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10 Life Truths That Will Set You Free

10 Life Truths That Will Set You Free

Do we really learn about life truths as we grow up? Do we ever grow up? There are lots of things that get in the way. We are conditioned by family, education, religion and social media. They are all telling us what we should do, how we should look and what we should even think!

Here are ten life truths which will help you to keep focused and set you free.

1. You know that perfection is impossible.

Parents, governments, schools and companies set high standards. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Having high ideals to aim for is great; just do not expect perfection, as perfection is just an illusion. Recognize your limits and try to work on correcting defects.

2. You know that you will make mistakes.

Yes, you are going to screw up, make blunders and gaffes. The worst thing you can do is to try to cover them up, blame others or just plow on as if nothing had happened. These are all bad moves.

Instead, say sorry if someone is hurt or damaged in some way. Make a promise to do better the next time. Learning lessons from failure is an essential life skill.

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3. You have to do something.

Lots of people glory in their wonderful human qualities. They pat themselves on the back for being kind, compassionate and honest. But unless they actually do something to demonstrate that they have all these qualities, they come across as losers and fakes. Look at the famous Glengarry Glenn Ross video where Alec Baldwin tells the losing salesmen that they might be great family men, but they suck as salesmen. They have to get up and close the deals; otherwise they will be sacked.

(NSFW: some adult language is present in the following video).

4. You can do much more than you think.

“Sometimes life knocks you on your ass… get up, get up, get up!!! Happiness is not the absence of problems, it’s the ability to deal with them.”

—Steve Maraboli

How often do you feel overwhelmed at the sheer height of the mountain that you have to climb? That new project your boss has given you may seem like an impossible task. But just stand back for a moment and repeat to yourself how much experience and skills you have and also reflect on your past successes.

5. You have to be less severe with yourself.

We set some impossible goals for ourselves. We want to be the best, the most intelligent, the most competent and the most successful. This is why we are so self-critical. Being kind and compassionate with others is fine, but sometimes you forget yourself.  A much better approach is to set more realistic goals which match your skills set. If time management is your problem, try to get that right before taking on that enormous challenge.

6. You are aware of your prejudices and bias.

“Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth.”

—Marcus Aurelius

One of the most difficult life truths to accept is the fact that you see everything through spectacles which are tinted with bias and prejudices. This colors everything you think, feel and are passionate about. This is your truth. Bias is the default position. You project that on to people you meet. So, you have preconceived ideas about people with weight problems, different race, sexual orientation. If you are not sure about this, why not take the Implicity Association Test (IAT)  (Social Attitudes) organized by the University of Harvard.

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7. You are not prepared to compromise on your values.

You know that certain values are vital to your existence and your social relationships. Your work ethic is sacred and your desire for honesty and transparency in all your dealings is admired and respected. You are the one who shows by example and nobody will ever say that you should practice what you preach. This is a treasure that you must always safeguard because it is the key to self-fulfillment.

8. You know how to deal with fear and stress.

“You must learn to let go. Release the stress. You were never in control anyway.”

—Steve Maraboli

A lot of the stress you feel is related to negative thinking getting out of control and irrational fears about what might happen. Try these tips for taking care of yourself when things get tough. The stress will not disappear, but it will become more manageable.

9. You are in control.

If you are in control of your life, you will be less vulnerable. But it is not always so easy. Do you know that feeling when things start to get out of control and you have the horrible feeling that you are a puppet on a string?

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Here are some ways that you can regain control:

  • Think less about the past failures.
  • Stop asking the question, ‘What if…..?’
  • Try to be less dependent on others for simple decisions.
  • Stop putting things off.
  • Make a daily list of things to do which will make you feel better.
  • Always include one task that you have been putting off for some time.

10. You know how to handle truth.

The desire for truth permeates every level of our lives, from the law courts, government, religion and our own personal relationships. If there is any suspicion of a lack of honesty, we are furious. It leads to mistrust and can be corrosive and toxic. Innocuous questions about your partner’s cooking or their latest outfit may require more kindness than honesty.

But are you prepared to tell and demand the truth when it comes to your own and your partner’s failings and weaknesses? Sometimes, these questions and answers can hurt or be hurtful. If you can deal with that, then you can really be set free.

“Three things cannot be long hidden, the sun, the moon, and the truth.”

—Buddha

Featured photo credit: beautiful young woman opened her hands with delight at the blue sea and sky via shutterstock.com

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Robert Locke

Author of Ziger the Tiger Stories, a health enthusiast specializing in relationships, life improvement and mental health.

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

Reference

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