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The Benefits of Human Touch to Strengthen Your Relationship

The Benefits of Human Touch to Strengthen Your Relationship

We all know that a soothing touch from your partner is pleasant. But few of us ever realize the immense benefits of human touch for our relationships.

Does it matter where we are touched, and how often?

As a recent study reveals, it does indeed.

The online study asked people aged 20 to 40 years to answer a question “Where do you prefer to be touched by your partner” and name one or several body parts.

As you would expect, the results show major differences between men and women in regard to their tactile preferences.

The biggest surprise?

Most of us have the same favorite body part that craves touch.

These are the top 3 places where we like to be caressed by our partner:

Women:

  1. Back
  2. Neck
  3. Legs & thighs

Men:

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  1. Back
  2. Neck
  3. Head & hair

Before we tell you more about the results, let’s look at why human touch is so important for cultivating a thriving relationship.

Why is touch important?

Touching others and being touched are fundamental modes of human interaction that are instrumental to our health and well-being.

Many studies have proven that humans need touch, particularly in childhood, almost as much as they need food and water. There are numerous benefits of human touch: from stress-relief to an improved mood and even pain reduction.

Humans have two touch systems – the factual (discriminative) and emotional. The latter is mediated by a very different set of sensors and nerve fibers, and it conveys information much more slowly. These could include a hug from a friend, mother’s touch to a child, or intimate contact between partners. They all activate the parts of the brain that are crucial for socially-bonding touch.

Today, when online communication seems to substitute face-to-face interaction, touching does not lose its importance. At the same time, we see that our lives become increasingly touch-free, as we can communicate and receive many services digitally.

Researchers have even coined a term ‘skin hunger’, which is a state of being touch-deprived and longing for physical human contact. Depression and health issues, both physical and mental, can often be the effects of ‘skin hunger’, most severely felt by seniors, prisoners, and other people who lead solitary lives.

It’s not surprising that movements related to the power of touching like Reiki or the Japanese healing art Jin Shin Jyutsu become more and more popular. Many people are even seeking “professional touchers” such as physical therapists or chiropractors, possibly to fill the void of affectionate touch by a fellow person.

Survey Results

To find out where we prefer to be touched, the couples clothing brand Be-With conducted an anonymous online survey. They asked people aged 20 to 40 years – 53% women and 47% men – to answer a question “Where do you prefer to be touched by your partner” and name one or several body parts.

    Survey results: Where we like to be touched by our partner

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    #1: The Back

    It turned out that the majority – 64% of women and 50% of men – prefer to be caressed on their back.

    The good news is that the back is one of the easiest body parts to be touched, as it can be done anywhere and anytime. In fact, most of us are okay even with friends and colleagues touching our backs occasionally.

    But why does a caring back-stroke by your partner produce a strikingly different sensation than a friendly pat on the back from a colleague?

    The reason why intimate back strokes and romantic touching, in general, are so powerful lies in the release of oxytocin – commonly known as the love hormone.

    As oxytocin levels increase during hugging and making love, there is a greater amount of it being produced among people who are in a relationships (both casual and longterm) than in those who are single.

    There’s also an age-old (and less romantic) explanation why most of us love when someone scratches our back. It turns out, back scratching used to be a grooming need – a favor done to our ancestors by their loved ones. With time, it evolved into a social, and even mating, function.

    #2: The Neck

    The neck is a peculiar spot – entirely visible and open to the public, yet at the same time, it is a very intimate area. As a study of 1,368 Europeans showed people are more reluctant to strangers, acquaintances, or even distant relatives touching their neck. [1]

    It all changes when it’s our intimate partner who’s doing the touching; then, the feeling is very special. The survey reflects this with 55% women and 39% of men admitting to like it when their neck is caressed by their significant other. No wonder since the neck area has a high concentration of light-touch receptors that go wild for gentle kisses and even a light tickle of breath. [2]

    It seems that the greater the pleasure incurred by touching a specific area of the body, the more selectively we allow other people to touch it.

    The Runners-Up: Arms, Legs, Head, and Shoulders

    The next most preferred areas for women to be touched are legs & thighs (25%), closely followed by shoulders (23%).

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    As for men, the head & hair area gets the bronze medal with 20% respondents, while arms and legs take the 4th and 5th place with 15% of guys loving to be touched there.

    Interestingly, only 8% of women claim to love when their arms are touched. Maybe we are not aware of the secret erogenous zones that our arms and legs hide – for example, the inner wrist, feet and the spot behind the knee. However, even caressing the more “popular” zones like the upper thigh or the arm can spark a warm feeling between partners. [3]

    What about…down there?

    As we go lower, the greater differences begin. When it comes to our most sacred zones, 15% of men give preference to being touched ‘down there’ while only 2% of women do.

    Why are we so different in this?

    The differences between how men and women perceive the delicate matter of intimacy are the subject of many books and studies. One of the reasons might be that for women, their private parts are reserved for only the most intimate of moments when they have chosen to let down their barriers.

    Men, on the other hand, generally have gotten acquainted with their intimate areas sooner, since early childhood and thus tend to be more open about them or even associate them with emotional and physical pride.

    Still, the survey reveals that, contrary to how men are commonly portrayed, their private parts are by far not their most preferred touching zone.

    Intimate touching vs. Non-Intimate touching

    The above survey results indicate that for couples, touching that represents companionship and support that matters even more than touching the intimate areas that have the greatest potential to bring pleasure.

    However, we are not going to deny that intimacy is crucial for cultivating a strong and long-lasting relationship.

    What’s essential here is not limiting touches to intimate play only.

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    While every other magazine cover seems to scream of intimacy and push some sort of “relationship agenda” on us, it’s surprising how little we talk about the importance of non-sexual physical affection.

    For example, studies have found that affectionate physical behavior like hugging can reduce blood pressure and lower reactions to stressful life events. [4]

    When you are in a relationship, touching begins to have an even more profound impact. Those who have been in relationships will remember those months of being in love when eye contact in combination with touch stirred up the butterflies in the stomach. If you had even the slightest doubt about the romantic attitude of the person beside you, the “accidental” hand-touching had the power to remove it altogether.

    As the relationship matures, the importance of touching grows and diversifies. For example, daily cuddling can strengthen the relationship and enhance love, which are probably some of the most important benefits of human touch.

    Also, relationships in which physical affection is prioritized lead to less fighting. Even if you do find yourself in a conflict, it can be easier solved with touching; if the couple shows signs of physical affection like hugging and cuddling while they’re experiencing problems, they are likely to resolve their conflict sooner.

    The Benefits of Human Touch for Your Relationship

    In the never-ending rush through life, work, and other chores, a simple gesture like a hug or a touch can go a long way to benefit a relationship.

    And it can work the other way around too; lack of physical proximity can make you grow apart.

    For some couples, it comes naturally. Others might need to make a concerted effort. If you would like to introduce more touching into your relationship, you can agree to experiment with a more-touch-policy for a month and see how you’re feeling. Or, try touch-encouraging products or accessories like a cuddle mattress or couples’ clothing with secret openings for touching.

    If you’re experiencing relationship strife, try the simple act of human touch to bring the spark back.

    Featured photo credit: Christiana Rivers via unsplash.com

    Reference

    More by this author

    Ieva Sipola

    Ieva helps tech startups access big markets and is a passionate advocate of alternative work formats.

    How Social Media Can Hurt Your Job Search And Your Future Career How to Change Your Mindset for a Happy And Successful Life Better Alternatives to New Year’s Resolutions to Reduce Your Stress Does Coffee Really Improve Work Performance? [Experiment + Infographic] How to Lead a Team More Effectively and Be a True Leader at Work

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    Published on May 4, 2021

    How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

    How To Spot Fake People (And Ways To Deal With Them)

    They say we are the average of the five persons we spend the most time with. For a minute, consider the people around you. Are they truly who your “tribe” should be or who you aspire to become in the future? Are they really genuine people who want to see you succeed? Or are they fake people who don’t really want to see you happy?

    In this article, I’ll review why it is important to surround yourself with genuine individuals—the ones who care, bring something to our table, and first and foremost, who leave all fakeness behind.

    How to Spot Fake People?

    When you’ve been working in the helping professions for a while, spotting fake people gets a bit easier. There are some very clear signs that the person you are looking at is hiding something, acting somehow, or simply wanting to get somewhere. Most often, there is a secondary gain—perhaps attention, sympathy, or even a promotion.

    Whatever it is, you’re better off working their true agenda and staying the hell away. Here are some things you should look out for to help spot fake people.

    1. Full of Themselves

    Fake people like to show off. They love looking at themselves in the mirror. They collect photos and videos of every single achievement they had and every part of their body and claim to be the “best at what they do.”

    Most of these people are actually not that good in real life. But they act like they are and ensure that they appear better than the next person. The issue for you is that you may find yourself always feeling “beneath” them and irritated at their constant need to be in the spotlight.

    2. Murky in Expressing Their Emotions

    Have you ever tried having a deep and meaningful conversation with a fake person? It’s almost impossible. It’s because they have limited emotional intelligence and don’t know how they truly feel deep down—and partly because they don’t want to have their true emotions exposed, no matter how normal these might be.

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    It’s much harder to say “I’m the best at what I do” while simultaneously sharing “average” emotions with “equal” people.

    3. Zero Self-Reflection

    To grow, we must accept feedback from others. We must be open to our strengths and to our weaknesses. We must accept that we all come in different shapes and can always improve.

    Self-reflection requires us to think, forgive, admit fault, and learn from our mistakes. But to do that, we have to be able to adopt a level of genuineness and depth that fake people don’t routinely have. A fake person generally never apologizes, but when they do, it is often followed with a “but” in the next breath.

    4. Unrealistic Perceptions

    Fake people most often have an unrealistic perception of the world—things that they want to portray to others (pseudo achievements, materialistic gains, or a made-up sense of happiness) or simply how they genuinely regard life outside themselves.

    A lot of fake people hide pain, shame, and other underlying reasons in their behavior. This could explain why they can’t be authentic and/or have difficulties seeing their environment for the way it objectively is (both good and bad).

    5. Love Attention

    As I mentioned earlier, the biggest sign that something isn’t quite right with someone’s behavior can be established by how much they love attention. Are you being interrupted every time you speak by someone who wants to make sure that the spotlight gets reverted back to them? Is the focus always on them, no matter the topic? If yes, you’re probably dealing with a fake person.

    6. People Pleaser

    Appreciation feels nice but having everyone like you is even better. While it is completely unrealistic for most people to please everyone all the time, fake people seem to always say yes in pursuit of constant approval.

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    Now, this is a problem for two reasons. Firstly, these people are simply saying yes to things for their own satisfaction. Secondly, they often end up changing their minds or retracting their offer for one reason or another (“I would have loved to, but my grandmother suddenly fell ill.”), leaving you in the lurch for the 100th time this year.

    7. Sarcasm and Cynicism

    Behind the chronic pasted smile, fake people are well known for brewing resentment, jealousy, or anger. This is because, behind the postcard life, they are often unhappy. Sarcasm and cynicism are well known to act as a defense mechanism, sometimes even a diversion—anything so they can remain feeling on top of the world, whether it is through boosting themselves or bringing people down.

    8. Crappy friend

    Fake people are bad friends. They don’t listen to you, your feelings, and whatever news you might have to share. In fact, you might find yourself migrating away from them when you have exciting or bad news to share, knowing that it will always end up one way—their way. In addition, you might find that they’re not available when you truly need them or worse, cancel plans at the last minute.

    It’s not unusual to hear that a fake person talks constantly behind people’s backs. Let’s be honest, if they do it to others, they’re doing it to you too. If your “friend” makes you feel bad constantly, trust me, they’re not achieving their purpose, and they’re simply not a good person to have around.

    The sooner you learn to spot these fake people, the sooner you can meet meaningful individuals again.

    How to Cope With Fake People Moving Forward?

    It is important to remind yourself that you deserve more than what you’re getting. You are worthy, valuable, precious, and just as important as the next person.

    There are many ways to manage fake people. Here are some tips on how to deal with them.

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    1. Boundaries

    Keep your boundaries very clear. As explained in the book Unlock Your Resilience, boundaries are what keep you sane when the world tries to suffocate you. When fake people become emotional vampires, make sure to keep your distances, limit contact, and simply replace them with more valuable interactions.

    2. Don’t Take Their Behavior Personally

    Sadly, they most likely have behaved this way before they knew you and will continue much longer after you have moved on. It isn’t about you. It is about their inner need to meet a void that you are not responsible for. And in all honesty, unless you are a trained professional, you are unlikely to improve it anyway.

    3. Be Upfront and Honest About How You Feel

    If your “friend” has been hurtful or engaged in behaviors you struggle with, let them know—nicely, firmly, however you want, but let them know that they are affecting you. If it works, great. If it doesn’t, you’ll feel better and when you’re ready to move on, you’ll know you tried to reach out. Your conscience is clear.

    4. Ask for Advice

    If you’re unsure about what you’re seeing or feeling, ask for advice. Perhaps a relative, a good friend, or a colleague might have some input as to whether you are overreacting or seeing some genuine concerns.

    Now, don’t confuse asking for advice with gossiping behind the fake person’s back because, in the end, you don’t want to stoop down to their level. However, a little reminder as to how to stay on your own wellness track can never hurt.

    5. Dig Deeper

    Now, this one, I offer with caution. If you are emotionally strong, up to it, guaranteed you won’t get sucked into it, and have the skills to manage, perhaps you could dig into the reasons a fake person is acting the way they do.

    Have they suffered recent trauma? Have they been rejected all their lives? Is their self-esteem so low that they must resort to making themselves feel good in any way they can? Sometimes, having an understanding of a person’s behavior can help in processing it.

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    6. Practice Self-Care!

    Clearly, putting some distance between the fake person and yourself is probably the way to go. However, sometimes, it takes time to get there. In the meantime, make sure to practice self-care, be gentle with yourself, and compensate with lots of positives!

    Self-care can be as simple as taking a hot shower after talking to them or declining an invitation when you’re not feeling up to the challenge.

    Spotting fake people isn’t too hard. They generally glow with wanna-be vibes. However, most often, there are reasons as to why they are like this. Calling their behavior might be the first step. Providing them with support might be the second. But if these don’t work, it’s time to stay away and surround yourself with the positivity that you deserve.

    Final Thoughts

    Remember that life is a rollercoaster. It has good moments, tough moments, and moments you wouldn’t change for the world. So, look around and make sure that you take the time to choose the right people to share it all with.

    We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with, so take a good look around and choose wisely!

    More Tips on Dealing With Fake People

    Featured photo credit: Priscilla Du Preez via unsplash.com

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