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10 Reasons Why Introverts Are Incredibly Attractive People

10 Reasons Why Introverts Are Incredibly Attractive People

Shy. Reserved. Slightly geeky. Socially awkward. If you ask people to describe an introvert, you’ll most likely hear them described these ways.

It’s not their fault, movies and television shows often portray introverts this way.  From the days of The Breakfast Club to Little Miss Sunshine to Napoleon Dynamite to The Perks of Being a Wallflower, introverts are often portrayed as awkwardly shy people, often ok to average looking, and typically unpopular.

Further reinforcing this stereotype are movies like She’s All That and Can’t Buy Me Love where the popular kids make a bet that they can ‘make over’ the introvert and turn them into popular extroverts.

Fortunately, the moral of most of these latter stories is that the introverts don’t need to be turned into exceptional, incredibly attractive people by the extroverted popular crowd. They already are.

Introverts are incredibly attractive, they just don’t put their awesomeness on display.

Introversion is only the tendency to be inwardly oriented. Instead of regaining energy from the company of others, introverts gather it from being alone. They enjoy being alone and take their time and space to think about a lot of things, which makes them exceptionally charming.

They’re deep thinkers.

Introverts are notoriously ‘in their own head’ much of the time.  For most introverts, it’s a safe place to be.

Inside their heads, they engage in deep conversations, ruminate about life, the universe, and everything, and take the time to really reflect on all that’s going on in the world around them.

When an introvert speaks, it’s almost guaranteed that they have spent many hours thinking about the subject, forming their opinions, and carefully choosing the words they wish to use.

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They have more intimate connections.

It takes something special for an introvert to bring you into their world. When they do, you can bet that they believe you’re someone special.

By bringing down barriers, an introvert is letting you know they’re interested in connecting with you beyond a superficial level. They’re displaying a level of intimacy and vulnerability that not many people get to see.

They’re great listeners.

Everyone dreams of having that partner with whom they can just talk about everything and nothing for hours on end. Someone who listens and really understands what is in your heart.

This is one of the introvert’s superpowers. They love to listen and if you’re looking for advice or support, what they will offer is something they’re giving just to you, and that’s valuable beyond measure.

They’re mysterious.

Anyone mysterious is always charming, right? Think Gatsby. In a crowd, they’re the ones hovering around the outside, watching, observing, usually with a sly smile and a devious look on their face.

If it’s their party, they’re making sure everyone is having a good time, floating from group to group, never staying in one place too long. They’re around long enough so you know they’re there, but not long enough for you to know much about them. They’re not flirting with every face they see. They’re not bragging, boasting, or showing off. They’re in absolute control of their mood, their emotions, and even their body language. Yet, somehow, they manage to attract people to them.

Their mysteriousness is magnetic, and it leaves people wondering just what it is they have.

They’re a challenge.

Just about everyone loves a challenge.  While extroverts lay it all out there for other people to see, introverts, being more guarded, let you know exactly what they want you to know when they want you to know it.

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Usually, introverts are experts in letting little bits of information out that are intended to pique the curiosity of someone they’re interested in.

Introverts are great social fishermen. Because they’re more inclined to have fewer, yet more intimate connections, this trail of information is to not only designed to attract someone, but as a test to see if the person they’re attempting to attract is worth the emotional investment.

Creating this challenge ensures that the introvert is that much more attractive. The joy is in the pursuit, and the introvert knows how to make the reward bigger than you imagine.

They take care of themselves.

Overall, the introvert doesn’t want to draw unwanted attention to themselves. They prefer to blend in with whatever crowd they happen to find themselves in.

However, introverts leave clues. As they tend to spend more time in solitude than in crowds, introverts are meticulous in how they take care of themselves.

You’ll often see them with their hair neat and styled, their nails are trimmed, they smell good, and their clothing fits them perfectly. Introverts often look and dress like a model without all the flash.

They take care of others too.

Because they know what it is like to be on the outside looking in, introverts are great at taking care of those they care about.

They have a generous spirit, and tend to embrace genuine altruism. They’re the ones that will bring you a cup of tea every morning, bring you soup when you’re sick, and offer to watch your house when you’re on vacation.

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The truly generous, those who give without the expectation of receiving in return, are beautiful people inside and out.

They know themselves.

There’s something to be said about someone who is secure in who they are. Introverts know what they like and don’t like.

They are deeply connected with their values and know what they want to get out of life. Such strong self confidence makes one more attractive, sophisticated, and desirable.

They are easy to be around.

Introverts avoid the spotlight like vampires avoid sunlight. They’re not looking to be the center of attention. They’re not looking to make a huge impression on everyone around them. They’re simply looking to relax and enjoy the company they’re with.

It doesn’t matter what you want to do, they’re just happy to be spending time with you and are more than happy to let you have the spotlight on the karaoke stage all to yourself.

While they’ll likely run and hide when their name is called, you can be assured that when you step off the stage, they’ll be the ones cheering the loudest.

They are loyal.

Introverts are very intentional about who they want to spend their time with.

Any relationship, whether business, social, or romantic, requires a substantial investment of time and energy for an introvert.  Because of this, introverts are not always on the prowl for the next big thing, the next score, the next connection that’ll help them climb the ladder.  They’re invested in you and will remain invested in you no matter the distraction. They’ll defend you when nobody else will and be at your side when everyone else abandons you.

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Just don’t take their loyalty for granted or take advantage of them too many times. They’re loyal, however if you burn them too many times, they’ll be nothing more than a memory.

Give introverts the personal space they need, and they’ll be your great company.

Just because someone enjoys being alone doesn’t mean they don’t like company. For introverts, interaction is energy draining somehow, and they only want to spend time and the limited energy on people who truly understand them and matter to them.

Always be polite and acknowledge their presence. Give introverts the personal space they need and be comfortable with being silent with them sometimes. They’ll appreciate you for not being pushy on them to get a lot of their attention.

So the next time you meet an introvert, don’t assume they’re being cold to you, it just takes time for them to break the ice with new people.

Introverts are amazing people with rich hidden depths, and if you are one or know one, rejoice!

Image credit: QuietrevINFJoe, Debbie Tung

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Christian Salafia

Rocket-scientist, Nuclear Engineer, Theologian, and creator of the TransformRadio podcast

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Last Updated on August 6, 2020

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

6 Reasons Why You Should Think Before You Speak

We’ve all done it. That moment when a series of words slithers from your mouth and the instant regret manifests through blushing and profuse apologies. If you could just think before you speak! It doesn’t have to be like this, and with a bit of practice, it’s actually quite easy to prevent.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.” – Napolean Hill

Are we speaking the same language?

My mum recently left me a note thanking me for looking after her dog. She’d signed it with “LOL.” In my world, this means “laugh out loud,” and in her world it means “lots of love.” My kids tell me things are “sick” when they’re good, and ”manck” when they’re bad (when I say “bad,” I don’t mean good!). It’s amazing that we manage to communicate at all.

When speaking, we tend to color our language with words and phrases that have become personal to us, things we’ve picked up from our friends, families and even memes from the internet. These colloquialisms become normal, and we expect the listener (or reader) to understand “what we mean.” If you really want the listener to understand your meaning, try to use words and phrases that they might use.

Am I being lazy?

When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, a strange metamorphosis takes place. People tend to become lazier in the way that they communicate with each other, with less thought for the feelings of their partner. There’s no malice intended; we just reach a “comfort zone” and know that our partners “know what we mean.”

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Here’s an exchange from Psychology Today to demonstrate what I mean:

Early in the relationship:

“Honey, I don’t want you to take this wrong, but I’m noticing that your hair is getting a little thin on top. I know guys are sensitive about losing their hair, but I don’t want someone else to embarrass you without your expecting it.”

When the relationship is established:

“Did you know that you’re losing a lot of hair on the back of your head? You’re combing it funny and it doesn’t help. Wear a baseball cap or something if you feel weird about it. Lots of guys get thin on top. It’s no big deal.”

It’s pretty clear which of these statements is more empathetic and more likely to be received well. Recognizing when we do this can be tricky, but with a little practice it becomes easy.

Have I actually got anything to say?

When I was a kid, my gran used to say to me that if I didn’t have anything good to say, I shouldn’t say anything at all. My gran couldn’t stand gossip, so this makes total sense, but you can take this statement a little further and modify it: “If you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything at all.”

A lot of the time, people speak to fill “uncomfortable silences,” or because they believe that saying something, anything, is better than staying quiet. It can even be a cause of anxiety for some people.

When somebody else is speaking, listen. Don’t wait to speak. Listen. Actually hear what that person is saying, think about it, and respond if necessary.

Am I painting an accurate picture?

One of the most common forms of miscommunication is the lack of a “referential index,” a type of generalization that fails to refer to specific nouns. As an example, look at these two simple phrases: “Can you pass me that?” and “Pass me that thing over there!”. How often have you said something similar?

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How is the listener supposed to know what you mean? The person that you’re talking to will start to fill in the gaps with something that may very well be completely different to what you mean. You’re thinking “pass me the salt,” but you get passed the pepper. This can be infuriating for the listener, and more importantly, can create a lack of understanding and ultimately produce conflict.

Before you speak, try to label people, places and objects in a way that it is easy for any listeners to understand.

What words am I using?

It’s well known that our use of nouns and verbs (or lack of them) gives an insight into where we grew up, our education, our thoughts and our feelings.

Less well known is that the use of pronouns offers a critical insight into how we emotionally code our sentences. James Pennebaker’s research in the 1990’s concluded that function words are important keys to someone’s psychological state and reveal much more than content words do.

Starting a sentence with “I think…” demonstrates self-focus rather than empathy with the speaker, whereas asking the speaker to elaborate or quantify what they’re saying clearly shows that you’re listening and have respect even if you disagree.

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Is the map really the territory?

Before speaking, we sometimes construct a scenario that makes us act in a way that isn’t necessarily reflective of the actual situation.

A while ago, John promised to help me out in a big way with a project that I was working on. After an initial meeting and some big promises, we put together a plan and set off on its execution. A week or so went by, and I tried to get a hold of John to see how things were going. After voice mails and emails with no reply and general silence, I tried again a week later and still got no response.

I was frustrated and started to get more than a bit vexed. The project obviously meant more to me than it did to him, and I started to construct all manner of crazy scenarios. I finally got through to John and immediately started a mild rant about making promises you can’t keep. He stopped me in my tracks with the news that his brother had died. If I’d have just thought before I spoke…

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