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I Deleted 564 Friends On Facebook But I Have Saved 100 Real Life Friendships

I Deleted 564 Friends On Facebook But I Have Saved 100 Real Life Friendships

I was meeting one of my best friends from college last weekend. She lives abroad for work but she will come back at least once a year; every time she’s back she will definitely make an effort to see me and It feels like she never left.

During our chat, she asked: “Do you think it’s getting a lot harder to make friends as we grow up?” I laughed and said: “Who doesn’t think like that?”

Her question stuck in my mind that night, and suddenly I came up with another thought.

I opened my Facebook. Slowly and gradually, I deleted 564 friends that night.

Making friends is actually a lot easier than you think.

Let me prove this.

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Imagine you met someone interesting at a party and you feel like it would be great if you guys could stay connected after the party. So the next thing you did was get onto Facebook, search the name, move your fingertip to the magic button “Add friends” and JOB DONE!

Just one magic click and you guys are friends now. Just as simple as that.

However, I think this redirected me to a deeper question.

What’s the true meaning of friends?

I tried to find an answer by recalling memories on how I made friends before “The Dawn Of Facebook”.

We approach new people, we talk to them, we share, we build trust and most importantly we make connections, in real life. After experiencing parts of our lives together, we value them as “friends.”

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Then I asked myself while looking at my Facebook friend list, “How many of them have gone through that process?”

This is why I decided that I didn’t want to get overwhelmed by life updates from people who I don’t even recall who they are.

On Selecting “Who I want to delete?”

It’s hard at first, I’m not lying. It’s not because my reason isn’t strong enough, but when you have your mouse hovering over the unfriend button, everything seems to come to a final end.

No one likes to say goodbye and clicking that unfriend button makes ending the relationship official.

But ask yourself, “If Facebook didn’t exist, would you like that person to get access to that much information about your life?” and “Do you really want to know what’s happening in their lives or are you just afraid of missing out?”

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Deleting Facebook friend is just as simple as that.

I don’t mean “hey-it’s-nice-knowing-you-for-a-while-but-we-barely-talk-and-I-feel-like-I-don’t-need-you-in-my-life-now-so-farewell-old-friend”, but the truth is an online goodbye doesn’t equal removing that person entirely from your real life.

True friends stay connected even without the help of Facebook (or any kinds of social media). And it’s kinda scary that we need a constant reminder on that.

Will They Get Mad? Maybe I think too much.

What if they come and ask me, “Why did you delete me on Facebook?” And yes, that sounds a bit awkward, doesn’t it?
No one likes to be ignored or removed but I think the problem is people take online relationships too seriously. 

People might think, “It’s not official until it’s Facebook official!”, but let me remind you of this.

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Facebook life is just an Online Life and it doesn’t equal your Actual Life. Why would you spend time on getting social validation instead of having real connections with people you claimed to care about? or at least make an effort to really stay tuned with their lives?

Think about it this way.  How can one honestly be offended if you two don’t write on each other’s walls or feel weird to like each other’s photos or status?

Besides, you might be overthinking because they may not even notice. Either they don’t care or they don’t value social validation as much as you do.

But what if they really ask? Then take this as a good sign. This can mean they do care about you but just getting too busy with their lives to catch up. This gives both of you a good chance to reconnect.

So Now I have fewer friends, on Facebook, then what?

Looking at my “friend list”, the number has shrunk by half but my heart feels a lot more fulfilled and satisfying. Scrolling through my feed, it is clean and clear now.

I can finally see some of the updates from my old friends. I noticed that I have missed a lot of their precious moments because I had too many distractions before. So it’s time to catch up with them, both online and offline.

Decluttering unnecessary relationships doesn’t only free me up for more important people in my life but most importantly, I came to realize my mind and life can be so much simpler if I don’t value social media as much as the social standard does.

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Jolie Choi

Gone through a few heartbreaks and lost hundreds of friends but I am still happy with my life.

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Last Updated on November 5, 2018

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

8 Powerful Reasons to Love Your Enemies

We’ve all got our enemies; people who take pleasure in causing us pain and misery. Sometimes, the development of an enemy is due to certain differences in your characters and events have led to that. Other times, some people end up hating you for apparently no reason at all.

Regardless of how you got this enemy, as opposed to the paradigm of fighting fire with fire, consider the following reasons and see why you should actually appreciate your enemies. This article will show you not only how to not be bothered by your enemies, but how to actually foster love for them.

Read on to learn the secret.

1. It’s a practical lesson in anger management

To be honest, your enemies are the best people to help you understand your sense of anger management. When it might be true that your enemies have a way of bringing out the worst in you as regards anger, it is also true that they can help you in your quest to have that anger managed. You can’t get truly angry at someone you love and it is only in that time when you get truly annoyed that you learn how to manage it.

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Anger management is more effective when it is in practice and not in theory

Your enemies are like the therapists who you need, but actually don’t want. Inasmuch as you might want to hate them, they provide you an opportunity to control the anger impulse that you have.

2. It’s an opportunity for healthy competition

You might not know it, but your enemies make for great rivals as they help harness the competitor in you (sometimes, you might not even know or bee conversant with this competitive side until you come across an adversary). You get the right motivation to compete and this can go a long way to spur you to victory.

However, while doing so, it is also essential that you remember not to become a worse version of yourself while competing. Working against an adversary is tricky, and you need to ensure that you don’t cause harm to yourself or your morals in the process. Healthy competition is all you need to get out of this.

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3. Their negative comments can help you make a breakthrough

It is true that your enemies never really have much good to say about you. However, in as much as they might be talking out of a place of hate, there might be some truth to what they’re saying.

To wit, whenever you hear something mean or nasty from an enemy, you might want to take a step back and evaluate yourself. There is a chance that what this enemy is saying is true and coming to face that fact is a major step in helping you to become a better person overall. This is another testament to the fact that enemies can be therapists in their own way.

4. Enemies can also be powerful allies

Loving your enemies can also mean making an effort to interact and make peace with them. In the end, if you are able to establish some common ground and patch things up, you’ll have succeeded in making another friend. And who doesn’t need friends?

This can also help you in working with people in the long run. You get to hone your inter-personal skills, and that can be a big plus to your ledger.

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5. It gives you the ability to realize positivity

In a multitude of negativity, a speck of positivity always seems to find its way through.

Sometimes, a knowledge of the fact that you have enemies will also help you to focus on the many positives and good things that are in your life. A lot of times, we neglect what really matters in life. This can be due to being overly concerned with the enemies we have.

However, it is also possible for this acknowledgement to spur you to take a step back and appreciate the goo things (and people who surround you).

6. There might just be a misunderstanding

Sometimes, the reason why you have an enemy might be something very innocuous. You might not have known the cause of this fractured relationship and your enemy will help complete the picture.

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Simply approaching them will help you to understand the reason for the fracture. This, in turn, can help you to work towards healing your relationship moving forward. Misunderstandings happen, and you need to be able to work around them.

7. You learn to appreciate love as well

A constant reminder of the fact that there are enemies will also help you not to take those who love you for granted. Love and hate are two opposing emotions and it is possible for one to momentarily overshadow the other.

However, while you’ll always have enemies, there will also always be people who love you. These people need to be appreciated for what they do for you. Never let the hate projected to you from your enemies take the place of that.

8. Do you really need the hate?

The truth is that enemies bring only toxic emotions and generate bad reactions from you. If you’re truly to live a prosperous life, you can’t really be carrying all this baggage around.

Hate is bad and you should try all you can to get rid of it. It is a well-known fact that nobody can get really far in life while carrying a lot of emotional baggage. Well, hate is the biggest form of emotional baggage there is.

Featured photo credit: rawpixel via unsplash.com

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