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10 Things Only People Who Aren’t Obsessed With Control Understand

10 Things Only People Who Aren’t Obsessed With Control Understand

Do you have a tendency to over-think? Do you worry about every single aspect and detail of life? Are you over-competitive? Does not knowing the outcome of every little situation stress you out? Chances are you are obsessed with control.

This trait has its positives. It means that you are most likely a hard-working individual, who takes things seriously and doesn’t mess around. You are motivated and competitive, and this makes other people respect and admire you.

However there are some things that people who are obsessed with control are missing out on. Here are just a few examples:

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1. They know some things are only complicated in our minds

Imagine getting into your car on a day where you happen to be extremely late for something, and no matter what you do, the car will not start. It’s a very old car and it has given you a lot of problems in the past. You begin to freak out and think of all the worst-case scenarios, how much it will cost to fix the car with money you don’t have. In the heat of a stressful moment, it doesn’t occur to you that one quick glance at the dashboard confirms that you’re simply out of gas.

For someone obsessed with control, it is easy to misunderstand and misinterpret things, and it can get very complicated. The most simple problems can get blown out of proportion when a person is stressed and prone to overreaction.

2. They accept that some things are inevitable

If you had the ability to relive the same day over and over again, chances are whatever event you were trying to avoid at the end of the day will still happen, no matter what you do differently. Instead of putting all your effort in trying to change the inevitable, why not save your energy and accept that nothing you do will change anything?

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3. They are aware that all you get from over-thinking are headaches

A person obsessed with control probably doesn’t have the word ‘relax’ in their vocabulary. There is a difference between giving careful consideration and over-thinking. People who aren’t obsessed with control know when to stop thinking about things that are not worth worrying about. Stressing about an important exam shows that you are concerned about your performance, but over-thinking will give you nothing but a bad headache, lowering your capabilities. Is it really worth the stress or not?

4. They appreciate the importance of surrender

Surrendering doesn’t mean that you’ve lost, or given up. Sometimes the concept of surrendering control can be more difficult that keeping things under control. Surrender isn’t a loss. It’s a victory.

5. They know things happen for a reason

Bad things happen everyday. Maybe your relationship just ended, or you just lost your job. It might seem like the worst thing in the world at the time, however it’s important to remember that these events give way to better things. You’ll find a better person, and a better job. Trying to control outcomes might be the only thing holding you back from moving forward with your life.

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6. They understand the fear of losing control

Control can provide a basis of safety and security for over-thinkers. It makes them feel confident and in control of their lives. It is easy to understand that losing control can be an extremely frightening thought to over-thinkers. Stressing and fearing the loss of control can be a major roadblock in success and relationships. This fear should be acknowledged in order for any progress to be made. The greatest accomplishment for a person obsessed with control is the ability to cope when control slips out of their hands.

7. They know which struggles are worthwhile

Life is all about priorities. For a person obsessed with control, the list of stresses and worries are endless, therefore the ability to prioritize is an extremely important skill. If you had to choose between stressing out about what fancy dinner to cook for your parents tonight and an important work presentation, you’d have to decide which would have more of an impact on your life. Some mental struggles aren’t worth wasting a second thought on. Your parents are going to love you no matter how bad the food is.

8. They understand the importance of trusting themselves

Never underestimate the power of basic instinct. You know more about yourself than anyone, so sometimes the biggest challenge is to trust yourself to make the right decisions. You can be up all night worrying about whether you make good or bad decisions. Sometimes it feels good to just trust that you know exactly what you’re doing and you really have nothing to worry about.

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9. They accept that they can’t compete with everyone

There are billions of people in the world. One very important lesson to remember is that you can’t compete with everyone. You can’t be number one in every aspect of life, which is a concept that is difficult to grasp if you’re obsessed with control. Overcoming this need to be number one will make you feel a lot more satisfied with yourself and therefore make you a happier person.

10. They know when control is a waste of time

Life is too short to be so stressed and obsessed with control all the time. Letting go of these desires frees up a lot more time for you to do things that you enjoy and spend time with people you love. Knowing when to let go of control allows you to live life to the fullest.

So stop stressing and start living!

Featured photo credit: Depressed Man via sciencetimes.com

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Elizabeth Andal

Elizabeth is a passionate writer who shares about lifestyle tips and lessons learned in life on Lifehack.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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