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Common Things People Only Regret After They Break Up

Common Things People Only Regret After They Break Up

Thinking of breaking up with your partner? Going through a breakup? Looking for some relationship advice? Here it is: Breakups can cause a whirlwind of emotions.

It’s Like Riding an Emotional Roller Coaster

There’s that sense of relief mixed with a touch of sadness. That new found freedom tainted by the nagging feeling that something is missing. And the worst of all? The regret. That doubting, remorseful notion that you have somehow made a mistake.

It’s Hard to Deal with Tons of Regrets

Regret can be hard to deal with. Sometimes, you regret wasting time on a failed relationship. You start thinking about all the things you could have done and counting all the wasted hours spent arguing.

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Other times, you regret making the decision to end the relationship. You start remembering the good times and wishing it had all gone differently. You wonder if you’ve just made the biggest mistake of your life.

Guess what? You didn’t. Feeling any sort of regret after a breakup is normal and you are not alone.

But Don’t Be Fooled!

It’s far too easy to look back on a relationship and reminisce about all the good times and everything you miss. When you’re regretting how everything ended it’s even easier to forget the bad moments.

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The best bit of relationship advice for you right now is this: The bad moments happened, that’s why you broke up. Remember this the next time you start thinking, “If only…”

Sometimes you just completely regret the relationship. Not because you miss the other person, but because you feel like you’ve made a terrible mistake in your life.

Learning to recognize your regret is an important step in getting over your ex. Sound relationship advice let’s us know that once you recognize these feelings, you can learn to process them.

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Common Regrets After a Breakup

These are some of the most common regrets people have after a breakup:

1. I shouldn’t have been so _____.

Fill in the blank; needy, nagging, impatient, selfish, jealous – the list goes on. You look back on the time the two of you spent together and recognize some less-than-perfect traits about yourself.

Regretting your past behavior is normal and the perfect opportunity to learn from your mistakes. You know you let your insecurities and emotions take control. Now you’re ready to work on yourself so it doesn’t happen again in the future.

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2. I should have tried harder.

Remember that one Valentine’s Day when you just wanted to stay home and watch re-runs on TV? Celebrating the day was important for your ex, but you didn’t care. What about that one time you forgot their birthday and didn’t remember until it was too late? Your ex was devastated and couldn’t understand why they weren’t more important to you.

This regret is difficult to cope with. By just recognizing your mistakes, however, you’re making a giant leap toward personal growth. Take this as your own personal relationship advice and try not to be so hard on yourself. Everybody makes mistakes and nobody is perfect. This breakup has given you the opportunity to become a better romantic partner in your next relationship.

3. I should have ended the relationship sooner.

Everybody knows that maintaining relationships takes effort. Without this effort, relationships have no chance at being happy, healthy, and fulfilling. So, you make a commitment to your partner, to your future together, and you work at making things better. And you work, and you work, and you work.

Sometimes, the effort it takes to sustain a relationship far outweighs the benefits of the relationship and that’s when it’s best to call it quits. Maybe you waited too long to do that. Now you’re feeling like you’ve wasted a large part of your life-this is not true. What you’ve done is given yourself a learning opportunity, a rich life experience. Now you know the things that work, the things that don’t work, and which issues are worth the effort. You’re one step ahead of everyone else.

Stop the Regretting

Take this relationship advice to help you be more prepared for your future relationships. Know that feeling regret is a normal stage of breakup recovery. Regret can even be healthy if you choose to learn from it instead of linger over it. Take this time to rediscover what you want and need in a relationship.

More by this author

Amber Pariona

EFL Teacher, Lifehack Writer, English/Spanish Translator, MPA

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Last Updated on April 1, 2019

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

When we talk about happiness, we often think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity. Many try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as their ultimate goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from them.

But, what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”?

It’s a lot like your favorite food. The more often you have it isn’t always better. On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly, that’s when you really savor every bite. So is it the food itself that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are eating it?

Always remember that only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

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Video Summary

Don’t Assume Others Are Always Happy

Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives. So, it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.

In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life. Even the most glamorous celebrities or the richest billionaires have their own set of challenges and problems.

When we feel negative, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the time. During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would be the life or death of my company and my life goals. But, I got through them; and, weeks, months and eventually years passed with many more ups and downs.

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You need to keep your sights on the extended curve.  Looking back now, a lot of those “really big” problems at the time now seem like only small blips in a long line of experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!

Stop Trying to Be Happy–Just Be

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.

So what can we do?

First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s through experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing similar trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

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To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.

It sounds like a paradox. But, what I mean is to accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Understand the importance of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment, flash back your memory to when you didn’t have something. I like to think about my career, for example. When I didn’t have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But, when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I realized I would be successful! This memory keeps me going when I hit tough spots. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Happiness and Sadness Exist Together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments–happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But, your life will also be filled with rain and storms that never seem like they will pass while you’re going through them.

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But, whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.

Treasure the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”. In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.

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