Advertising
Advertising

Keep A “Friend Bank” So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship!

Keep A “Friend Bank” So You Can Maintain The Right Kind Of Friendship!

On Facebook I have close to three hundred friends, someone else I know has well over one thousand. What does that mean?
Does it mean, that, when I want to hang out with friends, I contact three hundred people, or them, one thousand?
Clearly not. If not that, then are most of them friends at all?

Making someone a real friend takes considerable time and effort. Sometimes, instead of making the effort to establish someone as a friend, we might instead choose to have a large number of shallow acquaintances instead of friends.
On social media, someone you met once in passing at some house party, can become listed as a friend, even if there is little chance or little intention of you meeting them again.

Having a big list of “friends” may make us feel good, it might make us feel extremely popular. However in the end all of this could be bad for us, as we may lose out in making real profound human connection. Especially if we no longer see the need in making the necessary effort.

In our all too busy lives, we can easily lose sight of the simple fact that good friendships are not determined by quantity, but quality.

Who are your real friends?

When you add someone as a friend on social media, their actual connection to you and your emotional connection to them isn’t considered by the website. The site may highlight people you interact with online more, but generally real connections aren’t considered and all appear the same.
People that you care about and care about you may fall from sight. As such it can be important to do the slightly unusual task of taking stock. To determine who are, and who are not, your real friends.

Advertising

How does the “Friend bank” work?

Perhaps the best method to cut through this cloud of uncertainty is to take time and create a friend bank. To mentally group those who you are closest to and happiest with.
These days our lives are incredibly busy, we might have a family to feed, work commitments, or intense study schedules. In any case, the time we have to cultivate any form of relationship, let alone friendships, can be brief. It could be useful to better ascertain who to spend time with.

Also, paradoxically, though, thanks to social media, we seem to have an abundance of friends. The number of people we want to spend our free time with may actually be quite small. Considering a friendship tier system will help you mentally clarify things.

With this in mind, there are three different tiers of friends to consider.

Top Tier-Best friends
These are the ones who are the most important to you. You are happiest with them and think they are happy with you. Your friendship runs deep and as such you have a great deal of treasured memories with them and know that there will be many more great memories to come. You are willing to whatever it takes to maintain the friendship and you know they feel the same.

Right now you can probably think of many people that fulfil this category. These are the ones that are so close and important to you, that they almost seem a part of you.

Advertising

    Photo credit: Source

    Middle Tier- Good Friends
    These are the ones you really like spending time with. But you know deep down you have different tastes and values which sometimes results in you feeling distant from them. Sometimes it’s enough for you to simply stay in contact with them through social media.

    You hope your friendship with them will continue, and are willing to make some effort to maintain it, but in that is dependent on them as well. Friendship is a two-way street, and it’s only really worth it if they give as well as you.

    Advertising

      Photo credit: Source

      Bottom Tier – Distant friends
      You like these people, and they like you. In the past you’ve had some good times. But you feel that you and they are slightly drifting apart, and that doesn’t bother you too much. Your conversations with them are shallow, bordering on small talk, as quite simply, you don’t have anything in common with them anymore.
      You and they rarely meet up or hang out.
      You think your feelings about them are mutual and feel you may drift apart entirely and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

      These people are like old friends from childhood, school, college, or work. People that you really associated with due to proximity and never became all that close, or were once close but the distance has become great.

      Everyone else is perhaps not your friends and are just acquaintances or perhaps even friends to be.

      It is important to note that none of these tiers is set in stone. Someone now in the top tier can tumble to the bottom, and someone from the bottom tier can climb to the top. It’s quite fluid, and entirely dependent on your thoughts and feelings about them.

      Advertising

      You might find that the next time you meet with someone in the bottom tier, you really enjoy their company and come to consider them good friends or even best friends. This would be wonderful news, and so don’t hesitate to put them higher up on the list. Equally, if you fall out with someone in the top tier, you might find you want to place them lower.

      In the end this isn’t us telling you to carefully pick and choose your friends. Nor are we encouraging you to drop out of touch with some people.
      But considering such a tier system may help to clarify things for you, to organize your relationships. In the age of 1000+ friends list such an exercise could prove to be important, allowing you to realize who your true friends are, allowing you to appreciate them even more. Deepening your relationship and happiness with them.

        Photo credit: Source

        More by this author

        Arthur Peirce

        Lifestyle Writer

        8 Promising Benefits of HIIT Workout That Will Make You Want To Start Right Now! We Don’t Need a Lot of Self-Help Books, We Need Resilience A Negotiation Is Like a Game, You Can’t Get the Best Deal Without a Strategy Signs of a Commitment Phobe and How to Deal with Him/Her How to Be Your Own Boss with Little (or No) Money

        Trending in Communication

        1 How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide) 2 The Hidden Power of Every Single Person Around You 3 The Purpose Of Friendship: The Only 4 Types Of Friends You Need In Life 4 14 Things That Make You Happy and Enjoy Life More 5 Focus On Yourself, Because Most Of The Time No One Really Cares

        Read Next

        Advertising
        Advertising
        Advertising

        Last Updated on April 19, 2021

        How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

        How to Deal With Anger (The Ultimate Anger Management Guide)

        We all lose our temper from time to time, and expressing anger is actually a healthy thing to do in our relationships with others. Expressing our differences in opinion allows us to have healthy conflict and many times come to an agreement or understanding that works for everyone. However, there are times when anger can become overwhelming or damaging, and during these times, it’s important to learn how to deal with anger.

        Expressing anger inappropriately can be harmful to relationships, both personal and professional. You may express too much anger, too often, or at times that are only going to make things worse, not better. In this article we will look at anger management techniques that will help you better control your emotions.

        Let’s take a deeper look at how to deal with anger.

        Expressing Anger

        Anger is a natural and normal part of almost any relationship. This includes relationships with your significant other, kids, boss, friends, family, etc. Anger provides us with valuable information if we are willing to listen to it. It clues us in to areas where we disagree with others and things that need to be changed or altered.

        Unhealthy Ways to Express Anger

        Here are some common yet unhealthy ways to express anger that you should avoid:

        Being Passive-Aggressive

        This is a term many of us are familiar with. Passive-aggressive behavior happens when someone is angry but uses indirect communication to express their anger.

        Some of the more common passive-aggressive behaviors include the silent treatment, making comments about someone behind their back, being grumpy, moody, or pouting, or simply not doing tasks or assignments that they should.

        This is a passive-aggressive person’s way of showing their anger. It’s not very productive but extremely common.

        Advertising

        Poorly-Timed

        Some people get overwhelmed and express anger in a situation where it can’t really do any good.

        An example would be getting angry at one person in front of a crowd of people. All that does is make people uncomfortable and shuts them down. It’s not a healthy way to express anger or disagreement with someone.

        Ongoing Anger

        Being angry all the time is most often a symptom of something else. It’s healthy and normal to express anger when you disagree with someone. However, if someone is angry most of the time and always seems to be expressing their anger to everyone around them, this won’t serve them well.

        Over time, people will start to avoid this person and have as little contact as possible. The reason being is no one likes being around someone who is angry all the time; it’s a no-win situation.

        Healthy Ways to Express Anger

        What about the healthy ways[1] to adapt? When learning how to deal with anger, here are some healthy ways to get you started.

        Being Honest

        Express your anger or disagreement honestly. Be truthful about what it is that is making you angry. Sometimes this will entail walking away and thinking about it for a bit before you respond.

        Don’t say you’re mad at something someone did or said when it’s really something else that upset you.

        Being Direct

        Similar to being honest, being direct is a healthy way to express anger.

        Advertising

        Don’t talk around something that is making you angry. Don’t say that one thing is making you angry when it’s really something else, and don’t stack items on top of each other so you can unload on someone about 10 different things 6 months from now.

        Be direct and upfront about what is making you angry. Ensure you are expressing your anger to the person who upset you or you are angry at, not to someone else. This is very counterproductive.

        Being Timely

        When something makes you angry, it’s much better to express it in a timely manner. Don’t keep it bottled up inside of you, as that’s only going to do more harm than good.

        Think of the marriages that seem to go up in flames out of nowhere when the reality is someone kept quiet for years until they hit their breaking point.

        Expressing anger as it occurs is a much healthier way of using anger to help us guide our relationships in the moment.

        How to Deal With Anger

        If you feel angry, how should you deal with it right at that moment?

        1. Slow Down

        From time to time, I receive an email at work that makes me so angry that steam is probably pouring out of my ears.

        In my less restrained moments, I have been known to fire off a quick response, and that typically has ended about as well as you might imagine.

        Advertising

        When I actually walk away from my computer and go do something else for a while, I am able to calm down and think more rationally. After that happens, I am able to respond in a more appropriate and productive manner. Doing things that helps you learn how to release anger can make an uncomfortable situation more manageable before it gets out of hand.

        2. Focus on the “I”

        Remember that you are the one that’s upset. Don’t accuse people of making you upset because, in the end, it’s your response to what someone did that really triggered your anger. You don’t want to place blame by saying something like “Why don’t you ever put away your dishes?” Say something more like “Having dirty dishes laying on the counter upsets me—can you work with me to come to a solution?”

        When you are accusatory towards someone, all that does is increase the tension. This doesn’t usually do anything except make your anger rise higher.

        3. Work out

        When learning how to deal with anger, exercise is a great outlet. If something happens that angers you, see if you have the opportunity to burn off some of the anger.

        Being able to hit the gym to get a hard workout in is great. If this isn’t an option, see if you can go for a run or a bike ride. If you are at work when you become angry and the weather permits, at least go outside for a brisk walk.

        Besides working some of your anger out through exercise, this also helps to give your mind a chance to work through some ways to address what it is that upset you.

        If you’re not sure where to start with an exercise routine, check out Lifehack’s free Simple Cardio Home Workout Plan.

        4. Seek Help When Needed

        There are times when we could all use some help. Life can be stressful and overwhelming. It’s perfectly fine to seek some help from a mental health professional if it will help you get back to a healthy balance.If you find that you are angry all the time, it might be a good idea to go talk to an expert about learning to control intense emotions. They can give you some sound advice and ideas on how to get your anger to a more manageable and healthy level.

        Advertising

        5. Practice Relaxation

        We all seem to lead incredibly busy lives, and that’s a good thing if we are loving the life we are living. That being said, it is very beneficial to our physical and mental well-being to take time out for relaxation.

        That can mean spending time doing things that help us calm down and relax, like being around people we enjoy, practicing deep breathing or listening to music. It could be making time for things that help bring us balance like a healthy diet and physical activity.

        Many people incorporate techniques such as yoga and meditation to calm their minds and release tension when learning how to deal with anger. Whatever your choice is, ensure you take time out to relax when warning signs of anger start to bubble up.

        6. Laugh

        Incorporating humor and laughter on a regular basis will help keep anger in check and help you get over a bad mood and feelings of anger more quickly. This isn’t part of formal anger management techniques, but you’ll be surprised by how well it works. Remember, life is a journey that’s meant to be enjoyed fully along the way through healthy emotion. Make sure you take time to laugh and have fun.Surround yourself with people that like to laugh and enjoy life. Don’t work at a job that just causes you stress, which can lead to anger. Work at something you enjoy doing.

        7. Be Grateful

        It’s easy to focus on the bad in life and the things that cause us negative emotions. It’s vitally important to remind ourselves of all the wonderful things in life that bring us positive emotions, things that we easily forget because we get caught up in the whirlwind of day to day life.

        Take time out each day to remind yourself of a few things you are grateful for in order to help you learn how to release anger and invite in more positive feelings.

        Final Thoughts

        Life can be overwhelming at times. We seem to have constant pressure to achieve more and to always be on the go or motivated. People we are around and situations we are in can cause stress, anger, and negative emotions. At times, it can seem to be too much, and we get angry and our emotions start to get out of control.

        During these times, keep in mind that life is an incredible journey, full of wonder and things that bring you joy. When you find yourself angry more often than is healthy, take time out to remember the good things in life—the things that we seem to forget yet bring us so much positive energy and emotions.

        Use some of the tips included here to help with how to deal with anger and better control your emotions.

        More Resources on Anger Management

        Featured photo credit: Andre Hunter via unsplash.com

        Reference

        Read Next