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10 Things Nothing Else But A Heartbreak Will Teach You

10 Things Nothing Else But A Heartbreak Will Teach You

A heartbreak can act as a brake to your sweet fleeting life. And even the inundation of expert advice from your close ones, in such situations, proves ineffective because the one going through hell at that time is you, all alone, right? And this short journey through hell ultimately leads you to things that otherwise are “esoteric” (only meant or understood by a special group of people). So read on and acquaint yourself with these 10 things that only a heartbreak can teach you.

SPOILER ALERT: If you have previously gone through a heartbreak, you may empathize with the following given points.

1. Relationships cannot survive on love alone.

You might think that love is all you need in a relationship, but ask someone who has been rejected or heartbroken. Love is not the only key for a good relationship; there are various aspects to it. You might have heard people saying, “we both love each other so much, yet our relationship is on the rocks” or, “in spite of loving each other, we have decided on a mutual break-up.” Such statements might have confused you, but a person who has gone through a heartbreak very well understands it. A heartbreak will practically throw you out of your dreamy zone and familiarize you with reality.

2. Heartbreak is not just a metaphor.

Until you really witness the ordeal of a Heartbreak, you can only mock or sympathize with the people going through it. A heartbreak can only teach you that physical pain is not the worst kind of pain in the world; “heartbreak”is, because it isn’t just psychological—it’s physical as well.

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“There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds.” —Laurell K. Hamilton

3. Feelings are untrustworthy.

Feelings are like vortex of emotions; they draw everything that surrounds them toward the center, sometimes engulfing your own life. So to trust on your feelings completely is not at all safe. And a heartbreak can very well teach you that. It can make you understand that your feelings are mere perceptions experienced by your body for particular situations. The feelings which once made you strong and steady can also make you weak and fragile and vice versa. So a crucial lesson a heartbreak can teach you is to judge people by their actions also and not entirely based on your feelings towards them.

4. Some doors are meant to be shut.

A Heartbreak can teach you the most important lesson of life which otherwise is hard to get: “Nothing in life is immortal.” In life, you might often wish that some good things always continue to exist, but you get all perplexed the moment they seem to cease. You must have dedicated some part of your life to making sure that good thing continues existing, but when such a thing gets lost, you are not able to let it go, and there will always a part in you that longs for it, making your life miserable. But only a heartbreak can teach you that it’s better to close some doors as they don’t lead anywhere.

“Sometimes we need to forget some people from our past because of one simple reason: they just don’t belong in our future.” —Anonymous

5. Self-adequacy.

The feeling of self-adequacy is the most important lesson a heartbreak can teach you. Self-adequacy implies that one views oneself as capable of dealing satisfactorily with problems or in the things one sets out to do. Well, before a heartbreak you think that your loved one is the person responsible for your happiness or either you are the one responsible for his problems or vice-versa, but the trauma of a heartbreak can very well make you understand your own competence or ability towards your own happiness. You realize that no one else but you yourself are responsible to either make or break your life.

6. Life still goes on.

“I love you and I’d rather be happy with you, than without you, but with or without you, life still goes on. I’ll be OK.”

The above quoted lines beautifully explain the feelings known to a heartbroken person. Prior to heartbreak, you cannot imagine a life without your loved one. You might feel that life would stop or everything around you will cease if your loved one is not there with you. But a heartbreak can grimly make you realize that time stops for no one and life goes on even when you are not ready.

7. Good and evil are two sides of the same coin.

From past times, it’s been said that good and evil are two sides of the same coin. Though that statement is quite baffling, a person gone through a heartbreak will definitely approve on that. Anyone who has been abandoned or rejected knows how the same person who was so good and caring earlier can become evil and harmful later. Even the idea of loving and hating the same person at one point that seems so weird to most of us, but it is an actual truth for a person who has been through heartbreak.

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8. Heartbreak illustrates your weaknesses.

“Some people pass through our lives for a reason to teach us lessons that could never be learned if they stayed.” —Mandy Hale

Yes, heartbreak can in a way prove beneficial to you. It can make you aware of your inner weaknesses. People are not able to accept their faults or become sullen if their weaknesses are pointed out by others. But a heartbreak can surely make you aware of your weak points, in a way giving you an opportunity for self-improvement.

9. Life is unpredictable.

A heartbreak can categorically teach you that surprises are a part of life. Prior to a heartbreak, no matter how much you planned for your future love life, it was all shattered into pieces. You received what was unexpected from life. You were sure about your lover and his or her insights, but what happened later was a violent blow on your predictions.

10. Enlightening love.

Last but not least, a heartbreak can enlighten you more about love than anything else in the world. You understand the complexities invoved with it. And no matter how much it might have hurt you, a heartbreak can never wipe out love from your heart. You don’t lose the power of being loved or to love someone entirely.

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“A baby is born with a need to be loved—and never outgrows it.” —Frank A. Clark

Featured photo credit: Alfonsina Blyde via flickr.com

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The Gentle Art of Saying No

The Gentle Art of Saying No

No!

It’s a simple fact that you can never be productive if you take on too many commitments — you simply spread yourself too thin and will not be able to get anything done, at least not well or on time.

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But requests for your time are coming in all the time — through phone, email, IM or in person. To stay productive, and minimize stress, you have to learn the Gentle Art of Saying No — an art that many people have problems with.

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What’s so hard about saying no? Well, to start with, it can hurt, anger or disappoint the person you’re saying “no” to, and that’s not usually a fun task. Second, if you hope to work with that person in the future, you’ll want to continue to have a good relationship with that person, and saying “no” in the wrong way can jeopardize that.

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But it doesn’t have to be difficult or hard on your relationship. Here are the Top 10 tips for learning the Gentle Art of Saying No:

  1. Value your time. Know your commitments, and how valuable your precious time is. Then, when someone asks you to dedicate some of your time to a new commitment, you’ll know that you simply cannot do it. And tell them that: “I just can’t right now … my plate is overloaded as it is.”
  2. Know your priorities. Even if you do have some extra time (which for many of us is rare), is this new commitment really the way you want to spend that time? For myself, I know that more commitments means less time with my wife and kids, who are more important to me than anything.
  3. Practice saying no. Practice makes perfect. Saying “no” as often as you can is a great way to get better at it and more comfortable with saying the word. And sometimes, repeating the word is the only way to get a message through to extremely persistent people. When they keep insisting, just keep saying no. Eventually, they’ll get the message.
  4. Don’t apologize. A common way to start out is “I’m sorry but …” as people think that it sounds more polite. While politeness is important, apologizing just makes it sound weaker. You need to be firm, and unapologetic about guarding your time.
  5. Stop being nice. Again, it’s important to be polite, but being nice by saying yes all the time only hurts you. When you make it easy for people to grab your time (or money), they will continue to do it. But if you erect a wall, they will look for easier targets. Show them that your time is well guarded by being firm and turning down as many requests (that are not on your top priority list) as possible.
  6. Say no to your boss. Sometimes we feel that we have to say yes to our boss — they’re our boss, right? And if we say “no” then we look like we can’t handle the work — at least, that’s the common reasoning. But in fact, it’s the opposite — explain to your boss that by taking on too many commitments, you are weakening your productivity and jeopardizing your existing commitments. If your boss insists that you take on the project, go over your project or task list and ask him/her to re-prioritize, explaining that there’s only so much you can take on at one time.
  7. Pre-empting. It’s often much easier to pre-empt requests than to say “no” to them after the request has been made. If you know that requests are likely to be made, perhaps in a meeting, just say to everyone as soon as you come into the meeting, “Look guys, just to let you know, my week is booked full with some urgent projects and I won’t be able to take on any new requests.”
  8. Get back to you. Instead of providing an answer then and there, it’s often better to tell the person you’ll give their request some thought and get back to them. This will allow you to give it some consideration, and check your commitments and priorities. Then, if you can’t take on the request, simply tell them: “After giving this some thought, and checking my commitments, I won’t be able to accommodate the request at this time.” At least you gave it some consideration.
  9. Maybe later. If this is an option that you’d like to keep open, instead of just shutting the door on the person, it’s often better to just say, “This sounds like an interesting opportunity, but I just don’t have the time at the moment. Perhaps you could check back with me in [give a time frame].” Next time, when they check back with you, you might have some free time on your hands.
  10. It’s not you, it’s me. This classic dating rejection can work in other situations. Don’t be insincere about it, though. Often the person or project is a good one, but it’s just not right for you, at least not at this time. Simply say so — you can compliment the idea, the project, the person, the organization … but say that it’s not the right fit, or it’s not what you’re looking for at this time. Only say this if it’s true — people can sense insincerity.

Featured photo credit: Pexels via pexels.com

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