Women are hard to understand. I know this not only from my own experiences with dating, relationships, and casual flings, but also because I’ve heard lady friends of mine say it about other ladies! What comes off as obvious, or duh, or even common sense isn’t always the case. People, not just women, often expect others to be able to read their thoughts, ideas, and secrets without moving their mouth. Barring some sort of drastic technological development, mind reading isn’t an option when trying to understand someone else. Thankfully, here’s a list of secrets women actually want their men to know.
1. “E” is for effort
Plain and simple, most men don’t have enough of it outside the bedroom. It goes a lot further than taking out the trash or holding the door open for her when you’re out and about. When a woman lets you into her life it’s a very important and sensual thing. It should be highly cherished. Doing something really special for no reason, or finding a creative way to make her day better or more special will go a long way with her. The hardest part isn’t winning the chase for her affection, but keeping it.
2. Chivalry is not in the obituaries
There’s this loosely celebrated relationship faux pas that “chivalry is dead.” That’s funny. When friends or acquaintances say that, what you’re actually hearing is, “I’m extremely lazy and self centred.” Now, dudes, before you get out your pitchforks and fire torches and try to run me out of town (or tell me it’s an “equality” thing) – just stop. You should be 100% proud of your lady, though I think it’s unhealthy to make her the centre of your entire world. It’s crucial that you show her consistently how much she means to you. This isn’t necessarily done verbally with an overwhelming shower of “I love you.” I’ll even go to say it’s not about holding the door, saying please or thank you, or even being kind to others, but those are all encouraged. Do you remember when your lady said, “Hey. I like when you do [x]?” Yeah, do that. Paying attention to her is the purest form of chivalry.
3. Shhhhhhhh. Listen
I’m kind of picking on guys in the majority of this, but to do so on this bullet point isn’t entirely fair. Everyone can be pretty awful at listening. However, this is a big secret women want us to understand: we don’t listen enough. Our way of decompressing is grabbing a happy hour beer after work with buddies or hitting the sticks (video game lingo) with our virtual friends in Korea. Though some women prefer both of those things the majority just want to talk about their crappy day, or lacklustre boss, or friend who’s a bridezilla. It’s often played off as a joke in pop culture, but you should want to listen to her. It’s never a chore because you love her.
4. They’re extremely intuitive
They have a better idea of what you’re feeling most times than you do, gents. Women are just like that. Well, it’s largely based on an innate ability women have to better read nonverbal communication than you. Therefore, based on your body language, eyes, hands, feet, stance, posture, and a myriad of other characteristics about you they’ve closely, but unconsciously studied during your time dating, they know when you’re lying. They know when you’re deceitful. They usually know when you’re cheating. Don’t cheat them, both figuratively and literally. They’ll know.
5. They don’t normally dress up for you, bro
That extra 30 minutes women need prior to leaving when they said they’d be ready 15 minutes ago? Yeah, not for you. Dudes are too easy to please. When we think our lady is a dime (which includes all the boyfriends or husbands reading this), then it doesn’t matter much what they wear because in our eyes they will always look stunning. Once again, women are intuitive. They know that. Sadly, women are very critical of each other even when they don’t know them. They’ll notice the extra jiggle, or pound, or wrinkle almost unconsciously. It make some feel better. Therefore, let her take all the time she needs. If you go nowhere, neither will she.
6. Women love bad boys, but mom doesn’t
Most women, either in their past or currently, have wanted to wrap their arms around the chiselled abdomen of a wavy-blonde-haired bad-boy as they speed off on his motorcycle into the horizon. He’s probably not wearing a helmet in this fantasy, either. Dudes, this is chill. You don’t need to worry about this. Why? Because even if those fantasies are driven by R-Patz and Ryan Gosling in Drive, she prefers you. If it came down to it, that’s who she’d choose. She wants a guy that has more depth than an inside-outside knowledge of a 1967 Chevy El Camino engine. She wants to be wrapped in your slightly blubbery abdomen as you make her laugh, or swoon, or melt. Looks fade to the true self hiding beneath in time.
7. They want to see you have a spine
A lot of men, especially those with girlfriends who’re “out of their league” want to bend over backwards for their lover. In most cases bending over backwards is perfectly acceptable for both parties of a relationship to do. However, It’s one thing to be a genuine gentleman, or a mediocre Casanova, but DO NOT be a “yes” man. Most women secretly hate it. On the contrary, there’s no need to be an overly know-it-all jerk, either.
8. They fake
They fake wanting to go see your second cousin in Louisiana. They fake orgasms. Heck, they even fake happiness. Behavior affects mood and mood affects behavior. If someone is truly unhappy they will often often mask it with a “fake it till you make it” mentality. Really, they don’t want to hurt us guys by telling us something that might hurt our feelings. Truth is, there’s little you can do to get around this or combat it other than having an honest conversation about it. Beware, your chances of getting hurt are high. Your ego, feelings, and manhood might get slightly trampled. But it’s better than her faking it for a decade because you’re trampling her with your sweaty chest and seizure-like movements in bed. Your choice.
9. Please, please, please…take “guy time”
Relationships are a lot like a Venn Diagram. If you take a close look it’s two intersecting circles that share a middle, yet the outer portions remain separate of one another. Nothing is more crucial in a relationship than this aspect. In the early stages, what some deem the “honeymoon phase,” it may seem like you never want to be separated from this person, which is totally normal. However, if you continue to isolate friends, co-workers, family, hobbies, and the rest of your waking life, you’re going to be in serious trouble. Don’t think she’s offended by “guy time,” unless you’re doing something you blatantly shouldn’t be.
10. They want to remember that you care
This is far past “I love you” every day, exceeds beyond a weekly date night; we’re talking aeons past PDA. Your partner wants to be reminded that she’s not the one, but your one. All of us are insecure about our lovers finding someone “better” or more attractive. There are a few approaches to showing her that you care. Always be open with them. As previously stated: women are ninjas at reading body language. They’ll tell if you’re not into it , or deceiving them in any way. Pick creative and interesting ways to impress her. Remember that she loves cheese pizza? Write a “cheesy” poem to ask her out. Will you look like an idiot? Uh, yeah, you will in your own head. In hers you’re her knight, her bad-boy, and her sexy hot yoga instructor mixed in one. Always communicate openly and honestly – I can’t preach this enough. Often conflicts in a relationship, no matter how strong the foundation, result from either miscommunication or misinterpretation.
Featured photo credit: sunset via google.com