Advertising
Advertising

Why You and Your Partner Don’t Need to Speak the Same Love Language to Stay Together

Why You and Your Partner Don’t Need to Speak the Same Love Language to Stay Together

How do you express love? How do you want to be loved in a relationship? If you’re like most of us, you fall into 1 of the 5 love language categories (with a couple strong influencers):[1]

  • Words of Affirmation – Saying: “I love you”, “You’re amazing”, and “I’m so lucky”.
  • Acts of Service – Actions speak louder than words.
  • Receiving Gifts – Little tokens of love and affection make you smile all day.
  • Quality Time – Time is valuable and you want to spend it with your significant other.
  • Physical Touch – Hugging, cuddling, and holding hands is how you let the world know you’re in love.

Now that you’ve identified your personal love language, what about your partner’s? Is it the same or different? Do you know?

It may feel like you don’t understand each other, but having different love languages is not the end of the world.

You’ve just spent your entire evening with your partner instead of reading that book you really wanted to get to. Despite that, they’re upset you haven’t kissed them in the last 4 hours. You just can’t understand what more they want from you. Sounds familiar? Or you ask them why they never say, “I love you.” They respond, “Don’t you like it when I bring you chocolates?” And you can’t see the connection.

Advertising

The biggest problem with this is that your messages of love might not be understood by each other.[2] Don’t worry! It’s pretty normal to be with somebody who communicates love differently. Not everyone speaks the same love language.[3] While it might be nice to have a partner that understands exactly what you need to feel loved, it isn’t the end of the world if you don’t. After all, we can’t all be exactly the same, how can we?

You can speak different love languages and still have a healthy relationship.

For couples worried about their future together, here’s some soothing relationship advice: You can have different love languages and still maintain a healthy relationship. The two of you just need to put in a little effort to understand your different needs. Understanding what your partner needs means you can make sure to give it to them.[4] It’s all about communication.

1. Get to know your partner’s love language the easy way.

Start paying attention to the little things your partner says and does. What seems to make them happy? When do they start to feel unhappy or complain about the way things are going? Talking to each other about your romantic needs and wants is a huge and important step. It also takes time.

Advertising

Or, just get together for a date night at home, make a few drinks, prepare a few snacks, and take this online quiz.

Be truthful and respond to the questions from your heart to get the most accurate answer. Taking the 5 love languages quiz will help both of you identify exactly what your love languages are in a matter of minutes. It also helps prevent any miscommunication or misunderstandings you might have while trying to figure it out on your own.

2. Learn to speak your partner’s love language.

Once you identify your love languages, keep following the relationship advice of so many: learn to speak your partner’s love language! Start showing love according to what they understand as love.[5] Sound easy? It’s not the most difficult thi ng in the world, but it certainly isn’t the easiest either.

Advertising

You are literally learning to speak a new language. This means learning all the right things to say, how and when to say them, and learning what not to say. Here are some great pieces of relationship advice for what to do if you and your partner speak different love languages.[6]

  • Acts of Service: Try doing little things to show them how much you care. Get their car washed, pack their lunch, and remember to return their book to the library.
  • Quality Time: Put away the cell phone and give them your undivided attention. Take a weekend getaway or play a board game between just the two of you.
  • Words of Affirmation: Remember to verbalize what you think. Show them your appreciation, send random texts throughout the day, or send a handwritten note in their briefcase or backpack.
  • Receiving Gifts: Bring them small things occasionally. Things like their favorite chapstick, a coffee from the local coffee shop, and good book are always welcome. Try to never forget special dates like birthdays and anniversaries!
  • Physical Touch: Make an effort to reach out and hold their hand. Hug your significant other after you haven’t seen each other all day and never forget good morning kisses.

3. Learn to communicate with your lover and compromise.

Relationship advice concerning how to learn your partner’s love language is full of one word: compromise. Learning to compromise isn’t easy, it’s full of doubts and struggles. Why? Because compromising is about giving something up and who wants to do that? Anyone who wants their relationship to work, that’s who.

Relationships are all about give and take. So, what do you do if your partner’s love language is Physical Touch and you can’t stand to hold hands for longer than 2 minutes? Well, you learn to hold hands, hug, and cuddle. You do this even though it makes you slightly uncomfortable because you care about expressing your love in a way your significant other will understand. It’s not just about you giving in, though. For this compromising to work out, your partner is going to have to do the same. Is Quality Time your love language? Guess what? They’re going to have to miss their favorite TV show or that all important championship game every once in a while to go out for a walk or have a conversation over a cup of coffee with you.

Advertising

Remember this relationship advice: it’s not impossible to be with somebody who has a different love language. It just means being more in tune with the special needs of your relationship and caring so much for the other person that you’re willing to put in the extra effort.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It How to Know If You’re Really in Love or Not (Yes It Can Be Confusing) Why You and Your Partner Don’t Need to Speak the Same Love Language to Stay Together Why Worrying About Losing a Friend Is Unnecessary No.1 Relationship Killer: Your Good Intention to Advise Your Partner When They’re Upset

Trending in Psychology

1 4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting 2 How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing 3 How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy 4 The Desire to Be Liked Will End You up Feeling More Rejected 5 Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on March 17, 2020

4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

4 Simple Ways to Make Boring Work Become Interesting

Are you bored at work right now?

Sitting at your desk, wishing you could be anywhere other than here, doing anything else…?

You’re not alone.

Even when you have a job you love, it’s easy to get bored. And if your job isn’t something you’re passionate about, it’s even easier for boredom to creep in.

Did you know it’s actually possible to make any job more interesting?

That’s right.

Whether it’s data entry or shelf stacking, even the most mind-numbing of jobs can be made more fun.

Advertising

Understanding the science behind boredom is the first step to beating it.

Read on to learn the truth about boredom, and what you can do to stop feeling bored at work for good.

VIDEO SUMMARY

I’m bored – as you’re watching the same film over and over again, even though it’s your favorite one

When you experience something new, your brain releases opioids – chemicals which make you feel good. [1]

It’s the feeling you might get when you taste a new food for the first time, watch a cool new film, or meet a new person.

However, the next time you have the same experience, the brain processes it in a different way, without releasing so many feel-good chemicals.

That’s why you won’t get the same thrill when you eat that delicious meal for the tenth time, rewatch that film again, or spend time with the same friend.

So, in a nutshell, we get bored when we aren’t having any new experiences.

Advertising

Now, new experiences don’t have to be huge life changes – they could be as simple as taking a different route to work, or picking a different sandwich shop for lunch.

We’re going to apply this theory to your boring job.

Keep reading find out how to make subtle changes to the way you work to defeat boredom and have more fun.

Your work can be much more interesting if you learn these little tricks.

Ready to learn how to stop feeling so bored at work?

We’ve listed some simple suggestions below – you can start implementing these right now.

Let’s do this.

Make routine tasks more interesting by adding something new

Sometimes one new element is all it takes to turn routine tasks from dull to interesting.

Advertising

Maybe there’s a long drive you have to make every single week. You get so bored, going the same old route to make the same old deliveries.

Why not make it a routine to create a playlist of new music each Sunday, to listen to on your boring drive during the week?

Just like that, something you dread can be turned into the highlight of your day.

For other routine tasks, you could try setting a timer and trying to beat your record, moving to a new location to complete the task, or trying out a new technique for getting the work done – you might even improve your productivity, too.

Combine repetitive tasks to get them out of the way

Certain tasks are difficult to make interesting, no matter how hard you try.

Get these yawn-inducing chores out of the way ASAP by combining them into one quick, focused batch.

For example, if you hate listening to meeting recordings, and dislike tidying your desk, do them both at the same time. You’ll halve the time you spend bored out of your mind, and can move onto more interesting tasks as soon as you’re done.

Advertising

Break large tasks into small pieces and plan breaks between them

Feeling overwhelmed can lead you to procrastinate and get bored. Try breaking up large tasks into lots of small pieces to keep things manageable and fun.

Try breaking up a 10,000 word report into 1000-word sections. Reward yourself at the end of each section, and you’ll get 10 mini mood boosts, instead of just one at the end.

You can also plan short breaks between each section, which will help to prevent boredom and keep you focused.

Give yourself regular rewards, it can be anything that makes you feel good

Make sure you reward yourself for achievements, even if they feel small.

Rewards could include:

  • Eating your favourite snack.
  • Taking a walk in a natural area.
  • Spending a few minutes on a fun online game.
  • Buying yourself a small treat.
  • Visiting a new place.
  • Spending time on a favourite hobby.

Your brain will come to associate work with fun rewards, and you’ll soon feel less bored and more motivated.

Boredom doesn’t have to be a fact of life.

Make your working life feel a thousand times more fun by following the simple tips above.

Reference

[1] Psychology Today: Why People Get Bored

Read Next