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If You Want a Great Relationship, Focus on Improving Yourself

If You Want a Great Relationship, Focus on Improving Yourself

It is difficult to be in a relationship with someone else if you have a negative relationship with yourself.

It can make you feel emotionally dependent on your partner. It can make you feel jealous and crazy. It can cause friction in your relationship, and it can cause the relationship to turn sour.

This leaves both people feeling confused, upset, angry and overwhelmed. Both partners may feel isolated and alone – even when they are physically with their partner.

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If you can relate to this, it is time you for to focus on improving yourself. This is because no-one else will be able to love you properly until you love yourself.

When you do start to improve yourself, you will notice that you become happier and more confident. People will be attracted to your warm, friendly, positive personality, and they will love you for it. On the other hand, if you don’t improve yourself you will emit a negative, sad vibe that pushes people away from you.

It may seem like a big task, but it is actually quite easy to improve yourself – and there are so many benefits to doing so! You will love yourself more, you will be more positive and happy in relationships, and it will be emotionally rewarding on a daily basis.

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If you want relationship advice to improve your relationship with yourself, look no further. Here are five ways to improve yourself.

How To Improve Yourself

Treat Yourself With Love

The first thing that you need to do to improve yourself is treat yourself with love. If you don’t have a great relationship with yourself it is likely that you often ignore your own needs, but that stops today. Make an effort to listen to your needs and wants, and communicate with yourself about those needs and wants. For instance, if you feel hesitant about something don’t push your thoughts down – take the time to think about why you feel hesitant, and respect that feeling.

Don’t Insult Yourself

An unhealthy relationship is filled with put downs and insults, but a healthy relationship is filled with encouraging, positive affirmations. Remember that you are your friend, not your enemy. Try to stop insulting yourself, and if you do insult yourself make sure to think a positive thought afterwards. Over time this will help to replace the internal insults with comments that make you feel better about yourself. This relationship advice may seem simple, but it is very effective.

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Replace Negative Words With Positive Ones

If you have a poor relationship with yourself, you may have a negative thought process. This will affect the way that you see the world and yourself, so it is time to make an effort to replace negative words (such as no, ugly, bored, lonely, annoyed, disinterested) with positive words (such as yes, happy, content, grateful, thank you, love).

To start with you may feel like you are faking a new personality, but this attitude will soon feel normal – and you will feel happier for it.

Replace Negative Thoughts With Positive Ones

Once you’ve changed the way you speak, it will be easier for you to change the way that you think. If you catch yourself having a negative thought, make a conscious effort to push the thought out of your mind.

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Find A Real Reason To Be Healthier And Happier

Lots of people try to be healthy because they think that they should, but in reality this is a bad reason to be healthy. It means that you won’t enjoy being healthy, and it is likely that you will still be unhealthy on a regular basis.

Find a real reason to be healthy; a reason that isn’t just obligation. Make an effort to find exercises, sports and healthy foods that you like, and set health milestones to track your progress.

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Amy Johnson

Amy is a writer who blogs about relationships and lifestyle advice.

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Last Updated on September 11, 2020

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

Why a Life Without Pain Is the Guarantee to True Suffering

No one wants to suffer. As a general rule, people like to avoid hurt and pain as much as possible. As a species, humans want a painless existence so much that scientists make a living trying to create it.

People can now choose “pain-free” labor for babies, and remedies to cure back pain, headaches, body-pains and even mental pains are a dime a dozen. Beyond medicine, we also work hard to experience little pain even when it comes to loss; often times we believe a breakup won’t hurt as much if we are the ones to call it off.

But would a world without pain truly be painless? It’s unlikely. In fact, it would probably be painful exactly for that reason.

If people never experienced hurt, they wouldn’t know what it was. On the surface level, that seems like a blessing, but think for a moment: if we didn’t know pain, how would we know peace? If you don’t know you’ve hurt or been hurt, how would you know that you need to heal? Imagine someone only knowing they have an incurable cancer at the final stage because no obvious symptoms have appeared at early stages.

Without the feeling of pain, people won’t be aware of dangerous situations—what should or shouldn’t do for survival.

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Pain Is Our Guardian

Pain serves to protect human beings from harmful actions. It’s the same reason parents teach babies that fire equals hot, and that hot equals hurt. Should the baby still place its hand in a fire or on a stove, the intense pain remains so memorable, that the child is certain never to repeat that action.

In the same way, pain within human bodies can serve as a warning that something is not right. Because you know what it is to feel “well,” you know what it is to feel poorly.[1]

Along with serving as a teacher of what not to do, pain also teaches you what you are made of in terms of what you can handle as an individual.

While the cliche, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is a tired term, it’s used excessively for a reason: it’s true. Pain helps you learn to cope with life’s inevitable difficulties and sadnesses— to develop the grit it takes to push past hardships and carry on.

Whether it’s a shattering pain, like the loss of a loved one or a debilitating accident, pain affects everyone differently. But it still affects everyone. Take a breakup as an example, anyone who has experienced it knows it can hurt to the point of feeling physical. Especially the first breakup. At a young age, it feels like the loss of the only love you’ll ever know. As you grow and learn, you realize you’re more resilient with every ended relationship.

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No Pain, No Happiness

You only know happiness when you have known pain. While the idea of constant happiness sounds nice, there is little chance it would be. Without the comparison to happiness, there’s no reason to be grateful for it. That is to say, without ever knowing sadness or pain, you would have no reason to be grateful for happiness.

In reality, there is always something missing, or something unpleasant, but it is only through those realizations that you know to be grateful when you feel you have it all. Read more about why happiness and pain have to exist together: Chasing Happiness Won’t Make You Happy

In a somewhat counter-intuitive finding, researchers found one of the things that brings about the most happiness is challenge. When people are tested, they experience a greater sense of accomplishment and happiness when they are successful. It is largely for this reason that low-income individuals can often feel happier than those who have a sense of wealth.[2]

This is a great thing to remember the next time you feel you would be happier if you just had a little more cash.

Avoiding Pain Leads to More Suffering

Pain is inevitable, embrace it positively. Anyone who strives to have a painless life is striving for perfectionism; and perfectionism guarantees sadness because nothing will ever be perfect.

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This isn’t a bleak outlook, but rather a truthful one. The messy moments in life tend to create the best memories and gratitude. Pain often serves as a reminder of lessons learned, much like physical scars on the body.

Pain will always be painful, but it’s the hurt feelings that help wiser decisions be made.

Allow Room for the Inevitable

Learning how to tolerate pain, especially the emotional kind, is a valuable lesson.

Accepting and feeling pain makes you human. There is no weakness in that. Weakness only comes when you try to blame your own pain on someone else, expecting the blame to alleviate your hurting. There’s a saying,

“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting your enemy to die.”

Think back to the last time you were really angry with someone. Maybe you were hurt because you got laid off from a job. You felt angry and that anger caused so much pain that you could feel it in a physical way. Being angry and blaming your ex boss for that pain didn’t affect him or her in any way; you’re the only one who lost sleep over it.

The healthier thing to do in a situation like that is acknowledge your pain and the anger along with it. Accept it and explore it in an introspective way. How can you learn and grow? What is at the root of that pain? Are you truly hurting and angry about being laid off, or is the pain more a correlation to you feeling like you failed?

While uncomfortable, exploring your pain is a way to raise your self-awareness. By understanding more about yourself, you know how to deal with similar situations in the future. You can never expect to be numb to difficult situations, but you will learn to better prepare financially for the loss of a job and be grateful for an income since you now know nothing is promised (no matter how much you work or how deserving you may feel).

Pain Hurts, but Numbness Would Be Worse

Pain does not feel good, but the bad feeling of it will help you learn and grow. It makes the sweet moments in life even sweeter and the gratitude more sincere.

To have a happier and more successful life, you don’t learn from success or accomplishment, but through pain and failures. For it is in those moments that you learn how to do better in the future or at least cope a little more easily.

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You are the strong person you are today because of the hardships this life has presented to you. While you may have felt out of control when those hard times came, the one thing you will always have control over is how you choose to react to things. The next time you hurt or you’re angry or sad, acknowledge it and allow yourself to ruminate in it. Then take a deep breath and start learning from that pain. You’ve got this!

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] University of Calgary: Why is Pain Important?
[2] Greater Good Magazine: The Importance of Pain

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