens to more people than you would think.  Something unexpected happens and you think to yourself “This person is not the one.”  Or “Can I find better?” Every relationship at one point or another is tested and for some, the end result is that you let your loved one go hoping to find someone that is more compatible.  What if you never find this perfect person?  Now you start thinking about the one you let go.  Here are some signs that maybe you did let the wrong person go.

1. You are constantly thinking about them every day for a long time.

As you go through your normal day they are constantly on your mind.  You let go because of all the bad times you had, but now all you think about are the good times.  You think about how much you miss them because of their smile, their personality, their charm, kindness, or whatever turned you on when you first met them.

 2. You have yet to meet another person you are more impressed with in your life.

During your search for Mr. or Ms. Right you are always finding a reason why they just don’t compare to the one you let go.  The flaws that helped you decide to let them go now seems incredibly small.

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3. You have never loved anyone more deeply even if you did love again.

You fell in love again but it is not the same deep feeling of love you had with the one you let go.  You wonder if it is even possible to love that deep again.

 4. You know that the person you let go makes up much of the person you are today.

When you think back, you realize that this person really made an impact in your life and you would not be where you are today without them.  Many of your good characteristics came from the help of the one you let go.

 5. You know that if that person needed you, you’d immediately drop everything to help.

With out a doubt, if the one you let go contacted you out of the blue, you would not hesitate and would be helping them in any way they asked.

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6. Your best times were with that person.

Looking back at your past, most of the best times you had in your life were when you were with the person you let go.  These memories always flash through your mind and you catch yourself smiling when they do.

7. You know it’s too late, but your gut screams otherwise.

Maybe it’s too late but you can’t help but think about what it would be like to be with them.  You cannot let go of your feelings and keep wondering if you should try to contact them.

8. You realize that all the reasons you let them go were all wrong.

At the time your reasons may have been valid, but today you know these reasons were brought on by feelings that were blurry.  When you think back and see the past you second guess your reasons why you let go.

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9. You always hope you run into them when you are out.

When you are out shopping, or meeting friends for a few drinks, you always keep your eyes on the lookout in case you happen to get lucky and see them out and about.

10.You still check your inbox thinking they just might send you an email.

If you used to get emails from the person you let go, you always watch for their name when checking your email.  Sometimes the only reason you are checking your email is to see if for some reason they are emailing you.

11. You sometimes wonder if they are thinking about you.

You are thinking about them, but are they thinking about you?  Wouldn’t you like to know?

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12. You day dream about what life would be like with them today.

Do you see yourself with them laughing, having fun, and enjoying life together?

It happens, and when you realize that you let the wrong person go, you can either reach out and try contacting this person, or keep your past in the past and live for the present.  This is a difficult decision, but sometimes the tough decisions are the best ones you will make.

Featured photo credit: Melina Souza via flickr.com

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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