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What to Do When We Don’t Know How to Fix a Marriage Alone

What to Do When We Don’t Know How to Fix a Marriage Alone

Jane has been with her partner for 10 years, and has been married for 7 years. She expressed how her relationship with her husband was awesome until she started having children and “everything went downhill”

Jane kept wondering if marriage counseling could repair and fix the rift in her relationship with her husband.

Here, moms in our communities whose relationships have benefited from the help of a marriage counselor describe how it helped and share three reasons to seek counseling when your marriage is on the rocks.

Here I would explain some benefits of marriage counseling according to gathered information from women who have gone through the same process, and how it positively influenced their marriage.

Getting a neutral third party involved is highly helpful.

Couples most times don’t know what went wrong when a marriage goes wrong or what is the best approach to solving the situation at hand. As a Mum once shared “My husband of 9 years, shared with me that he had fallen out of love with me, he couldn’t pin point how he got to that point, the causes, why or when he got to that point”

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When identifying the problem is difficult, getting back the spark in your relationship seems like a long road. Getting someone who is an expert in relationship can really be a start point to bringing back the spark in your relationship.[1]

Sometimes you the woman have to take to initiate visiting a marriage counselor, yes it might somewhat be pricey but its advised that women have a level of financial independence so as to help in situations like this, where you have to bring a third party who is neutral to both parties for fairness.

Due to the fact that a counselor is a neutral third-party, he or she would not get in the middle of any heated arguments or take unfair sides in any of such scenarios; instead the counselor would try to help both parties understand each other’s point of view.

Loveth expressed “I am so very grateful for counseling, as it helped me and my husband who have been married for 11 years restore the spark, now we feel like we love each other even more than we used to when we met”

If a friend or a family member is brought to give this kind of help, it might be difficult for them to take a neutral stand but a counselor would 1) Continue communication 2) Try to find out the exact reason why your relationship is on the rocks and 3) Help you come to terms with the facts that both of you can live with.

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Friends and family can help you, but do not allow their ideas/opinions cloud your because only you can feel what you feel the way you feel it.

The rate of your Communication would improve.

The counselor would help facilitate conversations so couples would know how to work through their problems.[2]

According to Rachael

“during counseling I realized that having someone listen to what I am saying can help me collect my thoughts and express them in a better way than I could have expressed them on my own”

“Couples counseling is a great way to reconnect and make it through this time until the spark comes back, or help the two of you make a decision about what to do with this relationship if he or you decide not to continue it,” Tiffany agrees. “The counseling can help you through all of it.”

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Couple counseling is a very good way to help reconnect and bring back the spark in your relationship, or also help both parties make a decision about what to do with your relationship. Counseling can help you go through them all.

It has been said in most cases that women handle marriage separation grief worse when they are not financially stable, so this is just by the sides’ ladies. Try to have some sort of financial securities going on, so you don’t go breaking down, this can also apply to men.

Counseling helps you recommit to your relationship.

It has been said that counseling would only work if both parties are committed to the sessions; counseling works for some people and doesn’t work for others. The possibility of counseling working for you is solely dependent on the parties involved and their involvement to make it work.

If both parties are serious and they want to stay together the percentage of its working is really high, but in the case that one person is just going through the session to please the other one and has no plans of taking it serious then it is less likely to work.

The Big Payoff

There are all different kinds of marriage counselors who come from all different angles. You may need to put in the hard yards in going to a counselor, but there’s always the chance that the first one you go to may not suit the both of you. Don’t be afraid to try a different one! But if you stick with it, there of course is a handsome pay-off.

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There are chances that you might jump a counselor or two before you get the one who would suit both of you, marriage counselors come from different angles so they all have different ways of handling issues, it might be pricey, yes! But it is an advisable shot at bring back the spark in your relationship.

Jennifer P. said,

a counselor helped her and her partner realize after a seven-year-itch that they weren’t giving each other the attention that they each deserves. Kids change everything, but because both she and her husband were willing to go through with counseling, things got easier. [Now], we have three children and are best friends.

Mary Canny says,

a counselor helped her and her husband realize that they were not giving each other the right dose of attention after giving birth to their children, the kids changed everything and they took most of the time and attention from both parties. Now they have the perfect relationship and they are the best friend to each other and also to their children.

Counseling is always a great medicine to fixing marriage issues and is advised for anyone who wants to save their relationship.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] GoodTherapy.org: Relationships and marriages
[2] About Relationships: 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling

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Elise Bauer

Freelance Writer, Lawyer & Blogger

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Last Updated on April 1, 2019

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

How to Be Happy: Why Pursuing Happiness Will Make You Unhappy

When we talk about happiness, we often think about staying happy all the time – every single day, every single minute with zero negativity. Many try to pursue this constant state of “happiness” as their ultimate goal, and avoid anything that may take it away from them.

But, what is the meaning of this type of “happiness”?

It’s a lot like your favorite food. The more often you have it isn’t always better. On the contrary, when you only have a chance to eat it sparingly, that’s when you really savor every bite. So is it the food itself that makes you happy, or is it how valuable it is to you when you are eating it?

Always remember that only by experiencing sadness do we understand what it is to be happy.

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Video Summary

Don’t Assume Others Are Always Happy

Most people see those who have seemingly perfect lives and assume they are happy all the time. Since childhood, we are conditioned to chase the idea of “happily-ever-after” that we see in fairytales. On social media, everyone tends to share only the best looking aspects of their lives. So, it’s very easy to have a distorted view of what “happiness” is around us.

In reality, there is always something missing, something lacking, or something unpleasant.

No one has a perfect life. Even the most glamorous celebrities or the richest billionaires have their own set of challenges and problems.

When we feel negative, we’re only focusing on a small fluctuating curve. As CEO of Lifehack, I’ve had to deal with countless problems, and some of them felt like real setbacks at the time. During those moments, it really seemed like these problems would be the life or death of my company and my life goals. But, I got through them; and, weeks, months and eventually years passed with many more ups and downs.

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You need to keep your sights on the extended curve.  Looking back now, a lot of those “really big” problems at the time now seem like only small blips in a long line of experiences. Recalling them in my mind now makes me smile!

Stop Trying to Be Happy–Just Be

It’s natural to want to be happy as often as possible.

So what can we do?

First, throw away the belief that a perfect life means happiness. Personally, I would be miserable if everything was perfect. It’s through experiencing the pains of lifelong challenges that drives us to care for others when they are experiencing similar trials. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t be able to empathize. If life was perfect, you wouldn’t grow.

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To be truly happy, stop chasing permanent happiness.

It sounds like a paradox. But, what I mean is to accept that there will be ups and downs throughout life. Gracefully understand that happiness is a fluctuation of positive and negative events.

Understand the importance of gratitude. Instead of focusing on the unpleasant moment, flash back your memory to when you didn’t have something. I like to think about my career, for example. When I didn’t have a career I was passionate about, I felt lost and demotivated. I felt like everyone was figuring out their lives but me. But, when I found my purpose and started Lifehack, I was deeply happy, even before I realized I would be successful! This memory keeps me going when I hit tough spots. It takes the darkness to make us grateful for the light.

Happiness and Sadness Exist Together

What it all comes down to is this: your life will be filled with beautiful, happy and incredible moments–happy tears and joyous shouts and funny stories. But, your life will also be filled with rain and storms that never seem like they will pass while you’re going through them.

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But, whether your face is warmed by the sunshine, or your heart is dampened by the rain, know that it’s all part of the ebb and flow of life.

Treasure the happy moments and power through the sad ones. Don’t try to avoid “sad” or “negative” experiences, and blindly chase being “happy”. In the end you will achieve a true level of contentment in your life, based on meaningful experiences and achievements. Being able to create growth and meaning out of both positive and negative events — that is the true meaning of “happiness”.

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