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10 Relationship Mistakes that Women Make

10 Relationship Mistakes that Women Make

 A relationship is as it’s people are, imperfect, flawed, but mostly unique

Every relationship is unique. Sometimes women do things, often without realizing it, that can impair a relationship. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

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Stop Undervaluing Yourself

It’s very easy to be vulnerable and insecure in today’s world. You are constantly required to prove yourself and face success and failure almost successively. It is therefore easy to diminish one’s self esteem and self worth. Try not to undervalue yourself. Know that you are worth everything in the world and that everything you get, you deserve.

Stop Relying Completely On Your Partner

To lean on someone for support isn’t bad, however to depend on someone to the extent that they become a crutch is a very unhealthy idea that then makes your self-worth, your emotional stability and your happiness dependent on something you have no control over. Do rely on your partner for support, not for neediness .

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Stop Neglecting Communication

Sometimes it’s hard to understand someone. This is especially true if you’re upset, angry, or sad so it’s easier to just drop the topic of conversation. However it is always a good idea to talk, ask, communicate in a relationship especially if you feel like your cannot understand your partner’s need or his way of communicating. Doing so will strengthen your relationship and give both of you a better idea of each other.

Stop Trying to Change Him

Men and women in our generation and that preceding ours, (thanks to huge gender binary that we were brought up in) are quite different in the way they think, act, and behave. Not everyone , of course, but a lot of them. There will be things about your partner that you’ll like and there will be some you don’t. You would’ve probably preferred it if he didn’t have those traits, however, now that he does, take them with a pinch of salt and try to get used to them. Don’t try to change him to your liking, instead focus more on what you like and less on what you don’t!

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Stop Undermining What He Does for You

Some men are familiar with women’s ideas of romantic. However, most men, though absolutely loving, seldom keep up with a woman’s definition of romantic. Keep in mind that just because he doesn’t know the things you didn’t tell him, doesn’t make him uncaring. If there is something you want him to do, just tell him straight up. It’ll make your life easier and his too!

Stop Being Too Picky Over Things You Can’t Control

Memories are created by those who don’t fret the little details. Seldom do things in life go just the way you want them to. Getting upset when plans are changed is very normal, however to brood over those changes or throw tantrums or have constant snide remarks can ruin a memory in progress and spoil yours and your partner’s mood. Unless the change in plans is something you absolutely cannot accept and adversely affects your health or your safety, try to not sweat the details and instead enjoy the time with what can now be a surprise element!

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Stop Trying to Tie Him Down

As a way of ensuring security within the relationship, often some women tend to demand long term commitments. There is of course nothing wrong with wanting a secure lasting relationship, however you must bear in mind that by tying him down, you too will be tied down to a man, you may not even love five years from now. We all change and evolve as individuals and though the notion of growing old with someone or of marrying your high school sweetheart may seen enticing, it isn’t for everyone. So give yourself time and also him. To strengthen your relationship and eliminate the sense of insecurity, talk to your partner and together figure out a way to make you feel more secure.

Stop Cheating

There are no restrictions on ones thoughts and there shouldn’t be. To think freely is a basic right that we enjoy. However to act upon your thoughts is a very different story. Relationships go through difficult phases and it’s during those phases that we tend to be susceptible, a little insecure and sometimes unhappy. If that is the case, talk to your partner. In case you want something different that your current relationship cannot give you, then have courage and break it off. If not, then do not break the trust you and partner share, for a moment’s weakness or on an impulse. It’s absolutely imperative that you treat your partner they way you want your partner to treat you. So be loyal.

Stop Making His Decisions

We all like to have a certain degree of say in our partner’s choices and decisions. It makes one feel special and important, but many times we can overdo. Remember how it feels when someone interferes with your decision making? Exactly. Don’t make his decisions for him.

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Sanah Rizvi

Sanah is an influential public speaker and a devoted advocator of female rights.

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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