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10 Things Guys Love That You Didn’t Expect

10 Things Guys Love That You Didn’t Expect

We men are simple creatures but are generally misunderstood. There is more to men than just good look. Men appreciate what’s inside a woman too.

Here are the things that guys love:

1. We love it when you shoot us the first text of the day

James Michael Sama over at Huffington Post said it best.[1]

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“There is a lot of pressure for guys to always initiate conversation.”

That’s very true and starts out when we first meet you. We’re the ones who walk up to you in the bar. We’re the ones who have to call back after the third day or some such thing. When it comes to talking, we usually go first. Every now and then, it’s nice to wake up and see that good morning text from you.

2. We love it when you laugh

Laughter is always the best medicine and men love giving you your daily dose of it. We will literally act intentionally stupid to generate a laugh. We’ll overact when we hurt ourselves and act sassy and sarcastic to get a smile. We thrive on your laughter even if it comes at our expenses. Do us a favor and snicker a bit when we do something goofy because we’re doing it for you.

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3. We love your nurturing side

Generally speaking, we love to take care of you. It’s just what (most of us) are born to do. However, every now and then it’s nice to be taken care of. It never has to be anything absurd or grandeur. A back rub after a long day, a little soup when we’re sick, or a hug when we’re down is all we need. Few men will admit this, but we love it when we say to ourselves that we have a partner who takes care of us. It also makes us want to work harder to take care of you!

4. We love to cuddle

Now when I say we love to cuddle, I don’t mean that we love to cuddle form 11AM til 2AM the following morning. We’re men, we’re busy, and we have stuff to do. But if you want to cuddle on the couch while watching a movie or for a little while before bed, we’re totally down for that. The closeness makes us feel good and we like to make you feel safe. Chances are it’ll also put us to sleep but that’s the risk you run.

5. We love to talk about feelings

Just, you know, not our feelings. At least not all the time. We like hearing about your day and your triumphs and troubles. Your life is interesting to us (that’s why you’re in our life to begin with). Now, there is at least one rule to this. We love listening to you talk about your feelings but we mentally can’t handle doing it for like four hours at a time. That’s just ridiculous. Not one of the Lord of the Rings movies is that long. Just because we can’t listen all day long doesn’t mean we don’t care or we don’t want to. We’re men, we have short attention spans. Work with our weaknesses, please!

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6. We love it when you talk about us on Facebook

Not all the time. Okay, not even some of the time. Really all we’re asking for here is a cursory mention every now and then. When we go through the trouble of surprising you with something totally awesome, we love it when you want to tell your friends about it. Posting that you love your man 45 times a day is creepy and even your man thinks so. That said, if he happens to buy you that special thing you wanted for Christmas or makes a superb dinner, do him a favor, take a picture, post it on Facebook, and show some pride in your man.

7. We love it when you listen

I mean really listen. You know as well as I do that men don’t typically open up about our feelings, fears, frustrations, etc. When we do, it is because the topic is something important to us. We love when we finally decide to open up and you care enough to hear us out. I couldn’t tell you how many times I kept something bottled up and finally opened my mouth about it and my girlfriend sat there and listened to me. The weight comes off the chest and life is all good again. It’s a great feeling that we just can’t get from our guy friends.

8. We love it when you text us when you’re out with your friends

Any guy who says he is 100% jealousy free is a 100% liar. Even the most stable relationships in the world have that 1-2% that creeps into the brain and wonders how you’re doing. We’re not asking for you to give us a play-by-play recap of your night. Chances are when you’re out with your friends, we’re watching sports listening to a guy on TV give us a play-by-play of the game. We can only take one play-by-play at a time. All we want is like a “hello” or something every so often to let us know that you’re thinking about us. It makes us feel good and keeps that bit of jealousy all men have at bay.

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9. We love it when we’re needed

We may moan and groan when your car breaks down, that pickle jar won’t open, or that thing on the shelf is too high for you to reach and you ask us to help. It’s all an act. Secretly, we love helping you with these things. It makes us feel useful and that’s a feeling that’s important for a man. As with these other things, you shouldn’t go overboard with it. We like it when we’re needed but we also don’t want to spend the whole day following you around doing things for you. That’s not a relationship, that’s a job. We love being needed the most when you need help the most. It’ll take you four hours to get us to do the dishes but if you’re trapped under a bookcase and the house is burning down, you best believe we’re on that!

10. We love it when you appreciate us

Every now and then we love hearing that what we do is appreciated. Too many men on this planet go to work 40-60 hours a week, pay for the house, the food, and the bills without so much as a thank you. We know deep down you do appreciate it (at least we hope you do) but sometimes it feels really good to hear it out loud. Just something like “I know you worked hard to do this for me and I appreciate it” is good enough. It doesn’t have to be serious stuff like work and the mortgage. Dropping a “thank you my strong man” when we open the pickle jar is a really good way to get us to walk away smiling. The enticing part was my idea. You don’t have to use that if you don’t want to but secretly we love that too.

Thanks to the media, expectations, and other outside things, men have become a bigger mystery to women than women are to men. The fact is that the same thing that makes a man happy now is the same thing that made men happy 300 years ago. The times have changed and we have all changed with them for the most part. The one thing that has never changed is what makes us happy and generally, that’s you.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] HuffPost: 8 Things Guys Secretly Love

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Joseph Hindy

A writer, editor, and YouTuber who likes to share about technology and lifestyle tips.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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