Advertising
Advertising

12 Signs You’ve Let The Wrong Person Go

12 Signs You’ve Let The Wrong Person Go

It happens to more people than you would think.  Something unexpected happens and you think to yourself “This person is not the one.”  Or “Can I find better?” Every relationship at one point or another is tested and for some, the end result is that you let your loved one go hoping to find someone that is more compatible.  What if you never find this perfect person?  Now you start thinking about the one you let go.  Here are some signs that maybe you did let the wrong person go.

1. You are constantly thinking about them every day for a long time.

As you go through your normal day they are constantly on your mind.  You let go because of all the bad times you had, but now all you think about are the good times.  You think about how much you miss them because of their smile, their personality, their charm, kindness, or whatever turned you on when you first met them.

 2. You have yet to meet another person you are more impressed with in your life.

During your search for Mr. or Ms. Right you are always finding a reason why they just don’t compare to the one you let go.  The flaws that helped you decide to let them go now seems incredibly small.

Advertising

3. You have never loved anyone more deeply even if you did love again.

You fell in love again but it is not the same deep feeling of love you had with the one you let go.  You wonder if it is even possible to love that deep again.

 4. You know that the person you let go makes up much of the person you are today.

When you think back, you realize that this person really made an impact in your life and you would not be where you are today without them.  Many of your good characteristics came from the help of the one you let go.

 5. You know that if that person needed you, you’d immediately drop everything to help.

With out a doubt, if the one you let go contacted you out of the blue, you would not hesitate and would be helping them in any way they asked.

Advertising

6. Your best times were with that person.

Looking back at your past, most of the best times you had in your life were when you were with the person you let go.  These memories always flash through your mind and you catch yourself smiling when they do.

7. You know it’s too late, but your gut screams otherwise.

Maybe it’s too late but you can’t help but think about what it would be like to be with them.  You cannot let go of your feelings and keep wondering if you should try to contact them.

8. You realize that all the reasons you let them go were all wrong.

At the time your reasons may have been valid, but today you know these reasons were brought on by feelings that were blurry.  When you think back and see the past you second guess your reasons why you let go.

Advertising

9. You always hope you run into them when you are out.

When you are out shopping, or meeting friends for a few drinks, you always keep your eyes on the lookout in case you happen to get lucky and see them out and about.

10.You still check your inbox thinking they just might send you an email.

If you used to get emails from the person you let go, you always watch for their name when checking your email.  Sometimes the only reason you are checking your email is to see if for some reason they are emailing you.

11. You sometimes wonder if they are thinking about you.

You are thinking about them, but are they thinking about you?  Wouldn’t you like to know?

Advertising

12. You day dream about what life would be like with them today.

Do you see yourself with them laughing, having fun, and enjoying life together?

It happens, and when you realize that you let the wrong person go, you can either reach out and try contacting this person, or keep your past in the past and live for the present.  This is a difficult decision, but sometimes the tough decisions are the best ones you will make.

Featured photo credit: Melina Souza via flickr.com

More by this author

15 Habits of Exceptionally Likable People 5 Must Read Self Help Books You Never Heard Of How To Be Less Emotional If Your Team Lost In World Cup let go 12 Signs You’ve Let The Wrong Person Go

Trending in Communication

1 How to Use the Law of Attraction to Make Your Dreams Happen 2 10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively 3 How To Be Happy Alone and Enjoy Life 4 What Is Self-Worth and How to Recognize Yours 5 How to Build Self Esteem (A Guide to Realize Your Hidden Power)

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on April 6, 2020

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

10 Powerful Ways to Influence People Positively

Most discussions on positively influencing others eventually touch on Dale Carnegie’s seminal work, How to Win Friends and Influence People. Written more than 83 years ago, the book touches on a core component of human interaction, building strong relationships. It is no wonder why.

Everything that we do hinges on our ability to connect with others and formulate deep relationships. You cannot sell a house, buy a house, advance in most careers, sell a product, pitch a story, teach a course, etc. without building healthy relationships. Managers get the best results from their teams, not through brute force, but to careful appeals to their sensibilities, occasional withdrawals from the reservoir of respect they’ve built. Using these tactics, they can influence others to excellence, to productivity, and to success.

Carnegie’s book is great. Of course, there are other resources too. Most of us have someone in our lives who positively influences us. The truth is positively influencing people is about centering the humanity of others. Chances are, you know someone who is really good at making others feel like stars. They can get you to do things that the average person cannot. Where the requests of others sound like fingernails on a chalkboard, the request from this special person sounds like music to your ears. You’re delighted to not only listen but also to oblige.

So how to influence people in a positive way? Read on for tips.

1. Be Authentic

To influence people in a positive way, be authentic. Rather than being a carbon copy of someone else’s version of authenticity, uncover what it is that makes you unique.

Discover your unique take on an issue and then live up to and honor that. Once of the reasons social media influencers are so powerful is that they have carved out a niche for themselves or taken a common issue and approached it from a novel or uncommon way. People instinctually appreciate people whose public persona matches their private values.

Contradictions bother us because we crave stability. When someone professes to be one way, but lives contrary to that profession, it signals that they are confused or untrustworthy and thereby, inauthentic. Neither of these combinations bode well for positively influencing others.

Advertising

2. Listen

Growing up, my father would tell me to listen to what others said. He told me if I listened carefully, I would know all I needed to know about a person’s character, desires and needs.

To positively influence others, you must listen to what is spoken and what is left unsaid. Therein lies the explanation for what people need in order to feel validated, supported and seen. If a person feels they are invisible, and unseen by their superiors, they are less likely to be positively influenced by that person.

Listening meets a person’s primary need of validation and acceptance.

Take a look at this guide on how to be a better listener: How to Practice Active Listening (A Step-By-Step Guide)

3. Become an Expert

Most people are predisposed to listen to, if not respect, authority. If you want to positively influence others, become an authority in the area in which you seek to lead others. Research and read everything you can about the given topic, and then look for opportunities to put your education into practice.

You can argue over opinions. You cannot argue, or it is unwise to argue, over facts and experts come with facts.

4. Lead with Story

From years of working in the public relations space, I know that personal narratives, testimonials and impact stories are incredibly powerful. But I never cease to be amazed with how effective a well-timed and told story can be.

Advertising

If you want to influence people, learn to tell stories. Your stories should be related to the issue or concept you are discussing. They should be an analogy or metaphor that explains your topic in ordinary terms and in vivid detail. To learn more about how to tell powerful stories, and the ethics of storytelling, take a look at this article: How To Tell An Interesting Story In 4 Simple Steps

5. Lead by Example

It is incredibly inspiring to watch passionate, talented people at work or play. One of the reasons a person who is not an athlete can be in awe of athletic prowess is because human nature appreciates the extraordinary. When we watch the Olympics, Olympic trials, gymnastic competitions, ice skating, and other competitive sports, we can recognize the effort of people who day in and day out give their all. C

ase in point: Simone Biles. The gymnast extraordinaire won her 6TH all-around title at the U.S. Gymnastics Championships after doing a triple double. She was the first woman to do so. Watching her gave me chills. Even non-gymnasts and non-competitive athletes can appreciate the talent required to pull off such a remarkable feat.

We celebrate remarkable accomplishments and believe that their example is proof that we too can accomplish something great, even if it isn’t qualifying for the Olympics. To influence people in a positive way, we must lead by example, lead with intention and execute with excellence.

6. Catch People Doing Good

A powerful way to influence people in a positive way is to catch people doing good. Instead of looking for problems, look for successes. Look for often overlooked, but critically important things that your peers, subordinates and managers do that make the work more effective and more enjoyable.

Once you catch people doing good, name and notice their contributions.

7. Be Effusive with Praise

It did not take me long to notice a remarkable trait of a former boss. He not only began and ended meetings with praise, but he peppered praise throughout the entire meeting. He found a way to celebrate the unique attributes and skills of his team members. He was able to quickly and accurately assess what people were doing well and then let them and their colleagues know.

Advertising

Meetings were not just an occasion to go through a “To Do” list, they were opportunities to celebrate accomplishments, no matter how small they are.

8. Be Kind Rather Than Right

I am going to level with you; this one is tough. It is easy to get caught up in a cycle of proving oneself. For people who lack confidence, or people who prioritize the opinions of others, being right is important. The validation that comes with being perceived as “right” feeds one’s ego. But in the quest to be “right,” we can hurt other people. Once we’ve hurt someone by being unkind, it is much harder to get them to listen to what we’re trying to influence them to do.

The antidote to influencing others via bullying is to prioritize kindness above rightness. You can be kind and still stand firm in your position. For instance, many people think that they need others to validate their experience. If a person does not see the situation you experienced in the way you see it, you get upset. But your experience is your experience.

If you and your friends go out to eat and you get food poisoning, you do not need your friends to agree that the food served at the restaurant was problematic for you. Your own experience of getting food poisoning is all the validation you need. Therefore, taking time to be right is essentially wasted and, if you were unkind in seeking validation for your food-poison experience, now you’ve really lost points.

9. Understand a Person’s Logical, Emotional and Cooperative Needs

The Center for Creative Leadership has argued that the best way to influence others is to appeal to their logical, emotional and cooperative needs. Their logical need is their rational and educational need. Their emotional need is the information that touches them in a deeply personal manner. The cooperative need is understanding the level of cooperation various individuals need and then appropriately offering it.

The trick with this system is to understand that different people need different things. For some people, a strong emotional appeal will outweigh logical explanations. For others, having an opportunity to collaborate will override emotional connection.

If you know your audience, you will know what they need in order to be positively influenced. If you have limited information about the people whom you are attempting to influence, you will be ineffective.

Advertising

10. Understand Your Lane

If you want to positively influence others, operate from your sphere of influence. Operate from your place of expertise. Leave everything else to others. Gone are the days when being a jack of all trades is celebrated.

Most people appreciate brands that understand their target audience and then deliver on what that audience wants. When you focus on what you are uniquely gifted and qualified to do, and then offer that gift to the people who need it, you are likely more effective. This effectiveness is attractive.

You cannot positively influence others if you are more preoccupied by what others do well versus what you do well.

Final Thoughts

Influencing people is about centering your humanity. If you want to influence others positively, focus on the way you communicate and improve the relationship with yourself first.

It’s hard to influence others if you’re still trying to figure out how to communicate with yourself.

More Tips About Making Influence

Featured photo credit: Wonderlane via unsplash.com

Read Next