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Not A Confident Person? You Will Know How To Be One After Reading This.

Not A Confident Person? You Will Know How To Be One After Reading This.

Based on the movie poster, I’m not thinking I’ll like Fight Club 2…
The key to success (whether in a relationship, job, or personal endeavor) is confidence. It’s been scientifically proven that people are attracted to tenacity, and the way you’re perceived can change based on your level of personal mettle. If you want to improve every aspect of your life, boost your confidence with these easy steps.

1 – Cleanliness Is Close to Confidence

When you wake up, cleaning yourself up should be among your first priorities. A routine of heading to the bathroom to wash up starts your day off right; you’re the star of your own personal movie, and a trip to the green room will make you feel like a million bucks inside, no matter what your bank account says. Keeping clean will also make you less self-conscious around other people, as your thoughts won’t be lingering on whether or not your breath smells, or there’s an odor coming from your armpits, feet, etc.

2 – Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall

While you’re cleaning up in the bathroom, it’s difficult not to look in the mirror, as they’re usually equipped. Look yourself in the eyes and see what it is that other people see when they look at you. Practice saying and doing things in the mirror to understand how you’re coming off to the outside world. Also give yourself a pep talk. You’ll see in the mirror the way someone reacts when they truly care about you, so you’ll have a bar to measure people with.

3 – Think about It

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Where did I put that damn HDMI cable?

    Where did I put that damn HDMI cable?

    We are our own God; regardless of who or where you are, you’re responsible for the way you interact with the world. If you want to be confident, you have to think confident. This means not doubting yourself–instead, coach and motivate yourself. The power of positive and negative thinking can transform you, and, since you’re you, it’s in your best interests to have a positive mindset about yourself.

    4 – Dress to Impress

    Everyone judges everyone. When you see someone dressed up, you naturally treat them with more respect than you would someone sloppy–it’s like how you drive a little better when there’s a cop driving behind you (unless you’re rich or daddy’s a politician), and you don’t mouth off to a soldier (unless you’re a hippie or insurgent). Here’s a tip: store security dresses up in pressed black clothes to look like cops and deter you from theft for a fraction the cost of real bacon (and with less cholesterol).

    5 – Be Prepared

    Athletes watch hours of footage every day to study themselves and their opponents. Artists paint thousands of pictures, play thousands of songs, and dance thousands of dances before their work registers in your senses. People may be born with certain strengths and weaknesses, but preparation for the events in your life makes a world of difference in improving how confident you are.

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    6 – Improve Your Posture

    Dear Santa, In what universe is a piano a drum set?

      Dear Santa, In what universe is a piano a drum set?

      Don’t slouch! When you’re hunched over, you look smaller. Have you ever seen a nature video? In the animal kingdom, a common survival method is to bulk up (or at least make yourself appear larger). This works on people too. You don’t see the President or a CEO hunched over looking at their feet, so why are you?

      7 – Move with a Purpose

      The way you walk goes a long way in affecting how you’re perceived. The WWE is a great place to see this in the wild. Though not allowed to compete in the Olympics, professional wrestlers have a style about them. Each individual wrestler is defined by their entrance, their strut, and their attitude well before they earn that undisputed championship belt. It doesn’t matter whether you win or lose; it’s how you strut that counts. Just don’t get all Spider-Man 3 about it.

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      8 – Look People in the Eye

      This dog...was owned by Rapper, Ice T...here's the proof...

        This dog was owned by Rapper, Ice T…here’s the proof

        Feeling confident means having power over your surroundings; it means people around you are treating you the way you want. Looking someone in the eye is a great way to show people you’re confident. This will build trust, and you’ll be more attuned them, picking up their visual cues. If you learn to read these cues, you’ll be able to convince yourself you can control the world around you with the power of your own voice.

        9 – Stick to Your Guns

        Remember all those positive things you said to yourself in the mirror? Continue saying them throughout the day. You have to reinforce your confidence; it’s not something you decide to be, and it magically happens. Sticking to your guns also means standing up for what you believe in. Doing so will give you the confidence to say what you mean and mean what you say, no matter what anyone thinks of you.

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        10 – Learn and Burn

        Study and exercise are the best ways to boost your confidence. There’s a certain power you get knowing you’re the smartest person in the room. Knowing that you’re able to defend yourself is powerful as well. Your energy levels will be higher, you’ll be more alert, and you’ll be a constantly-evolving person. I’m confident there are no downsides to studying and exercising.

        11 – Baby Steps to Success

        Above all else, know that it takes baby steps to get anywhere in life. Overnight success doesn’t exist; it’s a myth, just like Zeus, unicorns, and a decent movie with the word “vs.” in the title. Don’t get frustrated if things don’t go as planned, and don’t give up–continue planning, acting, doing, and gaining the confidence to succeed.

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        Last Updated on January 24, 2021

        How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

        How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

        Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

        For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

        But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

        It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

        And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

        The Importance of Saying No

        When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

        In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

        Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

        Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

        Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

        “The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

        When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

        How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

        It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

        From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

        We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

        And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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        At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

        The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

        How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

        Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

        But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

        3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

        1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

        Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

        If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

        2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

        When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

        Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

        3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

        When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

        6 Ways to Start Saying No

        Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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        1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

        One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

        Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

        2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

        Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

        Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

        3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

        Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

        Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

        You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

        4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

        Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

        Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

        5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

        When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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        How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

          Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

          Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

          6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

          If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

          Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

          Final Thoughts

          Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

          Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

          Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

          More Tips on How to Say No

          Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

          Reference

          [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
          [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
          [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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