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What to Do When We Don’t Know How to Fix a Marriage Alone

What to Do When We Don’t Know How to Fix a Marriage Alone

Jane has been with her partner for 10 years, and has been married for 7 years. She expressed how her relationship with her husband was awesome until she started having children and “everything went downhill”

Jane kept wondering if marriage counseling could repair and fix the rift in her relationship with her husband.

Here, moms in our communities whose relationships have benefited from the help of a marriage counselor describe how it helped and share three reasons to seek counseling when your marriage is on the rocks.

Here I would explain some benefits of marriage counseling according to gathered information from women who have gone through the same process, and how it positively influenced their marriage.

Getting a neutral third party involved is highly helpful.

Couples most times don’t know what went wrong when a marriage goes wrong or what is the best approach to solving the situation at hand. As a Mum once shared “My husband of 9 years, shared with me that he had fallen out of love with me, he couldn’t pin point how he got to that point, the causes, why or when he got to that point”

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When identifying the problem is difficult, getting back the spark in your relationship seems like a long road. Getting someone who is an expert in relationship can really be a start point to bringing back the spark in your relationship.[1]

Sometimes you the woman have to take to initiate visiting a marriage counselor, yes it might somewhat be pricey but its advised that women have a level of financial independence so as to help in situations like this, where you have to bring a third party who is neutral to both parties for fairness.

Due to the fact that a counselor is a neutral third-party, he or she would not get in the middle of any heated arguments or take unfair sides in any of such scenarios; instead the counselor would try to help both parties understand each other’s point of view.

Loveth expressed “I am so very grateful for counseling, as it helped me and my husband who have been married for 11 years restore the spark, now we feel like we love each other even more than we used to when we met”

If a friend or a family member is brought to give this kind of help, it might be difficult for them to take a neutral stand but a counselor would 1) Continue communication 2) Try to find out the exact reason why your relationship is on the rocks and 3) Help you come to terms with the facts that both of you can live with.

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Friends and family can help you, but do not allow their ideas/opinions cloud your because only you can feel what you feel the way you feel it.

The rate of your Communication would improve.

The counselor would help facilitate conversations so couples would know how to work through their problems.[2]

According to Rachael

“during counseling I realized that having someone listen to what I am saying can help me collect my thoughts and express them in a better way than I could have expressed them on my own”

“Couples counseling is a great way to reconnect and make it through this time until the spark comes back, or help the two of you make a decision about what to do with this relationship if he or you decide not to continue it,” Tiffany agrees. “The counseling can help you through all of it.”

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Couple counseling is a very good way to help reconnect and bring back the spark in your relationship, or also help both parties make a decision about what to do with your relationship. Counseling can help you go through them all.

It has been said in most cases that women handle marriage separation grief worse when they are not financially stable, so this is just by the sides’ ladies. Try to have some sort of financial securities going on, so you don’t go breaking down, this can also apply to men.

Counseling helps you recommit to your relationship.

It has been said that counseling would only work if both parties are committed to the sessions; counseling works for some people and doesn’t work for others. The possibility of counseling working for you is solely dependent on the parties involved and their involvement to make it work.

If both parties are serious and they want to stay together the percentage of its working is really high, but in the case that one person is just going through the session to please the other one and has no plans of taking it serious then it is less likely to work.

The Big Payoff

There are all different kinds of marriage counselors who come from all different angles. You may need to put in the hard yards in going to a counselor, but there’s always the chance that the first one you go to may not suit the both of you. Don’t be afraid to try a different one! But if you stick with it, there of course is a handsome pay-off.

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There are chances that you might jump a counselor or two before you get the one who would suit both of you, marriage counselors come from different angles so they all have different ways of handling issues, it might be pricey, yes! But it is an advisable shot at bring back the spark in your relationship.

Jennifer P. said,

a counselor helped her and her partner realize after a seven-year-itch that they weren’t giving each other the attention that they each deserves. Kids change everything, but because both she and her husband were willing to go through with counseling, things got easier. [Now], we have three children and are best friends.

Mary Canny says,

a counselor helped her and her husband realize that they were not giving each other the right dose of attention after giving birth to their children, the kids changed everything and they took most of the time and attention from both parties. Now they have the perfect relationship and they are the best friend to each other and also to their children.

Counseling is always a great medicine to fixing marriage issues and is advised for anyone who wants to save their relationship.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] GoodTherapy.org: Relationships and marriages
[2] About Relationships: 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling

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Elise Bauer

Freelance Writer, Lawyer & Blogger

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Last Updated on February 11, 2021

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

20 Amazing Facts About Dreams that You Might Not Know About

Dreams — Mysterious, bewildering, eye-opening and sometimes a nightmarish living hell. Dreams are all that and much more.

Here are 20 amazing facts about dreams that you might have never heard about:

Fact #1: You can’t read while dreaming, or tell the time

    If you are unsure whether you are dreaming or not, try reading something. The vast majority of people are incapable of reading in their dreams.

    The same goes for clocks: each time you look at a clock it will tell a different time and the hands on the clock won’t appear to be moving as reported by lucid dreamers.

    Fact #2: Lucid dreaming

    There is a whole subculture of people practicing what is called lucid or conscious dreaming. Using various techniques, these people have supposedly learned to assume control of their dreams and do amazing things like flying, passing through walls, and traveling to different dimensions or even back in time.

    Want to learn how to control your dreams? You can try these tips:

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    Lucid Dreaming: This Is How You Can Control Your Dreams

    Fact #3: Inventions inspired by dreams

    Dreams are responsible for many of the greatest inventions of mankind. A few examples include:

    • The idea for Google -Larry Page
    • Alternating current generator -Tesla
    • DNA’s double helix spiral form -James Watson
    • The sewing machine -Elias Howe
    • Periodic table -Dimitri Mendeleyev

    …and many, many more.

    Fact #4: Premonition dreams

    There are some astounding cases where people actually dreamt about things which happened to them later, in the exact same ways they dreamed about.

    You could say they got a glimpse of the future, or it might have just been coincidence. The fact remains that this is some seriously interesting and bizarre phenomena. Some of the most famous premonition dreams include:

    • Abraham Lincoln dreamt of His Assassination
    • Many of the victims of 9/11 had dreams warning them about the catastrophe
    • Mark Twain’s dream of his brother’s demise
    • 19 verified precognitive dreams about the Titanic catastrophe

    Fact #5: Sleep paralysis

    Hell is real and it is called sleep paralysis. It’s the stuff of true nightmares. I’ve been a sleep paralysis sufferer as a kid and I can attest to how truly horrible it is.

    Two characteristics of sleep paralysis are the inability to move (hence paralysis) and a sense of an extremely evil presence in the room with you. It doesn’t feel like a dream, but 100% real. Studies show that during an attack, sleep paralysis sufferers show an overwhelming amygdala activity. The amygdala is responsible for the “fight or flight” instinct and the emotions of fear, terror and anxiety. Enough said!

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    Fact #6: REM sleep disorder

    In the state of REM (rapid-eye-movement) stage of your sleep your body is normally paralyzed. In rare cases, however, people act out their dreams. These have resulted in broken arms, legs, broken furniture, and in at least one reported case, a house burnt down.

    Fact #7: Sexual dreams

    The very scientifically-named “nocturnal penile tumescence” is a very well documented phenomena. In laymen’s term, it simply means that you get a stiffy while you sleep. Actually, studies indicate that men get up to 20 erections per dream.

    Fact #8: Unbelievable sleepwalkers

      Sleepwalking is a very rare and potentially dangerous sleep disorder. It is an extreme form of REM sleep disorder, and these people don’t just act out their dreams, but go on real adventures at night.

      Lee Hadwin is a nurse by profession, but in his dreams he is an artist. Literally. He “sleepdraws” gorgeous portraits, of which he has no recollection afterwards. Strange sleepwalking “adventures” include:

      • A woman having sex with strangers while sleepwalking
      • A man who drove 22 miles and killed his cousin while sleepwalking
      • A sleepwalker who walked out of the window from the third floor, and barely survived

      Fact #9: Dream drug

      There are actually people who like dreaming and dreams so much that they never want to wake up. They want to continue on dreaming even during the day, so they take an illegal and extremely potent hallucinogenic drug called Dimethyltryptamine. It is actually only an isolated and synthetic form of the chemical our brains produce naturally during dreaming.

      Fact #10 Dream-catcher

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        The dream-catcher is one of the most well-known Native American symbols. It is a loose web or webs woven around a hoop and decorated with sacred objects meant to protect against nightmares.

        Fact #11: Increased brain activity

        You would associate sleeping with peace and quiet, but actually our brains are more active during sleep than during the day.

        Fact #12: Creativity and dreams

        As we mentioned before, dreams are responsible for inventions, great artworks and are generally just incredibly interesting. They are also “recharging” our creativity.

        Scientists also say that keeping a dream diary helps with creativity.

        In rare cases of REM disorder, people actually don’t dream at all. These people suffer from significantly decreased creativity and perform badly at tasks requiring creative problem solving.

        Fact #13: Pets dream too

          Our animal companions dream as well. Watch a dog or a cat sleep and you can see that they are moving their paws and making noises like they were chasing something. Go get ’em buddy!

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          Fact #14: You always dream—you just don’t remember it

          Many people claim that they don’t dream at all, but that’s not true: we all dream, but up to 60% of people don’t remember their dreams at all.

          Fact #15: Blind people dream too

          Blind people who were not born blind see images in their dreams but people who were born blind don’t see anything at all. They still dream, and their dreams are just as intense and interesting, but they involve the other senses beside sight.

          Fact #16: In your dreams, you only see faces that you already know

            It is proven that in dreams, we can only see faces that we have seen in real life before. So beware: that scary-looking old lady next to you on the bus might as well be in your next nightmare.

            Fact #17: Dreams tend to be negative

            Surprisingly, dreams are more often negative than positive. The three most widely reported emotions felt during dreaming are anger, sadness and fear.

            Fact #18: Multiple dreams per night

            You can have up to seven different dreams per night depending on how many REM cycles you have. We only dream during the REM period of sleep, and the average person dreams one to two hours every night.

            Fact #19: Gender differences

            Interestingly, 70% of all the characters in a man’s dream are other men, but women’s dream contain an equal amount of women and men. Also men’s dreams contain a lot more aggression. Both women and men dream about sexual themes equally often.

            Fact #20: Not everyone dreams in color

            As much as 12% of people only dream in black and white.

            Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

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