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How ENFP Relationships Work Out With Each Meyers Briggs Type

How ENFP Relationships Work Out With Each Meyers Briggs Type

When it comes to dating and relationships, we all want to find someone who is our ‘best match’ — someone who ticks most of the compatibility boxes, understands our quirk’s and complements our personality. One way you can look into the indicators of compatibility is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator Test.

In this article, we will look into one of the personality types — ENFP’s relationships lives. Who are ENFP compatible with and how should they take care of their relationships?

Myers-Briggs Personality Types and relationships

The Myers-Briggs Personality Types is an assessment that is based on the assumption that there are different attitudes and functions of consciousness.[1] The attitudes determine the direction in which your conscious interests and energies flow. The phenomenon is based on Jung’s classification of personalities.

Jung’s classification of personalities is based on two personality attitudes, (introversion and extroversion) and four functions that are divided into irrational functions (intuition and feeling) and rational functions (Judging and perceiving functions).

The Myers-Briggs Personality Types helps you to evaluate and understand yourself: who you are, how you interact with other people, how you make decisions and your psychological preferences when it comes to dating.[2]

For instance, you can use the Myers-Briggs Personality types to help you determine what the common thread is among your exes and crushes and consequently discover the type of partner with whom you should be spending your life.

ENFP personality type: Extrovert, intuition, feeling and perception

ENFPs account for 8% of the world’s population. The ENFPs are independent, energetic and compassionate. They make charming partners, and they readily express their reliability and devotion. They genuinely care for their partners and they are very sensitive to their partners’ needs.[3]

Famous ENFPs include:

  • Sandra Bullock
  • Oscar Wilde
  • Walt Disney
  • Keira Knightley
  • Daniel Radcliffe
  • Fidel Castro
  • Mark Twain
  • Salman Rushdle
  • Ellen Degeneres
  • Jeniffer Anniston
  • Sharon Stone

Here’re some of the major traits of ENFP:

1. They are unpredictable.

ENFPs follow their inspiration wherever it leads.[4] They enjoy indulging in their imaginative and spirited side. An ENFP wants to explore every possible idea that comes to their mind.

There is nothing an ENFP hates more than the feeling of being tied down, and they will not put their personal growth on the back burner.

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An ideal partner for an ENFP will engage them in new thoughts and ideas and expose them to scenarios that challenge them. Otherwise, the ENFP will start wondering if they should not be spending time with someone else.

2. They are good at communication.

ENFP individuals are characterized by their incredible ability to communicate. They are responsive to their partners’ emotions and constructively resolve issues since they have a good understanding of the people around them.

3. They hate conflict

For the ENFP, the process of solving conflict concerns making everyone happy.[5]

Even in a tough situation, ENFPs look beyond the obvious and see various possibilities. They are profoundly empathetic and they find it difficult to punish other people.

How ENFP relationships work out with each Meyer’s Briggs Type

A good fit for an ENFP is a partner who is capable of going with the flow. Rigidity and strictness in the schedule of an ENFP partner will cause the relationship to fail.

An ENFP partner should be flexible enough to travel and try new hobbies for the relationship to survive. The good thing is that since ENFPs love to make their partners happy, a partner’s efforts and sacrifices will be reciprocated.

Being dumped by an ENFP is hard on some of the other personality types. They wonder if they will ever find someone that wonderful again. On the contrary, when ENFPs are rejected, they recover quickly and concentrate on new prospects. Oh, and they rebound quickly.

Excellent partners for the ENFPs

The most compatible personality types for ENFP are INTJ and INFJ.

When it comes to dating and marriage, people are attracted to a partner who is strong in areas that they are weak. As such, ENFPs form very successful relationships with the INTJs and INFJs.

ENFPs and INTJs relationships:

ENFPs and INTJs will hit it off and experience a natural spark because they both thrive in the world of ideas.[6]

For the ENFP, life is full of possibility and excitement, and they will have a contagious enthusiasm that will draw the INTJ in.

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The ENFP will also open up the INTJ’s mind to many possibilities that they may not have been previously aware of while the INTJs will harness the ideas and insights of ENFPs and give them clarity and focus to bring them to life.

Since INTJs are reserved and introverted, they will find in the playful, and genuinely open-minded ENFPs comforting and delightful partners.

ENFPs and INFJs relationships:

ENFPs and INFJs also form very successful relationships. Experts say that both ENFPs and INFJs are highly intuitive individuals and that even though they have some fundamental differences, they both have pieces that each desires.[7]

While on the one hand, the INFJs want to be understood and to be helped to come out of their shell, the ENFPs genuinely love meeting the needs of their partners. This creates a great balance between the two partners.

Further, even though the ENFPs are extroverted, the INFJs are more introspective, and they know how to help the ENFPs with their emotional growth. In fact, the ENFPs are the only partners that are persistent enough that they will get to really know an INFJ.

Neither ENFPs nor INFJs enjoy conflict. So when they disagree on something, the efforts to come to a solution will rarely turn into a fight.

Other Myers-Briggs Personality Types that form excellent relationships with the ENFPs include:

ESFJ: The ESFJs can get extremely pessimistic and discouraged under certain circumstances. As such, the ENFPs prove to be very understanding and supportive of them.

ENFJ: ENFJs are profoundly perceptive and love to discuss meaningful topics. Just like ENFPs, they have excellent communication skills and therefore, ENFPs certainly enjoy their company.

INTP: INTPs are thinkers, and they are into ideas and theories. Their relationships with the ENFPs work very well because the ENFPs have a natural ability for understanding people.

Reasonably good partners for the ENFPs

ENFPs and INFPs are equally passionate and yet considerably different because of how they perceive the world around them.

ENFPs and INFPs relationships:

ENFPs love to talk and can indulge in talking endlessly. INFPs, on the other hand, are calm and reserved and they like to listen. This makes the two personality types perfect for each other.

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ENFPs are social animals. They love to make the people around them happy. The INFPs tend to stay behind the scenes. They are creative and artistic, and they, therefore, draw the ENFPs to them.

Both personalities rely on intuition, and they can have deep discussions. The ENFPs and INFPs can communicate their feelings through unconventional ways, which will keep their spark alive.

Other Myers-Briggs Personality Types that can build a reasonably healthy r elationship with the ENFP include:

ENTP: ENTPs are self-confident and can socialize with all people with uncompromising charm. They therefore make good partners with the ENFPs, who are social butterflies.

ENTJ: The ENTJs are logical in their approach and love planning. They bring structure to the lives of the ENFPs.

ISFP: The ISFPs are action oriented and believe in doing rather than thinking. They are a good fit for ENFPs since they can help them to achieve their goals.

ESFP: Just like the ENFPs, the ESFPs love to experience new things and are often impulsive. As a result, they can get along with ENFPs.

Of all the ENFPs, females are more than the males, in the ratio of 2:1

Unlikely partners for the ENFPs

The Myers-Briggs Personality Types that would find it difficult to build any meaningful relationship with the ENFPs include ISTJs. The ISTJ-ENFP relationship has zero similarities and four differences.[8]

ENFPs and ISTJs relationships:

The ENFPs may feel that the ISTJs are too quiet and find communicating with them difficult. On the other hand, ISTJs may find the ENFPs too loud. In a social situation, ISTJs may also feel neglected and unheard by ENFPs.

The ISTJs may prefer to have some quiet time at home while the ENFPs will enjoy heading out for social activities and other highly stimulating activities. This difference in preference would be a bone of contention in the relationship.

The ENFPs may also find the ISTJs too controlling at times while the ISTJ will find the ENFP lack of planning and scheduling irritating.

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In addition, the ISTJs are more focused on the present while the ENFPs concentrate on the future. This may deprive a couple of shared goals and a common future to look forward to. Eventually, the couple will not have any chemistry.

Other personality types that would find it hard to maintain a relationship with ENFPs include:[9]

ISTP: ISTPs are analytical, practical and realistic. They are also not good at handling emotions. The ENFPs might not find them appealing at all.

ESTP: ESTPs are realists, and they are not enthusiastic on the emotional side. They are therefore unlikely to be compatible with the ENFPs.

ESTJ: ESTJs have strong opinions, and they lack spontaneity. They are inflexible and may come off as controlling. They love traditions and routines and want to conduct the relationship the old-fashioned way. As a result, they do not get along with the ENFPs.

ISFJ: ISFJs are not very future oriented. Indeed, they would rather rely on past experiences. This is a total contradiction to the ENFPs.

Final thoughts

Having said all this, you should bear in mind that Myers-Briggs Types is just an instrument that gives you more information on people’s innate preferences.

While knowing your own and other people’s preferences is a huge plus when it comes to relationships, nothing is cast on stone. You cannot dismiss a potential partner just because Myers-Briggs said that you are not compatible.

Also, if you do not end up with someone whom you are compatible, you can use the Myers and Briggs Relationship Type to spark a debate about how you can meet halfway to build a more healthy relationship.

Again, despite what the Myers-Briggs types indicates, ENFPs can enjoy satisfying relationships with any personality type if both of the partners are committed to personal growth and communicating effectively.

Remember that there is more to relationships than simply meeting ‘the one’. Though you may have great chemistry and click to the moon and back, they are never a ‘meet the right one and ride off into the sunset’ type scenario. They take work in order to last and thrive.

The Myers-Briggs type indicators are only indicators and aren’t a silver bullet to long lasting relationship bliss.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Reference

More by this author

Randy Skilton

Randy is an educator in the areas of relationships and self-help.

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Last Updated on November 11, 2019

Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional?

Can a Dysfunctional Family Become Functional?

A dysfunctional family is more than disagreement or constant arguments. Anything from plain neglect, to abuse and even verbal and physical violence is the everyday experience of those who are part of a dysfunctional family.

You know how this looks:

  • Parents constantly comparing children.
  • Siblings in conflict because of tolerated bullying.
  • Domestic violence.
  • Adultery…
  • And many others.

For all the members, this will mean emotional pain and even trauma; which, in case it doesn’t get resolved, will have a detrimental effect on the individual’s personality and development.

Needless to say, the younger members are the most vulnerable, but that doesn’t mean the parents are out of danger, as most commonly the parents play the roles of abuser-codependent, and in some cases, both parts inflicting pain on one another.

Most like to think these problems stem from deep-seated issues, and that therefore it’s pretty much impossible to deal with them.

This is only true for families not willing to do what it takes, for if only a single member is determined and knows how to do it, the whole family can do a lot of progress.

In this article, I’ll break down for you the basic steps of fixing a dysfunctional family. Although it may seem hopeless, it is possible to turn things around.

If you have ever felt in this position, or if you know somebody who is, this article is for you.

How to fix a dysfunctional family

In a few words the solution for a dysfunctional family lies in dropping the ego, focusing on the solution, switching blame for responsibility and doing the work as a unity, for the good of the whole family.

And this will accomplish things you once only saw as a dream.

Dropping the ego? Switching blame for responsibility? Doing the work? What does all this mean?

It’s simple. In a nutshell, it’s that which will allow you to turn a dysfunctional family into a functional one.

Let’s take a look at how exactly this can be done. And near the end we will also talk about what you can do in a dysfunctional family with cynical traits.

Dysfunctional families where not only problems are well-known, but also nobody seems to want a fix or openly decide to perpetuate the harmful behaviors. Such as the case of abuse and physical violence.

There is also a solution for these, it’s just not what you are expecting…

Dysfunctional… Or just average?

Most families are dysfunctional, though at varying degrees of dysfunctionality.

The milder cases, are just marked by “typical” comically-shrouded bullying or lack of interest in other members’ development or wellbeing.

You can know a family is dysfunctional if their interactions are anything different than cooperation, solidarity, care and support. But let’s get more specific…

A dysfunctional family is one in which members directly or indirectly suffer emotional and/or physical harm inflicted by other members of their family. Most commonly, perpetrated by the parents.

Even harmful actions as “passive” as neglect, which is inflicted by inaction rather than action, signifies a dysfunction within the family.

Dysfunctional families have conflicts such as:

  • Unrealistic expectations
  • Lack of interest and time spent together
  • Sexism
  • Utilitarianism
  • Lack of empathy
  • Unequal or unfair treatment
  • Disrespect towards boundaries
  • Control Issues
  • Jealousy
  • Verbal and physical abuse
  • Violence and even sexual misconduct or abuse

You may think a dysfunctional family has very little or nothing to do with personal productivity, but you would be wrong in thinking this way…

If a person is not emotionally well, she will not be able to perform as desired, as the emotional harm that has been inflicted will hinder everyday performance in the way of inability to concentrate, lack of mental clarity and low levels of inspiration, motivation and discipline.

Having a functional family does exactly the opposite: It creates productive members with no emotional baggage.

How to turn it around

When you’re part of a dysfunctional family you know it. You can quickly identify in other members the behaviors and conflicts that create the dysfunction.

But just in case you’re having trouble telling functional from dysfunctional I will tell you the following:

One of the easiest ways you can recognize if you are in a dysfunctional family is to survey your won feelings.

We often overlook this, but have you stopped to ask yourself how you feel?

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As cheesy as it may sound it really sheds a lot of light on the subject.

What behaviors, actions and attitudes in your family you wish were better?

Do you think certain behaviors and actions from your family marked you in the past?

Sadly, we cannot go back to the past to correct it. But we can do a lot in the present…

Correction is possible

In order to fix a dysfunctional family, you must start by putting an end to the behaviors and actions that are affecting you.

Verbalize it.

All members of the dysfunctional family have one issue in common: They don’t put a stop to the harm.

Whenever you feel your boundaries being overstepped there is just one single word you have to remember: STOP.

This is the door to a better, more functional family, because after this, comes the fix.

But first you have to identify and make others know where exactly lies the problem.

So go ahead and fearlessly start with “Stop”, followed by your expression of dissatisfaction.

Putting it to work in real life

In real life it would be something like this:

“OK, stop! Every time you belittle me I feel you don’t care. I need attention and respect, and it is your responsibility as my family to provide them to me”

Or:

“Stop. When you compare me with my cousin it hurts, I feel like I don’t matter and that’s not ok. I ask you to stop doing it.

Or:

“Please stop. When you start yelling all respect is lost and it turns into a battle of who can do it louder. Don’t raise your voice and let’s work this out the way humans do”.

As you can see, here you start by putting a stop to the toxic behavior when it arises. And afterwards you verbalize why it’s wrong and what needs of you need to be fulfilled.

This is what you have to remember:

1-Stop.

2-Why it’s wrong?

3-What you need.

And this will also work well in case you need to do it for another family member.

It’s a family thing

A dysfunctional family cannot be fixed by one member alone.

Yes, a single member can initiate progress and be the leader of the change. But in order to completely become functional all members must contribute to the solution.

In other words, you will need cooperation…

So don’t be afraid of asking for it!

Approach your family member and ask to be listened.

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We sometimes feel our needs are “not that important” or we simply believe they won’t listen. But thinking like this would be like being defeated at an unfought battle.

You will be amazed by how much people listen when you voice your needs, especially if it implies showing yourself open, vulnerable and in need.

It’s not a free-for-all battle

In order to get your family to cooperate, first you must fix your individual relationships with every member of the family. Remember: Relationships are always between two people, and two people only.

No matter how complex, the quality of a multi-member relationship (like a family) will always depend on the quality of the individual relationships.

Once you have straightened the relationship with every member of the dysfunctional family you will be able to better communicate with other members and help in the betterment of their individual relationship.

And this is where we will talk about the fix itself. The one I mentioned in the introduction…

The method

1. Drop the ego

Wherever there is conflict there is ego.

You cannot fix a relationship where there is ego, because the ego will want to win. Always. Yours and the other person.

Ego craves control and satisfaction, and in many cases, to establish dominance.

What does this have to do with a dysfunctional family? Everything. Ego will interfere with every plan you have to fix it.

It will make people suborn and defensive. And it will also make them drop responsibility. This is why, the first step is to drop the ego.

After you make sure you are not going to allow your ego to interfere you must work to make the other person do the same. How? By speaking from the heart…

Tell the other person how important all this is to you.

Tell the other person that it’s not a matter of arguing, but just working things out together.

Point out how it is not possible for you to do it alone.

And ask for sincere attention without any desire of opposition, because what you are doing is by no means in the hopes of harming the other person, but just to better the relationship and stop the damage being dealt to you.

You will have to point out the mistakes you need corrected, that’s for sure. And that leads me to the next point…

2. Not blame, but responsibility

When talking about others’ mistakes we often use an accusatory tone. And that’s natural, it’s what things should be like if ego was not present.

But since we are all creatures of ego, this immediately brings the shields up. And then unsheathes the swords…

When we blame others they automatically enter a defensive state, and this only leads to a failed negotiation.

What you need to do is to shift from blame to responsibility. And even that will have to be done carefully!

Instead of telling them off or demanding change or complaining, calmly point what the problem with their behavior is.

As much as this feels contradictory, also make them feel understood. You know how difficult it is to accept a mistake, so just make them feel it’s no big fuzz… which does not mean it’s ok, but it takes tension off.

You will do something like this:

“Hello dad. Can I talk with you for a minute? I really need to tell you something.

I have been feeling pretty sad lately and I know this is something you do care about.

You see, whenever I talk about my accomplishments you mention something else that makes my achievement pale in comparison.

I know you don’t do this intentionally and I know you might have not realized this until now, but I want to let you know this really brings me down.

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It would mean a lot to me if you could stop doing it, and it would help better our relationship, because this has already forced me to distance myself from you. And I don’t want that, I want a good, healthy relationship with you”

What happened here?

We started off with making it something important, something that needs both time and attention. Then we openly show ourselves vulnerable, just as we are.

We also mention why he should listen, and shove our feelings there again, because they are important.

We describe the issue with no attachment and with no hostile intention. It’s just a description.

And then we take the blame off. Just before we assign responsibility without actually saying it.

You are not blaming him directly, but you are pointing out the inevitable fact that his actions are causing a dysfunctionality. He is now responsible for changing.

This is what “switching blame for responsibility” means. What comes next? Doing the work!

3. Doing the work

What would any of this mean if, in the end, nothing changes? Exactly, nothing!

This is why you must follow up with every change that needs to be done.

Do so in a manner that is not hostile. Bring it up in a casual manner, and emphasizing how you both reached an agreement and how that is important to the family.

If the person doesn’t follow up don’t hesitate to bring it up again, and tell them you feel disappointed that your honest try at it was not listened.

It may even be a subject in itself, and therefore the need for another conversation.

“When you go back to old habits it shows that you didn’t really care about what I said. But back in real life you just reinforce how much contempt you show towards me and my feelings.

I talk with you because I care. Because although it would be easier for me to just distance myself from you I rather do my part in nurturing this relationship.

But there is just so much I can do, if you refuse to do your part I can do nothing else.”

You need very clear and positive communication in order to make this work.

Love is all you need

You must remember that in order for a dysfunctional family to become functional, all the work needs to stem from love.

That is the single one requirement for all this to work: Love.

And what happens if it simply is not there?

What happens if, nobody is willing to do what it takes?

What happens if a member of the family refuses to change and is happy with the harm he or she is dealing?

There is only one thing you can do:

To break away.

Let’s be honest, people, especially adults, are very difficult to change.

There is a Jewish proverb that I love, which sums it up like this:

“We spend the rest of our lives trying to unlearn what we learned before we were 7”

If you find it very hard to change the very traits that make your family dysfunctional or if it’s simply impossible, you still have a card up your sleeve…

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Although nobody likes to beak away from family members, we must remember we have a responsibility with ourselves as individuals, before any relationship with anyone.

You have the responsibility of making yourself happy and free. Because you matter as an individual, regardless of any relationships you have, be it family, friendship or romantic.

Putting distance

So in case you are dealing with a family member who is simply unwilling to change take both physical and emotional distance.

What do I mean?

Learn, first, to take their damage in a detached manner.

Don’t let it hurt you further. Instead take a deep breath and distance yourself emotionally.

Don’t be attached to feelings such as “Why doesn’t she love me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?” or “If he wasn’t like that my life would be perfect”.

Simply refuse to keep participating in the emotional downward spiral and accept, even if it’s painful” that there is nothing you can do. Accept that even without that relationship you are whole, you are worthy of love and respect.

They are their responsibility and you are yours. So decide what is best for you.

Realize it only comes down to two possibilities:

I keep the relationship and therefore accept the abuse. Or…

I choose my peace of mind.

And don’t let your mind fool you. We often think that since we all are imperfect, we must take the good and the bad behaviors of people. And we are especially forgiving towards our family…

Well, guess what? We are also responsible adults who are aware and must own to their acts. Never excuse abuse or violence or transgression towards you or anybody else.

Choose your happiness and if possible, also distance yourself physically, as it will increase your peace of mind tenfold.

How to prevent it

There are two key concepts you must bear in mind in order to prevent the dysfunctionality of a family:

  • To be completely aware of one’s own mistakes and not allow them to impact others and…
  • To make sure our SO’s are also on the same channel before creating a family (i.e. having children)

Dysfunctional families are the product of irresponsible paternity, for the decades-long unresolved emotional conflict ends up surfacing in the family inevitably, and it will for sure harm those who least deserve it: Innocent children.

You may notice we went from talking about family, to talking about individual relationships, to talking about you. We went from “them” to “us” to “me”.

Why? Because in the end you have the power to fix a dysfunctional family. To correct the mistakes you have in yours and to prevent dysfunctionalities if you don’t have a family but plan to create one.

Priorities and clear thought

You may be part of a dysfunctional family, but that does not mean you are powerless or that you have to suffer the consequences.

You learned today how it’s all a matter of priorities and thinking clearly.

You learned that, if love exists, everything is possible. You learned that even when there is no love and no fix for your dysfunctional family, there are still things you can do. It’s a matter of choosing your peace, because you deserve it.

Everything will be better if you apply this knowledge. If you talk to that problematic family member. If you help them see the harm they are doing. If you make sure they do change and treat you the way you need to be treated…

If you choose yourself over that toxic family member. If you refuse to justify the harm that others can do to yourself. If you realize the most important relationship you have is with yourself.

And lastly, that you also have to be aware of your actions and be open to criticism. Because we might be unknowingly harming others. And that would be us creating a dysfunctionality. Don’t allow it to happen.

Dysfunctional families are not impossible to fix. It just takes love, cooperation and responsibility.

But if you tried and those elements are not present, just choose yourself instead.

Featured photo credit: Xavier Mouton Photographie via unsplash.com

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