Thinking of breaking up with your partner? Going through a breakup? Looking for some relationship advice? Here it is: Breakups can cause a whirlwind of emotions.
It’s Like Riding an Emotional Roller Coaster
There’s that sense of relief mixed with a touch of sadness. That new found freedom tainted by the nagging feeling that something is missing. And the worst of all? The regret. That doubting, remorseful notion that you have somehow made a mistake.
It’s Hard to Deal with Tons of Regrets
Regret can be hard to deal with. Sometimes, you regret wasting time on a failed relationship. You start thinking about all the things you could have done and counting all the wasted hours spent arguing.
Other times, you regret making the decision to end the relationship. You start remembering the good times and wishing it had all gone differently. You wonder if you’ve just made the biggest mistake of your life.
Guess what? You didn’t. Feeling any sort of regret after a breakup is normal and you are not alone.
But Don’t Be Fooled!
It’s far too easy to look back on a relationship and reminisce about all the good times and everything you miss. When you’re regretting how everything ended it’s even easier to forget the bad moments.
The best bit of relationship advice for you right now is this: The bad moments happened, that’s why you broke up. Remember this the next time you start thinking, “If only…”
Sometimes you just completely regret the relationship. Not because you miss the other person, but because you feel like you’ve made a terrible mistake in your life.
Learning to recognize your regret is an important step in getting over your ex. Sound relationship advice let’s us know that once you recognize these feelings, you can learn to process them.
Common Regrets After a Breakup
These are some of the most common regrets people have after a breakup:
1. I shouldn’t have been so _____.
Fill in the blank; needy, nagging, impatient, selfish, jealous – the list goes on. You look back on the time the two of you spent together and recognize some less-than-perfect traits about yourself.
Regretting your past behavior is normal and the perfect opportunity to learn from your mistakes. You know you let your insecurities and emotions take control. Now you’re ready to work on yourself so it doesn’t happen again in the future.
2. I should have tried harder.
Remember that one Valentine’s Day when you just wanted to stay home and watch re-runs on TV? Celebrating the day was important for your ex, but you didn’t care. What about that one time you forgot their birthday and didn’t remember until it was too late? Your ex was devastated and couldn’t understand why they weren’t more important to you.
This regret is difficult to cope with. By just recognizing your mistakes, however, you’re making a giant leap toward personal growth. Take this as your own personal relationship advice and try not to be so hard on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes and nobody is perfect. This breakup has given you the opportunity to become a better romantic partner in your next relationship.
3. I should have ended the relationship sooner.
Everybody knows that maintaining relationships takes effort. Without this effort, relationships have no chance at being happy, healthy, and fulfilling. So, you make a commitment to your partner, to your future together, and you work at making things better. And you work, and you work, and you work.
Sometimes, the effort it takes to sustain a relationship far outweighs the benefits of the relationship and that’s when it’s best to call it quits. Maybe you waited too long to do that. Now you’re feeling like you’ve wasted a large part of your life-this is not true. What you’ve done is given yourself a learning opportunity, a rich life experience. Now you know the things that work, the things that don’t work, and which issues are worth the effort. You’re one step ahead of everyone else.
Stop the Regretting
Take this relationship advice to help you be more prepared for your future relationships. Know that feeling regret is a normal stage of breakup recovery. Regret can even be healthy if you choose to learn from it instead of linger over it. Take this time to rediscover what you want and need in a relationship.