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Romantic Realism: Practical Guide To Make A Relationship Exciting (Again)

Romantic Realism: Practical Guide To Make A Relationship Exciting (Again)

If all relationship are as beautiful as described in an Ed Sheeran song then I guess life would be much easier. Sadly that wasn’t the case. Human minds have the tendency to search for new, intriguing things.

Relationships always start with a blast. It shines like fireworks and bloom like cherry trees. You felt the world spins only around you two. You thought you really can go through all kinds of difficulties together during the honeymoon.
But then eventually the spark burns out. You felt exhausted, fatigued and bored. Every week seems to be the exact same copy of last week. Being with this person is no longer a thing that you wish for, but rather just a burden. A simple decision on where to have dinner could somehow end up with a fight.

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But then eventually the spark burns out. You felt exhausted, fatigued and bored. Every week seems to be the exact same copy of last week. Being with this person is no longer a thing that you wish for, but rather just a burden. A simple decision on where to have dinner could somehow end up with a fight.

A simple decision on where to have dinner could somehow end up with a fight. Everything you build together seems to start crumbling down.

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Yet this is not necessarily the end. Here are some ways to maintain your relationship, keeping it fresh and exciting.

Activities That Trigger Feelings Other Than Romance

Researches have found that by doing activities together that create a rush of endorphin and adrenaline, the sense of arousal one obtained could actually be transferred to the other partner. In a sense, you will be able to share your sensation together. A serious workout session, a really scary movie, or the craziest ride in the amusement park will all do the trick.

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Who doesn’t love new things?

This may sound fairly obvious, but it may not be something people do regularly if we got settled with a certain set of daily routine. The most direct way in maintaining your relationship fresh and interesting will be keep on doing something new. No matter is travelling to somewhere you never been to before, or go diving for the very first time, or learn a new language together. It could be things as simple as going to a new restaurant but as long as you keep it creative, it will never get bored when you are together.

Personal Space is still very important in a relationship

We miss someone if we haven’t seen them for a long time. The concept works the same with couples. It is not necessary to be glued together every day and knowing every single aspect of each other’s life. This rules out the element of surprise. By spending some time apart, you can reignite the desire of being close to the one you loved.

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The HHH rule- Hold hands and hug

Physical engagement is important as it produces arousal, comfort, and support both physiologically and psychologically. It does not need to be much of a touch, just holding hands, a hug or a kiss could be enough. Daily embraces could help in enhancing physiological bonding.

Make enjoying life your couple goal.

Sometimes life gets the better of us and we forgot the true core to a relationship or even to living. Life is about having fun, so as to a relationship. So do all the dumbest things you can think of: go have a snowball fight, have a race to the supermarket, play party games that could make you laugh for days. Just have fun and forget all the troubles that are going on in your head.

So to sum up, the key to maintaining your relationship is just to keep doing new and fun things in your life. So go and explore, explore the places and activities you haven’t been to or done before. Be creative and plan something out of it. Put those research into good use.

Featured photo credit: http://www.kmatherapy.com/ via kmatherapy.com

More by this author

Raphael Ha

Writer. Still waiting his chance to travel the world.

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Last Updated on January 15, 2021

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

7 Ways To Have More Confident Body Language

The popular idiomatic saying that “actions speak louder than words” has been around for centuries, but even to this day, most people struggle with at least one area of nonverbal communication. Consequently, many of us aspire to have more confident body language but don’t have the knowledge and tools necessary to change what are largely unconscious behaviors.

Given that others’ perceptions of our competence and confidence are predominantly influenced by what we do with our faces and bodies, it’s important to develop greater self-awareness and consciously practice better posture, stance, eye contact, facial expressions, hand movements, and other aspects of body language.

Posture

First things first: how is your posture? Let’s start with a quick self-assessment of your body.

  • Are your shoulders slumped over or rolled back in an upright posture?
  • When you stand up, do you evenly distribute your weight or lean excessively to one side?
  • Does your natural stance place your feet relatively shoulder-width apart or are your feet and legs close together in a closed-off position?
  • When you sit, does your lower back protrude out in a slumped position or maintain a straight, spine-friendly posture in your seat?

All of these are important considerations to make when evaluating and improving your posture and stance, which will lead to more confident body language over time. If you routinely struggle with maintaining good posture, consider buying a posture trainer/corrector, consulting a chiropractor or physical therapist, stretching daily, and strengthening both your core and back muscles.

Facial Expressions

Are you prone to any of the following in personal or professional settings?

  • Bruxism (tight, clenched jaw or grinding teeth)
  • Frowning and/or furrowing brows
  • Avoiding direct eye contact and/or staring at the ground

If you answered “yes” to any of these, then let’s start by examining various ways in which you can project confident body language through your facial expressions.

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1. Understand How Others Perceive Your Facial Expressions

A December 2020 study by UC Berkeley and Google researchers utilized a deep neural network to analyze facial expressions in six million YouTube clips representing people from over 140 countries. The study found that, despite socio-cultural differences, people around the world tended to use about 70% of the same facial expressions in response to different emotional stimuli and situations.[1]

The study’s researchers also published a fascinating interactive map to demonstrate how their machine learning technology assessed various facial expressions and determined subtle differences in emotional responses.

This study highlights the social importance of facial expressions because whether or not we’re consciously aware of them—by gazing into a mirror or your screen on a video conferencing platform—how we present our faces to others can have tremendous impacts on their perceptions of us, our confidence, and our emotional states. This awareness is the essential first step towards

2. Relax Your Face

New research on bruxism and facial tension found the stresses and anxieties of Covid-19 lockdowns led to considerable increases in orofacial pain, jaw-clenching, and teeth grinding, particularly among women.[2]

The National Institute of Dental and Craniofacial Research estimates that more than 10 million Americans alone have temporomandibular joint dysfunction (TMJ syndrome), and facial tension can lead to other complications such as insomnia, wrinkles, dry skin, and dark, puffy bags under your eyes.[3])

To avoid these unpleasant outcomes, start practicing progressive muscle relaxation techniques and taking breaks more frequently throughout the day to moderate facial tension.[4] You should also try out some biofeedback techniques to enhance your awareness of involuntary bodily processes like facial tension and achieve more confident body language as a result.[5]

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3. Improve Your Eye Contact

Did you know there’s an entire subfield of kinesic communication research dedicated to eye movements and behaviors called oculesics?[6] It refers to various communication behaviors including direct eye contact, averting one’s gaze, pupil dilation/constriction, and even frequency of blinking. All of these qualities can shape how other people perceive you, which means that eye contact is yet another area of nonverbal body language that we should be more mindful of in social interactions.

The ideal type (direct/indirect) and duration of eye contact depends on a variety of factors, such as cultural setting, differences in power/authority/age between the parties involved, and communication context. Research has shown that differences in the effects of eye contact are particularly prominent when comparing East Asian and Western European/North American cultures.[7]

To improve your eye contact with others, strive to maintain consistent contact for at least 3 to 4 seconds at a time, consciously consider where you’re looking while listening to someone else, and practice eye contact as much as possible (as strange as this may seem in the beginning, it’s the best way to improve).

3. Smile More

There are many benefits to smiling and laughing, and when it comes to working on more confident body language, this is an area that should be fun, low-stakes, and relatively stress-free.

Smiling is associated with the “happiness chemical” dopamine and the mood-stabilizing hormone, serotonin. Many empirical studies have shown that smiling generally leads to positive outcomes for the person smiling, and further research has shown that smiling can influence listeners’ perceptions of our confidence and trustworthiness as well.

4. Hand Gestures

Similar to facial expressions and posture, what you do with your hands while speaking or listening in a conversation can significantly influence others’ perceptions of you in positive or negative ways.

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It’s undoubtedly challenging to consciously account for all of your nonverbal signals while simultaneously trying to stay engaged with the verbal part of the discussion, but putting in the effort to develop more bodily awareness now will make it much easier to unconsciously project more confident body language later on.

5. Enhance Your Handshake

In the article, “An Anthropology of the Handshake,” University of Copenhagen social anthropology professor Bjarke Oxlund assessed the future of handshaking in wake of the Covid-19 pandemic:[8]

“Handshakes not only vary in function and meaning but do so according to social context, situation and scale. . . a public discussion should ensue on the advantages and disadvantages of holding on to the tradition of shaking hands as the conventional gesture of greeting and leave-taking in a variety of circumstances.”

It’s too early to determine some of the ways in which Covid-19 has permanently changed our social norms and professional etiquette standards, but it’s reasonable to assume that handshaking may retain its importance in American society even after this pandemic. To practice more confident body language in the meantime, the video on the science of the perfect handshake below explains what you need to know.

6. Complement Your Verbals With Hand Gestures

As you know by now, confident communication involves so much more than simply smiling more or sounding like you know what you’re talking about. What you do with your hands can be particularly influential in how others perceive you, whether you’re fidgeting with an object, clenching your fists, hiding your hands in your pockets, or calmly gesturing to emphasize important points you’re discussing.

Social psychology researchers have found that “iconic gestures”—hand movements that appear to be meaningfully related to the speaker’s verbal content—can have profound impacts on listeners’ information retention. In other words, people are more likely to engage with you and remember more of what you said when you speak with complementary hand gestures instead of just your voice.[9]

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Further research on hand gestures has shown that even your choice of the left or right hand for gesturing can influence your ability to clearly convey information to listeners, which supports the notion that more confident body language is readily achievable through greater self-awareness and deliberate nonverbal actions.[10]

Final Takeaways

Developing better posture, enhancing your facial expressiveness, and practicing hand gestures can vastly improve your communication with other people. At first, it will be challenging to consciously practice nonverbal behaviors that many of us are accustomed to performing daily without thinking about them.

If you ever feel discouraged, however, remember that there’s no downside to consistently putting in just a little more time and effort to increase your bodily awareness. With the tips and strategies above, you’ll be well on your way to embracing more confident body language and amplifying others’ perceptions of you in no time.

More Tips on How to Develop a Confident Body Language

Featured photo credit: Maria Lupan via unsplash.com

Reference

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