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10 Common Behaviors Which Scare People Away

10 Common Behaviors Which Scare People Away

We have all come across people with toxic behavior patterns. We have surely even exhibited some bad behavior at some point in our lives too. But some of us have the awareness to observe our own behavior and minimize the damage we might cause to ourselves and to others. There are, however, many people who are unaware of their negative behavior and often drive people away from them. Here are 10 common behaviors which scare people away.

1. They are arrogant.

People who have such an unpleasant behavior believe that they are better than others. They enjoy putting others down in order to boost their own confidence. People often feel offended by their egocentric behavior and choose not to deal with them. Being humble is admirable. We don’t have to intentionally show our abilities, as others will be able to spot them eventually.

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2. They are bossy.

As if dealing with difficult bosses is not enough, we often have to deal with bossy people who aren’t even our bosses and who think they have the right to push people around. These people are inconsiderate of others’ feelings and needs. Instead, they only focus on their own feelings and needs. Nobody likes to be bossed around, so being considerate to others’  feelings and needs is important in order to live in peace with others.

3. They don’t listen.

We all know of someone who only focus on telling people what they want and need, and never bother to truly listen attentively to what others have to say. They often neglect what we say by assuming that they already know what we are talking about and end up making a mistake or causing a misunderstanding of the situation. Listening is crucial in order to really understand what is being delivered, in order to get the conversation going, and to get things done properly.

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4. They are jealous of others.

These folks are envious of others. They are always comparing themselves with others and are often not content with what they have. They would spend their time talking about what other people have instead of working on getting what they want. Being jealous is energy-draining. Being grateful for what we have motivates us to keep moving forward to improve our lives.

5. They like to blame others.

Complaining and ranting is one of the attributes of these people. When something bad occurs, they will blame it on anything that they can think of in order to keep them away from trouble. They are not fans of accountability, so they choose not to be responsible for the outcome of the situation they are in. Being accountable to our own agenda enables us to be in control of our situation. It might not always be pleasant, but if we choose to deal with them regardless of the outcome, we will eventually find ways to fix the situation and learn some valuable lessons from them.

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6. They always think of the negatives.

They will come out with endless negative possibilities in any situation and they don’t encourage progress. These people drag your energy down by trying to convince you that nothing good is possible and that all ideas and dreams are only delusions. Believing in something we aim to achieve in life is vital for us to live happily and with purpose. Thinking on the positive side of things enables us to grow stronger from every challenge we face in life.

7. They act impulsively.

They do what they want, when they want, even if it hinders and affects others. They only believe in instant gratification, and their actions often cause unpleasant inconveniences to others. We all have the freedom to do what we please, but we have to make sure that our actions don’t affect others unfairly. Being considerate makes everyone feel at ease when they are around us.

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8. They gossip about others.

Gossiping about others is one of their favorite pastimes. They talk about others behind their backs. People who know about their behavior are less likely to share their personal matters with them for fear of their issues becoming a topic of gossip among their friends. Instead of talking about another’s life, we can discuss events and ideas. That way, we can all gain useful information and use the knowledge productively.

9. They lack empathy and compassion.

They are not concerned with the suffering of others because they only care about their own importance. These people actually enjoy knowing that someone is having a hard time, because it makes them feel better about themselves. Having compassion for others not only helps us to understand them, but also helps us to understand ourselves. It gives us a sense of being human and helps us understand that we all need people who are compassionate around us when we are in similar position someday.

10. They lack emotional control.

These people express their emotions uncontrollably, no matter what situation they are in. They are only concerned for their own feelings and neglect others’ feelings when dealing with an issue. They don’t handle the situation rationally; instead, they react based on their emotions. Knowing how to control your emotions when dealing with people is important. It keeps you away from making bad decisions and keeps you away from trouble.

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Crystie Lim

Life Coach

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Last Updated on May 21, 2019

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

How to Communicate Effectively in Any Relationship

For all our social media bravado, we live in a society where communication is seen less as an art, and more as a perfunctory exercise. We spend so much time with people, yet we struggle with how to meaningfully communicate.

If you believe you have mastered effective communication, scan the list below and see whether you can see yourself in any of the examples:

Example 1

You are uncomfortable with a person’s actions or comments, and rather than telling the individual immediately, you sidestep the issue and attempt to move on as though the offending behavior or comment never happened.

You move on with the relationship and develop a pattern of not addressing challenging situations. Before long, the person with whom you are in relationship will say or do something that pushes you over the top and predictably, you explode or withdraw completely from the relationship.

In this example, hard-to-speak truths become never- expressed truths that turn into resentment and anger.

Example 2

You communicate from the head and without emotion. While what you communicate makes perfect sense to you, it comes across as cold because it lacks emotion.

People do not understand what motivates you to say what you say, and without sharing your feelings and emotions, others experience you as rude, cold or aggressive.

You will know this is a problem if people shy away from you, ignore your contributions in meetings or tell you your words hurt. You can also know you struggle in this area if you find yourself constantly apologizing for things you have said.

Example 3

You have an issue with one person, but you communicate your problem to an entirely different person.

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The person in whom you confide lacks the authority to resolve the matter troubling you, and while you have vented and expressed frustration, the underlying challenge is unresolved.

Example 4

You grew up in a family with destructive communication habits and those habits play out in your current relationships.

Because you have never stopped to ask why you communicate the way you do and whether your communication style still works, you may lack understanding of how your words impact others and how to implement positive change.

If you find yourself in any of the situations described above, this article is for you.

Communication can build or decimate worlds and it is important we get it right. Regardless of your professional aspirations or personal goals, you can improve your communication skills if you:

  • Understand your own communication style
  • Tailor your style depending on the needs of the audience
  • Communicate with precision and care
  • Be mindful of your delivery, timing and messenger

1. Understand Your Communication Style

To communicate effectively, you must understand the communication legacy passed down from our parents, grandparents or caregivers. Each of us grew up with spoken and unspoken rules about communication.

In some families, direct communication is practiced and honored. In other families, family members are encouraged to shy away from difficult conversations. Some families appreciate open and frank dialogue and others do not. Other families practice silence about substantive matters, that is, they seldom or rarely broach difficult conversations at all.

Before you can appreciate the nuance required in communication, it helps to know the familial patterns you grew up with.

2. Learn Others Communication Styles

Communicating effectively requires you to take a step back, assess the intended recipient of your communication and think through how the individual prefers to be communicated with. Once you know this, you can tailor your message in a way that increases the likelihood of being heard. This also prevents you from assuming the way you communicate with one group is appropriate or right for all groups or people.

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If you are unsure how to determine the styles of the groups or persons with whom you are interacting, you can always ask them:

“How do you prefer to receive information?”

This approach requires listening, both to what the individuals say as well as what is unspoken. Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson noted that the best communicators are also great listeners.

To communicate effectively from relationship to relationship and situation to situation, you must understand the communication needs of others.

3. Exercise Precision and Care

A recent engagement underscored for me the importance of exercising care when communicating.

On a recent trip to Ohio, I decided to meet up with an old friend to go for a walk. As we strolled through the soccer park, my friend gently announced that he had something to talk about, he was upset with me. His introduction to the problem allowed me to mentally shift gears and prepare for the conversation.

Shortly after introducing the shift in conversation, my friend asked me why I didn’t invite him to the launch party for my business. He lives in Ohio and I live in the D.C. area.

I explained that the event snuck up on me, and I only started planning the invite list three weeks before the event. Due to the last-minute nature of the gathering, I opted to invite people in the DMV area versus my friends from outside the area – I didn’t want to be disrespectful by asking them to travel on such short notice.

I also noted that I didn’t want to be disappointed if he and others declined to come to the event. So I played it safe in terms of inviting people who were local.

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In the moment, I felt the conversation went very well. I also checked in with my friend a few days after our walk, affirmed my appreciation for his willingness to communicate his upset and our ability to work through it.

The way this conversation unfolded exemplified effective communication. My friend approached me with grace and vulnerability. He approached me with a level of curiosity that didn’t put me on my heels — I was able to really listen to what he was saying, apologize for how my decision impacted him and vow that going forward, I would always ask rather than making decisions for him and others.

Our relationship is intact, and I now have information that will help me become a better friend to him and others.

4. Be Mindful of Delivery, Timing and Messenger

Communicating effectively also requires thinking through the delivery of the message one intends to communicate as well as the appropriate time for the discussion.

In an Entrepreneur.com column, VIP Contributor Deep Patel, noted that persons interested in communicating well need to master the art of timing. Patel noted,[1]

“Great comedians, like all great communicators, are able to feel out their audience to determine when to move on to a new topic or when to reiterate an idea.”

Communicating effectively also requires thoughtfulness about the messenger. A person prone to dramatic, angry outbursts should never be called upon to deliver constructive feedback, especially to people whom they do not know. The immediate aftermath of a mass shooting is not the ideal time to talk about the importance of the Second Amendment rights.

Like everyone else, I must work to ensure my communication is layered with precision and care.

It requires precision because words must be carefully tailored to the person with whom you are speaking.

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It requires intentionality because before one communicates, one should think about the audience and what the audience needs in order to hear your message the way you intended it to be communicated.

It requires active listening which is about hearing verbal and nonverbal messages.

Even though we may be right in what we say, how we say it could derail the impact of the message and the other parties’ ability to hear the message.

Communicating with care is also about saying things that the people in our life need to hear and doing so with love.

The Bottom Line

When I left the meeting with my dear friend, I wondered if I was replicating or modeling this level of openness and transparency in the rest of my relationships.

I was intrigued and appreciative. He’d clearly thought about what he wanted to say to me, picked the appropriate time to share his feedback and then delivered it with care. He hit the ball out of the park and I’m hopeful we all do the same.

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Featured photo credit: Kenan Buhic via unsplash.com

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