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It’s Normal: Every Child Would Find the Parent of the Opposite Sex Attractive at Certain Stage

It’s Normal:  Every Child Would Find the Parent of the Opposite Sex Attractive at Certain Stage

“Mom, I love you. I want to marry you,” your three-year-old son says, planting a kiss on your cheek. Your heart melts. Then your husband comes home and that same endearing little boy launches an angry campaign against him, all the while sweetly holding your hand. Has your son suddenly become a tyrant with a split-personality disorder?

Relax. He’s simply displaying an Oedipus complex – an essential developmental phase every child goes through. The Oedipus complex is a normal childhood stage of psychological development that occurs between the ages of 3 to 5. This phase comes after your child has partially detached themselves from you, setting out to find his own identity. He tends to develop a deep affection — and even physical attraction — towards the parent of the opposite sex and a rivalry towards the same-sex parent.

The Origin of the Term “Oedipus Complex”

Psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud coined the term “Oedipus complex” after the play Oedipus Rex, written by Sophocles in 429 B.C. In this Greek tragedy, the king of Thebes is told by an oracle that his son Oedipus will kill him. As a result, his wife deserts baby Oedipus on a mountain to die. Unbeknownst to them, the baby is rescued and raised by the King of Corinth.

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When Oedipus becomes a man, he is told by an oracle that he will kill his father and sire kids with his mother. To avoid this horror, he leaves Corinth and the people he believes to be his parents, and heads to Thebes where he meets the Thebian king (his biological dad) and kills him in a fight. He goes to the palace and wins the hand of the widowed queen (his biological mom) and marries her.

It’s totally accidental. Oedipus is not a bad guy. He ran from the “kill Dad and marry Mom” idea. When they learn that Oedipus is actually the queen’s son, she hangs herself. Oedipus finds her and with shame and guilt, he blinds himself and wanders thereafter as a tormented soul.

Recognizing the Signs of Oedipus Complex Phase in Your Child

Freud asserts that the Oedipus complex stage is a natural phase and avoidance of this crucial stage could prove detrimental to a child’s psychological development.

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How do you know if your child has entered this stage? There are signs you can spot.[1]

  • Deep affection for opposite sex parent: Your child may become overly loving and even try to kiss you “like daddy does.” He may demand constant attention — only Mom’s.
  • Indifference or harsh attitude to same-sex parent: He may become mean towards his dad and act out when he’s around. He may resort to the silent treatment around his father. It may seem like he doesn’t love his dad at all.
  • Jealousy of a possessive nature: Your child will exhibit a possessive nature towards Mom. He may get angry when Dad tries to show affection to Mom and when Mom shows affection for Dad! During this phase the child wants Mom for himself.

The Psychology That Causes Oedipus Complex

The boy focuses his affections on his mother because she is his caregiver. When his feelings become powerful and overwhelming — an infantile sexual awakening — he becomes aware of the difference between male and female. He takes note of the relationship between his father and mother and views his dad as his rival. He becomes possessive of his mother and jealous of his father.

The Appropriate Attitude of Parents

This is a natural process. Richard Boyd of the Energetics Institute says that it’s the parents’ responsibility to be aware that this is a normal stage of development. During that time, it is essential that “a child should not be rejected, used, punished, or shamed for having natural impulses of the heart and sexuality.”

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While it would be good if you could sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your child about this topic, at ages three to five it is doubtful he would listen or comprehend the subject, let alone sit still that long. Instead, try these tactics:

  • Love your child unconditionally, even if you are the dad and suffering the brunt of your child’s jealousies.
  • Don’t criticize, tease or shame your child for exhibiting these behaviors.
  • If your child crosses a boundary that you feel uncomfortable with (such as trying to kiss like Daddy), divert and redirect his attention elsewhere.
  • Remember that you are dealing with a young child.
  • Know that this is only a phase and it will pass. Be stoic and hang in there!

Exiting the Oedipus Complex Phase

Your child is traveling through this stage of development in order to learn his own sexual identity. When your child reaches the end of this phase, he abandons his sexual attraction towards his mother and begins to identify more with his father, stepping down to let his father win their rivalry. At this time, the father begins to bond more with the child, aiding the development of his masculinity.

Oedipus Complex Is a Natural Stage of Growth for Both Boys and Girls

Young girls do not by-pass this phase. They go through a similar stage in development called the “Elektra complex”, based on another tragic Greek tale.

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It is imperative that all children successfully pass through this stage of development in childhood. Repercussions from punishments and criticisms during the phase can lead to psychological problems in adulthood. It’s far easier to face the overt affections of a 3-year-old than surmount the troubles of a 35-year-old!

Reference

[1] Changing Minds: Oedipus Complex

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Sally White

writer, artist & blogger

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Last Updated on September 18, 2020

7 Simple Rules to Live by to Get in Shape in Two Weeks

7 Simple Rules to Live by to Get in Shape in Two Weeks

Learning how to get in shape and set goals is important if you’re looking to live a healthier lifestyle and get closer to your goal weight. While this does require changes to your daily routine, you’ll find that you are able to look and feel better in only two weeks.

Over the years, I’ve learned a lot about what it takes to get in shape. Although anyone can cover the basics (eat right and exercise), there are some things that I could only learn through trial and error. Let’s cover some of the most important points for how to get in shape in two weeks.

1. Exercise Daily

It is far easier to make exercise a habit if it is a daily one. If you aren’t exercising at all, I recommend starting by exercising a half hour every day. When you only exercise a couple times per week, it is much easier to turn one day off into three days off, a week off, or a month off.

If you are already used to exercising, switching to three or four times a week to fit your schedule may be preferable, but it is a lot harder to maintain a workout program you don’t do every day.

Be careful to not repeat the same exercise routine each day. If you do an intense ab workout one day, try switching it up to general cardio the next. You can also squeeze in a day of light walking to break up the intensity.

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If you’re a morning person, check out these morning exercises that will start your day off right.

2. Duration Doesn’t Substitute for Intensity

Once you get into the habit of regular exercise, where do you go if you still aren’t reaching your goals? Most people will solve the problem by exercising for longer periods of time, turning forty-minute workouts into two hour stretches. Not only does this drain your time, but it doesn’t work particularly well.

One study shows that “exercising for a whole hour instead of a half does not provide any additional loss in either body weight or fat”[1].

This is great news for both your schedule and your levels of motivation. You’ll likely find it much easier to exercise for 30 minutes a day instead of an hour. In those 30 minutes, do your best to up the intensity to your appropriate edge to get the most out of the time.

3. Acknowledge Your Limits

Many people get frustrated when they plateau in their weight loss or muscle gaining goals as they’re learning how to get in shape. Everyone has an equilibrium and genetic set point where their body wants to remain. This doesn’t mean that you can’t achieve your fitness goals, but don’t be too hard on yourself if you are struggling to lose weight or put on muscle.

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Acknowledging a set point doesn’t mean giving up, but it does mean realizing the obstacles you face.

Expect to hit a plateau in your own fitness results[2]. When you expect a plateau, you can manage around it so you can continue your progress at a more realistic rate. When expectations meet reality, you can avoid dietary crashes.

4. Eat Healthy, Not Just Food That Looks Healthy

Know what you eat. Don’t fuss over minutia like whether you’re getting enough Omega 3’s or tryptophan, but be aware of the big things. Look at the foods you eat regularly and figure out whether they are healthy or not. Don’t get fooled by the deceptively healthy snacks just pretending to be good for you.

The basic nutritional advice includes:

  • Eat unprocessed foods
  • Eat more veggies
  • Use meat as a side dish, not a main course
  • Eat whole grains, not refined grains[3]

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Eat whole grains when you want to learn how to get in shape.

    5. Watch Out for Travel

    Don’t let a four-day holiday interfere with your attempts when you’re learning how to get in shape. I don’t mean that you need to follow your diet and exercise plan without any excursion, but when you are in the first few weeks, still forming habits, be careful that a week long break doesn’t terminate your progress.

    This is also true of schedule changes that leave you suddenly busy or make it difficult to exercise. Have a backup plan so you can be consistent, at least for the first month when you are forming habits.

    If travel is on your schedule and can’t be avoided, make an exercise plan before you go[4], and make sure to pack exercise clothes and an exercise mat as motivation to keep you on track.

    6. Start Slow

    Ever start an exercise plan by running ten miles and then puking your guts out? Maybe you aren’t that extreme, but burnout is common early on when learning how to get in shape. You have a lifetime to be healthy, so don’t try to go from couch potato to athletic superstar in a week.

    If you are starting a running regime, for example, run less than you can to start. Starting strength training? Work with less weight than you could theoretically lift. Increasing intensity and pushing yourself can come later when your body becomes comfortable with regular exercise.

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    7. Be Careful When Choosing a Workout Partner

    Should you have a workout partner? That depends. Workout partners can help you stay motivated and make exercising more fun. But they can also stop you from reaching your goals.

    My suggestion would be to have a workout partner, but when you start to plateau (either in physical ability, weight loss/gain, or overall health) and you haven’t reached your goals, consider mixing things up a bit.

    If you plateau, you may need to make changes to continue improving. In this case it’s important to talk to your workout partner about the changes you want to make, and if they don’t seem motivated to continue, offer a thirty day break where you both try different activities.

    I notice that guys working out together tend to match strength after a brief adjustment phase. Even if both are trying to improve, something seems to stall improvement once they reach a certain point. I found that I was able to lift as much as 30-50% more after taking a short break from my regular workout partner.

    Final Thoughts

    Learning how to get in shape in as little as two weeks sounds daunting, but if you’re motivated and have the time and energy to devote to it, it’s certainly possible.

    Find an exercise routine that works for you, eat healthy, drink lots of water, and watch as the transformation begins.

    More Tips on Getting in Shape

    Featured photo credit: Alexander Redl via unsplash.com

    Reference

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