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11 Warning Signs That You’re Settling For Less In Life

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11 Warning Signs That You’re Settling For Less In Life

Studies show that two-thirds of Americans are unhappy. That’s ridiculous. Whether you want to get out of a bad relationship, move across the country, start a business, dye your hair green or go to the moon, check this list for warning sings than you’re settling for less than you deserve.

1. You are always tired

If you get eight hours of sleep and are otherwise healthy, you shouldn’t be tired at one o’clock in the afternoon. Excitement about life gives you energy. If you get tired early in the day or have trouble getting out of bed, your life isn’t giving you the excitement and energy you need to make it through the day. You’re bored. Do something.

2. You keep saying “after”

You delay going after your dream until after this happens or after that happens because you are afraid you’re going to fail. You believe that if you don’t start, you can’t fail. That’s a great way to avoid failure, but a terrible way to live a satisfying life. The time is never going to be perfect. In fact, the timing probably will never even be good. Waiting for a time that is never going to arrive will keep you settling for less. Act now.

3. You blame other people

People do mean, harmful and illegal stuff all the time. But that’s not the reason you haven’t achieved what you want. Every successful person got dirt kicked in their face at some point — probably several times. They were successful anyway. Whether it’s someone who maliciously harmed you, the government, the economy or any other force, blaming them gives your power to them. Don’t do that. It’s like giving your opponent brass knuckles in a fight.

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4. You don’t think you can

Nobody who did anything ever said it was easy. It’s always hard and always worth it. Don’t mistake hard for impossible. When you catch yourself saying, “I can’t do that,” punch yourself in the face. Then ask yourself if you actually can’t do it or are just saying that because it’s hard. Do hard things.

5. You think a lot, but do little

You think a lot about what you want to achieve, but you take little or no action. You dream about it, but don’t do it. If you consistently think about something, you really need to do it. It’s stuck in your head for a reason. Nobody on their death bed ever said, “I’m really glad I thought about that thing my whole life but never did it.” Think less and do more.

6. You keep saying, “someday”

“Someday” is worse that “after.” You keep saying that you’ll pursue your dream someday. It really means “when some unknown thing happens, I’ll do that thing I really want to do. You’re punting life. Kick the ball as hard as you can.

7. You rip on successful people

You hate other people only because they have achieved something — their lifestyle, their money, their relationships. You think people who have succeeded are greedy, lucky or dishonest. This keep you settling for less, and puts up an artificial barrier to success. You are training your mind to believe the lie that success is for greedy, lucky and dishonest people. Since you are probably none of those things, your subconscious mind is learning that success is not for you. Celebrate other peoples success.

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8. You are playing small and you think it’s OK

You tell yourself that settling for less is OK. You make up silly excuses for why it’s OK to keep playing small. You believe that playing small is safer and more practical.

“So many of us choose our paths in life out of fear disguised as practicality”

Jim Carey

At the end of your life, do you want to reflect on how safely you played the game? Play the game to win. You might lose. Losing is part of winning.

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9. You read stuff like this

If you read about Kim Kardashian’s latest drama or other worthless celebrity gossip, you are settling for less. You only have 24 hours in each day and limited time on this earth. You might argue that you enjoy celebrity news or gossip, but is that what you most want to do? If there is nothing else you’d rather be doing, continue reading that stuff. If not, use that time to take steps toward your goal.

10. You are jealous

Everyone else seems to have a better life. They are happier, wealthier, have better relationships and are generally better off than you. You’re a little (maybe a lot) pissed about it. Take note of even the most subtle anger or negativity toward successful people. If you are pursuing life with everything you’ve got, you’ll be excited to celebrate the success of others.

11. Food, alcohol, or TV are the highlight of your day

You know what I’m talking about. All day long you’re thinking about that beer, glass of wine, burger, or the latest episode of Breaking Bad. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things unless they are consistently the highlight of your day. Unless a cheeseburger, beer and the latest episode of American Idol is all you want out of life, you are settling for less than you deserve. Go after something you really want.

Each of these is a result of fear. You believe that if you fail, your dream will die. Yet that dream is what keeps you going every day. You don’t have to accept failure as an option. You can keep going after your goal no matter what.

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“It’s hard to beat a person who never gives up.”
― Babe Ruth

The alternative is settling for less for the rest of your life. You deserve better. Take one step today.

Featured photo credit: photo credit: FatMandy via photopin via media.lifehack.org

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Last Updated on November 18, 2021

10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

  • honest
  • reliable
  • competent
  • kind and compassionate
  • capable of taking the blame
  • able to persevere
  • modest and humble
  • pacific and can control anger.

The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

“The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

Abigail Van Buren

3. How does this person take the blame?

Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

5. Read their emails.

Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

  • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
  • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
  • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
  • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
  • Too many question marks can show anger
  • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

6. Watch out for the show offs.

Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

8. Their empathy score is high.

Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

“One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

Stendhal

 10. Avoid toxic people.

These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

  • Envy or jealousy
  • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
  • Complaining about their own lack of success
  • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
  • Obsession with themselves and their problems

Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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