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10 Simple Ways To Keep The Twinkle In Your Marriage

10 Simple Ways To Keep The Twinkle In Your Marriage

Married couples face a huge stigma from single people and the rest of the married world alike. We’re told that once you get married, you’ll get bored with each other, fight often and wish for your younger days. But that’s just a stereotype, and your marriage doesn’t have to be like that at all!

I may still be young, and I may only be 1 year and 4 months into my wife-life, but my husband and I haven’t gotten bored or sick of each other in the least, and I think that these actions are part of the reason why.

1. Don’t get stuck in front of the TV.

in front of TV

    Image by Iain Watson

    It can be really easy for both of you to come home from work and get caught up watching HOUSE re-runs until you fall asleep, but this lack of interaction is harmful to your relationship. Don’t get me wrong, a movie night once in a while is great. But when all you do together is watch TV, you’re not really interacting.

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    Instead, try going for a walk together or even cooking a meal together. Anything is better than silently staring at the same screen for hours on end.

    2. Be impulsive.

    impulsive together

      Routine is good for work and managing your weekly errands, but too much routine in your marriage can lead to feelings of boredom fast. Studies show that boredom in marriage leads to significantly less marital satisfaction even after 16 years of being together.

      Be spontaneous in how you live each day, even if it’s only through small things like going out to eat or procrastinating your laundry for another day. Random decision like that are sometimes all it takes to break away from the monotony of everyday life.

      3. Show that you care in everything you do.

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      love sticky notes

        Whether it’s making the coffee in the morning or packing a surprise lunch for your partner before you leave for work, there are a million small ways that you can show your favorite person how much you care about him or her. I, personally, like to write sticky notes for my husband and leave them around our apartment in places I know he’ll look. He never isn’t happy to see an “I love you!” sticky note tucked inside of his closed laptop.

        4. Have an “us” weekend.

        US weekend

          Having lots of friends is a great thing, and of course you and your spouse like to spend time with all of them. But every now and then, it’s good to reconnect by having a “just us” weekend. Sleep in ‘till noon, go out for a special dinner or marathon your favorite TV show together (this is my ONLY exception for rule #1 above). Whatever you want to do, just do it together.

          5. Surprise your spouse with thoughtful gifts.

          thoughtful gift

            Please note that thoughtful  does not mean expensive. Picking up any surprise gift that reminds your spouse how much you love them for who they are is a great way to touch his or her heart and keep your relationship strong. My husband surprise-orders graphic tees for me every couple of months, and I’m always amazed at how he finds just the right styles to match my personality.

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            6. Say the important things.

            things that matter

              While it’s great to feel comfortable enough with your spouse to assume that your feelings are obvious, saying how you feel now and then is important too.  Saying things like “I missed you today,” “I’m proud of you,” “You look great,” “You’re so fun” and other often-thought feelings can really help keep your relationship strong. You can be sure that your spouse really knows how much you appreciate them, and they’ll tell you how much they appreciate you too.

              7. Don’t skimp on sex.

              dont skimp on sex

                Sorry, but I have to say it: you just can’t lose your sex life to a hectic schedule or low energy. And I’ll admit it, this is something that I personally struggle with, but that I think is really relevant to a lot of married couples (and even non-married couples!). Sex is about more than just having sex, though. It’s about connecting with your favorite person and being close to him or her, which, consequently, makes it one of the building blocks of a strong relationship and marriage.

                8. Make time to cuddle.

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                cuddle

                  Of course, there’s also nothing wrong with just snuggling up to each other and talking either. Cuddling on the couch together for a little bit each day can be a really good way to spend some quality time together before you start making dinner, doing more work from home or running the kids to soccer practice.

                  9. Create a surprise special day.

                  special day

                    Aside from thoughtful gifts, another great way to surprise your husband or wife is to dedicate a random surprise special day to him or her and plan a day that’s all about them. Plan out a fun event or trip for just the two of you and don’t tell them about it until the day of.  Better yet, have them make plans to do something boring with you and then surprise them with tickets to see their favorite band, go to a pro sports game or take them out for a romantic picnic.

                    10. Talk about “us.”

                    talk about us

                      Lastly, one of the best ways for you to keep the twinkle in your marriage is to simply talk about your marriage together. Whether it’s reminiscing about when you first met, your first kiss, a funny moment the two of you shared together or things you’re excited to experience together in the future, talking about “us” is always a great way to reconnect and bond.

                      I hope these tips will help you and your spouse continue to feel head-over-heels for one another for decades to come!

                      Featured photo credit: Timothy Marsee via flickr.com

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                      Kayla Matthews

                      Productivity and self-improvement blogger

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                      Last Updated on March 14, 2019

                      7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

                      7 Questions to Ask in a Job Interview That Will Impress the Interviewer

                      Recruiters might hold thousands of interviews in their careers and a lot of them are reporting the same thing—that most candidates play it safe with the questions they ask, or have no questions to ask in a job interview at all.

                      For job applicants, this approach is crazy! This is a job that you’re going to dedicate a lot of hours to and that might have a huge impact on your future career. Don’t throw away the chance to figure out if the position is perfect for you.

                      Here are 7 killer questions to ask in a job interview that will both impress your counterpart and give you some really useful insights into whether this job will be a dream … or a nightmare.

                      1. What are some challenges I might come up against this role?

                      A lesser candidate might ask, “what does a typical day look like in this role?” While this is a perfectly reasonable question to ask in an interview, focusing on potential challenges takes you much further because it indicates that you already are visualizing yourself in the role.

                      It’s impressive because it shows that you are not afraid of challenges, and you are prepared to strategize a game plan upfront to make sure you succeed if you get the job.

                      It can also open up a conversation about how you’ve solved problems in the past which can be a reassuring exercise for both you and the hiring manager.

                      How it helps you:

                      If you ask the interviewer to describe a typical day, you may get a vibrant picture of all the lovely things you’ll get to do in this job and all the lovely people you’ll get to do them with.

                      Asking about potential roadblocks means you hear the other side of the story—dysfunctional teams, internal politics, difficult clients, bootstrap budgets and so on. This can help you decide if you’re up for the challenge or whether, for the sake of your sanity, you should respectfully decline the job offer.

                      2. What are the qualities of really successful people in this role?

                      Employers don’t want to hire someone who goes through the motions; they want to hire someone who will excel.

                      Asking this question shows that you care about success, too. How could they not hire you with a dragon-slayer attitude like that?

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                      How it helps you:

                      Interviewers hire people who are great people to work with, but the definition of “great people” differs from person to person.

                      Does this company hire and promote people with a specific attitude, approach, worth ethic or communication style? Are the most successful people in this role strong extroverts who love to talk and socialize when you are studious and reserved? Does the company reward those who work insane hours when you’re happiest in a more relaxed environment?

                      If so, then this may not be the right match for you.

                      Whatever the answer is, you can decide whether you have what it takes for the manager to be happy with your performance in this role. And if the interviewer has no idea what success looks like for this position, this is a sign to proceed with extreme caution.

                      3. From the research I did on your company, I noticed the culture really supports XYZ. Can you tell me more about that element of the culture and how it impacts this job role?

                      Of course, you could just ask “what is the culture like here? ” but then you would miss a great opportunity to show that you’ve done your research!

                      Interviewers give BIG bonus point to those who read up and pay attention, and you’ve just pointed out that (a) you’re diligent in your research (b) you care about the company culture and (c) you’re committed to finding a great cultural fit.

                      How it helps you:

                      This question is so useful because it lets you pick an element of the culture that you really care about and that will have the most impact on whether you are happy with the organization.

                      For example, if training and development is important to you, then you need to know what’s on offer so you don’t end up in a dead-end job with no learning opportunities.

                      Companies often talk a good talk, and their press releases may be full of shiny CSR initiatives and all the headline-grabbing diversity programs they’re putting in place. This is your opportunity to look under the hood and see if the company lives its values on the ground.

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                      A company that says it is committed to doing the right thing by customers should not judge success by the number of up-sells an employee makes, for instance. Look for consistency, so you aren’t in for a culture shock after you start.

                      4. What is the promotion path for this role, and how would my performance on that path be measured?

                      To be clear, you are not asking when you will get promoted. Don’t go there—it’s presumptuous, and it indicates that you think you are better than the role you have applied for.

                      A career-minded candidate, on the other hand, usually has a plan that she’s working towards. This question shows you have a great drive toward growth and advancement and an intention to stick with the company beyond your current state.

                      How it helps you:

                      One word: hierarchy.

                      All organizations have levels of work and authority—executives, upper managers, line managers, the workforce, and so on. Understanding the hierarchical structure gives you power, because you can decide if you can work within it and are capable of climbing through its ranks, or whether it will be endlessly frustrating to you.

                      In a traditional pyramid hierarchy, for example, the people at the bottom tend to have very little autonomy to make decisions. This gets better as you rise up through the pyramid, but even middle managers have little power to create policy; they are more concerned with enforcing the rules the top leaders make.

                      If having a high degree of autonomy and accountability is important to you, you may do better in a flat hierarchy where work teams can design their own way of achieving the corporate goals.

                      5. What’s the most important thing the successful candidate could accomplish in their first 3 months/6 months/year?

                      Of all the questions to ask in a job interview, this one is impressive because it shows that you identify with and want to be a successful performer, and not just an average one.

                      Here, you’re drilling down into what the company needs, and needs quite urgently, proving that you’re all about adding value to the organization and not just about what’s in it for you.

                      How it helps you:

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                      Most job descriptions come with 8, 10 or 12 different job responsibilities and a lot of them with be boilerplate or responsibilities that someone in HR thinks are associated with this role. This question gives you a better sense of which responsibilities are the most important—and they may not be what initially attracted you to the role.

                      If you like the idea of training juniors, for example, but success is judged purely on your sales figures, then is this really the job you thought you were applying for?

                      This question will also give you an idea of what kind of learning curve you’re expected to have and whether you’ll get any ramp-up time before getting down to business. If you’re the type of person who likes to jump right in and get things done, for instance, you may not be thrilled to hear that you’re going to spend the first three months shadowing a peer.

                      6. What do you like about working here?

                      This simple question is all about building rapport with the interviewer. People like to talk about themselves, and the interviewer will be flattered that you’re interested in her opinions.

                      Hopefully, you’ll find some great connection points that the two of you share. What similar things drive you head into the office each day? How will you fit into the culture?

                      How it helps you:

                      You can learn a lot from this question. Someone who genuinely enjoys his job will be able to list several things they like, and their answers will sound passionate and sincere. If not….well, you might consider that a red flag.

                      Since you potentially can learn a lot about the company culture from this question, it’s a good idea to figure out upfront what’s important to you. Maybe you’re looking for a hands-off boss who values independent thought and creativity? Maybe you work better in environments that move at a rapid, exciting pace?

                      Whatever’s important to you, listen carefully and see if you can find any common ground.

                      7. Based on this interview, do you have any questions or concerns about my qualifications for the role?

                      What a great closing question to ask in a job interview! It shows that you’re not afraid of feedback—in fact, you are inviting it. Not being able to take criticism is a red flag for employers, who need to know that you’ll act on any “coaching moments” with a good heart.

                      As a bonus, asking this question shows that you are really interested in the position and wish to clear up anything that may be holding the company back from hiring you.

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                      How it helps you:

                      What a devious beast this question is! On the surface, it looks straightforward, but it’s actually giving you four key pieces of information.

                      First, is the manager capable of giving you feedback when put on the spot like this? Some managers are scared of giving feedback, or don’t think it’s important enough to bother outside of a formal performance appraisal. Do you want to work for a boss like that? How will you improve if no one is telling you what you did wrong?

                      Second, can the manager give feedback in a constructive way without being too pillowy or too confrontational? It’s unfair to expect the interviewer to have figured out your preferred way of receiving feedback in the space of an interview, but if she come back with a machine-gun fire of shortcomings or one of those corporate feedback “sandwiches” (the doozy slipped between two slices of compliment), then you need to ask yourself, can you work with someone who gives feedback like that?

                      Third, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about before you leave the interview. This gives you the chance to make a final, tailored sales pitch so you can convince the interviewer that she should not be worried about those things.

                      Fourth, you get to learn the things the hiring manager is concerned about period. If turnover is keeping him up at night, then your frequent job hopping might get a lot of additional scrutiny. If he’s facing some issues with conflict or communication, then he might raise concerns regarding your performance in this area.

                      Listen carefully: the concerns that are being raised about you might actually be a proxy for problems in the wider organization.

                      Making Your Interview Work for You

                      Interviews are a two-way street. While it is important to differentiate yourself from every other candidate, understand that convincing the interviewer you’re the right person for the role goes hand-in-hand with figuring out if the job is the right fit for you.

                      Would you feel happy in a work environment where the people, priorities, culture and management style were completely at odds with the way you work? Didn’t think so!

                      More Resources About Job Interviews

                      Featured photo credit: Amy Hirschi via unsplash.com

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