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10 Secrets Women Actually Want Their Men To Know

10 Secrets Women Actually Want Their Men To Know

Women are hard to understand. I know this not only from my own experiences with dating, relationships, and casual flings, but also because I’ve heard lady friends of mine say it about other ladies! What comes off as obvious, or duh, or even common sense isn’t always the case. People, not just women, often expect others to be able to read their thoughts, ideas, and secrets without moving their mouth. Barring some sort of drastic technological development, mind reading isn’t an option when trying to understand someone else. Thankfully, here’s a list of secrets women actually want their men to know.

1. “E” is for effort

Plain and simple, most men don’t have enough of it outside the bedroom. It goes a lot further than taking out the trash or holding the door open for her when you’re out and about. When a woman lets you into her life it’s a very important and sensual thing. It should be highly cherished. Doing something really special for no reason, or finding a creative way to make her day better or more special will go a long way with her. The hardest part isn’t winning the chase for her affection, but keeping it.

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2. Chivalry is not in the obituaries

There’s this loosely celebrated relationship faux pas that “chivalry is dead.” That’s funny. When friends or acquaintances say that, what you’re actually hearing is, “I’m extremely lazy and self centred.” Now, dudes, before you get out your pitchforks and fire torches and try to run me out of town (or tell me it’s an “equality” thing) – just stop. You should be 100% proud of your lady, though I think it’s unhealthy to make her the centre of your entire world. It’s crucial that you show her consistently how much she means to you. This isn’t necessarily done verbally with an overwhelming shower of “I love you.” I’ll even go to say it’s not about holding the door, saying please or thank you, or even being kind to others, but those are all encouraged. Do you remember when your lady said, “Hey. I like when you do [x]?” Yeah, do that. Paying attention to her is the purest form of chivalry.

3. Shhhhhhhh. Listen

I’m kind of picking on guys in the majority of this, but to do so on this bullet point isn’t entirely fair. Everyone can be pretty awful at listening. However, this is a big secret women want us to understand: we don’t listen enough. Our way of decompressing is grabbing a happy hour beer after work with buddies or hitting the sticks (video game lingo) with our virtual friends in Korea. Though some women prefer both of those things the majority just want to talk about their crappy day, or lacklustre boss, or friend who’s a bridezilla. It’s often played off as a joke in pop culture, but you should want to listen to her. It’s never a chore because you love her.

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4. They’re extremely intuitive

They have a better idea of what you’re feeling most times than you do, gents. Women are just like that. Well, it’s largely based on an innate ability women have to better read nonverbal communication than you. Therefore, based on your body language, eyes, hands, feet, stance, posture, and a myriad of other characteristics about you they’ve closely, but unconsciously studied during your time dating, they know when you’re lying. They know when you’re deceitful. They usually know when you’re cheating. Don’t cheat them, both figuratively and literally. They’ll know.

5. They don’t normally dress up for you, bro

That extra 30 minutes women need prior to leaving when they said they’d be ready 15 minutes ago? Yeah, not for you. Dudes are too easy to please. When we think our lady is a dime (which includes all the boyfriends or husbands reading this), then it doesn’t matter much what they wear because in our eyes they will always look stunning. Once again, women are intuitive. They know that. Sadly, women are very critical of each other even when they don’t know them. They’ll notice the extra jiggle, or pound, or wrinkle almost unconsciously. It make some feel better. Therefore, let her take all the time she needs. If you go nowhere, neither will she.

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6. Women love bad boys, but mom doesn’t

Most women, either in their past or currently, have wanted to wrap their arms around the chiselled abdomen of a wavy-blonde-haired bad-boy as they speed off on his motorcycle into the horizon. He’s probably not wearing a helmet in this fantasy, either. Dudes, this is chill. You don’t need to worry about this. Why? Because even if those fantasies are driven by R-Patz and Ryan Gosling in Drive, she prefers you. If it came down to it, that’s who she’d choose. She wants a guy that has more depth than an inside-outside knowledge of a 1967 Chevy El Camino engine. She wants to be wrapped in your slightly blubbery abdomen as you make her laugh, or swoon, or melt. Looks fade to the true self hiding beneath in time.

7. They want to see you have a spine

A lot of men, especially those with girlfriends who’re “out of their league” want to bend over backwards for their lover. In most cases bending over backwards is perfectly acceptable for both parties of a relationship to do. However, It’s one thing to be a genuine gentleman, or a mediocre Casanova, but DO NOT be a “yes” man. Most women secretly hate it. On the contrary, there’s no need to be an overly know-it-all jerk, either.

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8. They fake

They fake wanting to go see your second cousin in Louisiana. They fake orgasms. Heck, they even fake happiness. Behavior affects mood and mood affects behavior. If someone is truly unhappy they will often often mask it with a “fake it till you make it” mentality. Really, they don’t want to hurt us guys by telling us something that might hurt our feelings. Truth is, there’s little you can do to get around this or combat it other than having an honest conversation about it. Beware, your chances of getting hurt are high. Your ego, feelings, and manhood might get slightly trampled. But it’s better than her faking it for a decade because you’re trampling her with your sweaty chest and seizure-like movements in bed. Your choice.

9. Please, please, please…take “guy time”

Relationships are a lot like a Venn Diagram. If you take a close look it’s two intersecting circles that share a middle, yet the outer portions remain separate of one another. Nothing is more crucial in a relationship than this aspect. In the early stages, what some deem the “honeymoon phase,” it may seem like you never want to be separated from this person, which is totally normal. However, if you continue to isolate friends, co-workers, family, hobbies, and the rest of your waking life, you’re going to be in serious trouble. Don’t think she’s offended by “guy time,” unless you’re doing something you blatantly shouldn’t be.

10. They want to remember that you care

This is far past “I love you” every day, exceeds beyond a weekly date night; we’re talking aeons past PDA. Your partner wants to be reminded that she’s not the one, but your one. All of us are insecure about our lovers finding someone “better” or more attractive. There are a few approaches to showing her that you care. Always be open with them. As previously stated: women are ninjas at reading body language. They’ll tell if you’re not into it , or deceiving them in any way. Pick creative and interesting ways to impress her. Remember that she loves cheese pizza? Write a “cheesy” poem to ask her out. Will you look like an idiot? Uh, yeah, you will in your own head. In hers you’re her knight, her bad-boy, and her sexy hot yoga instructor mixed in one. Always communicate openly and honestly – I can’t preach this enough. Often conflicts in a relationship, no matter how strong the foundation, result from either miscommunication or misinterpretation.

Featured photo credit: sunset via google.com

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

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Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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