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10 Basic Rules of Happiness You Need to Follow

10 Basic Rules of Happiness You Need to Follow

Happiness they say, is a state of mind.

Great riches, the mansion, a swanky boat and a fancy car won’t necessarily make you happy, nor will a life completely without work. In fact, many of the suggested routes to happiness that we’re fed by the powers that be are leading us to early graves and fits of depression.

The basic rules of happiness are quite simple, and here are 10 easy to follow rules that you need to learn in order to be happy.

1. Turn Your Happiness Switch to ‘On’

We are all born with a happiness switch. Remember when you were younger and you’d race home from school with a heart full of joy just because school was out?

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Think back to what made you happy as a child and you’ll probably find it was the small mini-experience that made your heart race, rather than the big wondrous experiences we crave as we get older.

Find that small happiness switch within you and keep it turned ‘on’ to your own happiness level, always.

2. Understand that Happiness is a Journey not a Destination

We’ve all been given a magic book; the book of life. It has a beginning, a middle and an end.

Make sure you focus on fulfillment and enjoy the journey of your story. Live every page, and savor every word, just make sure to live each day as if it were your last.

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3. Learn How to Cope with Frustration

Remember that total control in life is not an option and we all get frustrated for different reasons about different things. A basic rule of happiness is to be able to raise your frustration tolerance and this means letting go of being in control. Too much control kills happiness and feeds frustration.

4. Live in the Moment and Embrace the Present

There’s no use in waiting for tomorrow to arrive, hoping that it will bring you more of what makes you happy. Today is all you have, right now is all you have and you need to find ways to be happy in this moment. Enjoy your family, live your dreams, let your imagination soar, whatever it takes because this is your journey.

If you’re banking on winning the lottery to make you happy, you’re probably on the wrong track for happiness.

5. Understand Your Life’s Purpose

When you’re in sync with your purpose, you are more likely to feel content and happy. If you don’t know what your values and purpose in life really are, then take a good hard look at what you stand for as well as what really makes your heart sing.

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6. Set Achievable Goals and Pursue them Within Reason

Goals are the essence of hope, and they inspire you to get out of bed in the morning. Happy people have short, mid-term and long term goals that they are striving towards, but they don’t pursue them at the risk of their well-being.

Make sure you have goals, but weave them into your life in a balanced way.

7. See the Wonder of the Simplest Things 

Take time out every day and enjoy the simple things in life. Many millionaires have found out that money isn’t everything and chasing life’s big pleasures instead of the small ones is futile in the pursuit of happiness because you are as likely missing tiny sparkling diamonds that are strewn across your life’s path.

8. Give, Give, Give

“Give and you shall receive,” but how about forgetting about the receiving bit and just give, give and give some more? Giving of yourself, your time or a percentage of your money will most likely reward you with huge chunks of happiness – it’s a universal law.

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9. Never Sacrifice Family for Achievement

Just imagine for a moment … you are living in a big house, perhaps the house of your dreams with a fancy car in the garage and money in the bank account for a five star holiday. Wow, you’ve really made it … or have you?  Great wealth nearly always means sacrifice, in the form of large chunks of your time. You might have had to relegate your loved ones to second best, perhaps you have a failed relationship in your wake, perhaps you have missed your children’s childhood years, or been too busy to celebrate birthdays and remember anniversaries. At the end of the day, it’s no good having all life’s fancy trappings if there’s nobody meaningful to share them with.

10. Don’t Let the Past Color Your Future

Your past is over. It’s happened. The water has flown under the bridge and disappeared from view leaving fresh water in its wake. You have no power to change events that have occurred already and happy people know this. Don’t waste time worrying about the past, instead  focus on what you can change or accomplish right now.

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Published on May 4, 2021

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

How to Spot Fake People?

When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

1. Full of Themselves

Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

3. Zero Self-Reflection

To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

4. Unrealistic Perceptions

Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

5. Love Attention

As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

6. People Pleaser

Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

8. Crappy friend

Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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1. Boundaries

Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

4. Ask for Advice

If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

5. Dig Deeper

Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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6. Practice Self-Care!

Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

Final Thoughts

Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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