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10 Things Only People Who Aren’t Obsessed With Control Understand

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10 Things Only People Who Aren’t Obsessed With Control Understand

Do you have a tendency to over-think? Do you worry about every single aspect and detail of life? Are you over-competitive? Does not knowing the outcome of every little situation stress you out? Chances are you are obsessed with control.

This trait has its positives. It means that you are most likely a hard-working individual, who takes things seriously and doesn’t mess around. You are motivated and competitive, and this makes other people respect and admire you.

However there are some things that people who are obsessed with control are missing out on. Here are just a few examples:

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1. They know some things are only complicated in our minds

Imagine getting into your car on a day where you happen to be extremely late for something, and no matter what you do, the car will not start. It’s a very old car and it has given you a lot of problems in the past. You begin to freak out and think of all the worst-case scenarios, how much it will cost to fix the car with money you don’t have. In the heat of a stressful moment, it doesn’t occur to you that one quick glance at the dashboard confirms that you’re simply out of gas.

For someone obsessed with control, it is easy to misunderstand and misinterpret things, and it can get very complicated. The most simple problems can get blown out of proportion when a person is stressed and prone to overreaction.

2. They accept that some things are inevitable

If you had the ability to relive the same day over and over again, chances are whatever event you were trying to avoid at the end of the day will still happen, no matter what you do differently. Instead of putting all your effort in trying to change the inevitable, why not save your energy and accept that nothing you do will change anything?

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3. They are aware that all you get from over-thinking are headaches

A person obsessed with control probably doesn’t have the word ‘relax’ in their vocabulary. There is a difference between giving careful consideration and over-thinking. People who aren’t obsessed with control know when to stop thinking about things that are not worth worrying about. Stressing about an important exam shows that you are concerned about your performance, but over-thinking will give you nothing but a bad headache, lowering your capabilities. Is it really worth the stress or not?

4. They appreciate the importance of surrender

Surrendering doesn’t mean that you’ve lost, or given up. Sometimes the concept of surrendering control can be more difficult that keeping things under control. Surrender isn’t a loss. It’s a victory.

5. They know things happen for a reason

Bad things happen everyday. Maybe your relationship just ended, or you just lost your job. It might seem like the worst thing in the world at the time, however it’s important to remember that these events give way to better things. You’ll find a better person, and a better job. Trying to control outcomes might be the only thing holding you back from moving forward with your life.

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6. They understand the fear of losing control

Control can provide a basis of safety and security for over-thinkers. It makes them feel confident and in control of their lives. It is easy to understand that losing control can be an extremely frightening thought to over-thinkers. Stressing and fearing the loss of control can be a major roadblock in success and relationships. This fear should be acknowledged in order for any progress to be made. The greatest accomplishment for a person obsessed with control is the ability to cope when control slips out of their hands.

7. They know which struggles are worthwhile

Life is all about priorities. For a person obsessed with control, the list of stresses and worries are endless, therefore the ability to prioritize is an extremely important skill. If you had to choose between stressing out about what fancy dinner to cook for your parents tonight and an important work presentation, you’d have to decide which would have more of an impact on your life. Some mental struggles aren’t worth wasting a second thought on. Your parents are going to love you no matter how bad the food is.

8. They understand the importance of trusting themselves

Never underestimate the power of basic instinct. You know more about yourself than anyone, so sometimes the biggest challenge is to trust yourself to make the right decisions. You can be up all night worrying about whether you make good or bad decisions. Sometimes it feels good to just trust that you know exactly what you’re doing and you really have nothing to worry about.

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9. They accept that they can’t compete with everyone

There are billions of people in the world. One very important lesson to remember is that you can’t compete with everyone. You can’t be number one in every aspect of life, which is a concept that is difficult to grasp if you’re obsessed with control. Overcoming this need to be number one will make you feel a lot more satisfied with yourself and therefore make you a happier person.

10. They know when control is a waste of time

Life is too short to be so stressed and obsessed with control all the time. Letting go of these desires frees up a lot more time for you to do things that you enjoy and spend time with people you love. Knowing when to let go of control allows you to live life to the fullest.

So stop stressing and start living!

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Featured photo credit: Depressed Man via sciencetimes.com

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Elizabeth Andal

Elizabeth is a passionate writer who shares about lifestyle tips and lessons learned in life on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on January 5, 2022

How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

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How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

Expressing Anger

Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

Being Passive-Aggressive

This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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Poorly-Timed

Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

Ongoing Anger

Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

Healthy Ways to Express Anger

What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

Being Honest

Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

Being Direct

Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

Being Timely

When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

How to Deal With Anger

If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

1. Slow Down

From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

2. Focus on the “I”

Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

3. Work out

When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

4. Seek Help When Needed

There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

5. Practice Relaxation

We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

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That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

6. Laugh

Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

7. Be Grateful

It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

Final Thoughts

Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

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More Resources on Anger Management

Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

Reference

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