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Everyone Shows Love In A Different Way, Find Your Partner’s Love Language

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Everyone Shows Love In A Different Way, Find Your Partner’s Love Language

Have you ever felt frustrated when your partner doesn’t understand you? Does it ever feel like the two of you speak a different language? The truth is, you probably do. Every single person in the world understands love and expresses it in a different way. You might have trouble understanding each other because you express love differently. This doesn’t mean that one of you loves the other any more or less.

So how are we supposed to understand our partners if we speak different languages? Gary Chapman, relationship counselor and author, wrote a book about it – “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.” By learning which language you speak and which language your partner speaks, you can make your relationship better.

What are the 5 Love Languages?

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1. Words of Affirmation

    If you speak this language, it means that you express love through words. Maybe you constantly affirm your love, give praise, or verbalize appreciation of your partner. Tell your partner that this is how you express your love. It also works the other way around. If you understand love through words of affirmation, make sure your significant other understands that. It’s amazing how much a comment like “thank you so much for sharing your life with me,” can make you feel.

    2. Acts of Service

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      The ‘acts of service’ love language means that, for you, actions speak louder than words. This is usually the love language of somebody who is practical and isn’t impressed by frills. Tell your partner how much it means to you when they prepare your morning coffee, wash the dishes, or pick up around the house. And if this is your significant other’s love language, make sure to do little things for them, too! Help them get ready in the morning, pack their lunch, or get their car washed. These acts let them know you’re thinking of them.

      3. Receiving Gifts

        A lot of people think that somebody who likes receiving gifts is shallow. But, this simply isn’t true. Receiving gifts from the person you love lets you know that they took time out of their day and thought about you and how to make you happy. If this is your love language, these gifts are little tokens of love and affection. It doesn’t have to be big. Something as simple as your favorite candy bar or a single flower is enough to show that you care.

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        4. Quality Time

          For people with this love language, time says it all. You feel on top of the world when your partner chooses to spend their day with you. And why not? In today’s world, time is a precious resource. Let the love of your life know that your love language is quality time. You need picnics at the park, walks on the beach, and weekend road trips. If this is your partner’s language, make sure to give them all the time they need to feel loved and appreciated.

          5. Physical Touch

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            Who doesn’t love hugs and kisses? We all do, of course. But, some people need them more than others in order to feel loved. If this is you, let your partner know how safe you feel when you’re cuddled up in bed together. Just for a moment, you can forget about the rest of the world. If this is your significant other’s love language, make sure to grab their hand next time you’re at the supermarket or sit extra close at the movies. Displaying this love language can help them feel appreciated and bring the two of you closer together.

            Remember, there is no one right way to love. When you learn what your partner identifies as an expression of love, it can change your relationship. And when you start “hearing” your love language, you’ll stop feeling misunderstood. We all want and need to feel loved, that feeling just happens in a different way for different people.

            Featured Photo Credits: Couple Smiling Behind Books, Washing Car, Single Flower, People Sitting With Yellow Flowers, Couple Hugging

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            More by this author

            Amber Pariona

            EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

            What Makes a Relationship Boring and How to Avoid It How to Know If You’re Really in Love or Not (Yes It Can Be Confusing) Why You and Your Partner Don’t Need to Speak the Same Love Language to Stay Together Why Worrying About Losing a Friend Is Unnecessary No.1 Relationship Killer: Your Good Intention to Advise Your Partner When They’re Upset

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            Last Updated on November 18, 2021

            10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

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            10 Proven Ways to Judge a Person’s Character

            We all fall into the trap of judging a person’s character by their appearance. How wrong we are! All too often, the real character of the person only appears when some negative event hits them or you. Then you may see a toxic person emerging from the ruins and it is often a shock.

            A truly frightening example is revealed in the book by O’Toole in Bowman called Dangerous Instincts: How Gut Instincts Betray Us. A perfectly respectable, charming, well dressed neighbor was found to have installed a torture chamber in his garage where he was systematically abusing kidnapped women. This is an extreme example, but it does show how we can be totally deceived by a person’s physical appearance, manners and behavior.

            So, what can you do? You want to be able to assess personal qualities when you come into contact with colleagues, fresh acquaintances and new friends who might even become lifelong partners. You want to know if they are:

            • honest
            • reliable
            • competent
            • kind and compassionate
            • capable of taking the blame
            • able to persevere
            • modest and humble
            • pacific and can control anger.

            The secret is to reserve judgment and take your time. Observe them in certain situations; look at how they react. Listen to them talking, joking, laughing, explaining, complaining, blaming, praising, ranting, and preaching. Only then will you be able to judge their character. This is not foolproof, but if you follow the 10 ways below, you have a pretty good chance of not ending up in an abusive relationship.

            1. Is anger a frequent occurrence?

            All too often, angry reactions which may seem to be excessive are a sign that there are underlying issues. Do not think that every person who just snaps and throws his/her weight around mentally and physically is just reacting normally. Everyone has an occasional angry outburst when driving or when things go pear-shaped.

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            But if this is almost a daily occurrence, then you need to discover why and maybe avoid that person. Too often, anger will escalate to violent and aggressive behavior. You do not want to be near someone who thinks violence can solve personal or global problems.

            2. Can you witness acts of kindness?

            How often do you see this person being kind and considerate? Do they give money to beggars, donate to charity, do voluntary work or in some simple way show that they are willing to share the planet with about 7 billion other people?

            I was shocked when a guest of mine never showed any kindness to the weak and disadvantaged people in our town. She was ostensibly a religious person, but I began to doubt the sincerity of her beliefs.

            “The best index to a person’s character is how he treats people who can’t do him any good, and how he treats people who can’t fight back.”

            Abigail Van Buren

            3. How does this person take the blame?

            Maybe you know that s/he is responsible for a screw-up in the office or even in not turning up on time for a date. Look at their reaction. If they start blaming other colleagues or the traffic, well, this is an indication that they are not willing to take responsibility for their mistakes.

            4. Don’t use Facebook as an indicator.

            You will be relieved to know that graphology (the study of that forgotten skill of handwriting) is no longer considered a reliable test of a person’s character. Neither is Facebook stalking, fortunately. A study showed that Facebook use of foul language, sexual innuendo and gossip were not reliable indicators of a candidate’s character or future performance in the workplace.

            5. Read their emails.

            Now a much better idea is to read the person’s emails. Studies show that the use of the following can indicate certain personality traits:

            • Too many exclamation points may reveal a sunny disposition
            • Frequent errors may indicate apathy
            • Use of smileys is the only way a person can smile at you
            • Use of the third person may reveal a certain formality
            • Too many question marks can show anger
            • Overuse of capital letters is regarded as shouting. They are a definite no-no in netiquette, yet a surprising number of  people still use them.

            6. Watch out for the show offs.

            Listen to people as they talk. How often do they mention their achievements, promotions, awards and successes? If this happens a lot, it is a sure indication that this person has an over-inflated view of his/her achievements. They are unlikely to be modest or show humility. What a pity!  Another person to avoid.

            7. Look for evidence of perseverance.

            A powerful indicator of grit and tenacity is when a person persists and never gives up when they really want to achieve a life goal. Look for evidence of them keeping going in spite of enormous difficulties.

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            Great achievements by scientists and inventors all bear the hallmark of perseverance. We only have to think of Einstein, Edison (who failed thousands of times) and Nelson Mandela to get inspiration. The US Department of Education is in no doubt about how grit, tenacity and perseverance will be key success factors for youth in the 21st century.

            8. Their empathy score is high.

            Listen to how they talk about the less fortunate members of our society such as the poor, immigrants and the disabled. Do you notice that they talk in a compassionate way about these people? The fact that they even mention them is a strong indicator of empathy.

            People with zero empathy will never talk about the disadvantaged. They will rarely ask you a question about a difficult time or relationship. They will usually steer the conversation back to themselves. These people have zero empathy and in extreme cases, they are psychopaths who never show any feelings towards their victims.

            9. Learn how to be socially interactive.

            We are social animals and this is what makes us so uniquely human. If a person is isolated or a loner, this may be a negative indicator of their character. You want to meet a person who knows about trust, honesty and loyalty. The only way to practice these great qualities is to actually interact socially. The great advantage is that you can share problems and celebrate success and joy together.

            “One can acquire everything in solitude, except character.”

            Stendhal

             10. Avoid toxic people.

            These people are trying to control others and often are failing to come to terms with their own failures. Typical behavior and conversations may concern:

            • Envy or jealousy
            • Criticism of partners, colleagues and friends
            • Complaining about their own lack of success
            • Blaming others for their own bad luck or failure
            • Obsession with themselves and their problems

            Listen to these people talk and you will quickly discover that you need to avoid them at all costs because their negativity will drag you down. In addition, as much as you would like to help them, you are not qualified to do so.

            Now, having looked at some of the best ways to judge a person, what about yourself? How do others see you? Why not take Dr. Phil’s quiz and find out. Can you bear it?

            Featured photo credit: Jacek Dylag via unsplash.com

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