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11 Kinds Of People We Shouldn’t Take To Heart To Ruin Our Happiness

11 Kinds Of People We Shouldn’t Take To Heart To Ruin Our Happiness

We all have toxic people in our lives. You know them – the people who just suck out your happiness, energy, and enthusiasm whenever they are around or when you let them take up space in your “universe,” either physically or emotionally. How about that person who, when their name pops up on your caller ID, you silently groan? You don’t want to answer the call, because you know you are in for an hour of draining conversation, and yet you feel guilty not taking the call. Who is in charge here? If you take that call, that toxic person is in charge! One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to get rid of these “blood suckers” and move on. Here is a list of 12 kinds of people who may have invaded your space and your well-being. Identify them in your life and dump them!

1. The Drama King/Queen

This is the individual who is not happy unless there is huge drama all around them and they want to suck into their drama as well. Whether it’s a slight by one of their relatives or a kid who is going through some pain, this individual has to broadcast the situation to all who will listen, and that listener may be you a lot of the time. Every situation, no matter how small and insignificant must be exaggerated into a major crisis. Learn to cut them off. Tell them you have something urgent to attend to, and maybe you can talk later (but don’t let that later ever come). If this is happening in the work place, you have an additional issue, because that individual is impacting your productivity. Cutting them off and getting back to the business at hand will benefit you in your career.

2. The Negative Nellie or Nelson

Nothing is ever right or good enough for Nellie or Nelson. This person could win the lottery and still find some negative aspects of that win. The problem with keeping this person in your life is that they will inevitably find negative things about your successes and accomplishments. You’re in a new relationship, and you are thrilled. Nellie or Nelson will point out all of the things that could go wrong, until you are second-guessing yourself about the whole thing. Dump this person. Do not engage them in any conversation; do not share anything about your personal or professional life; and stop making “dates” with this person!

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3. The Unreasonable Boss

If you have not yet experienced a really horrible situation with a boss, then you are lucky. Many have bosses who are just to hard to impress, unreasonable in their expectations, who throw “hissy” fits, who publicly belittle and bully their subordinates, and who seem to “get off” on making life miserable for those who work for them. And on top of this, these bosses are often responsible for performance reviews! You may try all of the normal things to lease such a boss to no avail. If you cannot get a transfer out of his/her department or is you are in a small

4. The Person Who Won’t Shut Up

Most of us like balance in our lives. We have times when we want to be social, to engage in lots of conversation with lots of people; we also have times when we want silence – time to reflect, to be at peace, and to be alone with our own selves. This is what a mentally healthy person does! If you have someone in your life who cannot stop talking, who calls you, emails you, messages you incessantly on Facebook, and who is generally bombarding you with conversation, you have to reduce that relationship.

You must be in charge of our own time and your own balance. Don’t answer that call; don’t respond to that email; and if the person is someone you must be around daily (e.g., work), you will have to find ways to excuse yourself from their presence. The incessant “talkers” of the world are those who are not comfortable in their own skin, who cannot be left alone with their own thoughts. You can feel sorry for them, but you do not have to put yourself in a position to be dominated by them.

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5. The Needy Person

This type does seem to be able to make a decision or to do anything on their own, and you have become the one person they can rely on. Please do their taxes for them; please write this letter for them; please make this phone call for them; please go shopping with them and make their clothing selection decisions. Stop it! If you stop, they will go and find someone else to latch onto. You may have to be blunt, and you will simply have to say “no” enough times, until they move on to the next victim.

6. People Who Use You

You know the type. They call you when they need something – favors, money, or help. In between times, they never call. They are “pseudo-friends.” Do you really need that kind of person in your life? Of course not – they do not contribute to your happiness, peace or comfort. From now on, your answer is “no.” You should leave such toxic relationships now.

7. People Who Do Not Respect You

These are generally people with very poor self-images. They cannot feel good about themselves unless they can belittle you or embarrass you in front of others. Further, they will never be mindful of your needs in a relationship; and your opinions do not matter. You may be in a co-dependent relationship with this individual, and it is tough to break out from that. If you begin to surround yourself with those who do respect you, the relationship will wither and die.

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8. People Who Hurt You

This pain can be physical or emotional, but both are bad. The emotional “hurts” include leaving you out of activities, cancelling engagements you have made, not showing up, making promises and commitments that they then don’t keep the physical “hurts” don’t even need explaining. The problem is that these people are usually those you care deeply about and it is painful to imagine life without them. If you are unable to break the hold such a person has on you, then you should get some help – you will be amazed at the ultimate relief you have when that person is out of your life.

9. Backstabbers

You know who they are – they are the ones who are backstabbing other people when they talk with you. Do you think you are somehow not the victim of the same treatment? Think again. This individual ruins reputations, harms relationships between other people, and gets some kind of sick pleasure out of doing so. Do not respond to the talk of a backstabber in any way. Do not be available for conversations or outings. Eventually, they will get the idea.

10. People Who Want You In Your Old Box

There is a great analogy of this kind of relationship. If you put one crab in a bucket, it will crawl out. If you put two crabs in a bucket, they will die in there. Why? Because as soon as one attempts to crawl out, the other will grab onto it. Neither will ever get out. There are people in your life like that. They don’t want you to “move on,” to grow, and to become more than you were in your past. And so, they will attempt to keep you in either your current situation or to return you to a previous situation or lifestyle that you have long ago discarded. You know people who never “grew up.” Perhaps it is the college friend from years ago who still drinks too much, still parties too much, still enjoys taking risks and being irresponsible. This is the person you may want to see once a year or so, but as a frequent friend? No.

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11. The Space Holders

These largely non-contributing souls are in your life for no purpose whatsoever. They don’t contribute to your well-being, to your peace, or to your happiness in any way. Why are you continuing to spend time with them? Are there not others with whom time is much more well-spent? Would you not be more productive is you were alone with yourself rather than with a space-holder? These people are generally not destructive or dangerous; but they are a waste of your time and energy.

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Elena Prokopets

Elena is a passionate blogger who shares about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on October 14, 2020

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Had a Bad Day? 7 Ways to Rebound From It and Feel Good Again

Today didn’t turn out as you planned, but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. It simply means that you’re human, and you’re not bad just because you had a bad day.

“Not everyday is a good day but there is something good in every day.” -Alice Morse Earle

It’s not the end of the world when you find yourself thinking “I had a bad day,” but it can feel like it. You may have had plans that fell apart, experiences that set you back, and interactions that only did harm.

You may have started the day thinking you could take on it all, only to find you could hardly get out of bed. When you have a bad day, you can forget to look at the good.

Sometimes, self-care helps us to remember why we are worth it. It helps us to recharge and reset our mindset. It helps us to know that there are still options and that the day isn’t over yet.

Love yourself today, no matter how hard it’s been. That’s the way to find yourself amidst the hardships you have. That’s how you center yourself and regain focus and live a more meaningful life. Give yourself some credit and compassion.

Here are 7 ways to rebound from a bad day using self-compassion as a tool. If you had a bad day, these are for you!

1. Make a Gratitude List

In a study on gratitude, psychologists Dr. Robert A Emmons and Dr. Michael E. McCullough conducted an experiment where one group of people wrote out gratitude lists for ten weeks while another group wrote about irritations. The study found that the group that wrote about gratitude reported more optimistic mindsets in their lives[1].

Overall, having a gratitude list improved well-being and made one truly grateful by counting the blessings in their lives.

Write a list of what you are grateful for if you had a bad day. Make it as long as you like, but also remember to note why you’re grateful for each thing you write.

What has given you the most joy? What has set you up for better days? Keep a tally of triumphs in mind, especially when you do have the bad days.

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The day doesn’t define you, and you still have things of value that surround you. These could be material things, spiritual connections and experiences, relationships, basic needs, emotional and mental well-being, physical health, progress towards hopes and dreams, or simply being alive.

Here are some other simple ways to practice gratitude.

2. Write in a Journal

Journaling affects your overall mental health, which also affects physical health and aids in the management of stress, depression, anxiety, and more[2].

All you need is a pen and paper, or you could do an online, password-protected journal such as Penzu. The key is to get started and not pressure yourself on how polished or perfect it is. You don’t need to have prior experience to start journal writing. Just start.

Write out everything that is bothering you for 15 minutes. This helps with rumination, processing problems, and can even aid with brainstorming solutions.

However you approach it, you can find patterns of thinking that no longer serve you and start to transform your overall mental state. This will impact all areas of your life and is a great coping skill.

3. Meditate

Meditation can help you overcome negative thought patterns, worrying about the future, dwelling on the past, or struggling to overcome a bad day[3]. It shifts your mentality and helps you focus on the present or any one thing you truly want to focus on.

Here is an example of a meditation you can do:

Get into a comfortable position. Close your eyes. Rest your body, release tension, and unclench your jaw. Tighten and release each muscle group in a body scan for progressive muscle relaxation.

Focus on your breath, taking a few deep breaths. Let your belly expand when you breathe in for diaphragmatic breathing. Empty yourself completely of air, then return to normal breathing.

Next, focus on the idea of self-love and let it erase negative thoughts. Think about the ways you’ve been judging yourself, with the narratives coming up that your mind may create.

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Give yourself unconditional love and release judgment. Take your time meditating on this because you matter. This is particularly important if you had a bad day.

Check out this article for more on how to get started with a meditation practice.

4. Do Child’s Pose

Yoga Outlet says:

“Child’s Pose is a simple way to calm your mind, slow your breath, and restore a feeling of peace and safety. Practicing the pose before bedtime can help to release the worries of the day. Practicing in the morning can you help transition from sleeping to waking.”[4]

When you do Child’s Pose, it can be between difficult positions in yoga, or it can be anytime you feel you need a rest. It helps you recover from difficulties and relax the mind.

It also has the physical health benefits of elongating your back, opening your hips, and helping with digestion[5].

To do Child’s Pose, rest your buttocks back on your feet, knees on the floor. Elongate your body over your knees with both arms extended or tucked back, with head and neck resting on the floor[6].

Had a bad day? Try Child's Pose.

     

    Do this pose as a gift to yourself. You are allowing yourself to heal, rest, get time for yourself, recover, and recharge. When you’ve had a bad day, it’s there waiting for you.

    5. Try Positive Self-Talk

    Engage in positive self-talk. This is essentially choosing your thoughts.

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    When you have a negative thought, such as “I can’t do this,” replace it consciously with the thought “I can do this.” Give yourself positive affirmations to help with this.

    Negative self-talk fits into four general categories: personalizing or blaming yourself, magnifying or only focusing on the negative, catastrophizing or expecting the worst to happen, and polarizing or only seeing back and white[7].

    When you stop blaming yourself for everything and start focusing on the positive, expecting things to work out, and seeing the areas of grey in life, you reverse these negative mindsets and engage in positive self-talk.

    When you speak words of kindness to yourself, your brain responds with a more positive attitude. That attitude will affect everything you do. It’s how you take care of yourself if you had a bad day.

    Check in with yourself to know when you are having negative self-talk. Are you seeing patterns? When did they start to become a problem? Are you able to turn these thoughts around?

    6. Use Coping Skills and Take a Break

    Use your coping skills. This means not letting your thoughts take control of yourself.

    You can distract yourself and escape a bit. Do things you love. You can exercise, listen to music, dance, volunteer or help someone, be in nature, or read a book.

    It isn’t about repression. It’s about redirection. You can’t stay in thoughts that are no longer working for you.

    Sometimes, it’s okay to get out of your own way. Give yourself a break from the things going on in your head. You can always come back to a problem later. This may even help you figure out the best course of action as sometimes stepping away is the only way to see the solution.

    If you had a bad day, you may not feel like addressing what went wrong. You may need a break, so take one.

    7. If a Bad Day Turns Into Bad Days

    “I believe depression is legitimate. But I also believe that if you don’t exercise, eat nutritious food, get sunlight, get enough sleep, consume positive material, surround yourself with support, then you aren’t giving yourself a fighting chance.” –Jim Carrey

    If you’ve been feeling out of control, depressed, or unstable for more than a few weeks, it’s time to call a mental health professional. This is not because you have failed in any way. It’s because you are human, and you simply need help.

    You may not be able to quickly rebound from a bad day, and that’s fine. Feel what you feel, but don’t let it consume you.

    When you talk to a professional, share the techniques that you have already tried here and whether they were helpful. They may tell you additional ideas or gain insights from your struggles of not being able to rebound from a series of bad days.

    If you’re having more than just a bad day, they will want to know. If you don’t have the answers, that’s okay, too. You just need to try these tools and figure out how you’re feeling. That’s all that’s required of you.

    Keep taking care of yourself. Any progress is progress, no matter how small. Give yourself a chance to get better by reaching out.

    Final Thoughts

    If you had a bad day, don’t let it stop you.

    Know this: It’s okay not to be okay. You have a right to feel what you feel. But there is something you can do about it.

    You can invest in yourself via self-care.

    You are not alone in this. Everyone has bad days from time to time. You just need to know that you are the positive things you tell yourself.

    More Things You Can Do If You Had a Bad Day

    Featured photo credit: Anthony Tran via unsplash.com

    Reference

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