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10 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do in Relationships

10 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do in Relationships

Most of us remember a crazy relationship we were in, or a time we acted crazy toward someone we love. Looking back, it’s often difficult to remember what our mindset was in that moment. We ask ourselves, “Did I really act like that?” I wish I knew more then than I know now about how to be a better partner, son, and friend.

The sad reality is that we just aren’t taught how to be mentally strong when faced with adversity. The good news is that it’s never too late to start. Here are 10 things mentally strong people DON’T do when it comes to relationships.

1. They don’t analyze everything

Mentally strong people don’t analyze the meaning behind everything someone else does. As an introvert, I pride myself on my ability to find the deeper meaning in life. But I caution you not to get to caught up in analyzing everything! Sometimes a head scratch is just a head scratch. (It doesn’t mean they are bored with you and would rather be with someone else.)

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2. They don’t believe the other person will “complete” them

Mentally strong people complete themselves before they look for someone else to enhance their lives. You have to enjoy your own company first and nobody else can replace that part of you. Many people live their lives as if they were a character in a romantic comedy, and believe that they must eat, sleep, and breath their partner. Mentally strong people remind themselves they are complete just the way they are.

3. They don’t bring up the past to justify the present

Mentally strong people don’t bring up the past to win an argument or use it as relationship collateral. They try to work toward improving the relationship in that moment, instead of bringing up past events to justify their actions. Mentally strong people seek to live in the moment by understanding that the past has its place but will never solve today’s problems.

4. They don’t look outside the relationship to improve the relationship

Mentally strong people devote their full attention to themselves and their partner, when it comes to fixing problems in the relationship.  They don’t seek another person to fulfill their needs. They don’t become distant and justify their behavior by looking outside of the relationship to feel better about themselves. They don’t engage in destructive behavior to avoid the inevitable.

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5. They don’t put the other person down to feel better about themselves

Mentally strong people understand that you don’t treat other people this way. It’s a lot easier to blame someone else for the way you act or feel, instead of looking at why you react the way you do. Mentally strong people know that the only way to have a successful relationship is to lift the other person up, not put them down in order to temporarily feel better about themselves.

6. They don’t stop communicating

Mentally strong people communicate with others in the good times and in the bad. They don’t avoid conversations that need to be had. They seek to better understand their partner, instead of avoiding topics that are uncomfortable or awkward. The mentally strong don’t avoid things because they are uncomfortable, but rather look at these situations as welcome opportunities to improve the relationship.

7. They don’t stop loving themselves

Mentally strong people love themselves first, so they can love other people, not the other way around. Mentally strong people spend time improving their lives first, before they try and help anyone else. They know that by radiating love, it will only help the relationship succeed. Mentally strong people put themselves first.

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8. They don’t believe they can fix the other person

Mentally strong people help their partners in any way they can, but they understand that they cannot change the other person. Only an individual can change themself. Mentally strong people don’t live in the future and convince themselves that if only they put enough effort or time into someone, then that person will change. Moreover, mentally strong people seek to understand the other person’s perspective, before they try and offer them advice.

9. They don’t try to make relationships progress faster

Mentally strong people accept that the relationship will develop in the right way. Of course, there are ways to improve the relationship and develop a deeper understanding of one another. However, mentally strong people know deep down that they can’t force something that will take time to develop. They give up control and surrender to the natural progression of the relationship.

10. They don’t stay in unhealthy relationships

Mentally strong people know when a relationship of any kind is no longer working. Not only do they look out for themselves, but they look out for the other person by communicating clearly. They understand that they’ve put in as much time and effort as they could, but would rather spend that time on someone who is right for them. The mentally strong know that everything will work out just fine.

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It’s a lot easier to find fault in someone else, especially when we become vulnerable and trust someone we love. I encourage you to be mentally strong first, then ro seek someone who complements who you already are. Only through self discovery can we better understand the types of people who will enhance our lives.

To successfully improve any relationship, you no longer seek to change the other person, but you will instead seek to continually enhance a long and prosperous life together.

Featured photo credit: Up-Free via pixabay.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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