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Published on November 20, 2020

How To Be Happy Single And Live Your Best Life

How To Be Happy Single And Live Your Best Life

Are you struggling to be happy single?

Being single is seen by some as a state of loneliness. Because of how lonely it can be, many people stay stuck in loveless and unhappy relationships, they do not want to feel that emptiness that comes with being single.

First of all, that’s a lie that should not be held onto. Admittedly, getting out of a relationship can be hard. It is like falling off a boat you have been on for so long, right into the cold waters, trying to learn how to swim and navigate through the waters again. Of course, all of this would not matter if you can breathe underwater.

You Can Be Happy Single, and Live Your Best Life

You do not need to feel like you are drowning, or like the entire world is resting completely on your shoulders. Being single is not a bad thing. You have to start seeing singlehood as something other than the absence of a partner and start seeing it as a phase of personal rediscovery and self-love.

Yes, having a partner makes life beautiful, but being single does not make life any less beautiful, if anything it brings a sense of peace that you may not get from being in a relationship. At some point in your life, it is easy to be stuck wondering how to be happy single and live your best life. However, the first thing you need to understand is that you are completely in charge of your own happiness.

Putting the responsibility of your happiness on someone other than yourself is both selfish and a tad disturbing. Selfish because that is way too much burden to place on someone. When someone comes into your life, it should be that they are adding to pre-existing happiness, not bringing happiness to an unhappy life.

When you place that burden on someone, you are inadvertently making it difficult for them to do things that make them happy, which may make you unhappy. This means that if at some point in their life, they decide that the relationship is no longer working, and they want to move on, they can’t. They have to worry about you relapsing into a large hole of sadness. That is a very selfish thing to do.

It is disturbing because you are a living breathing human who should be able to be in charge of your life. Releasing the reins of your life, something as important as your happiness to someone else for whatever reason is not a good move. You should be able to handle things as important as your emotions without completely giving up that aspect of your life to someone else. Babies do not even depend on their parents for happiness, and they are unconscious of things.

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They find happiness in silly things like sprouting grass, a dot on a carpet, an animal painted on a wall, and the funny movement in the ‘Baby shark’ video. Now, as an adult where you are completely in charge of your life and decisions, consciously making decisions, it is disturbing that you will give up control of your happiness.

The Perks of Being Single

It is said that when you have been single for a long time, getting into a relationship is hard, because you have become so comfortable with being alone, and bringing someone into the mix suddenly sounds like a lot. As you read further, you will see how to be happy single; however, believe it or not, there are a lot of benefits of being single. So, before we go into how you can be happy single, here are some of the surprisingly amazing benefits of being single.

Your Support System Grows

As a single person, even though you do not mean for it to happen, you find yourself completely dependent on your partner. When something bad happens at work, they are the first one you tell. When something good happens they are the first you tell, too. You rely on them for support advice and help. They are always there, yes. However, what this does is that, when they leave your life, you are saddled with the shocking thought that you are all alone.

This is usually why individuality is preached to people in relationships. You should always be able to have people with whom you can lean on and share things. When you are single, you have a network of support systems, instead of being tied down to one person.

This also allows for diverse views when you need advice. More importantly, when you win, the applause of 10 people is louder than the applause of one. More so, statistics have shown that single people, while they have a group of close friends they can always reach up to, it is also easier for them to get help from friends, than it is for those in relationships.[1]

Your Time Is Yours and Yours Alone

When you are single, you do not make plans for anyone but you. Your time is your own. You could decide to go out, and then change your mind almost immediately, and no one will be mad at you for it.

There is also no one crashing into an already arranged schedule and making you change your entire plans. You also do not have to make time for anything that is not exactly beneficial to you. You don’t have to share your time with someone and explain why you need some time off. Not being in a relationship means you can just take your time off without explanations.

You Spend Money on Yourself Alone

Being single means that you have less financial responsibilities. Forget what Jennifer Lopez said; love does cost a thing. It costs a lot of money. It costs money for dates. It costs money on gifts for Christmas, birthdays and anniversaries.

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Love requires money. When you are single, you do not have those financial responsibilities, which means your credit card is yours to max out alone. Or not.

There Is Less Anxiety

See, when a random friend texts you and says “Hey, we need to talk.” You think of the last time you both talked, shrug, and decide that it is mostly not important anyway. Chances are you might even forget you got that message as time goes on.

However, when you are in a relationship and your partner texts you with that, best believe you will spend the entire day with an abnormal heart rate, trips to the toilet, and sweaty palms.

Because even though the both of you were really good before you left the house for work, that message sends a lot of thoughts spiraling out of control in your mind, and they will continue flying until you have the conversation.

These benefits seem small and rather inconsequential, but do you really not want to live your life with fewer anxieties, financial constraints, more time and a larger support system? Now, let us love the right to the important part, how to be happy single and live your best life.

Do All the Fun Things Alone

It is funny when people walk up to people who are at the bar alone and ask them “waiting for someone?” Who gave the rules that people could not go to bars alone? You can go to bars alone; you can go to movies alone, you can go to a restaurant alone.

Fun things are better enjoyed alone; maybe you will need to drink a little more responsibly so you can drive home, but yeah.

When you do all these things alone, you learn how to appreciate the little things of life that come from enjoying alone. On a lighter note, if you are a crier, you need not be ashamed when you want to cry out your eyes when watching a cheesy movie. When you can go from movies to clubs to parks alone, you will realize how exhilarating it is.

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Go on a Vacation Alone

Still, on doing things alone, that place you have always wanted to visit, take your passport, save up for it and take that trip alone. Meet beautiful people, take pictures, kiss a random stranger, laugh loudly, eat strange foods, be happy, dance with locals, simply do all the wonderful things that you can do while traveling alone.

Make Friends

You are not an island, you need a support system, create one. Meet new friends of both genders, take pictures, have sleepovers, get drunk too. This is an important way to make sure that you can always get the help you need.

When you are in a relationship, it might be difficult to foster a relationship with other people, because you may not have time for them, as it can be exhausting to split your attention like that.

But when you are single, you do not need to split your attention, you just need to focus it on people who are there for you. Also, be there for them too, be the person they can lean on, you may not believe this, but a certain sense of fulfillment and happiness comes from being the one who makes others feel better.

Give Yourself a Break

It is easy to beat yourself up over small failures and mistakes, there is also the part where you begin to think that your inability to keep relationships is why you are single. It is not true. Be easy on yourself, forgive yourself, be happy with the strides that you have taken, look at the good stud you have done alone, and be proud of yourself. When you are too hard on yourself, depriving yourself of self-love, care, and forgiveness, you find yourself being continually happy.

You will notice that you are seeking validation from another person to show you the good in you. You need to understand that when you do not see and appreciate the good in you, no one else will.

If by some stroke of luck, someone decides to remind you of your awesomeness, you will be dependent on that person for approval, and when you do not get it, you will sink right back into unhappiness. How to be happy single is by telling yourself that you are an awesome single.

Get Involved in Activities

Do not spend time brooding over what has been lost, that is pathetic. Get involved with activities and immerse yourself in them. Enjoy getting involved in these beautiful moments, bask in them, relish the experience. Chase your goals, do all the things that you never used to have time for. Take that online course that you never seemed to find time for before now.

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Bask in the opportunity to be a better person. Join the team in your neighborhood to volunteer at the dog shelter. Visit kids at the hospital and hand out balloons and stuffed animals. Doing this will increase your chance of finding that inner happiness. When night comes and you want to reminisce, it would not be of your failed relationships, it will be of the fulfilled life you are currently living.

Do Something Unusual

What is that thing you say you will never be caught dead doing? Do it.

If you are often the prim and proper type, do something crazy and adventurous. If you are often the crazy type, it might be time to wear a formal outfit and attend an event where you have to consciously try to not unleash your crazy.

Does that sound hard? That is exactly why you should do it. stretch yourself and unleash that person that your friends and family can swear never existed. The silliness of it will make you laugh, cringe, laugh again and marvel at the things you can do when you feel unhinged.

Final Thoughts

Life is beautiful, and while it is enjoyed while coupled off, it can also be enjoyed to the fullness while alone.

You do not have to be unhappy because you are alone; there are so many things to find happiness in.

How to be happy single and live your best life? Live like the world ends today and there will be no tomorrow.

More on Self Love

Featured photo credit: Şahin Sezer Dinçer via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Jacqueline T. Hill

Writing, Blogging, and Educating To Guide Others Into Happiness

How to Learn to Be Alone and Happy About It How to Find Inner Peace and Lasting Happiness How To Deal With Inner Conflict And Free Yourself How to Develop Different Perspectives on Life How to Express Your Feelings in a Healthy Way

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

How to Say No When You Know You Say Yes Too Often

Do you say yes so often that you no longer feel that your own needs are being met? Are you wondering how to say no to people?

For years, I was a serial people pleaser[1]. Known as someone who would step up, I would gladly make time, especially when it came to volunteering for certain causes. I proudly carried this role all through grade school, college, even through law school. For years, I thought saying “no” meant I would disappoint a good friend or someone I respected.

But somewhere along the way, I noticed I wasn’t quite living my life. Instead, I seem to have created a schedule that was a strange combination of meeting the expectations of others, what I thought I should be doing, and some of what I actually wanted to do. The result? I had a packed schedule that left me overwhelmed and unfulfilled.

It took a long while, but I learned the art of saying no. Saying no meant I no longer catered fully to everyone else’s needs and could make more room for what I really wanted to do. Instead of cramming too much in, I chose to pursue what really mattered. When that happened, I became a lot happier.

And guess what? I hardly disappointed anyone.

The Importance of Saying No

When you learn the art of saying no, you begin to look at the world differently. Rather than seeing all of the things you could or should be doing (and aren’t doing), you start to look at how to say yes to what’s important.

In other words, you aren’t just reacting to what life throws at you. You seek the opportunities that move you to where you want to be.

Successful people aren’t afraid to say no. Oprah Winfrey, considered one of the most successful women in the world, confessed that it was much later in life when she learned how to say no. Even after she had become internationally famous, she felt she had to say yes to virtually everything.

Being able to say no also helps you manage your time better.

Warren Buffett views “no” as essential to his success. He said:

“The difference between successful people and really successful people is that really successful people say no to almost everything.”

When I made “no” a part of my toolbox, I drove more of my own success, focusing on fewer things and doing them well.

How We Are Pressured to Say Yes

It’s no wonder a lot of us find it hard to say no.

From an early age, we are conditioned to say yes. We said yes probably hundreds of times in order to graduate from high school and then get into college. We said yes to find work, to get a promotion, to find love and then yes again to stay in a relationship. We said yes to find and keep friends.

We say yes because we feel good when we help someone, because it can seem like the right thing to do, because we think that is key to success, and because the request might come from someone who is hard to resist.

And that’s not all. The pressure to say yes doesn’t just come from others. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves.

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At work, we say yes because we compare ourselves to others who seem to be doing more than we are. Outside of work, we say yes because we are feeling bad that we aren’t doing enough to spend time with family or friends.

The message, no matter where we turn, is nearly always, “You really could be doing more.” The result? When people ask us for our time, we are heavily conditioned to say yes.

How Do You Say No Without Feeling Guilty?

Deciding to add the word “no” to your toolbox is no small thing. Perhaps you already say no, but not as much as you would like. Maybe you have an instinct that if you were to learn the art of no that you could finally create more time for things you care about.

But let’s be honest, using the word “no” doesn’t come easily for many people.

3 Rules of Thumbs for Saying No

1. You Need to Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

Let’s face it. It is hard to say no. Setting boundaries around your time, especially you haven’t done it much in the past, will feel awkward. Your comfort zone is “yes,” so it’s time to challenge that and step outside that.

If you need help getting out of your comfort zone, check out this article.

2. You Are the Air Traffic Controller of Your Time

When you want to learn how to say no, remember that you are the only one who understands the demands for your time. Think about it: who else knows about all of the demands in your life? No one.

Only you are at the center of all of these requests. You are the only one that understands what time you really have.

3. Saying No Means Saying Yes to Something That Matters

When we decide not to do something, it means we can say yes to something else that we may care more about. You have a unique opportunity to decide how you spend your precious time.

6 Ways to Start Saying No

Incorporating that little word “no” into your life can be transformational. Turning some things down will mean you can open doors to what really matters. Here are some essential tips to learn the art of no:

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1. Check in With Your Obligation Meter

One of the biggest challenges to saying no is a feeling of obligation. Do you feel you have a responsibility to say yes and worry that saying no will reflect poorly on you?

Ask yourself whether you truly have the duty to say yes. Check your assumptions or beliefs about whether you carry the responsibility to say yes. Turn it around and instead ask what duty you owe to yourself.

2. Resist the Fear of Missing out (FOMO)

Do you have a fear of missing out (FOMO)? FOMO can follow us around in so many ways. At work, we volunteer our time because we fear we won’t move ahead. In our personal lives, we agree to join the crowd because of FOMO, even while we ourselves aren’t enjoying the fun.

Check in with yourself. Are you saying yes because of FOMO or because you really want to say yes? More often than not, running after fear doesn’t make us feel better[2].

3. Check Your Assumptions About What It Means to Say No

Do you dread the reaction you will get if you say no? Often, we say yes because we worry about how others will respond or because of the consequences. We may be afraid to disappoint others or think we will lose their respect. We often forget how much we are disappointing ourselves along the way.

Keep in mind that saying no can be exactly what is needed to send the right message that you have limited time. In the tips below, you will see how to communicate your no in a gentle and loving way.

You might disappoint someone initially, but drawing a boundary can bring you the freedom you need so that you can give freely of yourself when you truly want to. And it will often help others have more respect for you and your boundaries, not less.

4. When the Request Comes in, Sit on It

Sometimes, when we are in the moment, we instinctively agree. The request might make sense at first. Or we typically have said yes to this request in the past.

Give yourself a little time to reflect on whether you really have the time or can do the task properly. You may decide the best option is to say no. There is no harm in giving yourself the time to decide.

5. Communicate Your “No” with Transparency and Kindness

When you are ready to tell someone no, communicate your decision clearly. The message can be open and honest[3] to ensure the recipient that your reasons have to do with your limited time.

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How do you say no? 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

    Resist the temptation not to respond or communicate all. But do not feel obligated to provide a lengthy account about why you are saying no.

    Clear communication with a short explanation is all that is needed. I have found it useful to tell people that I have many demands and need to be careful with how I allocate my time. I will sometimes say I really appreciate that they came to me and for them to check in again if the opportunity arises another time.

    6. Consider How to Use a Modified No

    If you are under pressure to say yes but want to say no, you may want to consider downgrading a “yes” to a “yes but…” as this will give you an opportunity to condition your agreement to what works best for you.

    Sometimes, the condition can be to do the task, but not in the time frame that was originally requested. Or perhaps you can do part of what has been asked.

    Final Thoughts

    Beginning right now, you can change how you respond to requests for your time. When the request comes in, take yourself off autopilot where you might normally say yes.

    Use the request as a way to draw a healthy boundary around your time. Pay particular attention to when you place certain demands on yourself.

    Try it now. Say no to a friend who continues to take advantage of your goodwill. Or, draw the line with a workaholic colleague and tell them you will complete the project, but not by working all weekend. You’ll find yourself much happier.

    More Tips on How to Say No

    Featured photo credit: Chris Ainsworth via unsplash.com

    Reference

    [1] Science of People: 11 Expert Tips to Stop Being a People Pleaser and Start Doing You
    [2] Anxiety and Depression Association of America: Tips to Get Over Your FOMO, or Fear of Missing Out
    [3] Cooks Hill Counseling: 9 Healthy Ways to Say “No”

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