“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart.” ― Helen Keller
How lucky we are as human beings to have the ability to feel. Emotions make us human. They allow us to relate, care and connect with everything on the planet in ways that other creatures cannot. Sure, feelings can sometimes leave us sad, but all in all, that is part of living the human experience. Feelings make the human experience as beautiful and ugly as it is. Don’t take them for granted. Give yourself permission to feel from today! Start with these 10 key feelings you should never take for granted in life.
1. Falling in love
Falling in love is a wonderful feeling. Nothing is quite like falling in love and being loved right back. Never take that feeling for granted. It’s a life-changing experience. Do whatever it takes to keep love alive.Advertising
2. Losing someone you love
The feeling of losing someone close is deeply sad and meaningful. Never take it for granted. It helps you understand how fleeting life is. You learn the importance of appreciating those you love when they are still a part of your life. Too often, we don’t give much thought to the people and things we love until they are taken away. Talk, laugh, cry, and share quality time with loved ones daily, including your wife, husband, kids and parents.
3. Loving yourself
The feeling of loving yourself and being at ease, content and confident about who you are is deeply satisfying. It gives you a firm grounding in this world and should never be taken for granted. Nurture and protect it by practicing more self-love. Reassure yourself daily that you are beautiful, intelligent and wonderfully made. After all, you cannot love and care for others if you don’t first love and care for yourself.
If you have at least one person you feel completely connected to, whom you talk to and share your most personal life details without fear or shame, don’t take that for granted. Many people today are lonely and lost, even when surrounded by others, because their connections lack depth. Reach out to friends, neighbors, relatives or supporting organizations that offer companionship, or adopt a pet if necessary, to enjoy that feeling of connectedness and companionship.Advertising
Heartbreak can sting at any age. When it stings, it affects the same part of the brain that is affected when you feel physical pain. Don’t take heartbreak for granted, or try to numb yourself to the pain of a broken heart, or swear to keep off of relationships forever. Instead, allow yourself to feel sad if that’s how you’re feeling. Draw lessons from the experience and give yourself time to heal. Time really does heal all wounds, even though you might doubt that at the time.
6. Satisfaction for a job well done
There is a sense of deep satisfaction that washes over you when you know you have given something your best shot and done the task to the best of your ability. Don’t take that feeling for granted. It is a powerful motivator that boosts your ego and helps you aspire for more. However, don’t dwell too long on your successes. Take pride in the things you do, no matter how small or insignificant they might seem, and keep moving forward.
7. Pride for showing kindness
Whether you show kindness to another human being, or an animal or pet, there is a special, warm and fuzzy feeling of pride in the act that sweeps over you. Savor that feeling and the connection you make in the process. It gives meaning and value to your life and makes both you and the other person truly happy. Just don’t show kindness expecting something in return. Show genuine kindness and it will beget genuine kindness.Advertising
8. Enjoyment of a sumptuous meal
One of the most delightful pleasures of life is to sit and enjoy a delicious, full-course meal, especially when surrounded by loving family and/or friends. Don’t take that feeling for granted. Enjoy a sumptuous home-cooked meal and drink down a glass of fine wine to your full pleasure. Many people don’t get to enjoy that for different reasons ranging from health complications to the high cost of a decent meal.
9. Relief for releasing a full bowel
Ah, that feeling of rushing to the toilet and releasing a full bowel. Priceless! It makes you feel lighter and truly relieved. Don’t take the feeling for granted. Many people go to the toilet and constipate!
Success doesn’t come easy. You put in the hard work. You sacrifice your sweat and blood. You endure pain and hardships. In the end, you come out a winner. You become the champion! That is a glorious feeling. Cherish it when it comes. Winners are more likely to continue winning because they have tasted success and know what they are capable of.Advertising
Featured photo credit: Mo Riza via flickr.com
Published on April 7, 2021
6 Signs Of A Controlling Person To Be Aware Of
Some of the most manipulative people are so good at what they do that their words and actions can convince you into thinking they truly care about what’s best for you when in reality, it’s quite the opposite. The most common signs of a controlling person are rarely obvious to outside observers. And for someone enmeshed in a controlling relationship or friendship, it can be incredibly challenging to stay away from this toxic person, even if you’re aware of their emotionally abusive tendencies.
While it’s ultimately up to you to decide whether to preserve or leave a lopsided, unfulfilling relationship, it’s nevertheless critical to understand the following six signs of controlling people so you can better advocate for yourself and mitigate the influence of their manipulative tendencies in your own life.
1. They Push Their Own Personal Agenda
Do you know someone who always tries to micromanage the words, behaviors, and attitudes of people around them? Does this person act like they have the right to know anything they want about you, including your location, what you’re doing in a given moment, who you’re talking to online, or any other private information about you? And when planning events and special occasions, does this person dominate conversations, steer plans in their own preferred directions, disparage others’ suggestions, and refuse to collaborate with anyone who might disagree with them?
If you answered “yes” to some of the above questions, then those are clear signs of a controlling person whom you absolutely need to be cautious around. Controlling people are reluctant to even consider alternative ideas, let alone enthusiastically work with people who have differing views. They prefer to be the captain of every ship—regardless of how much or how little an issue personally impacts them—and they have an arsenal of manipulative tactics to deploy if someone stands in the way of them achieving their own personal agendas.
In long-term relationships with controlling people, you may feel constantly pressured to meet their demands, follow their schedule, and focus on whatever they feel is most important. It’s not an exaggeration to say that these people act like the universe revolves around them, which can be exhausting to deal with for their family members, friends, and colleagues.
2. They Make Everything Transactional
Controlling people aren’t always self-centered, but they’re not too empathetic either. Empathy for them tends to appear in the form of strategic concessions they use as a means to get what they want. They typically view interpersonal relationships as transactional opportunities to extract more value from people surrounding them, which can have a draining effect on those they interact with.
For example, one sign of a controlling person may be their insistence on “keeping score.” This can involve doing nice things for you with the ulterior motive of demanding something from you at a later date in exchange for what you thought was just an act of kindness or a friendly support.
Perhaps they shower you in praise (also known as “love-bombing”) or gifts then blow up at you if you don’t intuitively know they’re expecting something back from you. None of us are mind-readers, but controlling people behave as though everyone else should think and act like they want others to and those who fall out of line are punished for failing to meet their impossible expectations.
A controlling person may also threaten to withhold support if you don’t adhere to their demands, but they do so in such subtle ways that the guilt they impose blinds you from the unreasonable nature of their behaviors.
Some statements to be wary of include:
- “I did ___________ for you. What do you mean you can’t do ___________ for me?”
- “Remember how I helped you with ___________? That took a lot of time and energy from me, but I guess you didn’t appreciate my help.”
- “I always give you ___________. Don’t you care about my needs too?”
- “You’re so selfish!” or “You don’t care about me at all!” (gaslighting if you respond with hesitation or politely decline their request for help for perfectly valid reasons, such as not having enough time or resources to assist them)
3. They Criticize Everything
One of the most common telltale signs of a controlling person is their capacity to criticize anything and everything, even small things that seemingly don’t matter. As with many toxic traits in relationships, these problems typically start out so small that you may not even notice. At first, you may even agree with their criticism or at least be able to understand their perspective when they bring up an issue.
However, the criticism tends to get more intense, more constant, and more perplexing for people who maintain relationships with controlling people. You’ll likely notice how they rarely seem to criticize something they do. It’s almost always other-oriented and these types of people are so manipulative that any rationale they offer can seem plausibly legitimate.
Some warning signs of a controlling person who’s overly critical to the point of abusiveness include:
- Criticizing things about you that you have little to no control over (e.g., appearance, disability, family)
- Criticizing your personal choices and interests, such as educational pursuits, career, clothing, favorite music, time spent on your hobbies, etc.
- Punishing you for expressing vulnerability by invalidating thoughts and feelings you share with them
- Attacking you whenever you express an opinion counter to theirs
4. They Balk When Someone Criticizes Them
We all know the adage, “what goes around, comes around.” But this statement doesn’t apply as much to toxic, controlling people. They’d much prefer to dish out criticism without ever having to take it in return.
For instance, if your friend constantly talks about your appearance with little regard for your emotions but flips out if you make just a single comment about their appearance, there’s a possibility that they could have some hidden controlling tendencies left unchecked. Remember, these people aren’t just controlling in their behaviors towards others. They’re also actively trying to stay in complete control over every aspect of their lives, which includes how others view them.
This seemingly insatiable desire for control can prompt them to lash out against even the smallest bits of criticism, leaving people around them too weary or scared to speak up again in the future. While it’s possible they may suffer from something called rejection sensitivity dysphoria, this does not excuse them from the consequences of their words and actions. They should seek professional help to better manage their reactions to criticism.
5. They Socially Isolate You
Not all controlling people do this, but for manipulative narcissists, socially isolating victims is a go-to strategy for maintaining control because it’s effective at preventing people from truly understanding how toxic their partner, family member, or friend is treating them. Think of it this way—if you don’t talk to many other people in your life, there’s less of a risk that you’ll damage their reputation by revealing their abusive tendencies.
Socially isolating others also gives the person more control over you and your life as it becomes more difficult to break away from them if you don’t have other healthier channels of communication and interpersonal support to turn to.
This process doesn’t happen overnight, nor is it something you can readily recognize as abusive. At first, it may seem reasonable, such as asking you to stop engaging so often with family members with whom both of you disagree on major social or political issues. As the social isolation progresses, they may suggest cutting people out of your life—especially if they don’t like that person, regardless of how you personally feel—or even conjure up high-stakes problems like “it’s me or them” under the guise of saving you from people in your life whom they don’t like for whatever reason.
In a controlling person’s life narrative, they’re always the protagonist who’s incapable of any wrongdoing. The blame is always redirected at someone else, whether that’s you or other people in your life. The more they isolate you from other supportive people in your life, the more susceptible you’ll be to falsely believing that they’re right and you “don’t need” your other friends and family when you have someone as perfect as this person.
6. They’re Emotionally Abusive
It’s hard enough to be in control of your own emotions but when someone else is constantly belittling you and your interests or leveraging guilt and shame to manipulate you into saying or doing what they want, this can make it even more challenging to stay in control of your own life and emotional well-being.
Emotional abuse is another sign of a controlling person that is often overlooked in relationships. After all, human personalities vary widely in terms of passivity, and it’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to be significantly more passive than the other. This becomes an issue when the controlling partner or friend exudes signs of emotional abuse, which can start subtly and become much more pronounced over time.
Concerning signs of emotionally abusive language or behavior to watch out for include:
- Dismissing your needs and/or belittling your interests in counterproductive ways
- Privately or publicly shaming or humiliating you
- Making you feel as though you can never live up to their expectations or do anything right (according to their own vague, subjective standards)
- Gaslighting you into thinking they said or did something that never actually happened (making you question your own reality)
It’s sometimes hard to see the negative things about someone with whom we have a relationship. We may sometimes unconsciously overlook the signs of a controlling person, especially if that person is someone we have known for a long time or are close to us. However, cutting them off your life is the best thing you can do for yourself. Just watch out for these six signs of a controlling person and take immediate action when you spot them.
More Tips on How To Deal With a Controlling Person
- How to Recognize a Controlling Relationship and What to Do About It
- 10 Habits Of Manipulative People
- Being Kind to Control Freaks Is Being Cruel to Yourself
Featured photo credit: Külli Kittus via unsplash.com