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The Voice Inside Your Head Is Playing with You

The Voice Inside Your Head Is Playing with You

When LeBron James talked about his decision to leave Cleveland for the Miami Heat back in 2010, he was met with a barrage of negativity. People burned his jersey. Longtime fans turned on him.

    Leborn was able to create distance from the situation simply by changing how he talked about the situation,[1]

    I wanted to do what was best for LeBron James, and what LeBron James was going to do to make him happy.

      He was facing a negative situation and the negative reactions of fans, but he was able to use positive words to explain his decision. If he would have responded to the negativity directly by saying, “yes I’m sad that people burned my jersey, it makes me feel unappreciated and vulnerable”, the situation and the negativity would have grown worse.

      The critical voice inside our head

      Most don’t realize it, but as we go about our daily lives, we are subconsciously interpreting every situation that arises–both big and small. We have an internal voice inside our mind that shapes our perception about what we are experiencing.

      Some of our internal conversations can be negative, unrealistic, self-defeating and self-deprecating. We say things like, ‘I’m going to fail for sure’, or ‘I didn’t do well. I’m hopeless. I’m useless.’

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      Negative self-talk can come from:

      • A bad mood that stirs up negative thoughts.
      • The habit of being overly critical which may stem from your childhood.
      • Pessimism and always expecting the worst.
      • Negative past experiences and the persistent belief that history repeats itself.
      • Fear, anxiety, worries, depression and the different kinds of psychological problems that feed and perpetuate negative thinking.

      The consequences of negative self-talk builds over time. Each time you engage in negative self-talk, you shoot yourself an arrow. Each arrow by itself is fairly insignificant. But over time, it can break you. Repeatedly berating yourself and believing the worse slowly sabotages you.

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            Thinking of yourself as clumsy, a loser, ugly , stupid, insignificant or worthless is an indicator that your self-talk is negative and you may be slowly orchestrating your own demise. Internal negativity makes you see yourself as irreparably flawed, inadequate or incompetent and as a result your self confidence is diminished.

            Seeing yourself as hopeless, blaming yourself whenever something goes wrong or dwelling on worst-case scenarios are all examples of exaggerated, negative thought patterns. And this kind of distorted thinking can cause you to spiral downward until you’re so far down you are unable to see or imagine anything positive.

            Negative self-talk reinforces any irrational ideas you already have. Each time you mentally rehearse negative phrases, you strengthen those irrational beliefs and perceptions. And with time, your negativity gathers the strength to cripple–and in some cases– even kill you.

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            Ridding yourself of negative self-talk

              Replacing a negative mindset with a positive one requires slow and methodical effort. Here are a few steps that can help you recognize, stop and replace negative thoughts with positive ones:

              1. Identify the times negative self-talk arises.
              2. Identify what triggered those thoughts.
              3. Counter your negative thoughts with positive–factual ones.
              4. Create yourself a script that you can use to counter negative thoughts as soon as they arise.

              When thoughts such as “I am worthless” arise, counter them with more realistic thoughts such as “my kids need me” or “my colleague values my work.” Each time you counter negative statements with positive facts, your negative thoughts lose power.

              Try to view each situation objectively, like an outsider looking in and then try to determine what is best for that person (you) in that situation, similar to what Lebron James did.

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              Repeating this cycle over and over trains your mind to seek out and focus on the positive. And slowly positive thoughts will become your default. You have power over how you precieve life and how you interact with it. The first step in being fulfilled and achieving your goals begins by training that small voice in your head to speak positivity.

              Featured photo credit: pixabay via pixabay.com

              Reference

              More by this author

              Anna Chui

              Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the Content Strategist of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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              Last Updated on July 13, 2020

              How to Deal with an Existential Crisis and Live a Happy Life Again

              How to Deal with an Existential Crisis and Live a Happy Life Again

              As human beings, we are capable of extraordinary things. We have the power to endure extreme physical and mental lengths while welcoming life’s most unexpected challenges, hardships, and check-ins. Sometimes life gets the best of us and then begins the long journey to rise up again.

              These huge and deep revolutionary life check-ins happens to every single living person – all 7.3 billion people on this planet, which most of us call an existential crisis.

              In this article, I’ll explain what an existential crisis is and how to deal with an existential crisis to live happily again.

              What Is an Existential Crisis?

              An existential crisis is when you begin to question your life’s purpose or what the purpose of our existence as a whole. These moments tend to surface when we are feeling stacked up against the wall as the emotions of stress, defeat, and unfulfillment arises and the yearning to know life’s biggest answers continue to grow deep within us.

              Other times, it’s the feeling of misplacement or when the thoughts of failure continue to dig into our minds, and the answers that we’ve been seeking for have not yet been found.

              The thing is – the big answers to life are always subjective to a person, and that itself is perfectly okay.

              There’s no right or wrong answer to go about this, but here are some ways in how to deal with an existential crisis and live a happy life again.

              What Causes an Existential Crisis

              There are different matters that provoke the heart that can then lead to emotional outbursts or distress.

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              Always remember that people define having an existential crisis differently, and a variety of matters can trigger them. Here are some examples:

              • Feeling socially misplaced in an environment or peers
              • Domino effect of failures transcending at once
              • Over-exhaustion of mental energy
              • Losing a loved one
              • Not being “where you want” in life

              One of the most common causes come from feeling invisible or unwelcome by a certain group or environment.

              Part of life is being integrated within a community, and sometimes the feeling of our existence comes from the acceptance of outside forces. Our place in society is reinforced by the attention we receive from other people, and as a result, we being to question our successes, happiness, and even our purpose in the world. Little do we realize that those questions harden the compassion we have for ourselves because they are overruled by self-created pressure and stress. Stress is a response to threat in a situation, so ask yourself if the stress is self-inflicted.

              Is Existential Crisis Takes Place Once in a Lifetime?

              We do not only go through one, but multiple existential crisis in our lifetime.

              By noticing that there may be an underlying pattern, you are able to take that control and lead a life fulfilled by happiness and ease. It just takes answering some internal questions and reexamining your trigger points that may help bring some answers to the surface.

              Having an existential crisis weighs heavily on one’s mind and spirit. Although it can be subjective to a person, it’s safe to say that many people have come across this “check-in” not once but multiple times in their life whether it be because of a breakup, change in career, death of someone, and even in the midst of reaching milestones.

              How to Deal with an Existential Crisis

              1. Check-In with Your Ego

              The ego has the power to navigate your mind

              and your thought process only if you allow it. Of course, ego is a natural human element, and it comes down to how much and how loud that ego speaks.

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              There’s a game that ego likes to play and that game is called the comparison game. It paints a picture in our thoughts into two things main things:

              • Where we should be and what we should be doing based on society’s standards.
              • Where we should be and what we should be doing based on our personal visions of success.

              Understand that there is nothing wrong with setting goals and having high standards, but there is a difference between having an “ego-driven” vision versus a “value-driven” vision.

              After spending some time thinking about what success means, ask yourself – are these successes aligned with my values or am I just running the rat race?

              2. Surround Yourself with Positive People

              They say misery likes company, but if you’re feeling down and defeated, it’s best to surround yourself with positive people with high vibrations.

              This is not only to be exposed to high energy, but also to learn different coping mechanisms from others. Everyone deals with emotions differently and if something is not working in your favor, it never hurts to try to find an alternative route.

              3. Dive into the 5 W’s

              When dealing with an existential crisis, it’s best to tackle the root of it all. Try by asking yourself the 5 W’s – who, what, when, where, and why we you feel like you’ve come to this point.

              • Who – Who were you prior to this existential crisis (were you working out regularly, were you involved in a community sport, etc.)? Who did you surround yourself with? Who do you go to for advice or encouragement, who makes you feel negative about yourself?
              • What – What were some events that led up to this point both professionally and personally? What environment were you in? What’s the energy like? What values stay true to you and what has changed over the years?
              • Where – Where do you want to go from here? Where do you picture yourself in your happiest state? Where do you put most of your time and energy throughout the day?
              • When – When do you have free time for yourself? When do you get ready for the day ahead? When did you feel you started having an existential crisis? When did major events occur in your life?
              • Why – Simply and compassionately ask “why” for everything. This article can help you dig deeper

              The simplicity of the word “why” is to help you become self-aware and learn more about yourself. We spend more time getting to know others by having dinner with people, coffee, or hanging out, but how often do we do that with ourselves?

              Get to know yourself as if getting to know another friend. Ask these questions with compassion and thought, and the root may be much easier to find.

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              4. Measure Accordingly

              Look at how you’re measuring your goals and successes. Are they time-sensitive?Are they achieved by a certain age? Or are they set by financial limitations?

              Goal setting is important to achieve the things we want in life, but it’s always important to not only get attached to the time-frame, but stay focused on the goal itself.

              Most times, people are pressured and attached to the idea of time that then translates to stress and unfulfillment.

              5. Quiet the Chatter

              Quieting the chatter goes beyond moving away from physical distractions and inner dialogue – it’s also about quieting the things that consume your energy.

              If you find yourself emotionally drained from listening to gossip, then stray away from it. If you feel your energy is depleted when you find yourself working on projects that aren’t aligned with your values, then challenge yourself to find other projects that you find joy in doing.

              Your time is valuable.

              6. Give Yourself 10 Minutes

              “If you don’t have 10 minutes, you don’t have a life,” – Tony Robbins

              Your personal time can get washed away in the long day-to-day listing of things, and 10 minutes can seem like a long amount of time.

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              How often do we also spend 10 or even 30 minutes mindlessly scrolling on our phones or spending that time on tasks that are of less importance?

              Prioritize your time and find a hobby that can be integrated into a daily routine and away from the screens. It can be meditating, journaling, drawing, listening to music, or gardening.

              While we live in a world where information is constantly at our fingertips, we’re quick to indulge in a huge amount of information without letting our brain digest. Having at least 10 minutes to let ourselves breathe can ground us for the rest of the day ahead.

              Final Thoughts

              An existential crisis is something that happens to the best of us, but there’s always a way out of it. It’s a matter of taking some time for reflection and surrounding yourself with people who can bring you back up again.

              Always remember that your time is valuable and that you should only be going through life at your pace and your pace only. It’s also a point in ourselves to reset and start fresh with a new perspective and a new brewing friendship with ourselves.

              After all, one can’t be happy with others and external outcomes without first being happy with ourselves.

              More Tips for Living a Fulfilling Life

              Featured photo credit: Jake Melara via unsplash.com

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