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Last Updated on January 12, 2021

How to Gain Self-Knowledge and Live up to Your Potential

How to Gain Self-Knowledge and Live up to Your Potential

“If I have to spend any more time as a cog in the wheel – sacrificing my own creativity & passion to help someone else’s vision come to life – I am going to scream,” I thought staring at the excel spreadsheet on my screen. At that moment, I gained two essential pieces of self-knowledge:

Awilda prefers to work for herself & Awilda needs to be engaged in work that she is both passionate about and stimulates her creativity.

In the milliseconds after this information was received, I had a choice to make: would I reject this information as a baseless passing thought or would I integrate this new information as self-knowledge and use it to help change my trajectory?

I chose to accept the information because the realizations were based on the feeling that I was no longer capable of going on as I had. I knew that was not motivated to continue, and I was capable of so much more. The self-knowledge I gained in that moment was invaluable.

Self-knowledge is knowledge or understanding of one’s own capabilities, character, feelings, or motivations. One could also think of self- knowledge as Self-Understanding.

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Self-knowledge is the keystone in the arc of success, because success requires intentionality. It is difficult to be intentional if you don’t have a clear idea of the type of person you are, what you can do, how you feel, and what motivates you.

Thankfully, every experience and thought you have can provide you with data that gives you an opportunity to gain more self-knowledge – just like my moment of clarity at the computer. Nonetheless, there is no doubt that trying to understand yourself can be life’s greatest challenge because you are both the perceiver and the object being perceived.

Consequently, the idea of actively seeking to attain self-knowledge can be scary and stressful, especially if you feel disconnected from yourself. Luckily, when the process is broken down into 4 digestible steps, it’s a lot less scary and a lot more like solving a cool personalized puzzle. Here are the 4 steps to actively attaining more self-knowledge:

Step 1 – Take a Character Inventory

Taking an inventory of your character is the first step. Ask yourself, “What are my distinct mental and moral qualities?”

Are you quick to anger; are you conservative; do you love easily or are you super guarded? Perhaps you are incredibly honest, or dedicated to your spiritual beliefs. All of these things contribute to your character.

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If you are not sure about the answers to these questions, examine your lived experiences. You will find supporting examples that support these character traits among your lived experiences.

Step 2 – Understand What You Can Do

Understanding what you can do is the next rung in the self-knowledge ladder. While you can always become more capable, having an honest grasp of your current capabilities is critical. You don’t want to be applying for your dream job knowing that you are unable to actually satisfy the roles requirements.

If you possess a firm understanding of your strengths and weakness, it will allow you to leverage your abilities in such a way that you don’t overextend yourself. Additionally, knowing where you are deficient in your abilities empowers you to proactively seek out the skills necessary to change that reality.

Step 3 – Feel the Feels

Being able to identify what and why you feel a certain way is an integral part of self-knowledge. Yet this can be the hardest of all.

Feelings are tricky. They give us a lot of information, but they aren’t always warm and fuzzy. Spending time getting acquainted with what you feel about various parts of your life will give you a lot of data. Here again, lived experiences are a fertile ground for supporting evidence that can help you understand your feelings more clearly.

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For example, you may be confused about your feelings around applying to a particular job or academic program. To get clarity, think about how you feel in the moments associated with this decision. If you feel anxious and unsure every time you try to submit your application, then your feelings may be trying to signal that this is not the best decision for you.

Sometimes, feelings give us data we don’t want to accept, even though we know it’s valid and true. The choice to integrate the information is always yours.

Step 4 – Motivation Matters

The final piece of the self-knowledge puzzle is to understand your motivations. The question becomes: Why are you doing what you are doing?

Common motivators are: money, prestige, recognition, family obligations, freedom, and personal fulfillment. You may easily identify with one of those common motivators or you may be motivated by something completely different like a desire to save the planet or simply to live a peaceful existence. Freedom, family, and an unshakable desire to help others are what motivate me.

However, I want to warn you that the first thing that comes to mind when you think of what motivates you may not be the true source of your motivation. For example, many think money is what motivates them when in fact, it’s a desire for stability that is their true source of motivation.

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Learn the 9 Types of Motivation That Make It Possible to Reach Your Dreams.

Final Thoughts

Once you have taken the time to intentionally collect more data, you get to decide what to do with it. Will you integrate it and change you trajectory, or ignore it and continue your current path? Whatever you choose to do will undoubtedly be informed by the information you learned about yourself form solving the Self-Knowledge Puzzle.

Inevitably, the Self-Knowledge you gained will help to create immense clarity on your life journey. When you are clear about your character, capabilities, feelings and motivations, it is easier to create intentional strategies for all around success.

Self-Knowledge puts you on a fast track to success; while a lack of information can cause delays, distractions and derailments. If you truly know yourself, you have a better chance of confidently achieving your goals in a timely manner.

More About Self-Understanding

Featured photo credit: Thomas Griesbeck via unsplash.com

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Awilda Rivera

Success Coach - Author - Speaker - Yogi - Advisor

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Last Updated on January 14, 2021

10 Self-Exploration Practices to Discover Your True Self

10 Self-Exploration Practices to Discover Your True Self

Discovering your true self is a lifelong journey. It doesn’t happen in one day or one revelation, but it is still worth the pursuit. When you find your true self through self-exploration, you know what you’re meant to do and are no longer afraid. Rising up with authenticity, you can overcome anything.

What is your true self? Is it the person you were as a child? When you felt the happiest? When you learned that important life lesson? When you achieved that goal? When you helped that stranger? Or when you acted according to your values regardless of others’ expectations?

The answer is all of these things make up your true self. The key isn’t discovering your true self. It’s remembering.

Here are some self-exploration practices to help you get started.

1. Act Authentically

When you act authentically, you are stepping into your true self. You are walking with wisdom, rather than worry. People come to you because they know you’re the real deal. You are flawed but fierce. You are enough as you, where you are, with what you have.

When you are authentic, you make choices that come from character. When you stay true to who you actually are, you learn that nothing can bring you down. That’s because you aren’t looking for external validation, and when you know what you have, you can do more with it.

When you act authentically, you are also acting in the best interests of everyone around you, because you care more about the right things. A better you means a better world.

2. Use Self-Affirmations

Say the following: “I am enough. I am strong. I am a victor, not a victim. I have what it takes. I will overcome. I will keep going, even when it seems impossible. I am not perfect, but I am human. I am allowed to rest, not to quit. I am not alone. I am good. I am grateful. I am at peace.”

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When you say these things, you accept them as true. You feel them, and you become them. You discover your true self in finding your power through self-exploration.

When you tell the world who you are, obstacles and opposition will move out of the way. When you are confident, you see opportunities, lessons, and wisdom. It makes you proactive, rather than reactive.

3. Confront Your Inner Critic

If all anyone did was listen to the negative voice in their head, nothing would ever get done. Einstein wouldn’t have discovered the Theory of Relativity and more if he listened to his teacher once tell him that he didn’t have what it took. The world would be robbed of that one person, who would change so many things.

The inner critic comes from fear of the unknown, of not being good enough, or of loss and lack. However, fear doesn’t have to decide what happens. You can overcome fear by not listening to your inner critic.

Instead, you can thank your inner critic and say, “I think what COULD happen…” and spin it into a positive sentiment. Fear can make sure you wear your seatbelt, practice before performing, make good choices, etc., but it doesn’t have to control you.

It may not go away completely, when you confront your inner critic, but you can reassure it and ultimately release it.

4. Don’t Hide Your Imperfections

It’s easy to wear a mask and say, “This is who I want people to think I am.” Instead, it’s more fulfilling to take off the mask and say, “This is who I actually am, and I am proud of that person.”

Through self-exploration, you can live freely by owning who you are. That will make you more responsible and more impactful. When you tell your story and say your truth, people will listen and be inspired to find their own truth. Self-discovery can then spread.

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5. Find Who You Are NOT

If you want to find out who you are, find out who you are NOT. What part of your past has defined your present? What about your culture, religion, family, friends, people around you, etc? What is truly you and what is them? You’ll never be finished discovering yourself, but you can use differentiation[1], where you separate yourself from what isn’t you by finding the sources of your views to become independent.

When you differentiate, you do not discount or minimize the effect other things have had. You just become aware of it, and what you are aware of, you can bring into the light of acceptance, where you can do something to change it.

What are your unique goals, interests, values, and ideas? Once you figure out what you are not, start there. Self-exploration is a journey of understanding how you have been shaped and molded through life and by what.

It’s okay that things have influenced you, but have you ever asked yourself why? If you can answer that question, you can start to find out who you are and set yourself free from the things you aren’t.

6. Log Your Life

Journaling is a great tool for self-exploration. All you need to do is write down your thoughts, either as free writing or following prompts. If you can’t think of anything to write, start simply: Write down your mood and the date.

What causes you to feel better or worse? What are your triggers? What makes you triumph?

When you discover what makes you tick, you learn how to better manage yourself and your life. You have a safe space where you can be your true self, and only share entries if you feel comfortable. You can pour it out daily, or just check in.

You can also observe what’s around you, letting your mind go and flow. Focus on your feelings, and allow pauses and moments for reflection before resuming writing. Let the end of it come naturally, when you feel like you have nothing else to say.

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As long as you keep some sort of log, you can learn how your mind operates, and you can pick up unhealthy patterns, which will help you regain control of your life.

You can check out more benefits of journaling here.

7. Focus on What Is Right With You

Maybe your mind ruminates on what you don’t like about yourself and what you think others don’t like. Maybe you feel like opportunities pass you up because you are not worth it. If that is you, know that you’re not alone. Everyone has a negativity bias[2] where they tend to believe more in the bad at first then the good.

Recognizing your mind may lie to you is the first step in seeing the truth. When you focus on what is right for you, you counteract those thoughts telling you that you have nothing to offer. If you have control over what you think, you have greater control over your situation.

Have you ever given yourself a compliment? Why not try one now? You can personalize it, but you can say things along the lines of, “I like how you care for other people. You have a great attitude. You always rise when bad things happen. I love you.”

8. Find Solace in Solitude

Sometimes, unplugging and getting away is the best thing for self-exploration. If you step outside into nature and invest in yourself, then you will feel better and be better.

Use time to meditate and focus just on yourself, not the world around you. Listen to your own thoughts, not what others are saying. When you check in, you know yourself again.

Recharging may not change everything or stop that difficult circumstance, but it can help you develop the mindset and energy to face it through your inner strength.

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9. Practice Self-Care

Often, when people try to relax, they worry with guilt and anxiety. You may be on vacation, but your brain is still at work. If you give yourself permission to relax, you will see that you fight your battles even better and can really dive into self-exploration.

Breakthroughs will happen in self-care more than in self-sabotage. When you try some self-care, it’s not just about pampering yourself. It’s taking the time to do what you need to do in order to be who you need to be.

Self-care looks different to each person. For some, it may be using essential oils and taking a bath. For others, it may look like hiking into nature, away from your problems and troubles. Whatever self-care looks like for you, know that you deserve it.

10. Try Mindfulness

Being present and in the moment is a great way to discipline your mind into not catastrophizing. When you fail, you don’t say, “I’m a failure.” Mindfulness[3] helps you stop judging yourself by just observing your thoughts and stopping negative thought patterns.

Imagine your thoughts are like leaves flowing past you in the cool breeze. As each thought comes up, place it on a leaf and let it pass. You don’t have to be attached to each one. Instead, work on breathing deeply, which activates the Vagus nerve[4] and releases tension and stress. As you breathe out, notice those leaves getting farther and farther from you, until they are in the distance.

You can be mindful at work, when your boss is talking over you and you want to raise your voice. You can be mindful with your kids, when they are asking for their sibling’s toy and you just want to give in to make it stop. You can be mindful when you are in the most stressful situations, and it gives you a pause to reassess the situation.

Whatever the situation, you calm down so that you can act with a clearer head and make choices that will bring the best results.

Conclusion

Self-exploration looks different for each person, but authenticity always brings you back to yourself. When you are exploring who you are, you must start with what matters to you. You have to assess your values and that will give you the criteria for living.

Self-discovery is about self-love, most of all. When you love yourself, you have more to give, and you find happiness in the process.

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Featured photo credit: Jonas Svidras via unsplash.com

Reference

[1] Psych Alive:  Psychological Differentiation
[2] Very Well Mind: What Is the Negativity Bias?
[3] Psychology Today: Mindfulness
[4] Mayo Clinic: Vagus nerve stimulation

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