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7 Types of Fake Friends That Are Secretly Bringing You Down

7 Types of Fake Friends That Are Secretly Bringing You Down

One of Bob Dylan’s most memorable songs, Positively 4th Street starts with the immortal lyrics “you’ve got a lot of nerve to say you are my friend…” the song is a rant against a false friend of his, and when I first heard it. I was struck. Struck by a feeling of recognition, of that there was something intrinsically relatable about the song.

All of us, many times in our lives come across people who present themselves as friends. We come to trust them, spend time with them, but after a while, for whatever reason, their true nature shows itself. They may have mistreated you, ignored you when you needed help, or used you as a tool for their own gains.

These people can be hard to spot, it can be difficult to understand their goals and intentions.[1] But they tend to fall into seven particular categories.[2]

1. The Complimenter / The Lothario

It’s part of human nature to like being complimented, and we in turn often like those who are complimenting us. Beware the complimenter , as they know this. The complimenter throws you with praise and appreciation to get close to you fast. You need to question why they want to get close to you so quickly. What are their goals, it could mean they have confidence issues and are genuinely a great and kind person, but it could mean they want something very particular from you and not your friendship (be wary if the complimenter is of the opposite sex).

Luckily the complimenter is easy to spot, as their over friendliness can easily seem fake (because it is).

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2. The Manipulator

The manipulator can be one of the most dangerous forms of fake friends as they are often the most difficult to spot. The manipulator is only effective when they have earned your appreciation and your trust, it is here when their deviousness comes into play. A good friend, a real friend always takes your thoughts and feelings into account, the manipulator has no reason to take these into account as to them you are only a chess piece to move in order to get what they want. Don’t expect them to stick around once they have gotten what they want. Avoid at all costs.

3. The Social Climber

The social climber sees friends as others see expensive clothes or items, something that makes them look good. In their minds they are constantly judging all they associate with, and are ready to drop you or any friend if they feel they are no longer needed as they climb the social ladder. Like the manipulator, they only associate with you if it suits them, and have little regard for your feelings or wants.

4. The Copy Machine

The copy machine is not so much a friend, but a fan. Where the complimenter, the manipulator, and the social climber are shrewd and cunning. The copy machine is willing to drop or modify any aspect of their personality or character to mimic yours. Their end goal for their mimicry is uncertain, but possibly to them there is an aspect to your personality that they want. With good friends, there is the possibility to challenge each other, to grow and find out more about each other. With the copy machine, you are only dealing with a warped mirror image.

5. The Pretender

The pretender is much like the friend Bob Dylan sang about in Positively Fourth Street. They are someone who only acts like your friend when it suits them. They can be friendly, they can even be fun to hang with. But there is no loyalty to them and in the same way they are pretending to be your friend, they are also perfectly happy to pretend that they are not your friend if they think that will negatively affect them.

Most of the time the pretender shows themselves in debts that will never be paid back, borrowed items that aren’t returned. Like many of the fake friends on this list they don’t really think much of your thoughts and feelings as they are not important to them.

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True friends are there with you just as much in bad and difficult times as in good times. The pretender never shows when things get tough.

6. The Cheater

Unlike every other entry on this list, the cheater may well once have been a true friend. You might have been important to them, and they may have been important to you. You may even think they are still your friend, when secretly all that has changed. The cheater is a person who stays and acts like your friend when they are secretly doing something that utterly betrays you and your trust. Most commonly this is having a secret romantic or sexual relationship with your partner. Sadly the cheater is only knowable once they have already broken your trust, and until then appears to be a true friend.

7. The Rival

The rival is the least subtle of all fake friends. Unfortunately they are quite common. Have you ever had a friend that, whenever you mention something you or a friend has done, they immediately say something that makes them the focus of attention? Then this a rival.

Every achievement you make is to them a challenge, not something to be duly celebrated. If you get a new TV, they get a bigger one, if you take up a new hobby, then they take it up too with the exclusive intention of becoming better at it than you. What’s worse, is that if they can’t beat you, then they move to spoil your enjoyment, eventually they cease being your friend then become an enemy. They never were your friends to begin with.

There is no single way of spotting a fake friend. But ultimately it comes down to these things.

Is there something fake about the way they interact with you, and you often feel worse off after spending time with them? These are two major red flags, and may very well suggest your social circle has been infiltrated by a fake friend.

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Make a note of how real friends treat you compared to the fake friend. The difference will be clear.

Importantly, if they are difficult to engage with and seem to have no real interest in spending time with you, then grant them their wish and keep them at a distance. There is no point in respecting someone who doesn’t respect or have much time for you.

Your first instinct may be to reach out even more in this situation, but this can only leave you feeling unwanted and unliked. Always put your own personal and emotional needs first.

Ask yourself if the person is ever a bully.

This might not be outright and obvious, but it can be a lack of caring when you are suffering. Often times fake friends, in particular the manipulator use emotional blackmail to get what they want from you. Don’t fall for it.

Now here comes the hard bit.

Ask yourself how much their friendship means to you.

You might have noticed that some times in your life that you hang out with and spend time with people for no real reason. Perhaps you spend time with them almost out of force of habit. This is a similar situation.

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You should consider if you truly enjoy spending time with them. Or if they seem to hurt or sadden you.

If you still want to be their friend then you have two options.

Keep them at the distance that you are comfortable with, with full knowledge of how they act and operate. Alternatively, you can tell them how they feel and risk offending them, or them cutting the friendship. It is possible that this will make them more aware of their negative behavior and may seek, over time to become a true friend, but this shouldn’t be expected.

It’s important to realize that friendships have a natural ebb and flow. Even real friends may one day stop being your friend one day. People naturally drift apart, becoming increasingly distant, and distant until no more connection is made. If you no longer want to be friends, then ultimately you just need to stop trying to be friends. Eventually they will get the message.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

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Arthur Peirce

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Published on October 30, 2020

11 Essential Philosophy Books That Will Open Your Mind

11 Essential Philosophy Books That Will Open Your Mind

There are numerous ways to build your mindset, but none are as profound as reading philosophy books. Through these books, some of the greatest minds around ask questions and delve deep into thought.

While there isn’t always a clear and distinct answer to the many questions of philosophy, the entire field is a gateway to a higher sense of self. It gets you to think about all manner of things.

Below, we cover some of the essential philosophy books that are best for those who are just starting or looking to expand their mind.

How To Choose a Good Philosophy Book

Before getting to this list, we’ve researched ideal philosophy books to help you expand your mind.

We’ve found that the best philosophy books excel in the following criteria:

  • Complexity – Philosophy isn’t a subject that you can’t dive into immediately and understand everything. The books that we selected are great for people making the first leap.
  • Viewpoint – With philosophy, in particular, the author’s views are more important than in your standard book. We want to ensure the viewpoints and thoughts being discussed still hold up to this day.
  • Open-mindedness – Philosophy is all about asking perplexing questions and unraveling the answer. You might not reach a conclusion in the end, but these books are designed to get you to think.
  • Culture – The last criterion is culture. A lot of these books come from early philosophers from centuries ago or possibly from recent years. These philosophy books should paint a picture of the culture.

1. Meditations

    One that you’ll find on many of these types of lists is Meditations and for good reason. It’s the only document of its kind to ever be made. The book focuses on the private thoughts of the world’s most powerful man who advises himself revolving around making good on his responsibilities and the obligations of his position.

    We know enough about Marcus Aurelius to know that he was trained in stoic philosophy and practiced every night on a series of spirituality exercises. These exercises were designed to make him humble, patient, empathetic, generous, and strong in the face of whatever problem he had to face off. And he faced plenty of problems since he was basically the emperor of roughly a third of the planet.

    All of that is poured into this book, and you are bound to remember a line or more that will be applicable in your life. It’s a philosophy book staple.

    Buy Meditations here.

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    2. Letters From a Stoic

      Similar to Marcus Aurelius, Seneca was another powerful man in Rome. He was a brilliant writer at the time and was the kind of guy to give great advice to his most trusted friends. Fortunately, much of his advice comes in letters, and those letters happen to be in this book. The letters themselves provided advice on dealing with grief, wealth, poverty, success, failure, education, and more.

      While Seneca was a stoic, he has a more practical approach and has borrowed from other schools of thought for his advice. As he said when he was alive, “I don’t care about the author if the line is good.” Similar to Meditations, there are several brilliant lines and advice that are still relevant to this day.

      Buy “Letters From a Stoic” here.

      3. Nicomachean Ethics

        Aristotle was a famous Greek philosopher at the time with profound knowledge. He’s named after a form of logic as well called Aristotelian logic. Through this book, Aristotle writes about the root of all Aristotelian ethics. In other words, this book contains the moral ideas that form a base for pretty much all of western civilization.

        Buy “Nicomachean Ethics” here.

        4. Beyond Good & Evil

          Friedrich Nietzsche played a big role in the philosophical world. He was one of the leading philosophers of the existential movement, and it all came through this particular book. He is a brilliant mind. However, the issue with a lot of his work is that it’s all written in German.

          Fortunately, this book is one of the slightly more accessible ones since it’s translated. Within the book, he breaks down the paradoxes of conventional understandings of morality. By doing this, he sets the stage for a lot of the 20th-century thought process that followed.

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          Buy “Beyond Good & Evil” here.

          5. Meditations on First Philosophy

            In Meditations on First Philosophy, René Descartes breaks his book down into six meditations. The book takes a journalistic style that is structured much like a six-day course of meditation. On day one, he gives instructions on discarding all belief in things that are not guaranteed. After that, he tries to establish what can be known for sure. Similar to Meditations, this is a staple and influential philosophical text that you can pick up.

            Buy “Meditations on First Philosophy” here.

            6. Ethics

              Written by Benedict de Spinoza, this came at a time during the Age of Enlightenment. Enlightenment was a movement that dominated the world of ideas in Europe during the 17th and 18th centuries and with that, many schools of thought emerged and were presented through books.

              Out of the many influential philosophy books published back then, Ethics dominated during this period as it discussed the basis of rationalism. Even though we’ve developed further beyond that, Ethics can introduce new ways of thinking from this particular school of thought.

              Buy “Ethics” here.

              7. Critique of Pure Reason

                Immanuel Kant is another great philosopher who brought together two of history’s biggest opposing schools of thought into a single book. Those schools being rational thought and empirical experiential knowledge—knowledge gained through experience.

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                In Critique of Pure Reason, Kant explores human reason and then works to establish its illusions and get down to core constituents. Overall, you can learn more about human behavior and thought processes and thus, open your mind more to how you think and process everything around you.

                Buy “Critique of Pure Reason” here.

                8. On the Genealogy of Morals

                  Another piece of work from Nietzsche that is accessible to us is On the Genealogy of Morals. According to Nietzsche, the purpose of this book is to call attention to his previous writings. That said, it does more than that so you don’t need to worry so much about reading his other books.

                  In this book, he expands on the cryptic aphorisms that he brings up in Beyond Good and Evil and offers a discussion or morality in a work that is more accessible than a lot of his previous work.

                  Buy “On the Genealogy of Morals” here.

                  9. Everything Is F*cked

                    The only book on this list that’s been written in the past few years, this book by Mark Manson aims to explain why we all need hope while also accepting that hope can often lead us to ruin too.

                    While many of the books on this list are all practical, this one is the most realistic one since not even the greatest of philosophical minds could predict things like technology, Twitter, and how our political world has shaped.

                    Manson delivers a profound book that taps into the minds of our ancestral philosophers, such as Plato, Nietzsche, and Tom Waits, and digs deep into various topics and how all of it is connected—religion and politics, our relationship with money, entertainment, and the internet.

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                    Overall, this book serves as a challenge to all of us—a challenge to be more honest with ourselves and connect with the world in a way we’ve never tried before.

                    Buy “Everything Is F*cked” here.

                    10. Reasons and Persons

                      One of the most challenging philosophy books to read on this list, Reasons and Persons will send you on quite the trip. Through a lot of painstaking logic, Derek Parfit shows us some unique perspectives on self-interest, personhood, and whether our actions are good or evil.

                      Considered by many to be an important psychological text around the 20th century, the arguments made about those topics will open your mind to a brand new way of thinking.

                      Buy “Reasons and Persons” here.

                      11. The Republic of Plato

                        Written by Plato himself, this book is the origin of political science and offers a brilliant critique of government. As you would expect, the critique is still important today. If you’re looking to understand the inner thoughts of Plato, this is one of the best books around.

                        Buy “The Republic of Plato” here.

                        Final Thoughts

                        Philosophy books take a while to digest as they provide profound knowledge and leave you with many questions. With many of these philosophy books, you need to take your time with them, and you might have to read through them a few times as well. And with every read, your mind will only expand.

                        More Books to Open Your Mind

                        Featured photo credit: Laura Chouette via unsplash.com

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