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10 Secrets Women Actually Want Their Men To Know

10 Secrets Women Actually Want Their Men To Know

Women are hard to understand. I know this not only from my own experiences with dating, relationships, and casual flings, but also because I’ve heard lady friends of mine say it about other ladies! What comes off as obvious, or duh, or even common sense isn’t always the case. People, not just women, often expect others to be able to read their thoughts, ideas, and secrets without moving their mouth. Barring some sort of drastic technological development, mind reading isn’t an option when trying to understand someone else. Thankfully, here’s a list of secrets women actually want their men to know.

1. “E” is for effort

Plain and simple, most men don’t have enough of it outside the bedroom. It goes a lot further than taking out the trash or holding the door open for her when you’re out and about. When a woman lets you into her life it’s a very important and sensual thing. It should be highly cherished. Doing something really special for no reason, or finding a creative way to make her day better or more special will go a long way with her. The hardest part isn’t winning the chase for her affection, but keeping it.

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2. Chivalry is not in the obituaries

There’s this loosely celebrated relationship faux pas that “chivalry is dead.” That’s funny. When friends or acquaintances say that, what you’re actually hearing is, “I’m extremely lazy and self centred.” Now, dudes, before you get out your pitchforks and fire torches and try to run me out of town (or tell me it’s an “equality” thing) – just stop. You should be 100% proud of your lady, though I think it’s unhealthy to make her the centre of your entire world. It’s crucial that you show her consistently how much she means to you. This isn’t necessarily done verbally with an overwhelming shower of “I love you.” I’ll even go to say it’s not about holding the door, saying please or thank you, or even being kind to others, but those are all encouraged. Do you remember when your lady said, “Hey. I like when you do [x]?” Yeah, do that. Paying attention to her is the purest form of chivalry.

3. Shhhhhhhh. Listen

I’m kind of picking on guys in the majority of this, but to do so on this bullet point isn’t entirely fair. Everyone can be pretty awful at listening. However, this is a big secret women want us to understand: we don’t listen enough. Our way of decompressing is grabbing a happy hour beer after work with buddies or hitting the sticks (video game lingo) with our virtual friends in Korea. Though some women prefer both of those things the majority just want to talk about their crappy day, or lacklustre boss, or friend who’s a bridezilla. It’s often played off as a joke in pop culture, but you should want to listen to her. It’s never a chore because you love her.

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4. They’re extremely intuitive

They have a better idea of what you’re feeling most times than you do, gents. Women are just like that. Well, it’s largely based on an innate ability women have to better read nonverbal communication than you. Therefore, based on your body language, eyes, hands, feet, stance, posture, and a myriad of other characteristics about you they’ve closely, but unconsciously studied during your time dating, they know when you’re lying. They know when you’re deceitful. They usually know when you’re cheating. Don’t cheat them, both figuratively and literally. They’ll know.

5. They don’t normally dress up for you, bro

That extra 30 minutes women need prior to leaving when they said they’d be ready 15 minutes ago? Yeah, not for you. Dudes are too easy to please. When we think our lady is a dime (which includes all the boyfriends or husbands reading this), then it doesn’t matter much what they wear because in our eyes they will always look stunning. Once again, women are intuitive. They know that. Sadly, women are very critical of each other even when they don’t know them. They’ll notice the extra jiggle, or pound, or wrinkle almost unconsciously. It make some feel better. Therefore, let her take all the time she needs. If you go nowhere, neither will she.

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6. Women love bad boys, but mom doesn’t

Most women, either in their past or currently, have wanted to wrap their arms around the chiselled abdomen of a wavy-blonde-haired bad-boy as they speed off on his motorcycle into the horizon. He’s probably not wearing a helmet in this fantasy, either. Dudes, this is chill. You don’t need to worry about this. Why? Because even if those fantasies are driven by R-Patz and Ryan Gosling in Drive, she prefers you. If it came down to it, that’s who she’d choose. She wants a guy that has more depth than an inside-outside knowledge of a 1967 Chevy El Camino engine. She wants to be wrapped in your slightly blubbery abdomen as you make her laugh, or swoon, or melt. Looks fade to the true self hiding beneath in time.

7. They want to see you have a spine

A lot of men, especially those with girlfriends who’re “out of their league” want to bend over backwards for their lover. In most cases bending over backwards is perfectly acceptable for both parties of a relationship to do. However, It’s one thing to be a genuine gentleman, or a mediocre Casanova, but DO NOT be a “yes” man. Most women secretly hate it. On the contrary, there’s no need to be an overly know-it-all jerk, either.

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8. They fake

They fake wanting to go see your second cousin in Louisiana. They fake orgasms. Heck, they even fake happiness. Behavior affects mood and mood affects behavior. If someone is truly unhappy they will often often mask it with a “fake it till you make it” mentality. Really, they don’t want to hurt us guys by telling us something that might hurt our feelings. Truth is, there’s little you can do to get around this or combat it other than having an honest conversation about it. Beware, your chances of getting hurt are high. Your ego, feelings, and manhood might get slightly trampled. But it’s better than her faking it for a decade because you’re trampling her with your sweaty chest and seizure-like movements in bed. Your choice.

9. Please, please, please…take “guy time”

Relationships are a lot like a Venn Diagram. If you take a close look it’s two intersecting circles that share a middle, yet the outer portions remain separate of one another. Nothing is more crucial in a relationship than this aspect. In the early stages, what some deem the “honeymoon phase,” it may seem like you never want to be separated from this person, which is totally normal. However, if you continue to isolate friends, co-workers, family, hobbies, and the rest of your waking life, you’re going to be in serious trouble. Don’t think she’s offended by “guy time,” unless you’re doing something you blatantly shouldn’t be.

10. They want to remember that you care

This is far past “I love you” every day, exceeds beyond a weekly date night; we’re talking aeons past PDA. Your partner wants to be reminded that she’s not the one, but your one. All of us are insecure about our lovers finding someone “better” or more attractive. There are a few approaches to showing her that you care. Always be open with them. As previously stated: women are ninjas at reading body language. They’ll tell if you’re not into it , or deceiving them in any way. Pick creative and interesting ways to impress her. Remember that she loves cheese pizza? Write a “cheesy” poem to ask her out. Will you look like an idiot? Uh, yeah, you will in your own head. In hers you’re her knight, her bad-boy, and her sexy hot yoga instructor mixed in one. Always communicate openly and honestly – I can’t preach this enough. Often conflicts in a relationship, no matter how strong the foundation, result from either miscommunication or misinterpretation.

Featured photo credit: sunset via google.com

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Last Updated on November 26, 2020

How Relationships Building Helps Achieve Career Success

How Relationships Building Helps Achieve Career Success

As playwright Wilson Mizner supposedly said all the way back in the 1930s,

“Be kind to everyone on the way up; you will meet the same people on the way down.”

The adage is the perfect prototype for relationship building in 2020, although we may want to expand Mizner’s definition of “kind” to include being helpful, respectful, grateful, and above all, crediting your colleagues along the way.

5 Ways to Switch on Your Relationship Building Magnetism

Relationship building does not come easily to all. Today’s computer culture makes us more insular and less likely to reach out—not to mention our new work-from-home situation in which we are only able to interact virtually. Still, relationship building remains an important part of career engagement and success, and it gets better with practice.

Here are five ways you can strengthen your relationships:

1. Advocate for Other’s Ideas

Take the initiative to speak up in support of other team members’ good ideas. Doing so lets others know that the team’s success takes precedence over your needs for personal success. Get behind any colleague’s innovative approach or clever solution and offer whatever help you can give to see it through. Teammates will value your vote of confidence and your support.

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2. Show Compassion

If you learn that someone whom you work with has encountered difficult times, reach out. If it’s not someone you know well, a hand-written card expressing your sympathy and hopes for better times ahead could be an initial gesture. If it’s someone with whom you interact regularly, the act could involve offering to take on some of the person’s work to provide a needed reprieve or even bringing in a home-cooked dish as a way to offer comfort. The show of compassion will not go unnoticed, and your relationship building will have found a foothold.

3. Communicate Regularly

Make an effort to share any information with team members that will help them do their jobs more effectively. Keeping people in the loop says a lot about your consideration for what others need to deliver their best results.

Try to discover the preferred mode of communication for each team member. Some people are fine relying on emails; others like to have a phone conversation. And once we can finally return to working together in offices, you may determine that face-to-face updates may be most advantageous for some members.

4. Ask for Feedback

Showing your willingness to reach out for advice and guidance will make a positive impression on your boss. When you make it clear that you welcome and can accept pointers, you display candor and trust in what opinions your superior has to offer. Your proclivity towards considering ways of improving your performance and strengthening any working interactions will signal your strong relationship skills.

If you are in a work environment where you are asked to give feedback, be generous and compassionate. That does not mean being wishy-washy. Try always to give the type of feedback that you wouldn’t mind receiving.

5. Give Credit Where It’s Due

Be the worker who remembers to credit staffers with their contributions. It’s a surprisingly rare talent to credit others, but when you do so, they will remember to credit you, and the collective credit your team will accrue will be well worth the effort.

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How Does Relationship Building Build Careers?

Once you have strengthened and deepened your relationships, here are some of the great benefits:

Work Doesn’t Feel So Much Like Work

According to a Gallup poll, when you have a best friend at work, you are more likely to feel engaged with your job. Work is more fun when you have positive, productive relationships with your colleagues. Instead of spending time and energy overcoming difficult personalities, you can spend time enjoying the camaraderie with colleagues as you work congenially on projects together. When your coworkers are your friends, time goes by quickly and challenges don’t weigh as heavily.

You Can Find Good Help

It’s easier to ask for assistance when you have a good working relationship with a colleague. And with office tasks changing at the speed of technology, chances are that you are going to need some help acclimating—especially now that work has gone remote due to the COVID-19 pandemic.

Much of relationship building rests on your genuine expressions of appreciation toward others. Showing gratitude for another’s help or for their willingness to put in the extra effort will let them know you value them.

Mentors Come Out of the Woodwork

Mentors are proven to advance your professional and career development. A mentor can help you navigate how to approach your work and keep you apprised of industry trends. They have a plethora of experience to draw from that can be invaluable when advising you on achieving career success and advancement.

Mentors flock to those who are skilled at relationship building. So, work on your relationships and keep your eyes peeled for a worthy mentor.

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You Pull Together as a Team

Great teamwork starts with having an “abundance mentality” rather than a scarcity mentality. Too often, workers view all projects through a scarcity mentality lens. This leads to office strife as coworkers compete for their piece of the pie. But in an abundance mentality mode, you focus on the strengths that others bring rather than the possibility that they are potential competitors.

Instead, you can commit relationship building efforts to ensure a positive work environment rather than an adversarial one. When you let others know that you intend to support their efforts and contribute to their success, they will respond in kind. Go, team!

Your Network Expands and So Does Your Paycheck

Expand your relationship building scope beyond your coworkers to include customers, suppliers, and other industry stakeholders. Your extra efforts can lead to extra sales, a more rewarding career, and even speedy professional advancement. And don’t overlook the importance of building warm relationships with assistants, receptionists, or even interns.

Take care to build bridges, not just to your boss and your boss’s boss but with those that work under you as well. You may find that someone who you wouldn’t expect will put in a good word for you with your supervisor.

Building and maintaining good working relationships with everyone you come in contact with can pay off in unforeseen ways. You never know when that underling will turn out to be the company’s “golden child.” Six years from now you may be turning to them for a job. If you have built up a good, trusting work relationship with others along your way, you will more likely be considered for positions that any of these people may be looking to fill.

Your Job Won’t Stress You Out

Study shows that some 83 percent of American workers experience work-related stress.[1] Granted, some of that stress is now likely caused by the new pandemic-triggered workplace adjustments, yet bosses and management, in general, are reportedly the predominant source of stress for more than one-third of workers.

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Having meaningful connections among coworkers is the best way to make work less stressful. Whether it is having others whom to commiserate with, bounce ideas off, or bring out your best performance, friendships strengthen the group’s esprit de corps and lower the stress level of your job.

Your Career Shines Bright

Who would you feel better about approaching to provide a recommendation or ask for promotion: a cold, aloof boss with whom you have only an impersonal relationship or one that knows you as a person and with whom you have built a warm, trusting relationship?

Your career advancement will always excel when you have a mutual bond of friendship and appreciation with those who can recommend you. Consider the plug you could receive from a supervisor who knows you as a friend versus one who remains detached and only notices you in terms of your ability to meet deadlines or attain goals.

When people fully know your skills, strengths, personality, and aspirations, you have promoters who will sing your praises with any opportunity for advancement.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, it is “who you know” not “what you know.” When you build relationships, you build a pipeline of colleagues, work partners, team members, current bosses, and former bosses who want to help you—who want to see you succeed.

At its core, every business is a people business. Making a point to take the small but meaningful actions that build the foundation of a good relationship can be instrumental in cultivating better relationships at work.

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Featured photo credit: Adam Winger via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] The American Institute of Stress: 42 Worrying Workplace Stress Statistics

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