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Why Quitters Can Become Winners Too

Why Quitters Can Become Winners Too

At the age of 25, my career accelerated when I was promoted from an engineer to a manager within a growing I.T. company. At the time, I was the youngest manager in the firm steering a diverse team of engineers. It was my dream job to lead a team of professionals using my passion and knowledge for coding in order to add value and achieve big things. It took four years of hard work to end up getting promoted to the top where I continued to produce bigger and better projects in new and exciting directions. I was living my dream.

Yet two years later I quit my job.

Everyone around me couldn’t understand why after all my hard work and dedication. I was going places on a fast track to bigger and bigger success. But I decided to quit despite all this and a while later, I found Lifehack.

The True Courage Behind Quitting

Quitting isn’t all about giving up when it feels like you’re failing. Quitting in the face of potential success is one of the most courageous things you can do.

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We grow up being taught that what isn’t broken needn’t be fixed. This shapes our belief that you should never quit while you’re ahead and it comes out of fear of the unknown. Quitting your job, for example, could negatively impact your career and spill into your personal life and finances. And because of this, we choose to stay safe, living in our comfort zones despite it not making us truly happy or fulfilled.

    However, while the idea of staying in our comfort zones feels generally warm and safe, we’re really just staying for the sake of not changing. While we do this, we’re not fully considering opportunities to grow and improve ourselves which is a big factor in creating our personal happiness.

    Leonard Schlesinger, president of Babson College and coauthor of the book Just Start: Take Action, Embrace Uncertainty, Create the Future sums this up by saying,

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    I find a lot of people paralysed by their unhappiness with their current reality.

    It’s this paralysis that stops us from taking that leap of faith into the unknown and keeps us stuck in the same job despite it feeling mundane or easy. Daniel Gulati, tech entrepreneur and coauthor of Passion & Purpose: Stories from the Best and Brightest Young Business Leader, believes

    most people stay too long in bad jobs because the corporate world is geared towards keeping us in roles, not matching individuals up with their ideal roles.

    In other words, we’re simply not growing and not creating situations where we will thrive and move forward.

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    The Real Reason You Feel Stuck

    If you feel like you’re stuck in life, the chances are it’s because you’re choosing to resist quitting what isn’t working for you and ultimately not preparing for the change quitting would bring.

    You may believe your main reason for not leaving a job or any unhappy life situation is because you haven’t figured out what it is you really want. However, this kind of thinking is flawed. You won’t learn or discover your ideal career, for example, by sitting around thinking about it. If your current situation is making you unhappy, it’s important to find that inner courage to look for something else.

      It’s only in this kind of action and headspace that the true breakthroughs will happen. People who do the same job day in, day out but not ever finding real meaning in what they do, will never be the people who flourish and succeed no matter how hard and persistent they work.

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      The Magic of Quitting and the Growth it Brings

      The idea of quitting is instilled in our minds as a negative thing. Quitting is negative when used as a way to flee away from challenges and responsibilities. But in some cases quitting is a necessary path to success. It’s all down to embracement rather than fear. Successful people quit to win and embrace new challenges – not because they fear change.

        Sometimes, quitting is exactly what you need to do in order to find what’s best for you – something you may never find doing the same things every day: “If you don’t know what to be gritty at yet, you need to try lots of things – knowing you’ll quit most of them – to find the answer” (Barking up the Wrong Tree by Erick Barker). In other words, don’t fear quitting as a failure, just see it as another step closer to finding your purpose.

        And the true magic of quitting without fully seeing the next step is urgency. We all know that feeling of urgency that brings about uncomfortable fear but it’s this sense of urgency that creates the space to find the next thing that really matters to you. That path that’s really worth your investment, passion and time. That path that you’d never find staying in your comfort zone.

        Change Your Mindset on Quitting

        The main idea to take away here is quitting for growth not quitting to flee from challenges. Make quitting meaningful by asking yourself these questions in order to fully know your reasons for quitting:

        • What makes you happy?
        • What can’t you stop talking about?
        • What makes you think that it’s worth suffering for?
        • What are you really good at doing?
        • If you knew you could not fail, what would you do?
        • What would you do for free because you love it so much?
        • If you had 12 months to live, would you still be doing what you’re doing now?

        We all know deep down, what makes us happy and what doesn’t. We don’t always have the courage to change because fear and worry takes over. But to truly live a happy life, quitting something that’s no longer serving you or allowing you to grow should be viewed as a necessity rather than choice. Don’t view quitting as a negative, see it as a chance to win at life and boost your value to the world.

        More by this author

        Leon Ho

        Founder & CEO of Lifehack

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        Last Updated on July 17, 2019

        How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Best Version of You

        How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Best Version of You

        Let’s start with the problem:

        You get back from work. You’re tired. It was a long day. You know there’s things you could do, to get out of the rut you’re in.

        But, let’s be honest. You really would rather relax, sit down and chill for a bit. Grab a snack. Watch your favourite show.

        By the time you’ve done that, the day’s over. There’s just not enough time. To make this worse – you don’t have the energy or willpower to make changes in your life today.

        So where do you go from there?

        What you need are some easy to apply actions that are proven to work.

        This article is going to give you 4 steps on how to make changes in life so you can follow today and get closer to success – even when you are feeling tired and lazy.

        These steps have proven to work for me, and many of the coaching clients I work with privately.

        1. Squash Inconsistency by Giving up Motivation

        Now most people, when they want to make changes to their lives, focus on making lengthy to-do lists and plans. They think over and over again about what is going wrong, what is going well and what they want, etc.

        All in a bid to push themselves to getting more motivated.

        Guess what? This isn’t going to work.

        Willpower and motivation are feelings. Feelings are vague and unreliable.

        Instead, what you should do is focus on putting your flawed unpredictable self in the best possible environments.

        If you do one thing first from this list, it’s THIS:

        Find and go to the best possible environment for the area of your life you want to change.

        For example:

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        • If you want to get fit, make your first goal to show up at the gym three times a week.
        • If you want to find a new relationship, show up to a meet up in your city for single people.
        • If you want to be productive and make your business idea work, don’t work at home, go to a co working space nearby.

        The reason people fail to become the best version of themselves is because they underestimate the power of environments to influence behavior.

        Accept that you are flawed, prone to distractions and your motivation and willpower will fail you.

        The best hack at your disposal? Show up to “change inducing” environments and get out of your comfort zone (physically)!

        OK. Next step.

        2. Recruit an Elite Team to Help You (For Free)

        Open up any social media platform you’re active on that contains some positive connections you have.

        Send this message to one person you already know and trust ton help you make changes to your life:

        “Hey [first name]. Can I be really frank and honest with you? I’m having one of those – ‘OMG I NEED TO MAKE CHANGES TO MY LIFE!’ moments.

        And I was browsing the internet, looking for tips and this article I came across suggested accountability. So here I am, messaging you to be part of my accountability system.

        My ask is simple.

        Can we sit together once a week at [x place] but do absolutely no socializing? I’ll buy the [coffee/food] and it will be a space to force me to do [x thing]. You literally have to do nothing other than eat the free coffee/food I pay for lol. But it will keep my accountability high, which is what I need.

        What you reckon? Can you help? Thanks!”

        Now obviously, change the language to suit you but you get the idea.

        Not only are you going to environments that will help you make changes, but by bringing a friend (or two), you make it even likelier that you will succeed. It doesn’t even have to be in person, it could be a video call.

        People fail to make changes to their lives because they try to do it all themselves.

        It doesn’t really work in long term, and it doesn’t have to be this way.

        You can recruit and “enlist” people to help you. By doing this, you’re taking care of the up and down motivation you have.

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        Not only are people happy to help, when they see this type of behavior, they’re also inspired and motivated to change their lives. Pretty soon, you end up creating change in not just your life, but other people’s too.

        So when the next dip in willpower comes?

        You have a friend sitting right next to you, watching your every move, making sure you get things done anyway.

        3. Build Good Habits Effortlessly

        Changing your life means changing your day to day habits.

        Habits are automated behaviors you do everyday, like how a clock works, without thinking or motivating yourself to do them.

        Some habits help you to change, others can stop you. One of the best ways to replace your ‘bad’ habits with good ones is to treat them like old clothes. What happens when your t-shirt gets old, faded and out of fashion? You replace it with something new and improved.

        Do the same thing with your habits – upgrade and replace them with something better. Start small, then slowly graduate to higher levels of difficulty.

        Let me give you a clear example of what I mean:

        A few years ago (before it became mainstream), I was trying to start my own habit of meditating every single day to help boost my productivity and mindfulness. I’d done a mind blowing course called Vipassana. It involved 10 days of deeply powerful meditation combined with noble silence in a remote part of the UK.

        Now it was easy to do when I was there (#1 – environment!) with all those other meditators (#2 – people helping me). All I could do was meditate. There were ZERO distractions. I had NO CHOICE.

        When I got home however, after a few days of sticking with it, I quickly caved.

        Those extra 30 minutes of sleep were just so much easier than waking up everyday at 4am for a long one hour meditation.

        So what did I do to build this really important habit?

        Like with most things, I wanted to make changes to my life. I wanted to become my best self.

        I knew how important it was. I just couldn’t follow through consistently and kept failing over and over.

        Then, it hit me.

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        I needed to start small. I made a tiny change, that made all the difference.

        I made a tiny change, that I could stick to – without fail – that has me meditating daily every single day now.

        What was it?

        Instead of trying to do something BIG inconsistently (1 hour of 4am morning meditation) and failing again and again. I decided to do something small consistently.

        Building any good habit really just comes down to repetition. The way the brain is built works in favour of this.

        My new habit became:

        When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will sit cross legged for 30 seconds with my eyes closed.

        Eventually, once I did this consistently for a few months. I increased difficulty.

        When I wake up, I will fold my bedding neatly. Then I will meditate for 10 minutes.

        Why does this work?

        What’s important here is that the behavior you want (meditating) is tied to another consistent habit (folding your bedding).

        I attached my new habit to one that already is consistent.

        Making it more likely to happen.

        Secondly, I aimed for consistency, not perfection. This is where a lot of people fail. They have an idea of the change they want, but things become all or nothing.

        When you do this, you fail to realize the power of consistency. The brain you have loves patterns. In this case, I trained my brain to repeat a set pattern every morning when I fold my bed.

        There was no motivation or willpower required.

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        This training has gone so far now that if I miss a day of meditating, I really feel uncomfortable. I’m just as conditioned to meditate as most people are to checking their phones in the morning.

        If you want to learn more about quitting bad habits, Lifehack’s CEO also has a guide on it: How to Break Bad Habits: I Broke 3 Bad Habits in Less Than 2 Months

        4. Create More Time by Quitting Social Media

        You know the best thing I’ve ever done for my productivity and it took me 30 seconds to do?

        I deleted all social media apps from my phone and blocked them on my laptop.

        Then, to reinforce it, I told all my friends and followers on Facebook (my most used platform) I wasn’t using it for a while.

        Now, there’s nothing wrong with my social media. Social media is a tool. Tools are neutral. It’s how we use them that is “productive” or “distracting”.

        We each have to judge how healthy our usage is, especially when weighed against unlocking our best self. That said, for most people reading this, including me, I think limiting our usage is a very favorable advantage.

        One of the best ways to make changes in our lives is not to add new tools or tricks. But simply remove things that distract us.

        Social media is something I use heavily for my businesses. Technically I’m a “social media influencer” and “YouTuber”. I need to be posting constantly, right?

        Our situations are unique, so I came up with a unique solution for this. After deleting and blocking these apps from my devices, I installed a social media management software that still allows me to post my updates.

        The big difference, however, is I cannot spend any time scrolling and being distracted.

        Final Thoughts

        Change is not always about more. Sometimes it’s about doing less and getting rid of what distracts or blocks you.

        Trying to do things by yourself is a good way to fail. Share your goals and pitfalls with people, no one helps until you ask.

        Start with small changes consistently instead of big changes failed at consistently. The momentum will give you results over time.

        So what to do next to make changes in your life?

        1. Write down where you are going to GO to create the changes you want.
        2. Message 3 to 4 people on social media and ask them to help you using the message template I gave you.
        3. Choose one small habit to get started with immediately and upgrade it over time.
        4. Delete all, or at least most social media apps on your devices, and notify people you are leaving to make it stick.

        More About Making Changes in Life

        Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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