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Last Updated on August 24, 2018

10 Things Guys Love That You Didn’t Expect

10 Things Guys Love That You Didn’t Expect

We men are simple creatures but are generally misunderstood. There is more to men than just good look. Men appreciate what’s inside a woman too.

Here are the things that guys love:

1. We love it when you shoot us the first text of the day

James Michael Sama over at Huffington Post said it best.[1]

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“There is a lot of pressure for guys to always initiate conversation.”

That’s very true and starts out when we first meet you. We’re the ones who walk up to you in the bar. We’re the ones who have to call back after the third day or some such thing. When it comes to talking, we usually go first. Every now and then, it’s nice to wake up and see that good morning text from you.

2. We love it when you laugh

Laughter is always the best medicine and men love giving you your daily dose of it. We will literally act intentionally stupid to generate a laugh. We’ll overact when we hurt ourselves and act sassy and sarcastic to get a smile. We thrive on your laughter even if it comes at our expenses. Do us a favor and snicker a bit when we do something goofy because we’re doing it for you.

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3. We love your nurturing side

Generally speaking, we love to take care of you. It’s just what (most of us) are born to do. However, every now and then it’s nice to be taken care of. It never has to be anything absurd or grandeur. A back rub after a long day, a little soup when we’re sick, or a hug when we’re down is all we need. Few men will admit this, but we love it when we say to ourselves that we have a partner who takes care of us. It also makes us want to work harder to take care of you!

4. We love to cuddle

Now when I say we love to cuddle, I don’t mean that we love to cuddle form 11AM til 2AM the following morning. We’re men, we’re busy, and we have stuff to do. But if you want to cuddle on the couch while watching a movie or for a little while before bed, we’re totally down for that. The closeness makes us feel good and we like to make you feel safe. Chances are it’ll also put us to sleep but that’s the risk you run.

5. We love to talk about feelings

Just, you know, not our feelings. At least not all the time. We like hearing about your day and your triumphs and troubles. Your life is interesting to us (that’s why you’re in our life to begin with). Now, there is at least one rule to this. We love listening to you talk about your feelings but we mentally can’t handle doing it for like four hours at a time. That’s just ridiculous. Not one of the Lord of the Rings movies is that long. Just because we can’t listen all day long doesn’t mean we don’t care or we don’t want to. We’re men, we have short attention spans. Work with our weaknesses, please!

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6. We love it when you talk about us on Facebook

Not all the time. Okay, not even some of the time. Really all we’re asking for here is a cursory mention every now and then. When we go through the trouble of surprising you with something totally awesome, we love it when you want to tell your friends about it. Posting that you love your man 45 times a day is creepy and even your man thinks so. That said, if he happens to buy you that special thing you wanted for Christmas or makes a superb dinner, do him a favor, take a picture, post it on Facebook, and show some pride in your man.

7. We love it when you listen

I mean really listen. You know as well as I do that men don’t typically open up about our feelings, fears, frustrations, etc. When we do, it is because the topic is something important to us. We love when we finally decide to open up and you care enough to hear us out. I couldn’t tell you how many times I kept something bottled up and finally opened my mouth about it and my girlfriend sat there and listened to me. The weight comes off the chest and life is all good again. It’s a great feeling that we just can’t get from our guy friends.

8. We love it when you text us when you’re out with your friends

Any guy who says he is 100% jealousy free is a 100% liar. Even the most stable relationships in the world have that 1-2% that creeps into the brain and wonders how you’re doing. We’re not asking for you to give us a play-by-play recap of your night. Chances are when you’re out with your friends, we’re watching sports listening to a guy on TV give us a play-by-play of the game. We can only take one play-by-play at a time. All we want is like a “hello” or something every so often to let us know that you’re thinking about us. It makes us feel good and keeps that bit of jealousy all men have at bay.

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9. We love it when we’re needed

We may moan and groan when your car breaks down, that pickle jar won’t open, or that thing on the shelf is too high for you to reach and you ask us to help. It’s all an act. Secretly, we love helping you with these things. It makes us feel useful and that’s a feeling that’s important for a man. As with these other things, you shouldn’t go overboard with it. We like it when we’re needed but we also don’t want to spend the whole day following you around doing things for you. That’s not a relationship, that’s a job. We love being needed the most when you need help the most. It’ll take you four hours to get us to do the dishes but if you’re trapped under a bookcase and the house is burning down, you best believe we’re on that!

10. We love it when you appreciate us

Every now and then we love hearing that what we do is appreciated. Too many men on this planet go to work 40-60 hours a week, pay for the house, the food, and the bills without so much as a thank you. We know deep down you do appreciate it (at least we hope you do) but sometimes it feels really good to hear it out loud. Just something like “I know you worked hard to do this for me and I appreciate it” is good enough. It doesn’t have to be serious stuff like work and the mortgage. Dropping a “thank you my strong man” when we open the pickle jar is a really good way to get us to walk away smiling. The enticing part was my idea. You don’t have to use that if you don’t want to but secretly we love that too.

Thanks to the media, expectations, and other outside things, men have become a bigger mystery to women than women are to men. The fact is that the same thing that makes a man happy now is the same thing that made men happy 300 years ago. The times have changed and we have all changed with them for the most part. The one thing that has never changed is what makes us happy and generally, that’s you.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Reference

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Last Updated on January 15, 2019

What Are Interpersonal Skills? Master Them for Better Relationships

What Are Interpersonal Skills? Master Them for Better Relationships

When I wrote my book Extraordinary PR, Ordinary Budget: A Strategy Guide, I was surprised at the various layers of review and editing necessary to get the book to publication. Before I ever submitted the manuscript, I enlisted a former colleague to read and copy edit my work. Then, I submitted my work to an editor at the publisher’s house, and once she approved it, she sent it to her colleagues and then her company’s editorial board.

Upon editorial board approval of my book, my editor sent my work to reviewers in my field, then a developmental editor, then a designer and layout team and, finally, another copy editor. There were a host of personalities with whom I needed to interact along the way.

It turns out that getting a publishing contract was just the beginning – a lot happens between developing a concept, writing the book, finding an agent and publisher, and getting the book on bookshelves or on Audible or Kindle. Through every milestone of the publishing process, my ability to interact with others was crucial. This underscored for me that no matter what or how much a person accomplishes, you never do it alone – everyone needs assistance from others.

While I conceived of the book and wrote the manuscript, there is no way my book could have hit booksellers’ shelves without the dozens of people who were involved in the publishing process. Further, interpersonal skills can propel or stonewall success.

Even as someone who has written hundreds of essays, press releases, pitch notes and other correspondence, writing itself is not a solitary endeavor. Sure, I may write in solitude, but the moment I am finished writing, there are always clients, colleagues, partners, peers and others who review my content.

What is more, even as a published author and contributor for this platform, I try to never submit final copy (content) that has not been copy edited. I send everything to my copy editor, whom I pay out of my own pocket, for her review, edits and approval. Once she has reviewed my work, caught unbeknownst-to-me errors, I am much more confident putting my work out in the world.

How Interpersonal Skills Affect Relationships

It is clearer to me now more than ever before that interpersonal skills are needed in every profession and every trade.

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People don’t elect leaders because the leaders are smart. Individuals are motivated to vote when they have a hero and when they feel they have something to lose. If they seriously dislike the other candidate, they are much more likely vote according to a 2000 Ohio State University study:

“A disliked candidate is seen as a threat, and that will be motivation to go to the polls. But a threat alone isn’t enough – people need to have a hero to vote for, too, in order to inspire them to turn out on Election Day.”

In a work setting, interpersonal skills impact every facet of your development and success. Trainers must collaborate with a design team or the company hiring them to facilitate the training. During the training itself, the facilitators must connect with the audience and establish a rapport that supports vulnerability and openness. If the trainers interact poorly with the trainees, they are unlikely to be invited back. If they are invited back, they may be unlikely to inspire cooperation or growth in their trainees.

Solopreneurs interactions with clients and subcontractors, and those interactions will, in part, support or adversely impact their business. If you enjoy a career as an acclaimed surgeon or respected lawyer, your interactions with patients, clients, health insurance agencies and a team of other practitioners – many of whom are shielded from public view – will improve or decimate your practice.

As a hiring manager, one of the things I consider when interviewing candidates is their interpersonal skills. I assess the interpersonal skills they display in their content and face-to-face presentation. I ask probing questions to learn how they interact with others, manage conflict and contribute to a team atmosphere.

When candidates say things like, “I prefer to work alone” or “I can hit the ground running without assistance,” I bristle. When candidates appear to know everything and everyone, I wonder if they will be receptive to learning or open to feedback. Could these statements be indications that these individuals lack interpersonal skills?

It stands to reason, then, that interpersonal skills are among the most valuable and the bedrock of all talents and skills.

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What are Interpersonal Skills?

Interpersonal skills range from emotional intelligence, empathy, oral and written communication to leadership to collaboration and teamwork.

In sum, interpersonal skills are skills that enable you to interact well with others. They include teachability and receptiveness to feedback, active or mindful listening, self-confidence and conflict resolution.

From a communications standpoint, interpersonal skills are about understanding how colleagues prefer to communicate and then using the appropriate mediums to meet respective needs. It is about understanding how to communicate in a way to get the most out of different people.

For instance, in my career as a public relations practitioner, part of what I am constantly evaluating is which colleagues, clients and members of the media prefer email, text or phone calls. I am assessing how much frill to use with each person depending on what has worked in the past and depending on what I know about the person with whom I am interacting.

Making these decisions and being disciplined enough to follow each person’s known preferences helps me better connect with the various individuals in my orbit. Is this tiring at times? Yes. Is it necessary? Absolutely.

How to Improve Interpersonal Skills

There are tons of resources to teach interpersonal skills. I love books such as Leadership Presence by Belle Linda Halpern and Kathy Lubar, and The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman.

There are also a host of books and articles on emotional intelligence, which is the ability to manage one’s emotions and perceive and adapt to others’ emotions. Emotional intelligence is likewise a critical component of positive interpersonal relations. You can learn more about it in this article: What Is Emotional Intelligence and Why It Is Important

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Active and mindful listening also support improved interpersonal skills. I recommend you take a look at this piece: Active Listening – A Skill That Everyone Should Master

I have further found that humility helps a ton with interpersonal skills. It takes humility to admit you have more to learn and that you can learn from the people around you. In fact, everyone with whom you interact has a lesson to teach you. And employers are increasingly looking for team members who are lifelong learners, meaning they believe there is always room for growth and professional and personal development.

Forbes contributor Kevin H. Johnson noted in a July 2018 article,

“That’s why, when anyone asks what the next ‘hot’ skill will be, I say it’s the same skill that will serve people today, tomorrow, and far into the future—the ability to learn.”

Don’t overlook introspection.

While interpersonal skills may seem simple enough, introspection is critical to learning where and in what ways you need to grow.

Through introspection and observation, I have learned that my interpersonal skills suffer when I am sleep deprived, because then I am short-tempered and irritable. I’ve observed this connection over a significant period in my life. Unsurprisingly, it is also true of others. Fellow LifeHack contributor, health coach and personal trainer Jamie Logie noted:

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When you are chronically sleep deprived, it really does a number on you. A lack of sleep can keep your body in a constant state of stress and over time this can get pretty ugly. Elevated stress hormones can be involved in creating a bunch of pretty nasty conditions including anxiety, headaches and dizziness, weight gain, depression, stroke, hypertension, digestive disorders, immune system dysfunction, irritability.

Additionally, the Eunice Kennedy Shriver National Institute of Child Health and Human Development reported,

“Sleep deprivation can noticeably affect people’s performance, including their ability to think clearly, react quickly, and form memories. Sleep deprivation also affects mood, leading to irritability; problems with relationships, especially for children and teenagers; and depression. Sleep deprivation can also increase anxiety.”

The point is, even as you are identifying ways to improve interpersonal skills, think about what is getting in the way. While sleep deprivation is a trigger for me, your stumbling block may be different.

The Bottom Line

You cannot fix what you do not know is broken. Even as you work to understand and apply interpersonal skills, spend some time in mindful meditation to get clear on what is holding you back from developing solid relationships.

Featured photo credit: Austin Distel via unsplash.com

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