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Rejection Is No Longer Painful If We Look at It Differently

Rejection Is No Longer Painful If We Look at It Differently

‘You are great. But…’

Perhaps it’s a typical rejection line we hear from time to time. Whenever we hear the word ‘but’, we know that the result is going to disappoint us.

There’re too many occasions we might be rejected: when you ask someone you love out, when you apply for the job you have been dreaming of, or just simply when you ask your friends if they want to spend the holiday with you.

A simple answer, one word, two letters, ‘NO’, would already make us think a lot. Did I do something wrong? Am I not good enough? Sometimes this powerful word even causes us pain.

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Being rejected is indeed awful. But it’s something would inevitably happen from time to time. This gives us a good reason to learn how to deal with it.

We feel sad because we don’t truly know what rejection means

Think of the last time you were rejected. How did you react to it?

The most immediate reaction after being rejected is often feeling upset and frustrated. People tend to take it personally and think they’re not good enough. Self-doubt often arises and thus the lowering of self-esteem.

This has no use in helping them get back to the right track. And this also clearly shows people don’t truly understand what rejection means.

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Rejection can mean mismatch of values

Sometimes rejection comes when you don’t share the same values, belief or personality with your date or your dream job. An introverted boy is likely to be rejected by an outgoing girl if she is looking for someone like her to be her partner. And it might not be surprising to see a social media editor being rejected by a traditional newspaper publisher. It’s just simply because you don’t share the same belief.

Rejection can mean a lack of understanding

It takes some time to really know a person. But in an interview, the interviewer only has a limited time to get to know you. How can you really understand a person within just 30 minutes? So he/she can only tell if you’re a suitable candidate with your self-created perception. If you’re too nervous or not being natural, you can’t truly show who you really are. So sometimes what they reject is not the real you, but your self-created image under stress.

Rejection isn’t only about you, but also the rejecter

An interview is not like an examination. Sometimes being rejected doesn’t mean you’re not at the top of the list. Perhaps it’s because you’re too good to be taken. The date or the interviewer may feel insecure to accept you. A small company might not hire someone who has a doctorate degree to be a receptionist. Your date might indeed feel that he/she doesn’t deserve you. Rejection is not only about you, and also about the one who rejects.

Rejection can be a blessing in disguise

People are rejected not because they’re not good enough to reach the standard. It’s about suitability. Every time when you’re rejected, this tells you that the job, the date, or anything you have longed for is not suitable for you. This actually helps you to filter out what doesn’t suit you. And the options you haven’t considered may surprisingly match your interest and need.Being rejected can be a process helping you to find your best fit.

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When we realize that there’re so many possibilities in rejection, we wouldn’t take rejection too personally. But what still bothers us is how to get rid of the negative loop. And here’s what you can do:

Divert the attention from rejection

You can’t be really happy when you’re rejected. So the first step is to deal with the immediate aftermath. The frustration you feel is awful but like the other time when you feel upset, try to give yourself a cool down period. Divert your attention from rejection by doing something you like or simply taking a rest: go for a walk, take a nap, or have a nice meal. This helps to recharge yourself physically and mentally.

Reframe the rejection

The cool down period helps clear your mind and see things more objectively. And now, it’s time for you to reframe the rejection. Don’t focus on the fact that you’re rejected but instead, see it in another perspective. If you ask someone on a date and he/she say no, instead of saying ‘he/she rejected me’, say ‘he/she said no’. If you apply for a position and fail, say ‘I didn’t get the job’ instead of ‘they rejected my application’. See? Avoid saying the word ‘reject’. This way you are framing the rejection as something not personal.

Learn from the rejection

Rejection is always helpful in the sense that it helps you identify what is more suitable for you. When you’re rejected, this means you might not be suitable for whatever you want. If you find what you pursued before might not be the best option for you, you should look for alternatives.

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But if you insist that’s the best option, no matter it’s your date or your job, then you should learn from the experience. If your date says no, try to ask why. Perhaps you have said something wrong, or you have bored him/her. Then you can make adjustments according to the feedback. Even if you don’t know why he/she says no, you can still do it in a different way next time because you know the old trick doesn’t work.

Rejection doesn’t always mean you’re not good enough. If you realize that rejection is a way to help you find what truly fits you, someday you’ll find what is perfect for you and be accepted.

Featured photo credit: Dawn Kim via ideas.ted.com

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Sheba Leung

Translator. Sport lover. Traveler.

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Last Updated on January 24, 2021

20 Excuses Most People Make That Stop Them From Reaching Their Dreams

20 Excuses Most People Make That Stop Them From Reaching Their Dreams

Have you ever said or done something that stopped and discouraged you from taking action toward your goals?

Excuses and negative self talk are common problems and are what usually stops most of us from fulfilling our dreams. But they aren’t apparent until we become conscious of them. And it’s not until you become conscious of them that you can start to begin changing them to help you move forward.

Here are 20 of the most common excuses people use that stop them from reaching their dreams:

1. I’m too old to start.

As long as you’re still living and breathing, you still have all the resources to turn your life around. All it takes is will and desire.

2. I’m not talented enough.

Talent alone isn’t enough to be truly successful. It might help you progress faster, but ultimately, all it requires is hard work and dedication to improve.

3. I wasn’t born in the right area.

Your environment may have influenced the way you’ve been fostered, but that doesn’t mean you can’t decide to change your attitude. You are in control of what you choose to think and feel about yourself.

4. I come from a poor background.

Some of the most successful people got there with little but a few dollars in their pocket. Money may help you reach your goals faster, but the real value is your inner resources and resourcefulness to get the job done.

5. I’m not smart enough.

Don’t despair if you feel you lack the knowledge to pursue your goals. There is a good reason why you lack the knowledge—you’re just starting! The key to learning is to start from somewhere and make progress.

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6. I don’t have the support.

While having the support is beneficial, it will not be the reason for your success and is simply ideal for getting you through hard times. The biggest things that matter in your journey toward success and achievement is your drive and motivation.

7. I don’t have enough time to discover what I like.

If you sit down and make a list of all the things you do in a typical day, you’ll begin to realize that you actually have enough time. Figure out what is wasting your time, and replace it with the things that will get you to your goals.

8. My family and friends don’t think I’m capable.

No one can tell you how capable you really are besides yourself. If your friends and family disappeared tomorrow, will any of it still affect you? You are the driving force between where you are and where you want to be.

9. I don’t know if I will succeed.

The greatest mystery about life is in not knowing what’s going to happen. Sometimes, your journey will take you on roads you never thought existed.

10. I’ve already dedicated myself to a different path.

It is never too late to change paths. Just because you’re on one road doesn’t mean you can’t take a different path and pursue a different journey.

11. I’m just not lucky enough.

All of us are lucky all of the time. The difference is, you just don’t see the opportunities presented to you due to lack of preparation. Focus on preparing yourself for them, so when an opportunity comes, you naturally will become luckier.

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12. I didn’t have the right teachers.

There really aren’t many things in this world that you can’t teach yourself. There is free and useful information you have access to at your fingertips that will give you the instructions you need to get started.

13. I’m not destined to succeed.

Everything that ultimately happens in your life is all due, in part, to the decisions you make. If that’s your current belief about yourself then, chances are, you’re right.

14. I’m not motivated enough.

If you lack the drive to do whatever it is you hope to do, there’s a chance you don’t want it badly enough or see it as something you really want.

15. I’m too easily distracted by other things.

There are always going to be things around us that are more fun and exciting to do. But the key thing is to be disciplined and to dedicate a certain period of your time to help move you forward toward your goals.

16. I’m not educated enough.

Education isn’t necessarily something you have to learn at school. You can never have enough education to get started. If you’re unsure, just take action anyway and learn along the way. Experience always will be the best educator.

17. I can’t handle failure.

If that’s your belief, then it’s a lie. We are rejected every day of our lives, but we fail to see the rejections because we don’t choose to acknowledge them. Learn to detach yourself from outcomes and to see the process as journey of self-discovery.

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18. I will start tomorrow.

There is no such as a future, only the present. If you genuinely have the time to do something now, then use the opportunity and go and do it. You will feel a lot more energized and motivated, knowing you’ve pushed yourself and made progress.

19. I’m not ready.

You can never be prepared to get started. If it means learning more will prevent you from failure, then you’re wrong. You will make mistakes and simply learning more will fool you into thinking you’re making progress, when in fact it’s simply a buffer from taking action.

20. I don’t believe I can do it.

As with point No. 14, your beliefs help steer and guide you toward your goals. If you honestly believe with full conviction that you can do it, you will start to see that everything around you becomes easier. The quality environment is dictated by the things inside you.

Now, stop making excuses that keep you from reaching your dreams. Go forth and prosper!

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