Advertising
Advertising

I Dread Picking Up Your Call, But It Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Like You

I Dread Picking Up Your Call, But It Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Like You

It was 11p.m. and I was typing a message to my best friend. Suddenly, a sense of terror crept into my mind, and a wave of nausea filled my stomach. I immediately threw my phone on my bed and tried to cover it with my pillow. I just didn’t dare to watch what’s shown on it…

Thinking it’s the beginning of a thriller? Nonono… You’re just too imaginative. It’s just my best friend calling.

Advertising

My description might be a bit too dramatic. But what’s sure is I feel sick whenever my phone rings. Don’t get me wrong. I love my family and friends and welcome them to contact me. What I dread is the idea of talking on the phone. You must be familiar with claustrophobia, cockroach phobia and even aqua phobia. So why can’t you accept that some people really suffer from phone phobia?

To stop the anxiety, that’s what I tell my loved ones–Please message me instead of calling unless there’s something urgent. Of course, talking on the phone is acceptable to me sometimes. Just you need to message me about that so I can feel prepared. And I will make my points here.

Advertising

Phone calls interrupt the tempo of our lives

We’re living in a hectic world. Our schedules are packed with loads of tasks. That’s why we find messaging tools the greatest invention of the age. They allow us to keep distractions away and get back to our family and friends when we have time.

But phone calls are the opposite case. They are intrusive, forcing you to put away what you’re doing to talk to the person who calls. There are countless times that phone calls interrupt my work and thinking, and I need to spend much time to regain my productivity, which is frustrating.

Advertising

Sometimes, we just want to avoid awkward moments

Phone calls sometimes create unnecessary embarrassing and awkward moments. Communication over the phone is instant. If you say something wrong, you can’t take it back. There was a time my girl friend sent me a photo of a dress she just bought and asked how I felt about it. Without a second thought, I replied that the patterns on the dress was like those on the wallpaper of my aunt’s home. What came afterwards was a DEAD silence. I can still remember how suffocating the silence was back then.

Other than such kind of disaster, you must have experienced moments when you and your friend on the other side of the phone can’t think of anything interesting to talk. But both of you feel embarrassed to end the conversation. Communication through messaging tools saves us from these awkward moments as we can have more time to think of better responses.

Advertising

Phone calls steal time from us unknowingly

Let’s admit it, talking on the phone is not an effective way of communication. Unless you allow yourself to give meaningless responses to your friends, talking on the phone takes much energy. You can hardly do other things like watching videos of your favourite Youtube channels and completing tasks with approaching deadlines. The usual case is when you hang up the phone, a few hours have passed, and sometimes unfortunately, wasted.

I’m not saying we should completely replace phone calls with messages when we contact our loved ones. Listening to their voices is what we need sometimes. I just hope more people can understand that some of us do feel anxious when our phone rings and why we feel in that way. Don’t be mistaken that your friend doesn’t answer to your call because he or she doesn’t like you. There are many ways of communication today. Pick the one that makes both of you feel comfortable and stay connected!

More by this author

Ricky Tang

Editor. Movie Lover. Amateur Singer.

15 Pictures Telling Why You Should Still Have Hope For Our World 15 Foods That Can Save You From Annoying Acid Reflux Day 7: Science-Backed Ways To Beat The Stress Hormone In Your Body Day 4 Shocking! Not Drinking Enough Water Makes Your Respiratory System Suffer, Science Says 10 Satirical Illustrations Showing How Our World Is Sick

Trending in Communication

1 The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach 2 How to Master Effective Communication Skills at Work and Home 3 Building Relationships: 11 Rules for Self-Promotion 4 18 Ways to Have Effective Communication in the Workplace 5 How to Make Changes in Life To Be The Very Best Version of You

Read Next

Advertising
Advertising
Advertising

Last Updated on February 21, 2019

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

The Secret to Effective Conflict Resolution: The IBR Approach

In business, in social relationships, in family… In whatever context conflict is always inevitable, especially when you are in the leader role. This role equals “make decisions for the best of majority” and the remaining are not amused. Conflicts arise.

Conflicts arise when we want to push for a better quality work but some members want to take a break from work.

Conflicts arise when we as citizens want more recreational facilities but the Government has to balance the needs to maintain tourism growth.

Conflicts are literally everywhere.

Avoiding Conflicts a No-No and Resolving Conflicts a Win-Win

Avoiding conflicts seem to be a viable option for us. The cruel fact is, it isn’t. Conflicts won’t walk away by themselves. They will, instead, escalate and haunt you back even more when we finally realize that’s no way we can let it be.

Moreover, avoiding conflicts will eventually intensify the misunderstanding among the involved parties. And the misunderstanding severely hinders open communication which later on the parties tend to keep things secret. This is obviously detrimental to teamwork.

Advertising

Some may view conflicts as the last step before arguments. And they thus leave it aside as if they never happen. This is not true.

Conflicts are the intersect point between different individuals with different opinions. And this does not necessarily lead to argument.

Instead, proper handling of conflicts can actually result in a win-win situation – both parties are pleased and allies are gained. A better understanding between each other and future conflicts are less likely to happen.

The IBR Approach to Resolve Conflicts

Here, we introduce to you an effective approach to resolve conflicts – the Interest-Based Relational (IBR) approach. The IBR approach was developed by Roger Fisher and William Ury in their 1981 book Getting to Yes. It stresses the importance of the separation between people and their emotions from the problem. Another focus of the approach is to build mutual understanding and respect as they strengthen bonds among parties and can ultimately help resolve conflicts in a harmonious way. The approach suggests a 6-step procedure for conflict resolution:

Step 1: Prioritize Good Relationships

How? Before addressing the problem or even starting the discussion, make it clear the conflict can result in a mutual trouble and through subsequent respectful negotiation the conflict can be resolved peacefully. And that brings the best outcome to the whole team by working together.

Why? It is easy to overlook own cause of the conflict and point the finger to the members with different opinions. With such a mindset, it is likely to blame rather than to listen to the others and fail to acknowledge the problem completely. Such a discussion manner will undermine the good relationships among the members and aggravate the problem.

Advertising

Example: Before discussion, stress that the problem is never one’s complete fault. Everyone is responsible for it. Then, it is important to point out our own involvement in the problem and state clearly we are here to listen to everyone’s opinions rather than accusing others.

Step 2: People Are NOT the Cause of Problem

How? State clearly the problem is never one-sided. Collaborative effort is needed. More importantly, note the problem should not be taken personally. We are not making accusations on persons but addressing the problem itself.

Why? Once things taken personally, everything will go out of control. People will become irrational and neglect others’ opinions. We are then unable to address the problem properly because we cannot grasp a fuller and clearer picture of the problem due to presumption.

Example: In spite of the confronting opinions, we have to emphasize that the problem is not a result of the persons but probably the different perspectives to view it. So, if we try to look at the problem from the other’s perspective, we may understand why there are varied opinions.

Step 3: Listen From ALL Stances

How? Do NOT blame others. It is of utmost importance. Ask for everyone’s opinions. It is important to let everyone feel that they contribute to the discussion. Tell them their involvement is essential to solve the problem and their effort is very much appreciated.

Why? None wants to be ignored. If one feels neglected, it is very likely for he/she to be aggressive. It is definitely not what we hope to see in a discussion. Acknowledging and being acknowledged are equally important. So, make sure everyone has equal opportunity to express their views. Also, realizing their opinions are not neglected, they will be more receptive to other opinions.

Advertising

Example: A little trick can played here: Invite others to talk first. It is an easy way to let others feel involved and ,more importantly, know their voices are heard. Also, we can show that we are actively listening to them by giving direct eye-contact and nodding. One important to note is that never interrupt anyone. Always let them finish first beforeanother one begins.

Step 4: Listen Comes First, Talk Follows

How? Ensure everyone has listened to one another points of view. It can be done by taking turn to speak and leaving the discussion part at last. State once again the problem is nothing personal and no accusation should be made.

Why? By turn-taking, everyone can finish talking and voices of all sides can be heard indiscriminantly. This can promote willingness to listen to opposing opinions.

Example: We can prepare pieces of paper with different numbers written on them. Then, ask different members to pick one and talk according to the sequence of the number. After everyone’s finished, advise everyone to use “I” more than “You” in the discussion period to avoid others thinking that it is an accusation.

Step 5: Understand the Facts, Then Address the Problem

How? List out ALL the facts first. Ask everyone to tell what they know about the problems.

Why? Sometimes your facts are unknown to the others while they may know something we don’t. Missing out on these facts could possibly lead to inaccurate capture of the problem. Also, different known facts can lead to different perception of the matter. It also helps everyone better understand the problem and can eventually help reach a solution.

Advertising

Example: While everyone is expressing their own views, ask them to write down everything they know that is true to the problem. As soon as everyone has finished, all facts can be noted and everyone’s understanding of the problem is raised.

Step 6: Solve the Problem Together

How? Knowing what everyone’s thinking, it is now time to resolve the conflict. Up to this point, everyone should have understood the problem better. So, it is everyone’s time to suggest some solutions. It is important not to have one giving all the solutions.

Why? Having everyone suggesting their solutions is important as they will not feel excluded and their opinions are considered. Besides, it may also generate more solutions that can better resolve the conflicts. Everyone will more likely be satisfied with the result.

Example: After discussion, ask all members to suggest any possible solutions and stress that all solutions are welcomed. State clearly that we are looking for the best outcomes for everyone’s sake rather than battling to win over one another. Then, evaluate all the solutions and pick the one that is in favor of everyone.

Read Next