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How to Talk When Talking Seems Impossible

How to Talk When Talking Seems Impossible

Sometimes we just want to be left alone. When you’re angry, frustrated, or disappointed, you may not feel like chatting about it. If someone does try to talk to you, they’ll probably seem annoying.

It’s tempting to ignore them. You might also say something like “leave me alone,” or “I don’t need you”. These are natural responses to the nagging individual but these could be things that you’d regret saying. Either way, you usually end up inflicting harm when you can’t figure out how to express yourself.

Innocent Words Become Murderers

When couples are dealing with negative emotions, they have a hard time conveying their feelings in a loving manner. It’s not just what you say, but it’s also how you say it. Even if you aren’t angry at your partner, you may unintentionally take a harsh tone with them.

This is completely understandable. When you’re dealing with negative emotions, controlling your expressions and tone of voice is difficult. It’s like inside of you, your willpower is trying hard to fight the negative emotions and really have no room for dealing with people, even though they are only trying to be nice to you.

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    Couples can get caught up in the negativity and forget that this behavior is out of character. The slighted partner may judge their significant other and wonder, “Why are they doing this to me?” What was once a problem for one partner has escalated into a serious communication breakdown.

      When couples don’t learn to express their negative feelings in constructive ways, they can make one another feel unloved. If one member of the couple doesn’t want to open up about feelings, the other may assume that this means that they don’t care for or value them.

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      Words can be like daggers. If one partner say hurtful things, the other may doubt the relationship.

        Talking Isn’t the Only Way Out

        During difficult times, it’s critical for couples to recognize when they’re having trouble dealing with emotions. The struggle is not a reflection of the relationship or the love that they feel for one another.

        Talking may not be the best option during volatile periods, but that doesn’t mean that couples should avoid expressing themselves to one another. There are other ways to explain troubling feelings without hurting your partner. Writing a letter is a great option.

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        You may be thinking that a text message would suffice, but a text will not do in this situation. Text messages are too casual, and require almost no effort. It’s also difficult to accurately capture your tone in a text, which could lead to the same problems as speaking about your feelings.

        Writing a letter demonstrates that you value the relationship and want to make an effort to communicate effectively.

        In Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, John Gray explains that there are two types of letters you can write to express your feelings:

        1. A letter to tell all your thoughts and feelings
        2. Another letter on how you want to me responded

        After you complete the letter to express your feelings, you may not feel the need to talk about the issue anymore. The first letter is a tool to help you get the jumble of thoughts and emotions onto the page. After you’ve committed the internal turmoil to paper, you may feel better.

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        Your response letter is what you would want your partner to tell you after hearing about your emotions.

        After you’ve written both letters, share them with your partner. Writing these two letters not only lets your partner know how you’re feeling, but it also shows them what you need in order to feel better. Unless you show your partner what you need, they won’t know how to love you more.

        Always Tell, Even If It Seems Difficult

        Keeping your mouth shut is a surefire way to create tension in a relationship, but talking out your thoughts poorly is also damaging. Instead of getting frustrated with your partner when they’re trying to help you, use the letter-writing method to express your feelings and teach your partner how to comfort you.

        By writing out your feelings, you’ll notice decreased tension in your relationship, and you’ll feel as if you’ve been heard. You’ll be able to communicate in a loving way instead of chasing away the people that love you most.

        More by this author

        Anna Chui

        Anna is a communication expert and a life enthusiast. She's the editor of Lifehack and loves to write about love, life, and passion.

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        Last Updated on November 5, 2019

        12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner

        12 Powerful Habits of a Lifelong Learner

        Formal education is something everyone has to go through to a certain degree, and the knowledge it offers isn’t always that practical in real life. Life long learning is how you improve as a person, bit by bit and day by day.

        Life long learners recognize the importance and joy of growth so they never settle for what they currently know and always seek for improvement.

        Here are 12 habits of people who value lifelong learning have in common – see how many of them you recognize in yourself.

        1. They Read on a Daily Basis

        Whatever problem or dilemma you currently face, there’s definitely at least one decent book that discusses it and presents a variety of solutions.

        Reading is a great way to open up new horizons, train your brain and revolutionize your life. I can’t even count how many times books completely transformed the way I view the world, and it’s always a change for the better. Through reading, you can connect with successful people and learn from the lessons they share.

        Life long learners love to get lost in books and do it regularly. Bill Gates knows that reading matters a lot; on his personal blog, he reviews plenty of game-changing books.

        Due to technology, you can access a bookshelf of the wealthiest entrepreneur on this planet.

        2. They Attend Various Courses

        Whether it’s online or offline, there are countless courses you can participate in without spending a dime on it. These are great opportunities to connect with clever and like-minded people and learn from them.

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        Because of the advanced technology, you can now gain knowledge from online programs, starting from coding through self-improvement to programs from top universities.

        There are literally endless ways to thrive. What life long learners have in common is squeezing as much as possible out of these opportunities.

        3. They Actively Seek Opportunities to Grow

        Instead of spending your free time laying on the couch and watching TV, you prefer doing something creative and practical. You know every wasted minute is gone forever.

        That’s why you’d rather practice your language skills with a native-speaker you’ve met, engage in local meet up or attend a class that teaches something you always wanted to learn.

        Life long learners stay up-to-date with growth opportunities in their areas and participate in them frequently.

        4. They Take Care of Their Bodies

        “Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity.” — John F. Kennedy

        A clever mind combined with a body in a great condition is the best asset you can have. Our bodies were designed to run, walk, jump, swim, lift and much more. Leading a sedentary lifestyle harms both your physical and mental sphere.

        Life long learners know the body is your temple. In order to make it flourish for as long as possible, they train regularly, move a lot and eat healthy.

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        5. They Have Diverse Passions

        Among Steve Jobs’ wise quotes, there’s one I like especially. It’s about connecting the dots:

        “You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backward. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future.” — Steve Jobs

        Each dot is some event or skill in your life, and it’s only when you go through these elements that you know how to combine them into something great.

        Having a variety of passions indicates that you love to progress. By practicing different skills, you give yourself an advantage over the rest of the people. During hard times, you are more likely to to act intelligently and solve your problems with less effort.

        6. They Love Making Progress

        If behind the efforts, there is passion and a deep desire to grow, your chances of success are way higher, compared to when you are forced to learn.

        Life long learners love to experience the constant growth and improvement. The breakthrough moments help them to notice the impressive change that took place because of the learning process. Any milestone serves as a driving force for further headway.

        7. They Challenge Themselves with Specific Goals

        In order to keep growing, you clearly define your goals. Smart goal setting is one of the tools to ensure constant growth.

        Since you love challenges, a difficult goal doesn’t scare you. Quite the opposite, it keeps you motivated and engaged.

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        Research showed that precise and ambitious goals increase the performance of an individual. As we already agreed, life long learners are people who care about their performance, hence they never stop improving.

        8. They Embrace Change

        A complete change can lead to incredible results. This is especially visible on the example of successful companies.

        Oftentimes, it’s that transformation which created space for their so-called overnight success. Twitter was originally created as an internal service to serve Odeo employees. Currently, it has over 300 million monthly active users and is considered the second biggest social network.

        As a life long learner, you know a change can lead to extraordinary results so you welcome it and stay open minded about making a shift.

        9. They Believe It’s Never Too Late to Start Something

        Some people tend to think after a certain age, they are no longer allowed to start something and become successful. The truth is, it’s just a lame excuse not to leave the comfort zone.

        Opposite to common misconceptions, there’s no wrong age to begin something. Henry Ford was 45 when he invented the Ford Model T car, which is considered as the first affordable automobile.

        Sure, for some domains like becoming a professional athlete, starting early is required. However, to learn and improve for its own sake, you are never too old.

        10. Their Attitude to Getting Better Is Contagious

        “We now accept the fact that learning is a life long process of keeping abreast of change. And the most pressing task is to teach people how to learn.” — Peter Drucker

        There’s nothing better than to see your surroundings getting involved in what you actively participate in. Oftentimes, the best way to achieve that is to inspire them and be the example. As Gandhi would say, you need to be the change you want to see in the world.

        As a life long learner, you are extremely passionate about the constant growth and people around you can sense that positive attitude. As a result, they start acting similarly.

        11. They Leave Their Comfort Zone

        Is it really better to step out of your comfort zone? The answer is always yes.

        You always embrace discomfort as you know the path to success leads through hardship and countless obstacles. Instead of being afraid of facing them, you challenge yourself to overcome more and more difficult handicaps.

        Every time you get out of your comfort zone, regardless whether you win or fail, you learn something new. That’s the part you love the most!

        12. They Never Settle Down

        “Knowledge is exploding, so you need to commit yourself to a plan for life long learning.” — Don Tapscott

        A sense of being clever enough is something you don’t experience. Without a doubt, you appreciate what you already know, but that’s never a reason to stop. You just know once you stop learning, you lose the amazing privilege humans have, namely an ability to a never-ending intellectual development.

        More About Lifelong Learning

        Featured photo credit: Christin Hume via unsplash.com

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