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What to Do When We Don’t Know How to Fix a Marriage Alone

What to Do When We Don’t Know How to Fix a Marriage Alone

Jane has been with her partner for 10 years, and has been married for 7 years. She expressed how her relationship with her husband was awesome until she started having children and “everything went downhill”

Jane kept wondering if marriage counseling could repair and fix the rift in her relationship with her husband.

Here, moms in our communities whose relationships have benefited from the help of a marriage counselor describe how it helped and share three reasons to seek counseling when your marriage is on the rocks.

Here I would explain some benefits of marriage counseling according to gathered information from women who have gone through the same process, and how it positively influenced their marriage.

Getting a neutral third party involved is highly helpful.

Couples most times don’t know what went wrong when a marriage goes wrong or what is the best approach to solving the situation at hand. As a Mum once shared “My husband of 9 years, shared with me that he had fallen out of love with me, he couldn’t pin point how he got to that point, the causes, why or when he got to that point”

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When identifying the problem is difficult, getting back the spark in your relationship seems like a long road. Getting someone who is an expert in relationship can really be a start point to bringing back the spark in your relationship.[1]

Sometimes you the woman have to take to initiate visiting a marriage counselor, yes it might somewhat be pricey but its advised that women have a level of financial independence so as to help in situations like this, where you have to bring a third party who is neutral to both parties for fairness.

Due to the fact that a counselor is a neutral third-party, he or she would not get in the middle of any heated arguments or take unfair sides in any of such scenarios; instead the counselor would try to help both parties understand each other’s point of view.

Loveth expressed “I am so very grateful for counseling, as it helped me and my husband who have been married for 11 years restore the spark, now we feel like we love each other even more than we used to when we met”

If a friend or a family member is brought to give this kind of help, it might be difficult for them to take a neutral stand but a counselor would 1) Continue communication 2) Try to find out the exact reason why your relationship is on the rocks and 3) Help you come to terms with the facts that both of you can live with.

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Friends and family can help you, but do not allow their ideas/opinions cloud your because only you can feel what you feel the way you feel it.

The rate of your Communication would improve.

The counselor would help facilitate conversations so couples would know how to work through their problems.[2]

According to Rachael

“during counseling I realized that having someone listen to what I am saying can help me collect my thoughts and express them in a better way than I could have expressed them on my own”

“Couples counseling is a great way to reconnect and make it through this time until the spark comes back, or help the two of you make a decision about what to do with this relationship if he or you decide not to continue it,” Tiffany agrees. “The counseling can help you through all of it.”

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Couple counseling is a very good way to help reconnect and bring back the spark in your relationship, or also help both parties make a decision about what to do with your relationship. Counseling can help you go through them all.

It has been said in most cases that women handle marriage separation grief worse when they are not financially stable, so this is just by the sides’ ladies. Try to have some sort of financial securities going on, so you don’t go breaking down, this can also apply to men.

Counseling helps you recommit to your relationship.

It has been said that counseling would only work if both parties are committed to the sessions; counseling works for some people and doesn’t work for others. The possibility of counseling working for you is solely dependent on the parties involved and their involvement to make it work.

If both parties are serious and they want to stay together the percentage of its working is really high, but in the case that one person is just going through the session to please the other one and has no plans of taking it serious then it is less likely to work.

The Big Payoff

There are all different kinds of marriage counselors who come from all different angles. You may need to put in the hard yards in going to a counselor, but there’s always the chance that the first one you go to may not suit the both of you. Don’t be afraid to try a different one! But if you stick with it, there of course is a handsome pay-off.

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There are chances that you might jump a counselor or two before you get the one who would suit both of you, marriage counselors come from different angles so they all have different ways of handling issues, it might be pricey, yes! But it is an advisable shot at bring back the spark in your relationship.

Jennifer P. said,

a counselor helped her and her partner realize after a seven-year-itch that they weren’t giving each other the attention that they each deserves. Kids change everything, but because both she and her husband were willing to go through with counseling, things got easier. [Now], we have three children and are best friends.

Mary Canny says,

a counselor helped her and her husband realize that they were not giving each other the right dose of attention after giving birth to their children, the kids changed everything and they took most of the time and attention from both parties. Now they have the perfect relationship and they are the best friend to each other and also to their children.

Counseling is always a great medicine to fixing marriage issues and is advised for anyone who wants to save their relationship.

Featured photo credit: Stocksnap via stocksnap.io

Reference

[1] GoodTherapy.org: Relationships and marriages
[2] About Relationships: 5 Benefits of Marriage Counseling

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Elise Bauer

Freelance Writer, Lawyer & Blogger

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Last Updated on May 7, 2019

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

How to Detect a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing

Work in any competitive field long enough, and you’re bound to run into a wolf in sheep’s clothing. It’s a powerful image. A shepherd watches over his flock to protect them from harm. He’d chase away any predator that tried to make its way into the flock. A clever wolf wearing the skin of a sheep as a disguise can sneak by the vigilant shepherd and get into the herd undetected.

The story isn’t just a colorful description–it’s a warning to all of us to beware the wolf in sheep’s clothing. They may seem innocent, but they have ulterior motives. They’ll use different tactics to camouflage their intentions.

The person who is kind to you, but undercuts you when you aren’t around is a wolf in disguise. A wolf in sheep’s clothing might pick your brain for ideas and then pass them off as their own to get a promotion. They’re always looking out for themselves at the expense of everyone around them.

Wearing a Disguise Has Its Advantages

People don’t go out of their way to manipulate others unless they’re getting something out of it. Hiding their intentions gives wolves the chance to manipulate other people to advance their own agenda. They know that what they’re trying to do wouldn’t be popular, or it might cause struggle if they presented themselves honestly.

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    They’ll be able to do what they want with less interference if they put on an act. By the time people figure out their true motives, the wolf has what it wants.

    Signs That Someone Is a Wolf in Disguise

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        1. They live to take power instead of empowering others. A wolf uses people as stepping stones to get the things that they want. They don’t care what happens to anyone else.[1] A wolf at work might make you look bad during a presentation to make themselves look amazing in front of the boss.
        2. Wolves seem sweet on the outside, but they’ll show you their teeth. If wolves revealed their true identity, people wouldn’t associate with them. They develop a friendly or kind persona, but they can’t keep up the act 24/7. Eventually, they’ll reveal their aggressive tendencies. A wealthy person who likes to break the law may make sizable charitable donations to convince people that they are kind and thoughtful. These donations largely keep them out of trouble, but if someone calls them out, they destroy that person’s reputation to stifle the criticism.
        3. They manipulate through emotions to get what they want. Wolves know that they can get ahead by appealing to your emotions. They find out what you want and need, and they give you just enough to keep you quiet and compliant. Imagine that your boss is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, and you want to ask for a vacation. She might try to play on your guilt and feelings of insecurity to get you to skip vacation or take fewer days off.
        4. A wolf will charm you first. Wolves are experts at manipulating the people around them. They appear interested in whatever you’re doing, and you’ll get the impression that they care. After they get you where they want you, they do just enough to keep you on the hook. This is the coworker who may start out being your friend, but they end up dumping responsibility onto you. When they see that you are growing frustrated, they’ll surprise you with something to charm you some more. Then, they’ll continue to do whatever they want.
        5. Their stories are full of holes.  Calling a wolf out is the surest way to make them squirm. When this person tries to come up with a story, it won’t make much sense because they are improvising.[2] The classic example of this is the significant other that you suspect has cheated on you. When you ask them why they came home so late, they’ll either become upset with you, or they’ll make up a weak explanation.

        How to Spot a Wolf

          Know What’s Real So You Can Spot the Phony

          Do some homework so that you have as much of the story as possible before you work with them. Research how they respond in certain situations, or give them hypothetical problems to see how they respond.

          A job applicant might tell you that she’s always positive and thinks of herself as a team-player. That’s what every employer wants to hear. During the interview you ask applicants to work in groups to solve a problem to see how they handle the situation. The applicant “positive team-player” is bossy and negative. You’ve spotted the wolf.

          A wolf will tell you something that ultimately benefits them. Gather evidence that proves or disproves their position, and see what happens. Chances are, when you choose the side that supports their agenda, they’ll act like your best friend. If you disagree, they’ll become aggressive.

          Spotting a potential wolf–especially if you are one of the sheep–can present you with some challenges. If your gut tells you that a wolf is lurking among all the other sheep, pay attention, and make sure you take the next step.

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          Ask Questions, the More the Better

          There’s nothing wrong with asking questions to uncover the truth. The safety of everyone in your group is at risk. Since wolves often make up stories, you may be able to call them out when their tales lack details.

          When they state an opinion, ask “Why do you think that?” or “How do you know it’s like that?” They’ll have trouble coming up with enough information to pull off the lie.

          Since wolves are always pretending to be something they aren’t, they don’t usually have a clearly thought-out reason for what they say. In a debate, they won’t understand the root of an issue.

          They may also tell you what they think you want to hear, but when pressed for more information, they won’t have anything to add. Their knowledge is superficial. No matter how much you try to encourage discussion, they will not be able to carry on a conversation about the subject.

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          Wolves Are Everywhere

          As much as we want to believe that everyone has the best intentions, it isn’t always the case. Some people only do things to benefit themselves, and they don’t care who they hurt in the process.

          Wolves in sheep’s clothing can be found in almost every setting. You can’t get rid of them, but if you can spot them, you can avoid falling into their traps.

          Reference

          [1] Association of Biblical Counselors: Three Ways to Spot a Wolf in Sheep’s Clothing
          [2] Power of Positivity: Beware of a wolf in sheep’s clothing

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