Advertising
Advertising

10 Tips to Help You Keep More Good Friends

10 Tips to Help You Keep More Good Friends

Modern-day technology and social media make it easier to stay connected with friends and keep up with their successes, interests and status updates. But busy lifestyles, superficial communication, false intimacy and even neediness make it harder to develop and keep real friendships.

If you have good friends who enrich your life, bring you positive energy, boost your well being, and serve as trusted confidants, these 10 tips can definitely help you keep them:

1. Make time to connect. 

In The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, author and palliative nurse Bronnie Ware reveals that one of the common regrets of the dying is, “I wish I had stayed in touch with friends.” She notes that among the people she cared for, “There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.”

Cultivating durable friendships involves building a solid foundation, resolving disagreements and misunderstandings, and showing appreciation for the person’s presence in your life. These all require staying in touch with your friends, not just online but offline as well.

When you’re dealing with deadlines at work, attending to your family’s needs, traveling the world, or pursuing hobbies, it’s challenging to connect with friends. But making time for friends is essential if you want to keep them.

Staying connected includes spontaneous telephone calls, quick emails, and online chatting just to say hi or to touch base on challenges and successes in life. It also means making time for face-to-face meetups, which are key to creating and maintaining a close bond.

Advertising

While inviting them to parties and happy hours are part of staying connected, you want to include one-on-one and small group meetings to have quality time together. Set a date to get together, whether it’s for a Saturday brunch at the neighborhood restaurant, a coffee chat before work, or a bowling game on a Friday evening. Then show up and treat them like a VIP.

2. Set and respect boundaries. 

When your friend is going through a tough time or facing a crisis, let her know how and when to best reach you for support. If you answer telephone calls only during certain hours, respond to text messages on your lunch break, or check your emails only once or twice a day, inform her of these habits. Likewise, don’t call your friend at odd hours (unless you have explicit consent from her) or expect an immediate reply from her (unless you have a mutual understanding) to hash out the latest drama and dilemma in your life.

Constant complaining and venting can undermine the long-term viability of your friendship, no matter how close it is. While revealing your frustrations and disappointments to good friends is natural and healthy, you also want to avoid relying on them for free therapy. Setting and respecting healthy boundaries are critical to maintaining real friendships.

3. Communicate mindfully.

When you’re talking with a friend, it can be tempting to chime in and give a comment here and there. You might even interrupt and finish her sentences because you know her so well.

Of course, communication is a two-way street. If you repetitively pepper your friend with questions and sit quietly, do no revealing yourself, or have no response to her stories, the interaction can feel like an interrogation rather than a conversation. Back and forth banter and selective listening are very common among friends. But it can also stop you from forging a strong connection and true intimacy.

Checking your voice mail, eyeing your text messages, or otherwise being distracted might seem acceptable when you’re with good friends, but it could turn them off from spending time with you. If you are interrupted and need to attend to something else, briefly explain why and re-direct your focus as quickly as possible.

Advertising

When it comes to meaningful conversations, the best friends are those who are able to listen deeply, without giving endless commentary or unsolicited advice. They know how to hold off on speaking when a sympathetic ear or calm space is really what’s needed.

Deep listening allows you to be completely present with the other person and to develop empathy for her emotions and experiences. Feeling fully heard and completely understood are some of the greatest gifts your friend can receive from you.

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. The friends who listen to us are the ones we move toward. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.” — Karl A. Menniger

Mindful speaking is also necessary to keeping good friends. The words you speak can be pleasant (such as when you pay a true compliment) or painful (like when you offer unnecessary and unkind criticism). Your speech influences your environment, shapes your reality, affects others’ perceptions, and makes or breaks friendships.

Be deliberate about what you say, when you say it and how you say it. Knowing when to speak up and when to stay silent has ripple effects on the quality and sustainability of friendships.

4. Be open to feedback

Asking for your friend’s comments, thoughts and opinions on your latest project or a decision you have to make is a huge compliment to them. If you solicit their feedback to help you build self-awareness, create new habits, and make positive changes, this shows how much you value their insights. Whether they have similar or different backgrounds, beliefs and philosophies, good friends bring a unique perspective to your life.

Advertising

5. Keep them accountable.

Healthy friendships are built on equality and respect, not co-dependence and obligation. Hold your good friends in high regard and expect them to keep their promises and act in alignment with their values and ideals.

While being non-judgmental goes a long way, you can gently ask your friend questions to help him become more self-aware and conscious of his choices. This is not about telling your friend what to do, but reminding him of his own capabilities and desires. Although your friend might be defensive and embarrassed at first, he will likely thank you later for helping him grow and stay true to his commitments.

6. Get to know them personally. 

If you want to keep good friends, show up at their celebrations, including birthday parties,  graduation shindigs, weddings and baby showers. Even if it’s just for an hour, your putting in face time at special events will be remembered and appreciated. You get to capture touching photos and make lasting memories of a shared experience and unique occasion.

Create or take advantage of opportunities to meet their significant others, spouses, children, cherished family members, and other friends. Develop common hobbies and mutual interests or learn about the activities they enjoy and what makes them come alive. Being a part of your friends’ community will help to strengthen your personal relationship with them.

“”Doing all we can to promote our friend’s happiness is better than to continually drink to his prosperity.” – Minna Thomas Antrim

7. Give them space. 

Being too needy or clingy can drive good friends away. When your friend doesn’t call you back, return your email, or reply to your text message as quickly as you’d like, don’t make it into a big deal.

Advertising

Good friends have full lives and personal responsibilities of their own, so don’t be surprised if their world doesn’t revolve around you. Explore your own interests, form a strong network and community, and savor solitude so that you can give each of your good friendships room to breathe.

8. Build trust.

Disclosing your likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses, and failures and successes encourages your friend to reciprocate and build a true connection with you. When a friend shares personal information with you, consider it as a step further into cultivating an authentic friendship, not as a means to gain leverage, content for gossip, or social power.

Practicing honesty and transparency, keeping confidences, and showing genuine interest in your friend’s well being are key to establishing trust. Do what you say you’re going to do. Keep your promises or renegotiate if you can’t keep them.

9. Resolve disagreements in emotionally mature ways. 

Get through conflicts by expressing what’s on your mind instead of allowing resentment to fester. State your preferences and point of view to create clarity and encourage dialogue, instead of making arguments to try and coerce your friend into agreeing with you. Attempting to instill fear, obligation and guilt or using any type of emotional blackmail are no-nos if you want to keep a good friendship.

10. Be a positive force.

 Although good friends can inspire you, you want to avoid obsessive comparisons that might bring you down or drive you to constant one-upping. Making negative comments, finding fault, and passing judgments are major turn-offs.

Instead, be  a vocal witness to your friend’s best qualities and most joyful experiences. Notice when your friends are most excited and energized — whether it’s when they speak about their latest work project or make progress on a creative hobby — and share your observation with them. They will enjoy being your friend when you remind them about what’s working for them and when you feel good about your own life.

No matter what you do, some good friends will naturally drift away as time passes or when circumstances change. But applying these 10 tips will help you keep more good friends for many years to come (and even for a lifetime).

Featured photo credit: mcconnmama via pixabay.com

More by this author

How to Keep Yourself Awake at Work Without Caffeine 10 Tips to Help You Keep More Good Friends 7 Strategies To Stay Super Focused 8 Ways You Can Learn to Deal with Jealousy Advice for Newlyweds: 5 Main Sources of Conflict and Steps to Resolve Them

Trending in Communication

1 How to Get Motivated and Be Happy Every Day When You Wake Up 2 Feeling Stuck in Life? How to Never Get Stuck Again 3 3 Ways to Reprogram Your Subconscious Mind to Reach Your Goals 4 Practical Advice for Overcoming Problems in INFP Relationships 5 How to Live up to Your Full Potential and Succeed in Life

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on December 2, 2018

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

7 Public Speaking Techniques To Help Connect With Your Audience

When giving a presentation or speech, you have to engage your audience effectively in order to truly get your point across. Unlike a written editorial or newsletter, your speech is fleeting; once you’ve said everything you set out to say, you don’t get a second chance to have your voice heard in that specific arena.

You need to make sure your audience hangs on to every word you say, from your introduction to your wrap-up. You can do so by:

1. Connecting them with each other

Picture your typical rock concert. What’s the first thing the singer says to the crowd after jumping out on stage? “Hello (insert city name here)!” Just acknowledging that he’s coherent enough to know where he is is enough for the audience to go wild and get into the show.

Advertising

It makes each individual feel as if they’re a part of something bigger. The same goes for any public speaking event. When an audience hears, “You’re all here because you care deeply about wildlife preservation,” it gives them a sense that they’re not just there to listen, but they’re there to connect with the like-minded people all around them.

2. Connect with their emotions

Speakers always try to get their audience emotionally involved in whatever topic they’re discussing. There are a variety of ways in which to do this, such as using statistics, stories, pictures or videos that really show the importance of the topic at hand.

For example, showing pictures of the aftermath of an accident related to drunk driving will certainly send a specific message to an audience of teenagers and young adults. While doing so might be emotionally nerve-racking to the crowd, it may be necessary to get your point across and engage them fully.

Advertising

3. Keep going back to the beginning

Revisit your theme throughout your presentation. Although you should give your audience the credit they deserve and know that they can follow along, linking back to your initial thesis can act as a subconscious reminder of why what you’re currently telling them is important.

On the other hand, if you simply mention your theme or the point of your speech at the beginning and never mention it again, it gives your audience the impression that it’s not really that important.

4. Link to your audience’s motivation

After you’ve acknowledged your audience’s common interests in being present, discuss their motivation for being there. Be specific. Using the previous example, if your audience clearly cares about wildlife preservation, discuss what can be done to help save endangered species’ from extinction.

Advertising

Don’t just give them cold, hard facts; use the facts to make a point that they can use to better themselves or the world in some way.

5. Entertain them

While not all speeches or presentations are meant to be entertaining in a comedic way, audiences will become thoroughly engaged in anecdotes that relate to the overall theme of the speech. We discussed appealing to emotions, and that’s exactly what a speaker sets out to do when he tells a story from his past or that of a well-known historical figure.

Speakers usually tell more than one story in order to show that the first one they told isn’t simply an anomaly, and that whatever outcome they’re attempting to prove will consistently reoccur, given certain circumstances.

Advertising

6. Appeal to loyalty

Just like the musician mentioning the town he’s playing in will get the audience ready to rock, speakers need to appeal to their audience’s loyalty to their country, company, product or cause. Show them how important it is that they’re present and listening to your speech by making your words hit home to each individual.

In doing so, the members of your audience will feel as if you’re speaking directly to them while you’re addressing the entire crowd.

7. Tell them the benefits of the presentation

Early on in your presentation, you should tell your audience exactly what they’ll learn, and exactly how they’ll learn it. Don’t expect them to listen if they don’t have clear-cut information to listen for. On the other hand, if they know what to listen for, they’ll be more apt to stay engaged throughout your entire presentation so they don’t miss anything.

Featured photo credit: Flickr via farm4.staticflickr.com

Read Next