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10 Common Behaviors Which Scare People Away

10 Common Behaviors Which Scare People Away

We have all come across people with toxic behavior patterns. We have surely even exhibited some bad behavior at some point in our lives too. But some of us have the awareness to observe our own behavior and minimize the damage we might cause to ourselves and to others. There are, however, many people who are unaware of their negative behavior and often drive people away from them. Here are 10 common behaviors which scare people away.

1. They are arrogant.

People who have such an unpleasant behavior believe that they are better than others. They enjoy putting others down in order to boost their own confidence. People often feel offended by their egocentric behavior and choose not to deal with them. Being humble is admirable. We don’t have to intentionally show our abilities, as others will be able to spot them eventually.

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2. They are bossy.

As if dealing with difficult bosses is not enough, we often have to deal with bossy people who aren’t even our bosses and who think they have the right to push people around. These people are inconsiderate of others’ feelings and needs. Instead, they only focus on their own feelings and needs. Nobody likes to be bossed around, so being considerate to others’  feelings and needs is important in order to live in peace with others.

3. They don’t listen.

We all know of someone who only focus on telling people what they want and need, and never bother to truly listen attentively to what others have to say. They often neglect what we say by assuming that they already know what we are talking about and end up making a mistake or causing a misunderstanding of the situation. Listening is crucial in order to really understand what is being delivered, in order to get the conversation going, and to get things done properly.

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4. They are jealous of others.

These folks are envious of others. They are always comparing themselves with others and are often not content with what they have. They would spend their time talking about what other people have instead of working on getting what they want. Being jealous is energy-draining. Being grateful for what we have motivates us to keep moving forward to improve our lives.

5. They like to blame others.

Complaining and ranting is one of the attributes of these people. When something bad occurs, they will blame it on anything that they can think of in order to keep them away from trouble. They are not fans of accountability, so they choose not to be responsible for the outcome of the situation they are in. Being accountable to our own agenda enables us to be in control of our situation. It might not always be pleasant, but if we choose to deal with them regardless of the outcome, we will eventually find ways to fix the situation and learn some valuable lessons from them.

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6. They always think of the negatives.

They will come out with endless negative possibilities in any situation and they don’t encourage progress. These people drag your energy down by trying to convince you that nothing good is possible and that all ideas and dreams are only delusions. Believing in something we aim to achieve in life is vital for us to live happily and with purpose. Thinking on the positive side of things enables us to grow stronger from every challenge we face in life.

7. They act impulsively.

They do what they want, when they want, even if it hinders and affects others. They only believe in instant gratification, and their actions often cause unpleasant inconveniences to others. We all have the freedom to do what we please, but we have to make sure that our actions don’t affect others unfairly. Being considerate makes everyone feel at ease when they are around us.

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8. They gossip about others.

Gossiping about others is one of their favorite pastimes. They talk about others behind their backs. People who know about their behavior are less likely to share their personal matters with them for fear of their issues becoming a topic of gossip among their friends. Instead of talking about another’s life, we can discuss events and ideas. That way, we can all gain useful information and use the knowledge productively.

9. They lack empathy and compassion.

They are not concerned with the suffering of others because they only care about their own importance. These people actually enjoy knowing that someone is having a hard time, because it makes them feel better about themselves. Having compassion for others not only helps us to understand them, but also helps us to understand ourselves. It gives us a sense of being human and helps us understand that we all need people who are compassionate around us when we are in similar position someday.

10. They lack emotional control.

These people express their emotions uncontrollably, no matter what situation they are in. They are only concerned for their own feelings and neglect others’ feelings when dealing with an issue. They don’t handle the situation rationally; instead, they react based on their emotions. Knowing how to control your emotions when dealing with people is important. It keeps you away from making bad decisions and keeps you away from trouble.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on March 30, 2020

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

What Does Self-Conscious Mean? (And How to Stop Being It)

Have you ever walked into a room and felt like your nerves simply couldn’t handle it? Your heart beats fast, you start to sweat, and you feel like all eyes are on you (even if they’re really not). This is just one of the many ways that being self-conscious can rear its ugly head.

You may not even realize you’re self-conscious, and you may be wondering, “What does self-conscious mean?” That’s a good place to start.

This article will define self-consciousness, show how practically everyone has faced it at one point or another, and give you tips to avoid it.

What Does Self-Conscious Mean?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, self-conscious is defined as “conscious of one’s own acts or states as belonging to or originating in oneself.”[1]

Not so bad, right? There’s another definition, though — one that speaks more to what you’re going through: “feeling uncomfortably conscious of oneself as an object of the observation of others.” For those of us who regularly deal with extreme self-consciousness, that second definition sounds about right.

There are many different ways self-consciousness can spring up. You may feel self-conscious around people you know, like your family members or closest friends. You may feel self-conscious at work, even though you spend hours every week around your co-workers. Or you may feel self-conscious when out in public and surrounded by strangers. However, you probably don’t feel self-conscious when you’re home alone.

How to Stop Being Too Self-Conscious

When you’re in the throes of self-consciousness, it’s nearly impossible to remember how to stop feeling that way. That’s why it’s so important to prepare ahead of time, when you’re feeling ready to tackle the problem instead of succumbing to it.

Here are a variety of ways to feel better about yourself and stop thinking about how others see you.

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1. Ask Yourself, “So What?”

One way to banish negative, self-conscious thoughts is to do just that: banish them.

The next time you walk into a room and feel your face getting red, think to yourself, “So what?” How much does it really matter if people don’t like how you look or act? What’s the worst that could happen?

Most of the time, you’ll find that you don’t have a good answer to this question. Then, you can immediately start assigning such thoughts less importance. With self-awareness, you can acknowledge that your negative thoughts are present and realize that you don’t agree with them.[2] They’re just thoughts, after all.

2. Be Honest

A lie that self-consciousness might tell is that there’s one way to act or feel. Honestly, though, everyone else is just figuring life out as well. There isn’t a preferred way to show up to an event, gathering, or public place. What you can do is be honest with your feelings and thoughts.[3]

If you feel offended by something someone says, you don’t have to smile to be polite or laugh to fit in with the crowd. Instead, you can politely say why you disagree or excuse yourself and find a group of people who you relate to better. If you’re nervous, don’t overcompensate by trying to look relaxed and casual — it’ll be obvious you’re putting on a front. Instead, nothing is more endearing than saying, “I’m a little nervous!” to a room of people who probably feel the exact same way.

On the same note, if you don’t understand why someone wants you to do something, question it. You can do this at work, at home, or even with people you don’t know well. Nobody should force you to do something you don’t want to do.

Also, even if you’re willing to do what’s asked of you, there’s nothing wrong with asking for more clarification. People will realize that you’re not a person to be bossed around.

3. Understand Why You’re Struggling at Work

Being self-conscious at work can get in the way of your daily responsibilities, your relationships with co-workers, and even your career as a whole. If you’re facing some sort of conflict but you’re too nervous to speak up, you may be at the whim of what happens to you instead of taking some control.

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If you’re usually confident at work, you may be wondering where this new self-consciousness is coming from. It’s possible that you’re dealing with burnout.[4] Common signs are anxiety, fatigue and distraction, all of which can leave you feeling under-confident.

4. Succeed at Something

When you create success in your life, it’s easier to feel confident[5] and less self-conscious. If you feel self-conscious at work, finish the project that’s been looming over your head. If you feel self-conscious in the gym, complete an advanced workout class.

Exposing yourself to what you’re scared of and then succeeding at it in some way (even just by finishing it) can do wonders for your self-esteem. The more confidence you build, the more likely you are to have more success in the future, which will create a cycle of confidence-building.

5. Treat All of You — Not Just Your Self-Consciousness

Trying to solve your self-consciousness alone may not treat the root of the problem. Instead, take a well-rounded approach to lower your self-consciousness and build confidence in areas where you may struggle.

Even professional counselors are embracing this holistic type of treatment[6] because they feel that the health of the mind and body are inextricably linked. This approach combines physical, spiritual, and psychological components. Common activities and treatments include meditation, yoga, massage, and healthy changes to diet and exercise.

If much of this is new to you, it will pay to give it a try. You never know how it will impact you.

If you’re feeling self-conscious about how your body looks, a massage that makes you feel great could boost your confidence. If you try a new workout, you could have something exciting to talk about the next time you’re in a group setting.

Putting yourself in a new situation and learning that you can get through it with grace can give you the confidence to get through all sorts of events and nerve-wracking moments.

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6. Make the Changes That Are Within Your Control

Let’s say you walk into a room and you’re self-conscious about how you look. However, you may have put a lot of time and effort into your outfit. Even though it may stand out, this is how you have chosen to express yourself.

You have to work on your internal confidence, not your external appearance. There’s nothing to change other than your outlook.

On the other hand, maybe there’s something that you don’t like about yourself that you can change. For example, maybe you hate how a birthmark on your face looks or have varicose veins that you think are unsightly. If you can do something about these things, do it! There’s nothing wrong with changing your appearance (or skills, education, etc.) if it’s going to make you more confident.

You don’t have to accept your current situation for acceptance’s sake. There’s no award for putting up with something you hate. Confidence is also required to make changes that are scary, even if they’re for the better. Plus, it may be an easier fix than you thought. For example, treating varicose veins doesn’t have to involve surgery — sometimes simple compression stockings will take care of the problem.[7]

7. Realize That Everyone Has Awkward Moments

Everyone has said something awkward to someone else and lived to tell the tale. We’ve all forgotten somebody’s name or said, “You too!” when the concession stand girl says to enjoy our movie. Not only are these things uber-common, but they’re not nearly as embarrassing as you feel they are.

Think about how you react when someone else does something awkward. Do you think, “Wow, that person’s such a loser!” or do you think, “What a relief, I’m not the only one who does that.” Chances are good that’s the same reaction others have to you when you stumble.

Remember, self-consciousness is a state of mind that you have control over. You don’t have to feel this way. Do what you need to in order to build your confidence, put your self-consciousness in perspective, and start exercising your “I feel awesome about myself” muscle. It’ll get easier with time.

When Is Being Self-Conscious a Good Thing?

Self-consciousness can sometimes be a good thing[8], but you have to take the awkwardness and nerves out of it.

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In this case, “self-aware” is a much better term. Knowing how you come off to people is an excellent trait; you’ll be able to read a room and understand how what you do and say affects others. These are fantastic skills for people work and personal relationships.

Self-awareness helps you dress appropriately for the occasion, tells you that you’re talking too loud or not loud enough, and guides a conversation so you don’t offend or bore anyone.

It’s not about being someone you’re not — that can actually have adverse effects, just like self-consciousness. Instead, it’s about turning up certain aspects of yourself to perform well in the situation.

Final Thoughts

When you’re self-conscious, you’re constantly battling with yourself in an effort to control how other people view you. You try to change yourself to suit what you think other people want to see.

The truth, though, is that you can’t actually control how other people view you — and you may not even be correct about how they view you in the first place.

Being confident doesn’t happen overnight. Instead, it happens in small steps as you slowly build your confidence and say “no” to your self-consciousness. It also requires accepting that you’re going to feel self-conscious sometimes, and that’s okay.

Sometimes worrying that there is a problem can be more stressful than the problem itself. Feeling bad for feeling self-conscious can be more troublesome than simply feeling it and getting on with the day.

Forgive yourself for being human and make the small changes that will lead to better confidence in the future.

More Tips for Improving Your Self-Esteem

Featured photo credit: Cata via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Merriam-Webster: Self-conscious
[2] Bustle: 7 Tips On How To Stop Feeling Self-Conscious
[3] Marc and Angel: 10 Things to Remember When You Feel Unsure of Yourself
[4] Bostitch: How to Protect Small Businesses From Burnout
[5] Psychology Today: Self-conscious? Get Over It
[6] Wake Forest University: Embracing Holistic Medicine
[7] Center for Vein Restoration: What Causes Venous Ulcers, and How Are They Treated?
[8] Scientific American: The Pros and Cons of Being Self-Aware

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