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Everyone Shows Love In A Different Way, Find Your Partner’s Love Language

Everyone Shows Love In A Different Way, Find Your Partner’s Love Language

Have you ever felt frustrated when your partner doesn’t understand you? Does it ever feel like the two of you speak a different language? The truth is, you probably do. Every single person in the world understands love and expresses it in a different way. You might have trouble understanding each other because you express love differently. This doesn’t mean that one of you loves the other any more or less.

So how are we supposed to understand our partners if we speak different languages? Gary Chapman, relationship counselor and author, wrote a book about it – “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.” By learning which language you speak and which language your partner speaks, you can make your relationship better.

What are the 5 Love Languages?

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1. Words of Affirmation

    If you speak this language, it means that you express love through words. Maybe you constantly affirm your love, give praise, or verbalize appreciation of your partner. Tell your partner that this is how you express your love. It also works the other way around. If you understand love through words of affirmation, make sure your significant other understands that. It’s amazing how much a comment like “thank you so much for sharing your life with me,” can make you feel.

    2. Acts of Service

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      The ‘acts of service’ love language means that, for you, actions speak louder than words. This is usually the love language of somebody who is practical and isn’t impressed by frills. Tell your partner how much it means to you when they prepare your morning coffee, wash the dishes, or pick up around the house. And if this is your significant other’s love language, make sure to do little things for them, too! Help them get ready in the morning, pack their lunch, or get their car washed. These acts let them know you’re thinking of them.

      3. Receiving Gifts

        A lot of people think that somebody who likes receiving gifts is shallow. But, this simply isn’t true. Receiving gifts from the person you love lets you know that they took time out of their day and thought about you and how to make you happy. If this is your love language, these gifts are little tokens of love and affection. It doesn’t have to be big. Something as simple as your favorite candy bar or a single flower is enough to show that you care.

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        4. Quality Time

          For people with this love language, time says it all. You feel on top of the world when your partner chooses to spend their day with you. And why not? In today’s world, time is a precious resource. Let the love of your life know that your love language is quality time. You need picnics at the park, walks on the beach, and weekend road trips. If this is your partner’s language, make sure to give them all the time they need to feel loved and appreciated.

          5. Physical Touch

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            Who doesn’t love hugs and kisses? We all do, of course. But, some people need them more than others in order to feel loved. If this is you, let your partner know how safe you feel when you’re cuddled up in bed together. Just for a moment, you can forget about the rest of the world. If this is your significant other’s love language, make sure to grab their hand next time you’re at the supermarket or sit extra close at the movies. Displaying this love language can help them feel appreciated and bring the two of you closer together.

            Remember, there is no one right way to love. When you learn what your partner identifies as an expression of love, it can change your relationship. And when you start “hearing” your love language, you’ll stop feeling misunderstood. We all want and need to feel loved, that feeling just happens in a different way for different people.

            Featured Photo Credits: Couple Smiling Behind Books, Washing Car, Single Flower, People Sitting With Yellow Flowers, Couple Hugging

            More by this author

            Amber Pariona

            EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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            Last Updated on April 14, 2021

            How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

            How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

            We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

            Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

            Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

            Expressing Anger

            Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

            Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

            Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

            Being Passive-Aggressive

            This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

            Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

            This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

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            Poorly-Timed

            Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

            An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

            Ongoing Anger

            Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

            Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

            Healthy Ways to Express Anger

            What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

            Being Honest

            Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

            Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

            Being Direct

            Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

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            Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

            Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

            Being Timely

            When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

            Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

            Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

            How to Deal With Anger

            If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

            1. Slow Down

            From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

            In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

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            When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

            2. Focus on the “I”

            Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

            When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

            3. Work out

            When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

            Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

            Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

            If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

            4. Seek Help When Needed

            There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

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            5. Practice Relaxation

            We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

            That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

            Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

            6. Laugh

            Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

            7. Be Grateful

            It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

            Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

            Final Thoughts

            Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

            During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

            Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

            More Resources on Anger Management

            Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

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