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10 Tips To Help You Get Through The Day When Experiencing A Loss

10 Tips To Help You Get Through The Day When Experiencing A Loss

All human beings at some point in our lives reach a stage where situations seem to be out of our control. Be it a personal loss, relationship breakup, financial misfortune or job loss, these lead to stress affecting us emotionally, physically or mentally resulting in depression, anger, anxiety and health issues. How can we cope with it?

1. Connect

Do not isolate yourself. Reach out to your loved ones, family, friends especially those who are empathetic and positive. Unburdening your feelings will make you feel more at peace and sharing it with someone will bring faster healing.

2. Consider age-old wisdom

If you have lost a loved one, cherish his or her memory and know he or she is in a better place. This is fate but his or her love will remain with you forever. He or she may have wanted you to move on.

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If you have suffered a financial loss, know gains and losses are a part of life. You were happy before you had what you think you have lost. You still have the ability to get back and even double that. So look at what you have left and make the most of it. According to Holy scripture the Bhagvad Gita says,

“You came into this world with nothing and will leave this world empty-handed. Whatever is yours today belonged to somebody else yesterday and will belong to someone else tomorrow. Whatever happened in the past was for your good, whatever is happening now is for your good and whatever will happen tomorrow will also be for your good.”

If you had a relationship breakup or lost your job, learn from what went wrong so going forward you can have a successful second inning. You may have invested your emotions, time and energy wholeheartedly but things did not turn out as expected. High expectations bring frustration so do your part next time but keep your expectations low. The only thing permanent in life is change and all things happen for a reason. You will realize this once the storm has passed.

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3. Exercise

Follow a daily routine of at least 20 minutes of cardio or yoga to beat the blues. Studies show working out releases a feel-good hormone that makes you feel better.

4. Pick up a hobby

Release your emotions through any activity of your interest be it painting or dancing. Listening to upbeat or soothing music or watching happy or funny movies is also a proven remedy. After all laughter is the best medicine.

5. Food

Foods such as dark chocolate, fish and fruits such as oranges are recommended by science to uplift your mood.

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6. Take a break

If possible, change your surroundings. Go away to some place peaceful where you can get alone time or be with someone you love. This will distract you and allow you to introspect. You will get a refreshed view of how to start anew.

7. Practice mindfulness

Go out in nature preferably in the evening hours when the sun is about to set. This is the time one feels most depressed. Breathe deeply and observe the beauty around you. Doing so will make you feel calm.

8. Give back

Life throws challenges to make you more humble. Volunteer for a cause you believe in. You will realize you are not alone in your suffering. Some people’s miseries may even make yours seem insignificant in comparison.

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9. Keep the faith

Science has proven those who pray heal faster. Trust in the higher power to direct your path.

10. Think positive

There is light at the end of the tunnel. Time is a big healer and feel comfort in knowing your present ordeal has only made you stronger and wiser.

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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