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10 Tricks to Keep the Spark in Your Relationship

10 Tricks to Keep the Spark in Your Relationship

Anyone that has been in a long term relationship knows that the spark can fade. This is perfectly normal; after all, it’s unrealistic to expect it to be as exciting as it was in the beginning. This doesn’t mean that the fun and spark should die entirely though. Here are some tips and tricks on how to keep the romance alive in your relationship.

1. Share your memories

Never stop remembering the amazing times you spent together. Let your significant other know how much certain events and time spent with them meant to you by actually telling them. Don’t fall into the trap of just living in the past. You should want to create new memories and not just be stuck in the past.

2. Recreate your first date

Hopefully you’re doing this for fun, and not because you have amnesia or something.

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One cute way to bring spark into your relationship is to recreate a time when everything was new and exciting. Unless your first date was an unmitigated disaster, why not recreate it for your significant other? Just don’t try and force it. It’s okay if things don’t go 100% to plan. You want it to be a fun night of reminiscing, not desperate and sad.

3. Never stop flirting

One of the most exciting parts before the start of a relationship, or toward the beginning, is the flirtation. Just because you become more familiar with one another doesn’t mean that you should let that die. Keep making cute suggestive comments and sending flirty text messages. If you love the person, you should want to keep making him feel special.

4. Go on a second honeymoon

Or if you’re not married, at least take the time to go on a sexy vacation with your love. The weight of everyday life can make it incredibly easy to suck the romance out of our lives. Sometimes you just need to get away and rediscover your passion for one another.

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5. Don’t stop kissing

Remember kissing? It’s that thing that you used to not be able to get enough of.

It’s incredibly important to not let kissing go flying out of your relationship. And no, a quick peck on the lips or cheek before you leave for work doesn’t count. Take the time and effort to plant a mad pash on your loved one every day. It’s such a simple technique that can do wonders in regards to keeping the intimacy alive, as well as making each other feel sexy and desirable.

6. Smile more often

So many people say that one of their favourite features in a mate is their smile. So why do so many of us stop doing it once we’re in the middle of a long term relationship? Be mindful that you’re supposed to enjoy each other’s company, and that smiling is a big part of that.

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7. Laugh more often

Similar to above, laughing is essential to a healthy relationship. Your partner is supposed to be your best friend; if you can’t have fun and a good laugh with them, then something is seriously wrong. Take the time to rediscover your shared sense of humor.

8. Play dress up

I’m in no way an advocate for changing yourself to make someone else happy, but there’s nothing wrong with dressing up every now and then. It’s a healthy expression of your sexuality and can be a hell of a lot of fun. If you know that your partner has a particular fetish, interest, or kink, indulge in it for a night. He’ll be thrilled and will more than likely be willing to do the same for you.

9. Be honest

The above isn’t possible without being honest with your partner. If there’s something that you enjoy, whether it be in or out of the bedroom, share it with her. If you don’t feel like you can be honest about those kinds of things, you need to ask yourself why.

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10. Invest in your relationship

In our busy modern world it can be incredibly easy to stop investing time in your relationship and let it fall into a rut. As with anything, relationships needs to be nurtured and encouraged, particularly when they’re long term. Think about it: a relationship that spans years and decades will not stay the same the entire time. A million different things can change during that time, including the people involved. Therefore, it makes sense that time needs to always be taken to keep it healthy, interesting, fun and loving.

Featured photo credit: help to go/Valéria Almeida via flickr.com

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Tegan Jones

Tegan is a passionate journalist, writer and editor. She writes about lifestyle tips on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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